#mewsefet

[authenticaussie]

oops.. another one.. “You found me hanging by my fingertips from your window and i don’t want to tell you i was trying to rob you but idk how else to explain this and i don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when i’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life” (James/Bastet - non-powered)

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"Oh you're cute. We should make out some time. Do you do life and death situations a lot? Those are the best make out times."

"What."

"w h a t."

“we should make out?????” Bastet says, and james gestures incoherently at her precarious perch on his ledge

“uh maybe sAVE YOURSELF FIRST???”

“life and death situations are the best make out times,” bastet repeats stubbornly, then purses her lips “also im suck”

“god why,” james mumbles, having clocked her gloves and sneaky black clothes and what is o b v i o u s l y a lock picking kit on her hip, but he helps her up regardless

If someone’s “thanks” could contain the literal ‘;3c’ emoji, hers would have “Im bastet!! And you?”

“undercover cop.”

“that's a weird- oh hhhhh” :T

Bastet stares at the handcuff now on her wrist, then back at James, who’s connected to the other side.

“still wanna make out?”

[authenticaussie]

"Quick catch that cat it stole my wallet!” (James/Bastet..)

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It is not a sentence james ever thought he'd say

It is not a situation he ever thought he'd be in, truthfully

He tries to bomb dive the cat and ends up with skinned knees but hey he's nothing if not a good runner (he's been running away from things for y ea r s after all) ​

Ofc tho his cry manages to alert the o n l y cops that have decided to study the wanted list and now he's pretty sure they're chasing him too so he's trying to catch this stupid cat and ran from the police and he looses track of the cat but the police are still there and then just as he rounds the corner these sharp nails pinch his arm and drag him to the side and then

Haha Wow hOLY FUCK THAT'S A LADY and he just sTARES bc what!!! Is he supposed!!! To do!!!! There's a random lady pinning him to a wal!!!

And Look okay james is Uncomfortable w/ this but she doesn't look t h at strong he could get her off if he needed, he was fine (she's stronger than he ever gives her credit for, but he doesn't know of her strength yet. Just knows that when she smirks at him her canine teeth are to sharp and her eyes are slitted like a cat’s before she blinks).

[authenticaussie]

“you asked me to prom by filling my locker with ping pong balls that say “prom?” on them but i tripped on one and smacked my head on a locker but thanks for taking me to the nurse!!! i still want to go with you!!” (Alas)

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I feel like Alex is enough of a dumbass to do the ping pong thing (and Lucas is too cripplingly anxious to e v e r ask someone out, especially so dramatically,) and so when this rain of ping pong balls floods out of his locker, Lucas' instinct is that "oh fuck there's something else in there too" and he stumbles back and steps on like five of the wayward things and he's Tall, right, and they're Tiny Lockers, so he smacks his jaw on the bottom of it and bites his tongue, and ends up smacking his head against the bottom edge of them / the floor

Alex, in the background, simultaneously horrified and frozen in shock "shit this was meant to go better"

Kelly, whirling on The Only Culprit w/ his phone out (alex wanted to see Lucas Happy, and possibly save a still or too for his phone background, bc Lucas r a r e l y smiles in the selfies he gets with the two of them,) and like she's torn between "DESTROY THIS MAN" and "godfuckingdamnit lucas are you spitting out blood"

Alex is In Pain ™ bc he'd just wanted to do smth cheesy and cute and it's all gone So Badly and also he's pretty sure Kelly is going to kill him and he's never wanted to die via overportective friend

Lucas, on the floor, sees what the ping pong balls say and starts turning Really Really Red, and kelly thinks he's embaressed and is Ready to attack anyone laughing and alex is backing the fuck away from the lady who looks like she's gonna kill him and lucas goes yes??? Really quietly and carefully and everyone’s like huh and Lucas just picks up one of the balls and holds it up and sits up a bit and he's got blood on his lip but he's still smiling and he looks like he's abt to cry and he says yes again and alex starts b e a m i n g

Kelly’s not sure if she's still meant to kill anyone but Lucas looks happy and so she settles for glaring when alex rushes over and apologises and tries to clean blood off lucas’ lip with his thumb and lucas just whispers i know it's kind of gross but can i kiss you?

