#metal writes stuff

[mandragora-metalloidal]

Cold 9: untitled (this is the title)

heyheyhey everyone i said there was a different piece i wanted to post last update, but i didn't post it. well here it is. i wrote it just last week and the feelings are still a bit fresh, but it's interesting getting something off my chest right away instead of waiting to touch it up. i liked how i wrote this at the time. i think being ugly fits it well. so, minimal editing. see below vvv and goodbye

~

anyway, what do you call it when the sunrise looks tired and you forgot why you were supposed to like it in the first place

fell in love with the sound of rain and even now tapping my window i fix myself to my bed, covers to my collarbones, huddled, its 9pm and im not ready to wake up yet

clear skies at night with the bright crescent moon and i tell myself i cant look it in the eye because its six in the morning, and id rather sleep, but i guess im doing neither

skipped breakfast because its 4 (, the evening) so is it really breakfast anymore, and i dont eat to feed myself, i eat for taste, and i just dont really care for anything in the fridge right now or ever or maybe tomorrow

think about telling someone about something / something / anything? / a single thing and i dont because im stubborn / noble / stupid / lazy / kind? / lazy. keep to myself hope not to explode wonder if anyone thinks about me on their commute / at work / in class / thinks about reaching out to a friend the way i do and just doesnt the way i do

wonder if i count as a friend wherever i am in their head or if im in their head at all wonder if it would be a mercy to pluck out memories of me and flick them away instead

headache with a side of no painkillers and staring at the computer screen (watching a mind-numbing video ill forget about within the hour) until im too nauseous to think right because ive sucked it up before, i can do it again and so why bother stopping even if it hurts and god forbid i

take care of myself.

i mean whos keeping track anyway, im still alive,

arent i

?

i,

can't convince myself i'm really here.

[metalkitty21]

Hihi erasermic request. Write what you think their first date would be like please :3

HI PHANTOM IM SO SORRY ITS TAKEN THIS LONG BUT HII SUFISJRB AND I KNOW ITS SHORT IM SO SORRY AJFISJRJSK

• You know their first date was mostly planned by Mic

• It would probably something pretty casual, per Aizawa's request. He didn't want anything super romantic.

• They would have just hung out at Mic's place, playing games, watching movies, probably a little bit of cuddling

• I feel like this would also turn into their typical date night each week, and then they'd have a more romantic one once or twice a month. • Just some cuddles and movies, and wholesomeness

[mandragora-metalloidal]

Cold 6.2: Collateral Damage

second post for this week, below the cut. thanks for bearing with me, everyone. i'm looking to start posting some other works on here soon, i've just been super demotivated, as per usual.

~

I said something bad happened.

But the pain never touched me, did it. Not as a direct target.

Just a mere drop of an ocean splashed onto my cheekbones, while others are drowning.

So sure. Maybe something bad happened and I was there to get caught in the collateral.

Why am I the one who’s complaining about getting hurt?

[mandragora-metalloidal]

Cold 6.1: cross the line

hey hey hey funny story uhhhh i still didn't edit anything for this week. oops. i do have two recent pieces i'll post tho, they're related to last week's collection so you can think of them like an informal continuation of that. here's the first, under the cut:

~

I drew a line in the sand once, just to see if she’d cross it.

And you know what? She did. I led her over it and she didn’t even look down once.

At the time, I said that was that, and that I’d fight tooth and nail to keep her outside my built bounds, now and for forever.

But then I realised something: I don’t know why she just kept walking.

Maybe her eyes were full of sand and she couldn’t see anything at all, through the tears and stinging grit. God knows I’ve been there myself.

Maybe I’ve crossed a few of her lines, too.

[mandragora-metalloidal]

Cold 7.1: Upon Reflection

hi its me again. im so f ucking tired ive gotten 10 hours of sleep i think. in the past three days. its entirely my fault. help okay okay but as a result i have another cluster update. still minimally edited. still short pieces. im sorry yall i dunno when ill get back on top of writing ive just been. tired. yknow

these are all older. say like, two years old possibly? i might come back and edit them if i ever get a chance

anyway ive also decided to spread out updates across the week instead of posting everything at once. just cuz it seems more appropriate.

see below cut etc.

~

I always feel the shittiest the moment right after everything’s over and done

The calm after the storm

It’s easier to keep going when the adrenaline is pumping and tunnel vision is the only way to make it through

And now I sit down and I have time to wonder if things could have gone differently.

There is blood, on my hands.

And I’m not sure where it came from,

And I wonder if it really had to end up there in the first place.

[mandragora-metalloidal]

Cold 10: estuaries

wOagh would you look at that i almost missed two uploads in a row!! imagine that. had to take a break from making dinner because i had the sudden Epiphany that i Abandoned all of you over here. yes all two of you. yes my dinner i am making at 11:30pm can we talk about something else now okay jokes aside, since i missed last week's upload i'm planning on doing a double upload this week. but im gonna spread it out so don't expect anything for a few days. lowkey i shouldn't be posting this one but im pretty sure the person who shouldn't be seeing it barely knows what tumblr is so i should be safe. thumbs up emoji. okay it's below the readmore vvv have fun

~

We were at a burger place when she asked about her.

