Michael blinked twice. Ranboo cried, but he couldn't care less.
He was dead, and Techno finally told them. That zombie pigmen do not feel like they're feeling, that they just follow their instincts.
That they kiddnapped him from his family and he could never end up being theirs. That's why Phil was going to let him out, when they first met.
And that's why Zombie child liked him. He smelled like family.
Like Piglins.
And that's why he hated everything. It wasn't his. No matter how much would his two "parents" lie to each other, he didn't love anything around him.
It was too cold, not comfortable and wet. So when Ranboo and Tubbo let him go, he went after a big piglin and a smaller human without a second thought. He felt more ar home than ever.
So when they walked with him trough the portal, he felt good, hearing his family.
Prompt - Heya for my birthday August 28 could you please do a 5SOS one shot where Michael overdoses on sleeping pills on tour and he hasn’t taken all of them but Calum walks in as he’s taking them and makes him throw up and tells the boys who freak out
Prompt - I’m gonna request this SUPER early because I wanna secure a place for October 31 (my birthday)... could you do a 5SOS one (Michael centric) where he has insomnia and he hasn’t been getting sleep and management book an extra gig and he flips his shit & the boys get annoyed at him then has a panic attack and they realize something is really wrong and help him and he breaks down about how he hasn’t slept in ages
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Sleep is one of the major factors in a person’s life. To be able to even function properly, you need to have a full rest. Sleep has a major impact on one’s mood and one’s health. Lack of sleep can be hazardous on many levels and it is not that Michael didn’t know it. He very knew it but he just couldn’t do anything about it. The amount of gigs that 5sos were currently doing seemed insane to him and seemed crazier to his sleep. But Michael knew that if he didn’t do something about his sleep, it will soon become a major problem.
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It wasn’t only Michael who was suffering from their overloaded schedule. Ashton had been snappy for the past few days. Luke had been feeling the effects on his health as he nursed a headache for over 5 to 6 days. And Calum on the hand had been on the verge of breaking down, homesickness being a major cause for him.
Michael perfectly understood them. He offered to help Ashton out. He tried not to mind whenever Ashton snapped at him. He helped Luke to get back to a good health. He took care of the boy. And for Calum, he was always there whenever the boy needed a shoulder to cry on when he missed home.
Michael did all that for his bandmates without letting them even get a hint of what was troubling him.
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Michael had really been struggling during the past few days. He’d be wide awake the whole night only to get up and get back to doing stuffs for the band. He was completely exhausted and it didn’t take long for him to reach his breaking point. All it took was management booking an extra gig for Michael to flip badly.
“One more? Is the management team out of their minds? How could they do this? We already have a packed schedule. They are a joke! How could you guys agree to this?” Michael snapped.
“Why are you blaming us? Even we are tired. It’s not us who decided about this extra gig” Ashton yelled back.
“You could have talked to the management team if you had so much problem with it” Calum huffed.
“Nah he doesn’t want to be the bad guy in front of management” Luke snorted.
“You can’t be serious” Michael trailed off, shaking his head as he made his way back to his room.
Maybe the boys were a little too harsh.
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It took some time for the boys to realize that they probably shouldn’t have spoken like that to Michael. But by the time they realized it, it was already night time and Michael wasn’t doing any better with his insomnia. And the thoughts were now haunting him as he slowly worked himself in a panic attack.
You can’t be mad at them!
They are just tired.
You’re also tired.
All you need is some rest.
Sleep!
If you take some sleeping pills, you should be alright!
Not much just a few!
Maybe two pills?
Nah… Not enough… Five would be good… Maybe ten?
By the time, he could work himself out of his panic attack, he had already forced some of the sleeping pills down his throat.
------
Calum was the one who decided to go check on Michael. He felt that they had been a little too harsh on the boy. He expected to find an angry Michael or an upset one but he certainly didn’t expect to see Michael unconscious on the floor, clutching a bottle of sleeping pills.
“Oh my God! Boys” Calum shouted as he tried patting Michael’s cheeks to wake the boy.
“What happened?” Ashton asked.
“Think he took the sleeping pills” Calum gasped out.
“Oh shit!” Luke exclaimed.