And alex laughs really surprised and happy and nods and lucas leaves blood on alex’s mouth but they're Happy (even if lucas lisps a bit and won't stop fiddling with his s l i g h t l y loose teeth)

[authenticaussie]

I just captured the ship you’re on and about to kill everyone on it, but you’re cute, I’ll keep you (James/Bastet)

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Ehhhh pirate-y au! James works kind of as a merchant kind of as a pirate bc Fuck trying to survive in a city that has never been kind to him and Zane, and this is like the fourth trail that zane’s let him go on by himself and james’ hubris isn’t overconfidence but his men have to much faith that they’ll win and so when this crew of girls (girls!!!!) hold them all at swordpoint james’ first words are

“i fucking told u not to mess w/ girls”

He hears a startled laugh from the crowd and a lady with tattoos obviously done to make her look more feline and dangerous and fuck does it work, steps out of the crowd

“we prefer the term ‘pirates’.”​

“whatever you prefer, my men shouldn’t have been so hasty to challenge a ship they didn’t know.”

“aren’t they fools.” the other captain agrees, nodding sagely but still with a cat’s smug smile pulling at her lips. “I’ve never been fond of fools.”

James is moving almost before she finishes her sentence, jabbing his captor in the wrist and stealing her sword when she swears and cradles her hand closer, and for a second he thinks might have the upper hand and his crew will follow him as soon as he restarts the fight, he's trained them all well-

but then the other captain has flicked her own sword and twisted it around the weapon he’d only so recently gotten and sends it skidding away, leaving him at sword point again

“fire your own fools,” james says, glaring at her, knowing what pirates do to prisoners, and she sighs and flicks her hand and her warriors prod everyone into a line.

“pick your favourites,” she says, and thank fuck zane isn’t here because then there would be no moral conundrum, james would save his brother every time

“how can i pick favourites on a crew so loyal?” he demands, praying that she is bloodthirsty. Praying that she is noble. Praying that she wants to throw out the ones he hates so that they revolt against him, knowing what will happen if they loose their captain’s favour

“best kill them all then,” she says, sighing mournfully. “by sword or by sea?”

Sword is a kindness. Sword means no starving at sea through thirst or dying of hunger or scurrvy, but-

(His men know hunger and thirst and if they are clever james has already given them the tools to survive. If they aren’t, well- at least james won’t have to worry about them swearing revenge.)

“sea,” he says, and the lady laughs

“death by your captain’s cruelty, it seems,” she says, and her crew begins to shove his overboard, with little care to their pleads. His first mate, james is proud to note, only nods solemnly, expression determined. He’ll survive, even if only by sheer force of will.

He’ll get Zane. His stupid, dumb, proud, pirate of a brother, who, once he learns of james’ fate, won’t stop until james is avenged

When there’s noone left on board the captain calls for her people to search his ship, and James is left wondering what she’s going to do with him. When handcuffs fasten about his wrists he feels something shrivel in his chest

He’s faced death before, takes it with a raised chin almost as often as he used to steal food from the markets, but he and zane haven’t stopped running away from capture, and to have it handed so easily to him now-

“take him to the collection,” she orders, already turning away from him like he isn’t still a threat

James is going to kill this lady

[authenticaussie]

“okay i get it you’re a great thief and don’t want to go to jail but i’m the exhausted af detective that’s assigned to catch you i stg if you let me bring you in so i can sleep i’ll get you a good deal” au (James/Bastet :p)

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Okay so like First of All no WAY would Bastet e v e r agree to that, she is Miss where's waldo / catch me if you can extraordinare but she takes a look at James' sleepless eyes and the wavering grip he has on his gun and sighs and flicks her wrist and goes "how about I give you a deal,"

"I'm??? the one holding a gun???" James goes, and Bastet snorts at him and goes "yeah but I'm basically bullproof and you're exhausted and are probably going to miss me and besides man do you really want to do all of the paperwork shooting at me will require and James looks like he's wilting at the thought and Bastet smirks even more, knowing she has him backed into a corner.

She coughs politely and looks pointedly at his gun and he sighs and puts it away and she just grins and bounces a bit on the balls of her feet and goes, "Okay so like I saw this in a show and it looks awesome and I mean honestly thieving's been kind of boring lately because everyone's so far from catching me, (James, crying in the corner, tries not to look like someone's punched him because he thought he was getting close) so !! I'm going to give you hints and clues to my next thievery

Oh btw what's your phone number

"I- what??" goes James, literally about two seconds from rattling it off tiredly before common sense stops him

"So I can send you the notes?? duh???"

