Heat and dry ice. (A Sydcarmy fanfic)
Carmy felt crazy all day. It was a hectic day doing prep and overhauling the previous menu format and rearranging everything while in the worst place he’d ever been with Syd. She still wasn’t talking to him but they had to work together and be polite while jamming and revamping the menu.
It was all so unlike her to give just enough and nothing more in terms of ideas. He was always the one to reign her in when her great ideas got away with her and became too much and she was the one who inspired him to go further than the box he usually confined himself to.
Now, while her ideas where still great- excellent even, they didn’t seem as inspired. She looked sad. She looked tired, almost resigned. She also seemed to avoid him at all costs. She clocked out earlier than usual now, most times Luca hanging around to pick her up at close of work. He had only a week more to stay and was obviously using it wisely, making sure to see Syd everyday, much to Carmy's annoyance.
Which is why the vibe he got lately was jarring and confusing. The space between them felt a little more charged, even through the cold air that swirled around them. He could always feel her presence when she was anywhere near. One time he had caught her eyes on him for a moment and it seemed filled with among other things- and it was completely bonkers to even think of that word, but- longing? He felt even crazier this morning when he had to squeeze past her while she, Richie, Tina and Marcus congregated by the fridge to read a review he didn’t particularly care about, ignoring all calls of “behind”.
It was just a moment. It wasn’t enough to make him lose his mind like this. Or maybe thinking that it even happened, or could have happened, was a symptom of him completely losing his mind at this point. Anyway, it had felt like, for a fleeting second while he brushed past her, her back to him, she had ever so slightly…leaned into him? He had tried to brush it away from his mind as much as he could but his body stayed heavy with the feeling of her body cupped against his and he didn’t know what to do with it. Didn’t know how to shake it off. He knew he had to be making stuff up in his head again. It was hard to tell when he’s mind was messing with him.
The day trudged on. He carried his weight around like a wet sponge and tried to use what logical part of his brain was still hanging on to brainstorm with Syd some more. They were putting finishing touches to a duck dish and it felt like she was trying today more than usual. The dish came out excellent and Carmy was very grateful.
“This is really good. Thank you, Chef” he said , watching her face.
“Yeah. Thank you too. This is something.” she nodded.
“Yeah, it’s amazing actually" he just wanted to keep them talking “I wouldn’t have thought about this. Really, you’re amazing at this.”
He was hoping for a smile, a kindly look, anything to dispel a bit of the dry ice that that floated between them. Instead he was stopped cold by the look of exasperation that crossed over her face.
“Yeah, sure, okay” she said in a dry tone and walked off.
He closed his eyes and steadied himself. This had to stop. He needed her to say something. Anything about what’s she’s feeling or what he'd done to warrant her attitude lately. He watched her talk briefly to Tina at the garde de manger, then walk off into the fridge. Perfect.
He followed behind, making sure he wasn’t being too obvious especially to Marcus, who was riveted by some other purple delicious contraption he was cooking up. He opened the door gently so as to not make a noise with it.
She had her forehead pressed against the fennel container, face angled away from the door. She seemed to be taking slow deep breaths and the sight of her made his heart lurch. He would do anything to make her feel better. Make them okay again. She didn’t notice him come in, and if she did she didn’t show it. He walked quietly towards her and was very close when she turned around.
The look in her eyes was disarming. Her beautiful face, ever so sad and full of questions knocked the wind out him. Whatever words he hadn’t even planned got stuck in his throat. He just wanted to physically reach out to her. Touch her. He saw her eyes scan his face from his eyes to his mouth and back to his eyes again and found his body reacting faster than he could think. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.
He didn’t have any plans. He just left them there for a moment, pressed against hers while he could feel his heartbeat hammering through his ears. He felt her tense up for a second then relax again. Then he felt her gently lean into him too and move her lips around his to part them. She slid her hand up towards his shoulder as he took her in and it was then he realized his hands had been hanging loose. He cradled her face with one hand and found the small of her back with the other, pulling her into him.
The feeling of the inside of her lips as she gently pried his and slid her tongue into his mouth sent an indescribable feeling through him. Kind of like a tingling and a buzzing. He’d been kissed before but not like this. He didn’t know a kiss could feel like this. A thousand flashes were going off in his brain and though he could feel every single sensation course through his body, it felt like he was having an out of body experience. He felt like he was standing at the uppermost part of his brain, staring down at the most insane scenario he could ever conjure up in his mind.
It lasted forever but only a second at the same time. There was a ringing in his head but not the kind he usually got that made him want to crack his skull open. This was pure pleasure. He felt it in every inch of his body. He could hear his own moans at a distance. He couldn’t even control what he was doing, all sense of self consciousness melted away from him. He could only mirror her motions, her lips caressing his and her tongue darting and prodding and teasing the insides of his mouth. It was too much and not enough. His hand pressed on to the small of her back for dear life. He could feel her trembling lightly and heard her moan softly as they glided over each other and swayed and staggered and finally lightly crashed into the shelves.
The small shock of the crash must have brought them to their senses because he felt Syd tense up again, so he slowed down and broke free. She looked down, her breathing shaky.
“Hey” he whispered to her, bending his face to level with hers but she was looking away.
“Syd, hey, look at me.” he implored, touching her left shoulder. She pulled away and looked towards the door as if indicating to him someone might come in. He stepped back a little, realizing they looked too compromising still.
“I just… we can’t” she said backing further away.
“I know. I’m sorry. Can we just…”
It was no use finishing as she was already walking away. He closed his eyes as he heard the fridge door close behind her. The moment felt unreal. He dug his nails into his skin to make sure it wasn’t a dream, afterall. It wasn’t .
He was shocked by his own audacity. And the response that followed. How was this even possible? For how long has this been possible?
He was still buzzing all over. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck” he muttered to himself as despair washed over him. “Idiot. Idiot.”
He leaned back on the shelves, eyes closed, took deep breaths and waited a while in there till he stopped shaking. By the time he got back in the kitchen, he could sense she was already gone.
P.s: This is my first fanfic ever. I'm not even really a fanfic person and didn't even want to post it but here goes. 🙈 Anyway, hope it's not totally terrible.