“Get him to throw it out” Ashton said as he and Calum helped Michael to the bathroom.
Together, they managed to make the boy throw up.
Thankfully, the force that it took for the boy to throw up, managed to wake Michael up a bit.
Seeing Michael conscious allowed the others to breathe a bit better.
------
Together they got Michael back to his room while Luke got off the phone with the doctor.
"Mikey, were you trying to kill yourself?" Calum asked.
"No... I..." Michael trailed off.
"Oh Mikey! We're so sorry. We didn't mean to snap at you. We didn't know that you'd feel so bad about it" Luke mumbled.
"No! I wasn't trying to kill myself. I... I haven't been sleeping since long so I thought I'd take a few pills. I didn't realize that I took a lot" Michael said, sheepishly.
"Shit man! It totally slipped from my mind that even you would be feeling the effects of the packed schedule. So sorry mate" Ashton sighed.
"Nah, it's all good" Michael sleepily mumbled.
"Go back to sleep Mikey. We've got this" Calum whispered.
Michael fell asleep to whispers around him as Ashton grilled Luke about what the doctor said and how to watch over Michael. Calum's hand over his shoulder, he let a little smile creep on to his face as he dozed off.
Prompt - hi so it’s my B’day on July 2nd, and ik its early and it’d be cool if u could do it earlier but I just thought I’d be safe- could u do a 5sos (Michael centric) where the boys are bullying him and they think it’s funny and he runs away to louis & Harry’s house and they’re there w Niall & Liam and when they asks what’s wrong he breaks down and they comfort him then 5sos boys feel bad and find out he’s w 1d & they get angry at 5sos and they feel bad n hug Michael etc.
Prompt - Can you do a 5sos and 1d one where Michael doesn’t want to go out with the boys so harry stays with him and harry finds out that Michael is depressed and self-harms (not just cutting) so harry really wants to help him and when the boys come back they’re really annoyed because they didn’t notice x
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For the past few days, Michael had been feeling very out of the group with his own bandmates. His bandmates had been behaving very weirdly during the past few days. They seemed to be all picking on him. Whether it was to laugh at him, mock him or to just bully him, the boys were kind of on his tail the whole time. It seemed like his bandmates thought they were being funny but what they were actually doing was hurting their own bandmates’ feelings.
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Michael didn’t even notice when it all started but suddenly he felt that his bandmates had kind of turned against him. It seemed pretty harmless, at first, but when things repeat itself, it gets a little worrying.
‘Who is the most annoying one in the band?’
‘Michael’
‘Who is most likely to cause an embarrassing situation for the band?’
‘Michael’
‘Who do you think is most likely to quit the band?’
‘Michael’
It didn’t sound too bad but for Michael, it sounded like he was the extra in the band that the boys probably wanted to get rid of.
------
All this negativity pushed Michael towards depression. Michael stopped with the public appearance, he’d rather stay in his room the whole day and probably avoid the boys if he could. He stopped eating properly, he’d rather skip meals if it meant he didn’t have to face the boys. He just didn’t want to hear any more jokes regarding his weight or just the way he looked or how stupid his hair was. He tried cutting but it scared Michael when he found out that making cuts on his forearms were getting addictive. And when the boy reached for help, it wasn’t from his own bandmates that help came from. He instead turned to the One Direction boys or mainly to his friend, Harry.
------
Harry had noticed the changes in Michael but the boy kept assuring him that everything was okay. But Harry saw the signs of depression. He saw how Michael was running away from his bandmates. He got to know about the self-harm only when the bands had been hanging out together and the 5sos boys suggested a night out only for Michael to decline it. His bandmates’ reaction had been surprising for the One Direction boys but Michael didn’t seem to be too upset about it or maybe he was now used to it.
“Let him be” Luke shrugged.
“Let’s go. He can stay at home if he wants” Ashton said.
“Can we go now?” Calum asked not at all bothered by Michael.
“Yeah, I’ll stay at home too. I don’t feel like going out.” Harry said.
The One Direction boys refused to leave Harry back home. They wanted to cancel the night out but Harry assured them that he’d be alright.
A teary eyed Michael had retreated to his room, only to be followed by Harry and for his self-harming secret to be caught.
