It's been a long, long while since I posted a fic. Also I've been hesitant for writing fanfics for a while because perfectionism, outside life and all that. I was quite conscious over this hurt-comfort story, but fuck it, I'm posting it here now. Hope you like it!
"I don't know, Francis." I murmured. "I honestly don't know what to do now."
Silence filled the entire room. Everything was dark except for the faint glow of hallway lights passing through the windows. I chose to keep the lights off tonight, and I'm relieved Francis didn't mind.
Even if I hardly see the surroundings as much, I could clearly see his brows and lips curve down into a somber expression. He's seen me like this for days—if it weren't for my tongue knotting up to say what bothered me so much to be like this, no matter how much I wanted to let it all out.
But I had to hold it until the weekend. Perhaps, by then, I'll tell him everything.
I quietly gasped when he suddenly pulled me into a hug, wrapping my body so evenly with his arms as he laid on the crook of my neck. I blinked a few times, my timid arms resting across the middle of his back.
He moved away to gaze at me again and my chest tightened at a closer look of his face. A hinting smile curved on his lips as he inched forward and carefully planted a soft, long, delicate kiss on my forehead. He parted, and kissed me there again, turning into a few more in slow intervals across it until he gradually moves down to my cheek.
Every single one of these kisses laid warmth on my skin like dabs of paint on the canvas that is my paled body. For most of the days feeling nothing, these marks of affection from his lips proved once again I could still feel something. I felt like trembling from within, hands closing into fists as I resist the urge to cry.
"Don't hold back, darling." His hand cupped my cheek like it was fragile. "Let it all out. It's just you and me."
Francis paused to gently rub the side of my face with his thumb, his eyes so full of affection and care. I couldn't bring myself to look away from it, because why turn away from something I longingly needed to see?
I quickly realized the tears blurring my vision, and the whimper in my throat and the tension of my body.
And his low, consoling hum was enough to break the dam and collapse myself onto his shoulder, holding him tight like I'm afraid to lose him.
I couldn't handle it. I just can't. Here I am emotionally shattering into pieces as I poured all of my pains, fears, and frustrations through the streams in my face and my loud, choking sobs that almost sounded like a dying howl.
"I don't understand!" I almost shouted between gasping my breaths, "I've ruined everything! I messed it all up, Francis, I swear I didn't mean to! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m…" My words fade into a hard bawl.
I felt his head shake as he tightened his grip around my waist and grazed his hand across my hair, both faces laying directly on each other's shoulders.
It's surreal how incredibly vulnerable I am, at this hour, in front of Francis. My sobs were echoing throughout the silence, and the walls may have been thin enough that the neighbors could hear me, but what mattered at the moment was letting it all out.
I used to deal with all of this alone and it was a hurricane. I was scared and in pity of myself a lot, hurting my body and hurling things in rage and regret.
But Francis was here beside me now, comforting me.
Slowly but surely, the burdening weight lifted off of my chest that I was able to breathe normally. Francis left for a quick trip to the kitchen and went back, handing over a glass of water. I took it and poured the cold liquid down my drying throat, sighing as I put the glass down and looked at him.
"Feeling better, darling?" He asked with a gentle smile. I nodded in silence. He sat down and ran his hand across my skin, pulling me into a full embrace once again. I closed my eyes and savored the warmth radiating from his body, reminding me once again that I'm not in a lone, dark room, consoling myself in the way I wished someone would do so for me.
"You still have you." He cut the silence that made me look up. "And you still have me." He slightly shifted back to take the shape of my cheek. "Talk me to me about it if you can. I am here with you. Always."