(well I mean I could track her via the phone??? James thinks, forgetting that that Literally Hasn't Worked any other time but at this point basically desperate)

Slides his phone across to her because he literally Cannot at this moment in time, he's too exhausted for this shit,,,,,

Basically backflips off the roof and blows James a kiss and HE basically just wants to lie down and maybe not move for like??? a week??? maybe two, that sounds Super Good

He gets his phone back and for a week he doesn't hear from her and works overtime and tries to figure out what her plan is and what he's supposed to do and how to get through knowing s H E HAS HIS PHONE NUMBER??? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH SLEEP DEPRIVED HIM???

The phone number is enlisted under someone who doesn't even exist and James wants to scream

She put herself into his phone as "The Best [cat emoji]" and he doesn't find out until she texts him with this string of love heart emojis and a riddle with so many puns and look okay he was usually level headed but he swears to GOD he's going to ACTUALLY SHOOT HER

Or at least be a lil bit more brutal than is really called for when he arrests her because she's SUCH AN ASSHOLE OH GOD

James + the taskforce Bastet has figures out her stupid punny riddle and race off to where she's planning to steal her next artifact and she's laughing like crazy as they all chase her and James is like oh my GOD you're CRAZY and you literally just want us to chase you don't you???

She does a backflip and blows him a kiss and basically James wants to die

His partners rib him about it but also....aren't super pleased with him. Because he technically let her escape and look they're all tired too, and exasperated by this crazy lady who does whatever she wants???

Bastet texts after the heist and is like "awww, soz beau, better luck next time" and James is like "why do you text like a pre-pubescent girl I hate you"

(Bastet, holding her phone, bursts out laughing because she thinks this is hysterical and James is really fun to annoy)

James + Bastet + Texting = Nerds

James is SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ABOUT WANTING TO ARREST HER???? IF SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT ANYTHING (eg. weather) HE'S LIKE "HEY YOU WANNA KNOW A NICE CLIMATE CONTROLLED SPACE THAT'S ALL FOR YOU?? JAIL."

Bastet is Sarcastic AF and loves teasing James w/ hints to how she steals things and information about herself but she's super clever and doesn't drop anything she doesn't mean to

She mentions loving Egypt and James stares at his phone and then is hit by realisation and rolls over and tries to suffocate himself with a pillow he's in agony, of fucking course, how could they not pick up on this before???/

And he texts his team and he's like dude she only steals egyptian things and they're like

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY EGYPTIAN THINGS THERE ARE IN THE WORLD JAMES THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY HELP

James who keeps getting pushed out of the group bc of his involvement w/ Bastet but she'll only talk to him and seems to know when someone else does it, and that just leads him to being more involved with Bastet and one day he complains explicitly and she just goes "want to know some place that isn't lonely??? By my side" and James is like WHAT THE HELL DID A THIEF JUST FLIRT WITH ME

all he manages to text back is "FRATRINISATION"

"I think that only applies if we work together?? Tho i mean we do work together in that i keep you in a job"

"no you dont??????????? i have literally three thousand other things i could do ????? I could help cats out of trees??? Help old ladies cross the street?????????????????????? LITERALLY ANYTHING???"

"Ah, but you LIKE chasing me. It's EXCITING"

"NO I DONT I HAVENT SLEPT PROPERLY IN WEEKS"

"Come sleep in my arms ;3"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME"

"Because it's hilarious??? omfg????"

James spends months being flirted with and sent selfies of Bastet posing with valuable objects before she steals them with captions like 'im stealing this...like you stole my heart ;3" and "dont open this one at work babe you'll get in trouble ;333"

James Officially hates the ";3" emoji. Like. Every time anyone uses it now he LITERALLY is like do NOT

James is Dying (tm)

He starts sleeping a bit better tho. Bastet always warns them before heists now and he's still trying everything he can to find her but at the same time it's been months??? she obviously has an informant or someone who helps her escape that he has to find and it drives him c r a z y???

Oh ye of little faith

He catches her turning into a cat after a year and basically faints and wakes up in an apartment he doesn't recognise and sighs at him and is like "if you yell about kidnapping i swear to god I will give you a concussion"

"UM BUT YOU DID THO??"

"uh no??????????? you can leave whenever?????"