------
Harry meant to talk to the boy but instead, he found the boy with a razor to his forearm.
“Mikey” Harry gasped.
The boy reached out slapping the razor out of Michael’s hands as he sat by the boy’s side. They had a long chat that night. Michael told Harry about all those negative thoughts he had about himself and how his own bandmates were fueling those thoughts.
That night Harry made Michael promise that he won’t harm himself again like that and that he’d come to Harry if ever he needed any kind of help.
And that’s exactly what Michael did when he felt that he just couldn’t take it anymore.
------
He’d had enough one day and he just burst out but instead of the boys listening to him, it turned into a full argument.
“Dude stop shouting” Calum said.
“Why should I?” Michael yelled back, “Do you guys ever listen to me?”
“What do I mean by that? I’ve been watching you lately Mike. Do you not want to stay in the band anymore?” Ashton asked.
“Don’t you try put this on me, Ashton” Michael seemed very angry.
“You know what? Just leave man” Luke huffed.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do” Michael stated as he left.
The boys watched in shock as Michael walked out on them.
------
Having nowhere to go, Michael went to that one person he had promised to come to if he ever needs help. He went to Harry’s apartment.
“What happened?” Harry asked when he saw Michael’s tear stained face.
“I can’t… Not anymore…” Michael whispered.
“Harry? What’s wrong?” Louis asked and that’s when Michael noticed that Niall, Liam and Louis were all there.
“What happened Michael?” Liam asked the boy.
“You okay buddy?” Niall sounded worried about the boy.
Harry brought Michael inside and the boy told them about what had happened. And when the others learnt about the self-harm and depression, they had been so livid that they gave the 5sos boys a call, asking them to come as soon as possible.
Michael closed his eyes, feeling Harry squeezed his shoulders as he let the boys deal with this. He was too tired now.
------
The 5sos boys had maybe taken things a bit too lightly. When they learnt about how their jokes and their words hurt Michael, they felt really very guilty.
“We were just joking, Mikey” Luke tried to explain.
“Word hurt, Luke. Words really hurt…” Michael trailed off.
“We’re so sorry Mikey. We just didn’t know that we were hurting you” Calum apologized.
“It was meant to be a joke Mikey but we probably dragged it too far. Sorry doesn’t seem enough but it’s all what we can say” Ashton said.
Michael looked up to see the boys looking very guilty. He wanted to be mad at them. He wanted to not forgive them but yet when Calum and Luke pulled him in a hug, he went willingly. He let Ashton pat his head and looked up to see the One Direction boys smiling at him.
It was his bandmates, his friends, his family, how could he not forgive them!
------
One needs to be careful of what they are saying. Jokes don’t always make people laugh. Sometimes jokes can cause more harm than what you could even think of. Unfunny jokes causes more damage than you could imagine and the 5sos boys learnt it the hard way. If it wasn’t for the One Direction boys, then those unfunny jokes could have scarred them for life.
Prompt - Heyooo, so it’s my birthday on January 30th and I’m sorry if I’m kinda late in requesting it’s alright if u can’t do it on time but is there any chance you could do a mixed 5sos and all time low one shot (Michael centric) where Michael is going through a shitty time and gets panic attacks and the 5sos boys aren’t helping and are kinda picking on him for it bc he’ll have a panic attack before the show and they get pissed and he starts self-harming then Alex finds out and tells 5sos & they feel bad etc.
Prompt - Do you think you could do a 5SOS Michael-centric where Michael self-harms and the boys find out and help him stop?
Prompt - Hi could you maybe do a 5SOS one shot about Michael’s panic attacks and the other boys aren’t really helpful? Thank you!
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One of the most important things in a band was trust each other and always have each other’s back. The 5sos band always believed in being by each other’s side. But that’s exactly what they failed to do at a point when it was most needed. Be it stress of a packed schedule or an irritated mood due to no breaks in between, but still it was no excuse for them to ill-treat Michael. Willingly or unwillingly, they were responsible for pushing Michael past his breaking point. And for once, Michael had to look for support elsewhere.
------
Michael’s panic attacks was no surprise for his bandmates. They knew that stressful conditions and limited breaks would take a toll on Michael but lately they had all been too tired to even think about Michael at that time.
