💗💖 BLAIR @ MIN-SEO!!! AHHHH!!
hearty feelings — @ghostpillow — not accepting.
💗: Finds them romantically attractive.
💖: Finds them aesthetically attractive.
A sharp inhale preceeds all else. For some reason, Min-Seo expected anything, except this. She’s completely blown away---and, all at once, her feeble ingenuity falls upon her shoulders, the weight of the imaginary impact enough for her to actually stumble backwards in her step. With passing seconds, her expression changes; her muscles twist into shock, letting her confusion transpire without an ounce of self-consciousness. Quickly, cold sweat begins to dampen the back of her neck; her scars start to itch, still surprisingly enough she manages to not give in the temptation to fervently rub over them. Is this true? Is this real? This is just to get a reaction out of me, right? It must be---there’s no way. There’s no way... Except there is, apparently.
That bold, sudden thought immediately silences all her doubts, body stiffening on cue. Her hands slowly reach to cup her cheeks, fingers gradually sliding upwards. In a matter of seconds, her whole face is covered---shame, embarrassment, uncertainty? Not even she knows. Min-Seo can’t hide the fervent blush that is burning her skin, and can’t silence the quiet, tiny whimpers that leave in place of the words she’d like to speak. I’m an idiot---a moron---I don’t---I don’t deserve this.
Min-Seo, other than having an incredibly complex and messy mental health situation, is generally a girl that cannot handle good things. She has grown so used to feeling and being miserable that receiving the treatment she actually deserves---a she is a decent human worthy of being regarded as such---is always perceived as anomalous. For her, “it doesn’t feel right”. Min-Seo does not realize how toxic and destablizing her own line of thoughts is (as her own self-loathing dictates it). E.G.: Min-Seo receives a good pay after a dogsitting job. Afterthought: “dog sitting is such an easy and pathetic line of work. Getting this much money so easily is simply pitiful”. Or, in another situation: Min-Seo gets told, unexpectedly, that she is appreciated and loved. Afterthought: “they don’t really know me. They don’t know me at all. They don’t know how terrible I am. Yet I’m not speaking up---I’m selfish, selfish beyond reason, and I don’t deserve this. I never will”.
If that explaination makes sense, then it will be easy to understand that Min-Seo as well possesses a rather pessimistic view of her own person, with a tendency to deject herself from enjoying anything nice that may come to her. This happens in general through her life, and she isn’t correcting this habit because she doesn’t realize its unhealthiness. The worst absolute case is, however, when she’s dealing with other people.
Which is why the situation here with Blair is quite... unusual, in a way. Min-Seo, in no way, considers herself desirable from any point of view, especially in the romantic one. She firmly believes her personality is nothing short of loathsome, and just as annoying and oppressing due to her antsiness; the same kind of determination is applied to her appearance, which she thinks of as barely acceptable... but still rather disgusting, due to her PMLE-given scars. While she is generally clueless when it comes to social cues, Min-Seo knows what romantic tension is---she’s experienced it, and she has dated before (even if those experiences were extremely brief and rather superficial) enough to understand that there is something going on with Blair; she does not, however, feel daring enough to admit that it might be about romance. This is the reason behind her acting casually: Min-Seo’s inferiority complex is clearly oiling the gears in this case.
And what about her own feelings towards him? It’s quite complicated. Min-Seo definitely feels a strong attraction towards him---which may be fluctuating from platonic to romantic---and his presence makes her incredibly happy, almost enough for her to be over the paranoias that usually prevent her from doing half of the things she’d like to do. His personality is completely opposite of hers, which makes for a good influence: think less, act more. This doesn’t mean she is changing her way of thinking (for that to happen she would need actual therapy), rather that she is undoubtedly picking up from him, as an expression of admiration.
TL;DR: Min-Seo is beginning to pick up that there might be something cooking in the air that goes beyond friendship---but her self-loathing and pressuring inferiority complex prevent her from realizing that she is also involved, and consequently to being told that she is, she is rather confused. Especially since she herself does not know what she feels for Blair, if not a new kind of adoration and a completely different sense of comfortableness. She is attracted to him as well, without a doubt, but again due to her mental health she is struggling with coming to terms with it.