James Does Not leave whenever, James sits on the chair at stares at her and eventually goes "hahaha lol okay sure. Question tho Im not crazy right. Like. Bc i thought i saw you turn into a cat hahahaha hAHHA"

-Bastet, literally shapeshifting into a cat right in front of him-

James, laughing hysterically and going Super Green and almost passing out yet again (This poor boy is Suffering (tm)) but manages to stay awake and breathes out super slowly and looks at her and she looks back at him and he basically says "explain" and she turns back into a human and kind of (super badly) does and James ends up staying all day and talking to her and not  even realising where all the time has gone....

by the end of it he has more of an understanding of Bastet, and she's thrown like, three bangles at him accidentally and put shit on him bc she got restless while talking and he walks out of her place to catch her escaping over the rooftops and covered in jewelry this is Not how he expected this day to go

Bastet texts him when he gets home and is like "i want those back you know" and James is like

"Well looks like you'll have to steal them off me ;3″

[authenticaussie]

Highschool au Alas: “Someone wrote I’m cute in the bathroom stall and your notes match the handwriting” (Alex doing the writing..)

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Alright so Lucas is not the best detective and he is not the most forward of people and so when he sees “LUCAS KERR IS CUTE AND I HATE IT” on the bathroom stall he literally thinks the person hates it

He doesn’t know what he does that could possibly be considered cute, however, and so spends a week awkwardly flailing around, trying to walk like Kelly because no-one has ever called Kelly cute, but it just makes him feel self-conscious and upset and he goes back and hides in the bathroom again, Extremely Embarrassed

The note is still there. Beneath it, in a slightly different writing style, most likely with time taken, is a large “aHHHHH” 

He can’t help himself from laughing softly, and the note…it just makes him feel that little bit better. Which is weird, because usually it takes a lot to pick him up out of a slump, but this-

This poor anonymous person seems so exasperated that Lucas can’t help himself from adding a small “sorry” beneath the handwritten scream

Next week, he lets himself come back to the bathroom again, and is almost elated by the sight of an arrow pointing to his sorry and the words, “HOW DARE YOU THAT’S LIKE AN ADDITIONAL 3000 CUTE POINTS” boldly beneath it

This continues for the next few weeks, and Lucas starts going to the bathroom more frequently just so that he can talk to his mysterious admirer, and they’ve started pinning paper to the back of the door (because Lucas was hesitant about defacing more school property) and they have it timed to what feels like an art and Lucas kind of wants to throw it off so that he can meet the guy who thinks he’s cute but also he really really really can’t, because….the people who know him don’t think he’s cute. They just think he’s-

Lucas. Big, bumbling, kind of useless Lucas. 

And then he runs into Lexa’s brother Alex when he’s going to the bathroom to get his next note just as Alex is leaving, juggling books and papers and trying to shove things back into his bag and stuff goes everywhere

Lucas ofc immediately starts trying to apologise and pick stuff up and Alex is a fumbling MESS and trying to say it’s fine and he needs to leave and then Lucas picks up a NOTE, HIS NOTE, AND THE NOTE HE HADN’T EVEN READ YET AND HE FEELS SO UPSET BC HE’D THOUGHT ALEX WAS NICE BUT ALEX WAS STEALING HIS STUFF??? IT WAS ADRESSED TO LUCAS AND EVERYTHING???

HAD “LUCAS, I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU, I LIKE YOU A LOT” PRINTED IN MESSY, DISTRACTED HAND, WITH SEVERAL CROSSED OUT VERSIONS OBVIOUSLY PRINTED ALONG THE TOP AND THAT’S ABOUT WHEN LUCAS’ BRAIN STOPS WORKING BECAUSE IT’S SIGNED ALEX

Lucas is Literally Stuck, like, this boy is not going anywhere, he can’t think of jACK but the fact that ALEX’S NAME is ON HIS SECRET ADMIRER SHEET

(Lucas please)

Alex is stammering and spluttering and Lucas REEEAALLLLY is not helping bc he’s just staring at it and then FINALLY it clicks and he goes OH really loudly and looks up at Alex with wide eyes and Alex just DIES even MORE because he’d been trying to get RID of that stupid note before Lucas noticed but nOOOOOO

Ruined! Ruined!

“I’m not- very- good at- dating. But…I think it…could be nice?”

Ruined!

What.

“I mean! If you’re still interested! I’m sorry if- I- did something to upset you, which is why you were getting rid of this, I didn’t-”

“Yes?” Alex goes, and then feels himself grinning and says again, even more elated than before, “yes?”

