Characters: Rafael Barba, reader insert, Benjamin Barba (OC), mentions of the SVU team
Pairing: Rafael Barba x Reader
Summary: A late night up with the baby leads to a heartfelt conversation with Rafael about a case that hits too close to home for the new father. (So basically fluff and maybe a touch of angst)
Word Count: 1602
A/N: I was getting a lot of Barba feelings from this past Wednesday’s episodes and this also fulfills this headcanon that I had in mind that BarbaSoooo yeah! I just made this thing. As always, enjoy!
A soft wailing shook you from your sleep, your eyes opening rather quickly to be greeted by the darkness of your bedroom. You sighed, it felt like it had only been a hour since you had put your baby boy down for the second time that night but there it was again, the soft whimpers slipping from the baby monitor on your bedside table. A soft groan from your left made you glance over to Rafael, who slowly turned over to his stomach, stuffing his head into the pillow. He had gotten home pretty late from the office, making you sigh faintly, they had been working him so hard lately.
As quietly as you could, you sat up, slipping on your slippers at your bedside before making your way to your son’s bedroom. Benjamin was wriggling in his crib, giving soft wails as he fussed. “Shh baby boy..shh..” you cooed, pulling the bundled baby into your arms. He immediately started to calm but continued to whimper so you slowly took a seat in the rocking chair. Gently rocking you two back and forth, you stared at face of your baby boy.
It was slightly scrunched up and red from his fussing but nevertheless you could see all the little details that made him yours. He definitely had your eyes for sure, but everything else was almost an exact, well younger, replica of Rafael. You sighed quietly, stroking the soft fuzz that covered his head, a soft grumble leaving his lips as he slowly started to settle into a comfortable doze. You couldn’t help the small smile that spread past your lips, you made this. You made this beautiful little person that will grow up and become his own, and you’d be there to see every single second of it.
How in the hell had you done it? How can something so pure come from you? The smile on your face only grew wider as you lost yourself in your son’s face, marveling at what you and Rafael created. Your sleepiness melted away as it was replaced with a comfortable content feeling, lulling you into an almost dazed state.
A soft creak from the nursery door made you jump a bit and quickly glance up, “Sorry..didn’t mean to scare you..” Raf’s sleepy voice made you sigh gently. “It’s okay..did I wake you?” you asked softly, Rafael making his way over to the rocking chair. “No. Wasn’t getting much sleep anyways..” he spoke softly as he perched himself on the arm of the rocking chair, a soft sigh leaving his lips as he looked down at his son.
You frowned a bit as you looked up at him, to find him staring at Benjamin in your arms. “Raf..? You wanna talk about it..?” you tested the waters, you knew how he was about his feelings during a case so you made sure to tread lightly. Another slightly deeper sigh left his lips this time as he made a soft face. You knew that look, he wasn’t going to talk willing so you shook your head “Nevermind it’s okay..” you reached up, gently placing your hand on his cheek.
His gaze flickered to yours and you gave him a smile, wanting to let him know that it truly was okay. You knew how much stress he was under at work lately, especially considering how much publicity this case was getting.
You had seen a few clips on TV but didn’t have all the details, and considering how much Rafael was working and the baby,finding out wasn’t high on your priority list. He gave a gentle grunt before slowly taking Benjamin from your arms, rising to his feet. He made his way over to the crib, placing a soft kiss on Ben’s forehead before laying the baby back down. You watched in silence as his hand lingered on your child, stroking his cheek ever so softly with one finger.
Your breath caught softly in your throat, you had seen Raf being gentle with Benjamin but this was an entirely different beast. Your heart swelled as you watched Raf gaze, enraptured by his boy. You were so pleased with your little family, so happy, you wouldn’t change a single thing about it.
“(Y/N)? Did you hear me?” Raf’s voice brought you out of your gazing, clearing your throat subconsciously. “Sorry..what were you saying baby?” you asked quickly, your cheeks burning at being caught daydreaming.