We were driving back at that point, since late morning, so it had been maybe seven and a half hours on the road. It was raining when we parked, so my mother told my sister and I to wait for a second so we could all run in together. I was the first one out and I walked slowly, since I don't mind the rain, but I was still first to the door; my sister is slow to get out of the car and my mother can't walk very fast anymore. We ordered our drinks before my mother left to use the bathroom. My sister and I just had water, my mother ordered an iced tea.

We spent a bit of time browsing the menu after she came back, and soon we were left to wait. Mostly we spent the time talking about the same variety of nothing that we had in the car until our food came. I’d ordered the same thing as her, my sister did not. Two bites into the burger and she asked the question, unprompted. And I wasn’t really sure what brought it up, still don’t. I answered yes. Not immediately, but after only enough hesitation to understand her question. I said yes as in maybe, I think so, but tell me more.

So she went on to explain her thoughts while I ate my burger, neither of us making eye contact, or at least I didn’t and I assume she didn’t either. And she said it was because her mother behaved in a way she couldn’t quite pin down, and it was strange, and maybe it was nothing, and I said no, it wasn't nothing. I dipped a fry into the little plastic cup of mayonnaise, not too much since too much of it makes me sick and I know that because my mother loves mayonnaise and puts too much on everything, and I said it made sense. And I said it was because she talked about her sister in a way I couldn’t quite pin down, and it was strange. But it wasn't nothing.

It was that and then also the way she worked so much, a bit like my mother, but also a bit like my father, who did what he did for a reason and whom we didn’t care to talk about much anymore, not in a good light at least. Not that that said anything of her. The way he worked was more cause, less effect; he became the way he is and she the way she is, and clearly it made her more like my mother than my father. But in any case, it all made sense.

And then my mother clarified that she didn’t mean to pass judgement on anyone, and I agreed, I think, before I realised that’s just what we were doing and I pointed it out. And we were. But I suppose we were placing judgement on the prospect rather than the person. That we scorned an image we’d built in our heads, and recognised that, and didn’t let ourselves superimpose that built image onto reality. And I suppose too that the judgement was meant for another destination too.

Because she said, after that, that maybe she was just inclined to notice that sort of thing. Or I suggested it. I don’t recall who said it first, only that it was mentioned at all. And in the end I guess it really was her that noticed anything in the first place, because my sister and I were the ones who had more than half the puzzle and never managed to put the pieces together until she opened her mouth. That, or my sister never saw the need to tell me. But I don’t think I’m like my mother, or like her; she would have told me if she knew. She just didn’t figure it out. Like how I didn’t figure it out. Like how neither of us figured it out the first time, with our mother, not before she told us outright.

…

Like how neither of us figure out anything about our mother without being told.

As we left, pocketing the receipt and gathering our purses from the empty fourth seat at the table, the last thing my mother said about her was that maybe she would have gotten into her Master's if her mother didn't favour her sister. And then she drove home to a man who thinks less of her because she barely got her Bachelor's.

[mandragora-metalloidal]

Cold 8: Something You Won't Take Back

hi all! late post today on account of i forgor oh also unrelated but do yall read the tags?? i mean it's not necessary by any means. i just put stuff there sometimes and im curious to know if that's reaching any of yall or not. all 3 of you who will read this anyway

but i digress. see below cut :}

~

I am often disappointed by my own standards, and there is only one thing I’ve found I can tell myself that always works to lessen it.

I always ask myself to find, had I the option to turn back time and erase this whole day from my life, something I'm glad to have done today that would make me hesitate to do so.

It doesn’t have to be an important thing. It doesn’t have to be an enjoyable one. Hell, it doesn’t even have to make the rest of the day worth happening at all.

It just needs to be something that, were I to make that choice, I’d be a little upset to lose it.

[mandragora-metalloidal]

Cold 7.6: Nature

okay, there isn't really a good cutoff point for these. i have more short pieces i'll save for another week. because at this rate i need all the backlog i can get this is the one i like most probably for all of this week's updates, so i'll stop here. i do like the ones that follow this more on average than the one's ive already posted, but it's whatever, i'm posting these because i'm not motivated and i'm not exactly looking for my greatest pieces. those will take the most editing. and i do not want that kind of self-induced pressure right now.

see below the cut as usual :} and i hope you have / had a good week! as of tuesday when im writing this im doing pretty good so yippee for me i guess

~

My breathing feels fake. Not fake. It’s real. It’s forced. There is nothing that comes naturally about it. Mechanical. Instructed.

As you do, I suppose.

I dream of my innards knitting themselves into origami swans.