At first, they had been considerate enough to give Michael his space and his time but soon enough, it started becoming a burden for the boys. A burden which was enough for them to hurt their own bandmate’s feelings.
“Again?” Calum asked when he saw Michael caught in a panic attack just before a show.
“Oh come on, not before a show” Ashton huffed.
“He’s going to ruin the show” Luke chided.
Those words were more hurtful than the panic attack for Michael.
------
Michael soon realized that his panic attacks were nothing but an obstacle for his bandmates. He desperately wanted to pull a full stop to those panic attacks but he couldn’t do anything to stop them. What he could do was harm his own self every time he thought his panic attacks were harming his bandmates.
One cut for every time his bandmates made fun of his panic attack.
One cut for every time his bandmates thought that his panic attacks were a hindrance for their band.
But with time, Michael got so used to the cuts that it suddenly became one cut for every panic attack.
------
His bandmates never even got a hint of what was actually going on with Michael and they probably would have still remain clueless if they hadn’t had that one collaboration with the All Time Low boys. The boys had been doing a gig together when Michael disappeared suddenly.
“Where’s Mike?” Alex asked.
“This guy disappeared on us again” Luke sighed.
“Must be acting up again to ruin the show” Ashton huffed.
“What are you guys even talking about?” Alex asked, confused.
“His acts of panic attacks…” Calum trailed off.
“And you guys aren’t bothered by that” Alex questioned, before softly adding as realization dawn on him, “apparently.”
As the 5sos boys walked away, unbothered, to join Alex’s bandmates for rehearsals, Alex decided to go look for Michael himself.
------
When Alex finally found the boy, Michael was sat in a corner, trying to calm himself down.
“That’s the wrong way to calm down” Alex pointed out to Michael’s clenched fists.
Michael jumped slightly, pulling at the sleeves of his jumper but still did unclench one of his fist.
“You need to calm down buddy. Just breathe in… Breathe out…” Alex coached the boy as he rubbed the boy’s back.
“Sorry! I’ll be okay… Just need a minute…” Michael stuttered out.
“There is no hurry buddy. Just calm down” Alex soothingly whispered.
Once the boy had calmed down, Alex offered the boy a hand to get up but as soon as he pressed on the boy’s forearm, Michael let out a gasp.
“Please, don’t tell me it’s what I’m thinking about” Alex gasped.
Unfortunately, it was exactly what he thought it was.
“It’s not…” Michael shouted out when Alex tried to take a look at his arms.
“Mikey” Alex sighed when he forced the boy to unclenched his fist and found him clutching at a razor.
Michael’s only response was a few tears running down his cheeks as Alex pulled the boy in a hug.
------
The 5sos boys were sat backstage when Alex came storming in.
“You idiots! Look what you pushed the boy to do” Alex shouted as he pushed Michael forward.
A gasp echoed around as the boys saw the cuts on Michael’s arms.
“How did this happen?” Luke asked as he took a look at Michael’s arms.
“Did you do this to yourself, Mikey?” Calum asked in concern.
“But why would you do that?” Ashton questioned.
“Maybe because of you boys.” Alex spat out, “Why are you all bothered now when you weren’t before.”
Alex’s words rang in their ears, guilt already creeping in their hearts.
------
“My panic attacks used to bother you guys, right? It’s okay now, I found a way to stop it” Michael said.
“Mikey, this is not the solution” Calum gasped.
“We did this to you, right? We pushed you to this” Ashton sighed.
“Mikey… Sorry seems too small to say to you in apology” Luke mumbled.
But instead of an apology, Ashton turned to the other boys, “Calum, wrap his arms and Luke remove all pointy objects around. We’ll not let him cut again.”
“You can’t do this. And please, don’t even bother now” Michael stopped them.
“We can. We didn’t bother at first, right? Now we will bother you but not let you self-harm again” Ashton promised.
As the boys scattered around, Alex had a fond smile as he wrapped an arm around Michael.
------
It would take time for Michael to forgive them. It would take time for him to actually get over his self-harm addiction. But no matter how much time it would take, Michael’s bandmates promised to be his side now. And Alex also was watching out for him.