Lucas is Very Confused and isn’t actually sure what Alex is talking about anD THEN ALEX JUST GRABS HIS NOTEBOOK AND SHOVES ANOTHER PAGE AT HIM AND ON IT IS THE DORKY LITTLE MIDDLE-SCHOOL THING WHERE IT’S LIKE “DO YOU LIKE ME / WANT TO GO ON A DATE? TICK YES OR NO” AND LUCAS’ EYES GO WIDE AND HE GETS SUPER FLUSTERED BUT JUST PUTS HIS HAND DOWN FOR YES JUST AS ALEX DOES AND THEN THEY JUST S T A R E AT EACH OTHER AND ALEX IS STILL GRINNING AND THEN LUCAS S M I L E S A BIT, FOR ALEX,

and ohhhh it’s so cute oh god Alex’s heart is constricting, he’s dying, this is the end-!!!!

whispers Lucas really really carefully kind of reaches out and HOLDS ALEX’S HAND and basically Alex is comatose for the rest of the day from pure happiness.

[authenticaussie]

Doctor Who au Alas..? (optional ft Lexa)

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“You two,” Lexa started, levering her finger pointedly at Alex’s sheepish face, and then sweeping it across to Lucas’ very upset, pained one, “are the worst. The worst friend and sibling that a girl could ask for. The worst!”

Lucas’s sad face somehow got even more pronounced, and he looked to the side, obviously guilty. Lexa has to shove away the thought that he looked like a dejected, scolded puppy. Alex, meaning, merely grinned even more sheepishly, wilting under her stern finger pointing.

“Well it wasn’t really our fault-” he tried pointing out, and Lexa immediately scoffed. Then, for good measure, she scoffed again, throwing more of her body into the movement. Alex stopped talking, sufficiently silence, and Lexa poked him in the chest, hissing as she did so. 

“You left me on a planet. You useless, distracted, dumbass, love-dovey gays left my poor ass stranded! On a planet! With no spaceship! Do you know how many favours I had to call in?”

“A lot?” Lucas offered, still wilting and gazing up at her (which was an impressive feat, considering his height) as though the right answer would stop her annoyance.

Lexa patted him on the head, (probably a bit to hard, but she was still irritated at him for forgetting her!) and glared at Alex 

“Four, Alex, which, by the way, you are going to help me get back, because it is very difficult to get favours when one is jumping all around in space and time all around the place!” 

When he whined, opening his mouth to protest, she dramatically clutched at her chest, moving as though to swoon. “I was betrayed! By my own brother! My only family in the galaxy! He who got a, to quote, “so pretty, so smart, oh he’s so faaaancy” boyfriend and forgot me on Kerebros!”

Alex winced, closing his eyes briefly, and asked, “You’re never going to let this go, are you?”

Lexa grinned. “Never.”

[authenticaussie]

“this is totally awkward considering before this the only interactions we’ve ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bath tub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me” au (James/Bastet or Alas)

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There are three things that James Alexander Robinson was scared of. Because we was a nerd, if he were writing an essay on them, he would include the quote, “there are three things every wise man fears; the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” 

As he was not an essay, he stepped inside the bathroom, shimmed out of his sweaty workout pants with a please, distracted hum, and then promptly screamed. Then, he ran. 

It was not his best idea, being that he clipped his hip harshly against the side of the door, and hadn’t grabbed a towel to hide behind, but he was so intent on escape that the thought of propriety didn’t occur to him until he’d yanked open the door and yelled, “Bastet!”

Bastet, who’d been working out in their apartment’s gym nearby while James was there, and had accidentally timed it so that both were finished at the same time, turned around and then stopped, her eyes closing briefly. “James,” she cordially, opening her eyes again and pointedly glaring at him, “if this is your idea of-”

James, confused by her behavior, looked down, gave a loud cry, and slammed the door shut. “Spider!” he yelled, sounding on the verge of tears, voice muffled both by the door and the fact he’d buried his face in his hands. He heard a vague huh? sound and cracked the door open again, knowing his face was a vibrant red but unable to do anything about it.

“I- there’s a- in the bathroom. The legs- and-”

“I really don’t want to know what you’re doing in the bathroom-” Bastet said, looking obviously uncomfortable, and James shouted again, 

“Spider! For god’s sake, just kill it!”

There was a moment of silence, and then she sighed heavily, closing her eyes once again. “You,” she said very slowly, eyes opening to annoyed slits, “are an idiot.”

“Help?” he asked pitifully, and she groaned but crossed the hallway to give him a hand.

(James spent the next ten minutes awkwardly perched behind furniture, trying to hide from the spider, his undressed state, and from Bastet’s constant glares. 

The quote must certainly was wrong about a wise man’s three greatest fears.)