#mindless typing

[drowning-cloud]

A little rant

Im so not okay atm. I dont know why im posting this but Im just tired and sad and I still have a shit ton of learning to do for my two tests for tomorrow so I cant go to bed and ugh. Why did I even start this tumblr? I know that Im not gonna keep up with it because Im not a study person. I usually go into tests without learning and get a 6/10 whats fine for me. I mean I would like higher but its enough. I dont really have a goal like I assume most of the studyblrs have. A goal like get high grades so I can do that medical study in that one uni. I dont have a goal like that. I have no clue at all what I want to do after highschool and that sucks a lot. I dont really want to go to uni either. I know I am smart enough, I do VWO for a reason (the Dutch school system if youre interested). But I want to do something creative or with music, not making music bc I cant but like tour manager or something. It would be really cool to do something with music videos as well or be in a band but I cant sing and I can play an instrument. But I want to play guitar though. If I end up in a band remember me haha. I also would like to be a tattoo artist or something. But this was some mindless typing and I have to get back to learning for my math and German tests

[schmidttalking]

I feel like I'm missing everyone I've ever missed all at once. I hate change because I have a tendency to put value in details and when they change I lose a part of myself. I am degrading, piece by piece, as time forces me to evolve and to adapt. And I fear that my anxiety about change is only causing me to wither away quicker and quicker. The worst part is that I'm so preoccupied with worrying about things changing that I don't take the time to enjoy them before they do. Too busy longing for the past and trying to cement a future that I am losing a now. But I want you to know that you are a part of my now, and I am afraid of losing you too.

[bare-minimim]

If only they knew, if only I can realize what I'm actually doing, it's getting out of hand, I promised myself to never bring it to people in school, but I couldn't help it, he was there, he's letting me in... But not in the way I want it... It never is how I want it, it's always about the guy, I want cuddling, they want to fuck, I want to kiss, they want me to get to it... I don't know what love is, I know it's not this, but no one is showing me how to love... So I'm just taking this until reality hits me like a truck, this isn't love, but I'm not getting it yet, I'm not realizing it... Just someone... Help me find out what real love is, no sex, no wanting anything sexual, just help me see someone talking about your body is the only way to make you not feel alone anymore.

[1strecomdejablue]

OOC;

I've actually replied to everyone on this account. That is very unique but it also leaves me with the waiting game...Whether or not people will still roleplay with me since my absence. 

Hmm...maybe I'll venture out into the tags and see what I can dredge up. Hopefully something to tackle this lack of writing. Also some starters, yea...I should gather something with those! :)

[stupid-uncreativity]

I sit here Physically and mentally tired Yet I do not sleep Because she might need me I cannot sleep knowing she might need me.... So I listen to music, The music sometimes sweet. Sometimes dark, Sometimes there are words, Sometimes there is nothing but instruments painting a picture for my tired mind. The light of my lava lamp filling the room with green and orange so bright even when I close my eyes I can still see it. It attempts to lull me to sleep but I fight it. The click of my keyboard seemingly pulling me back from the trance the music puts me into. The excitement from the music I listen to is the only thing keeping me awake. The beat like a heart beat that was never mine, yet I wish it could be. My head falls forward every few minuets, I need to sleep, but I need to be here for her. Please sleep, she said to me. In a couple of hours I told her. It's been one, in an hour, that's when I can even think of sleeping. I need to know she is okay, I need to know she hasn't had any nightmares. I need her to be here with me so I can fight the nightmares away for her. I miss her. I really miss her. I know none of that made sense. Mindless typing while I fight sleep. I'm sorry.

[igotthislast19-blog]

I am just typing what comes out of my head so..

I am going to be 19 in like three months. This is exciting for me even if I am another year older

I am getting old  I am terrified of growing up my head is complex

12 lb Not twenty like I had taught but right direction right? 

I am singing again into a microphone and recording it I taught I swore it off in eight grade talent show but here I am indulging my pipe dream. Again 

I wanted to be a singer for like forever I blame my parents, I was named after a famous country singer and raised on country music so destiny Right 

If you want to hear me sing let me know. I don't know I don't think I am ever good enough so others telling me I am good makes my day!

I am keeping my self slightly motivated. This is a big step for me as you can see from my other posts 

Anyway that is all I got so Cheers and seriously let me know if you want to hear me sing or not that's cool too I don't want to take up your day Cheers !

[fu-un-blog]

The stench of it clung to his nostrils.

He casually rubbed his nose, but the scent still lingered despite the distance he put between himself and the scene. Giving the scene one last glance, he motioned at his temporary partner who was dry heaving at a corner, getting sympathetic looks from the veterans. When the heaving finally stopped, he patted the rookie's back.

"You are unlucky." He squeezed his shoulder, a grim smile on his lips. "I'd consider that under my top 5 in 'It ain't pretty'."

He received a weak smile, as the rookie sniffled before gagging. He clamped his mouth and nose with his hands, voice muffled. "Will the smell ever go away?"

Tommy gave a wry smile and tilted his head as a nod. "Eventually."

The rookie looked contented with the answer and the quickly left the building.

But sometimes you never forget it, he sighed to himself.

[fu-un-blog]

There was a bandage wrapped tightly around his hand.

Tommy eyed it discreetly but by the way he kept pulling his sleeve down, it was obvious he didn't want anybody to see it. He looked across the table and saw that he wasn't the only one who saw it. It was getting really suspicious, with colorful bruises and small cuts they had been seeing for awhile. He wanted to call on it but Morgan beat him to it.

"You want to tell us what happen to your hand, kid? " his colleague asked, well, more of demanded for an answer. The others winced at their colleague's aggressive approach. Even Tommy thought that man could be a little bit gentler with the kid. To be honest, he noticed Ryan wasn't his usually chirpy and chatty self. No point in pushing the kid to shy away from them. But to Ryan's credit, he didn't even blink at the question. He pulled a smile and joked about a kitchen accident so smoothly that Tommy seriously contemplated on applauding. A normal person would bought it but everyone on the table knew it was a lie. Morgan was clearly not satisfied with the answer but the many glares sent to him signaled him to back down. Today was not the day to confront.