Prompt - Can u do one when Mikey (5sos) is afraid of scary movies or something freaky and the boys don’t know so they force him to watch something like Annabelle or another movie and he cries and they tell him to stop and get mad at the end of the night he gets really scared and they help him till he isn’t scared can u do it for a bday November 20th pls❤️
Prompt - Hi! Could you do a 5sos where michael is exhausted but wont sleep so the other boys have to trick/force/convince/whatever to get him to sleep??
Prompt - Can u do a fic where Michael (5sos) isnt sleeping well so his bandmates have to drug him to get him to sleep??
Prompt - Could you do one where Michael (5sos) has insomnia and hasn’t slept in like, a week or something, so the rest of the band are eventually forced to drug him so he finally sleeps?
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Not everybody is a fan of scary movies. Michael just didn’t get why people would readily want to watch something that would scare them. He wasn’t really keen on paying to be scared kinda thing. So Michael did the most clever thing as per him, he refused to go watch any of the horror movies. But he couldn’t escape his bandmates Halloween night in and obviously scary movies were on the list. Something Michael was already dreading but just couldn’t run from it.
------
“It’s Halloween man. How can you not keep up with the traditions?” Luke egged on.
“Is it necessary to watch a scary movie? I’m kind of in a mood to watch a romantic one” Michael tried convincing his bandmates.
“Dude, it’s a scary day hence a scary movie” Calum pointed out.
“Come on, Mikey. Are you scared?” Ashton teased the boy.
Michael bit his lip, shaking his head as he sat down to watch the damned scary movie.
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Michael didn’t even make it to half of the movie. Each shouts, each spooky sounds, each exaggerated scene elicited a shout or a cry from Michael.
“Oh come on Mikey, it’s not even that scary” Luke teased the boy.
“Why watch a scary movie when you can’t handle it” Calum added with a smirk.
Michael removed his head from under the blanket that he was holding as he tried to give Calum and Luke as much as a glare possible despite his teary face. He chose not to say anything as he walked away to his room.
“Maybe teasing him wasn’t a good idea” Ashton sighed.
The other two shared a look with each other as they shrugged.
------
Turned out, teasing Michael was really not a good idea. The boy avoided them as much as possible but none of them were ignorant to his sleep troubles. They all knew that ever since he watched the scary movie, Michael had been unable to fall asleep at night. The boy was probably too spooked up to even close his eyes. He’d turn into an insomniac but refused to ask for help from the boys since they had pretty much teased him the last time. But that didn’t mean that the boys wouldn’t help him.
------
They tried doing subtle things for Michael so as not to let the boy know that they were helping him out.
Calum tried leaving the lights on for Michael after he fell asleep thinking that maybe if the boy woke up after a nightmare, he wouldn’t be afraid when he found himself in darkness. While it helped Michael to not be afraid of the dark after waking up, it didn’t cure his sleepless nights.
Luke tried a far more dangerous option. He tried slipping a sleeping pill in Michael’s drink. It surely helped as Michael fell asleep for the whole night but when he woke up with a pounding headache the next day, it didn’t take long for him to know that he was drugged.
And Michael certainly wasn’t happy at all.
------
“I told you that he isn’t going to like this” Calum huffed at Luke.
“I just wanted to help” Luke sighed.
“That’s not the help that I wanted” Michael sighed.
“You’re not even telling us what the problem is Mike, so we decided to help you in whichever way we know” Ashton explained.
“Yeah man, we’re sorry that we forced you to watch the scary movies and that we teased you afterwards” Calum apologized.
“Just let us help you this time” Luke suggested.
Michael let out a sigh, shrugging at the boys.
------
All Michael needed to do was to give the boys his approval and then they went overboard in trying to help.
“What’s all this?” Michael gasped when he entered his room one night.
“Comedy movies. It will help put your mind at ease. I’ve read it somewhere” Calum said.
“And this?” Michael asked, pointing to the candles around his room.
“Candles help too. Ugh… I read it somewhere” Luke offered, sheepishly.
“You guys are idiots” Michael laughed.
“Hey, it’s not over yet. It’s sleepover with you tonight” Ashton cheered.
Michael was left shaking his head as he joined the boys for this sleepover kinda night.