Or was it just dreaming because it was around 2 in the morning?
“I was saying if you wanted to go back to bed? Or are you going to stalk our kid for the rest of the night?” he teased gently, and you could see his little smirk through the dark of the room. You rolled your eyes before slowly standing, grabbing your baby monitor before heading to your bedroom with Rafael on your heels. Placing the baby monitor down on the bedside counter you shuffled into your blankets, grumbling softly at how they were cold now. “Oh hush..c’mere..” Rafael teased, sliding in besides you before pulling you against him.
You sighed quietly as the warmth of his body seeped into your own, wrapping your arms around his midriff. You laid there in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Rafael cleared his throat ever so faintly.
“Raf?” you asked softly, not moving from your position, your head pressed softly against his chest, listening to the steady drum of his heartbeat. “It’s...it’s nothing..” he muttered softly into your hair, making you frown, there was definitely something wrong . “Rafael Barba..what’s the matter?” you asked firmly, pulling back a bit to look up at your husband, who hesitantly met your gaze after a few moments. He wasn’t going to say a word.
You reached up again and smushed his face between your hands, pressing a soft kiss to his lips that he returned quickly, his hands squeezing you closer to him. You stayed locked for a few moments longer before finally pulling back to gaze up at your husband. “Please tell me what’s wrong...I want to help Raf..” you cooed gently, stroking your fingers across his slightly stubbly face. He looked hesitant, his face slightly clenched as he stared down at you through the darkness.
After what seemed like forever, he finally broke “It’s..this case..I’m on” you figured as much- “A black kid, named Mehcad Carter..was shot and killed by a white woman on his way home from playing basketball..the circumstances are..” he frowned “suspicious to say the least.” he sighed faintly, looking away from you for a moment before looking back. “It..scares me to think that Benjamin..may have to live in fear because of what he looks like..Even I had issues growing up because I’m Cuban ..and with how much the world has changed since than-” he stopped, he took a shaky breath, your heart ached. Raf was always so calm and collected, it hurt to see him so shaken.
It hurt to see your strong, controlled man so delicate and almost vulnerable. “And I fear he’ll end up like Mehcad Carter, judged entirely because of his skin color..” his head slowly sunk down to rest on your shoulder, his warm breath against your collar bone. You understood his fear, hell you shared it. Gently running your hand through his smooth brown hair you sighed “I know baby..I get it but all we can do is be here for him..” you pecked his cheek, before a light smirk pulled to your face “And as much as I’d like to rip the heads off of those who would dare look at our son wrong..” which made a soft snort leave Raf, and you could feel his face pull into a smile against your shoulder. “There is nothing we can do..except be here for him to guide him home..so to speak..” you spoke softly, running your hand along his muscular back, pressing your lips faintly to his shoulder to try and offer some version of comfort.
You two were silent for a few moments longer before Raf finally pulled his face up, and now that your eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room, you could see the sweet smile pulling across his face. “Gracias mi amor..por todo..” he whispered softly and you quickly shook your head in response. “For what?” you asked, he had no real reason to thank you, you were just doing your part as his wife and mother to Benny. This time it was his turn to smush your face, and he only used his thumb and index finger, you swore your eyes rolled so far into your head that you could see your brain. He gazed down at you, before he said “For giving me a reason to fight..for giving me a beautiful son..and just being my wife- who may I mention is drop-dead gorgeous..” making you laugh softly, feeling that tell-tale burn on your cheeks before it was smothered by soft pecks to each as Rafael continued mumbling adjectives to you, some appropriate..and some not so much.. “Oh shut up and go to bed counselor..you’ve got a case to win tomorrow..!” you cut his loving short by turning over to face the other side of the bed, a smile still pulled across your face. A soft chuckle sounded from behind you, before strong arms wrapped around your middle, pulling you tight against his warm form. “Love you too..” he whispered faintly against your ear, and you...finally, finally..could fall asleep. For the next five minutes at least until your baby boy woke you up again..