------
Somehow, Michael’s head found Ashton’s shoulder and his eyes were shut as he fell into a deep sleep. Might have been the comedy movies, might have been the candles, might have been the sleepover or maybe it was just his bandmates being by his side that helped Michael have his first restful and drug-free sleep after a long time. And thankfully this time there were no scary movies haunting his sleep.
Prompt - So I was just wondering can you do one based of a sound check question Michael answered of broken home actually helping his parents not divorce and the guy's being there for him please. Birthday July 9thh.
Prompt - So idk if you heard but in one sound check things Michael said broken home help his parents from divorcing. Can you do something on that please? My birthday april27.
Prompt - hi I know you already did a story for broken home but I saw I picture that said Michael’s aunt told him broken home saved his parents from getting a divorce and I was wondering if you could do a story about it
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Michael had known that his parents were going through some tough times but he never expected things to come so far as to them considering a divorce. Michael himself had been very disturbed about what was going on back at his place but he pushed aside his own problems to remain focused in his band’s work. But Michael’s troubles and tension could not be hidden from his own bandmates who had his back throughout this ordeal.
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When they were writing the Broken Home song, Ashton had been the one to immediately click with this lyrics. Being one who actually came from a broken family, Ashton had been deeply touched with the song. The other boys, on the other hand, had been a little reluctant to accept this song since they didn’t belong to a broken background. While Luke and Calum had been debating over the song, Michael’s own heart had been racing as he hoped that broken home wouldn’t end up being in his own destiny.
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Ashton had been the one who confronted his bandmates for the song.
“What’s you guys’ problem with the song? Come on guys, I come from a broken home myself and I can assure you that our audience will connect with the song” Ashton tried convincing the boys.
“Maybe soon I’ll be able to connect with the song too” Michael whispered.
“Mikey?” Calum asked when he picked on what Michael had said.
“All good at home, Mikey?” Luke asked.
“My parents have been fighting lately. Maybe they’ll consider a divorce” Michael mumbled.
“Oh bud!” Ashton sighed.
“I don’t want them to separate guys” Michael stated with a crack in his voice.
“Mikey” Luke sighed, giving the boy a side hug as Calum joined in too.
“Give them some time Mike. Maybe it won’t turn out that bad” Ashton could only say as he joined in the hug.
Michael closed his eyes, leaning on his bandmates for support.
------
As they went on tour, the boys had tried their best to keep Michael’s mind off things happening at home. And one day before soundcheck, Michael had been on the phone with his aunt. The boys had shot each other a wary look when they saw the tears trail down Michael’s cheek. As soon as the boy got off the phone, his bandmates pulled him in a hug again.
“It’s okay Mikey” Luke whispered.
“Maybe the divorce is the best for them. At least they won’t fight anymore.” Ashton explained.
“Yeah, Mikey, maybe it’s better for them to stay apart” Calum said.
“No guys! They didn’t separate. It’s all good now. They sorted out everything. My aunt said that our broken home song helped. Can you believe it guys? I was so worried.” Michael sighed.
Chuckling at their rush to conclusion move, Ashton could only ruffle Michael’s hair.
------
During their live performance, Michael had closed his eyes as he joined in to chorus with the boys on the Broken Home song.
Hey mum, hey dad
When did this end?
When did you lose your happiness?
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
A hand squeezing his shoulder had Michael looking up. Ashton had been by his side as Luke and Calum also shuffled closer. He wasn’t alone. He didn’t have a broken home.
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Broken home was close to being Michael’s own story but thankfully his parents didn’t break up. Michael was sure that he would hold this Broken Home song close to his heart forever now. Broken Home song was so close to home for Michael.
Prompt - Michael (5SOS) gets a panic attack before he goes on stage one night and 5SOS are performing and Alex (All Time Low) helps him through it (maybe 5SOS is doing a show or a tour w/ ATL) because the 5SOS boys aren’t there. My 16th birthday is March 15 so can you do it then? If you can’t it’s alright.
Prompt - Hi there! Can you please do a 5SOS one shot that is Michael centric? Maybe he's with the rest of the boys and something very traumatic happens and he has a panic attack, and the boys’ kind of panic because they've never seen Michael like that but then they calm him down? Very angsty and fluffy? If you can, please have this done sometime by June 23rd? Thanks love!
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It’s always a huge thing to perform with another band. But along with the excitement, there was one thing that always gets to a performer and that is anxiety. It was exactly what happened to Michael. The 5sos boys were going to do a stage show with the ATL boys and no matter how happy, proud and excited Michael was, he was also very nervous, very anxious. Who said that this boyband thing was an easy job?
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As if that nervousness building up in him wasn’t enough, Michael had to experience another thing. Due to his nervousness, he had made a complete mess during sound check. While the boys were used to messing up and goofing around, even they were a little shocked at Michael forgetting his lines and being unable to get in tune.
“You okay Mikey?” Calum asked.
“Fine” Michael snapped.
But then he saw one of the ATL boys, Alex watching him. Michael was sure his day couldn’t have gotten any worse. Alex seeing him mess up was indeed a traumatic experience for the boy.
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As they got ready to go on stage, Michael quietly loitered backstage, trying his best to calm his nerves but unknowingly working himself in a panic attack. Besides his heavy breaths, racing heartbeats and own constant mumblings, Michael couldn’t hear anything. Which is why he didn’t hear Alex approaching but he did feel a hand squeezing his knee.
“Calm down… Just breathe” Alex tried to coach Michael but the boy seemed to panic even more when Alex tried to touch him.
“Don’t touch” Michael shouted and then continued his mumblings, “Gonna mess up… Going to make a mess of myself. I’ll mess up…”
“No you won’t… Just breathe first okay. Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax” Alex instructed the boy.
It took some time but then Alex managed to get Michael to calm down.
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Alex didn’t pressure Michael into talking yet. Sat besides the boy but still not touching him, Alex was purposely taking slow and measured breaths so that Michael could follow him.
“You’re not going to mess up” Alex assured the boy.
Michael looked like he was going to say something but Alex cut him off, “Messing up in sound check is okay. We all do it. But it doesn’t mean you’re going to mess up on stage.”
“Even if you mess up on stage it doesn’t matter. We’ll always cover for you.” Michael heard someone say and when he looked up, he found his own bandmates standing close.
“We didn’t know how to help you but Alex had a better idea so we let him handle it” Ashton explained.
“You don’t worry Michael. We’ll keep a watch for you and cover for you when it’s needed.” Luke promised.
“Because that’s what bandmates are for, right?” Calum asked.
Michael smiled as he nodded.
Ruffling up the boy’s hair, Alex gave him a warm smile as he left the boy with his bandmates.
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Michael managed to put up a good performance. His bandmates watched for him, assuring him that they’d cover for him when needed. Somewhere backstage, Alex was smiling fondly as he watched Michael’s performance. Sometimes you need a friend to just calm down your fear of messing up.
I am not really sure where this fic came from. I say the 2023 Year of the OTP April fic prompt of “peace” and this is what I thought of. It is a very Michael centric fic that looks at his coping mechanisms over the years and ends with some very sappy Malex.
You are my dark star on AO3
Title from “Superposition” by Young the Giant
Summary: Music isn't the only way Michael's tried to quiet the noise in his head
Michael’s first memories are of confusion and chaos. Once he and Max and Isobel are found, they are surrounded by strangers shouting words he can’t understand. They are moved, dressed, undressed, examined and questioned. As an adult he knows it was people trying to help them, trying to find out who they were and get them home. But at the time it was terrifying.
They clung to each other in the weeks that followed - the only sense of belonging in a world that was unfamiliar and too loud coming from each other. They slept pressed together as if proximity could block out all the noise. It was the only time Michael felt safe, and he lost that when Max and Isobel were adopted.
By then Michael could understand the words spoken to him. He knew what they meant, but he still didn’t understand how he was supposed to fit in. Everything about the world around him felt wrong. He knew there was a pattern to the words and the noise that surrounded him, but he couldn’t make it out. And his head was filled with its own noise as he fought to make sense of everything around him.
Michael first knew quiet when he picked up an abandoned guitar at one of his foster homes. His fingers just knew what to do, and as the first notes filled the air, he felt everything around him stop. HIs foster parents were the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ kind so he was free to hide in his closet with the guitar as much as he could. Their son got busted for selling pot a few months later, and Michael couldn’t take the guitar with him to his next foster home. His next placement was a shitshow, and the noise was back in full force. But Michael found ways to keep playing - breaking into music rooms, buying second hand guitars when he was able to save up some money. It wasn’t consistent, but it helped and it was enough until Jesse Manes took it all away from him.
Without music, without a future, without Alex, Michael looked for other ways to quiet his mind, to get relief from the constant noise in his own head. Getting drunk was his first choice. It helped a little. The more he drank, the less he was able to think. The part of his brain that was always working, always running equations and looking for a way home shut down when he was drunk. But alcohol and acetone didn’t stop the voices - the ones that said he was a fuck up, that reminded he was alone and unwanted, the ones that looked the mess of his life and said it was still more than he deserved. Drinking only made those voices louder.
Drinking led to fighting which helped more than he expected. Pain and anger burned bright enough to block everything else out even if only for a few minutes. There was something satisfying about the pain in his hand as his fist connected with some asshole's face or even the feeling that came from the rush of blood from his own nose. But the quiet faded as quickly as the adrenaline did,and the momentary peace wasn’t worth the regret that followed.
Sex was better. There was nothing like focusing on pleasure to block out the rest of the world. The weight of a dick in his mouth, the feeling of soft breasts pillowing his head brought relief from the constant running of his mind. But nothing beat the way an orgasm whited out all his senses. For that moment, Michael was incapable of thought, he couldn’t do anything but feel. And when the sex meant something, when it was as much about his heart as it was his body, the bliss of the afterglow could carry him through another hour or two of quiet.
Some things got easier as Michael got older. No longer at the mercy of the system, he created his own quiet spaces where he could make the noise of the world go away even if his mind was a mess. Sanders taught him to find stillness in fixing things rather than destroying them. It wasn’t easy - sometimes it was just quicker to fight and fuck his way to quiet, but he was trying.
Then the secret they fought so hard to protect wasn’t so secret, and he was hit by revelation after revelation. Reeling from loss and fear, he felt like a child again, abandoned on a hostile planet surrounded by chaos and confusion.
But Michael wasn’t a child, and he wasn’t helpless. In fits and starts, he clawed his way through. The more he learned to accept himself, to stop fighting himself and the people who cared about him, the easier it became to make his own quiet. He might never make the noise in his head go away, but he learns when to listen, when to lose himself in a thread of equations or scientific theories, and when to shut as much of it off as he can.
As he’s finding his own way through, he gets music back, he gets Alex back. He’s happy and having the best sex of his life, and most days that’s enough. The world still sucks, and his head is too loud, but Michael isn’t trapped anymore. He tunes out when he needs to, asks for help when he can’t do it alone. Michael doesn’t get lost in the noise anymore, doesn’t let the chaos take over.
But as good as things are, it’s never truly quiet. There is always something fighting to get through, and Michael can live with that. Then he finds a peace he never expected in Alex’s arms. There is something about being held by his husband that gives Michael endless quiet. He can lose hours in Alex’s arms - sleeping, drifting, just being. He’s greedy for every moment he can spend like that, soaking up all the love and affection Alex gives him without anything competing for his attention.
Michael watches Alex sleep, enjoying one of the rare mornings when he is up first. When Alex opens his eyes, he smiles sleepily and strokes Michael’s cheek with a clumsy hand. “What are you thinking about?” he asks around a yawn.
“Nothing. You,” Michael amends because some part of him, no matter how distant, is always thinking about Alex.
“Really?” Alex questions, wrinkling his brow. He knows how Michael’s mind works, how much is always going on in his head. “You're not thinking about how to reconfigure Maria’s tap system or figuring out the best way to extend the life of Max’s blue flame?”
“Not today,” Michael shakes his head. “Right now the only thing I’m thinking about is how much I love you and how lucky I am.”
Alex smiles before sitting up and rolling Michael onto his back. “I’ll show you lucky,” he teases as he carefully pins Michael to the mattress.
Michael rises up enough to meet Alex’s kiss, ready for a different kind of peace.
