I don't know why we all hate each other
I do
but I don't understand the reasoning
lack of communication
I know we all bear so much compassion
but we invest it all in puritanism
compassion misguided causes hatred in spades
if we could all just talk
put aside language
put aside notions about ideas
cut to the truth behind what we love and want to protect
I'm sure we wouldn't be so different
or at least be able to understand each other
and what those in power
want us to be
When saying your final goodbyes, be sure not to panic. Remember to breathe. Things that are not immediately within your line of sight still exist. That's called object permanence.
---
Arms wrap tightly around her shoulders and Sasha buries her face into Mikasa’s neck. “I’m going to miss you so much!”
Mikasa pats her back hesitantly. “It’s just for a few months.”
Sasha wails and grips her tighter.
“If you’re like this saying goodbye to me, I fear for Connie.”
“It’s fine, he’s going camping with me. What about you? Will you be okay when I’m gone?” Sasha asks worriedly. “You and Eren are staying for a few more days, aren’t you?”
“I’ll be fine. Armin will be here, too.”
Sasha sniffles. “How about Annie? It’s totally fine if she sleeps in my bed… it doesn’t belong to me anymore, after all.”
Mikasa tugs at her scarf. Sasha hadn’t even questioned it once when she walked in sometime Saturday morning and found Mikasa and Annie curled up on opposite ends of Mikasa’s bed (which had been disappointing to wake up to; Mikasa had hoped, when she invited Annie over, they would cuddle or something, but Mikasa fell asleep as soon as she sat down so that obviously didn’t happen). This is actually the first Sasha has mentioned it.
“I’m not sure when she’s leaving, but I’ll be sure to let her know.”
Sasha nods sadly. “I would make Connie promise to take care of you if I weren’t taking him home.” She says. “I’m sorry.”
“No, he should do something fun for his birthday to forget that it happened on the last day of finals.” She says this because Sasha needs the reassurance, not because she is actually sad that there will be one less person for her to not hang out with.
Sasha still looks like she’s fetching wildly for anything she can say to make this better. Mikasa fights back a sigh and reminds herself to appreciate the fact that Sasha just cares about her a lot. “It’ll be okay, Sasha. I promise I’ll be fine.”
The tension finally leaves Sasha, but she still looks unsure. “I stocked up my food drawer.” Sasha rests a hand on her shoulder. “To sustain you while you’re trapped here.”
It’s a huge gesture coming from Sasha, so even though Mikasa doesn’t think much of the food itself she offers a heartfelt, “Thank you, Sasha. That’s really sweet.”
Sasha smiles, eyes watery, and picks up her suitcase. “Well, I shouldn’t keep my dad waiting.”
“Have fun.”
As soon as the door shuts, the room feels incredibly empty. Sasha’s half of the room- previously covered in posters and food wrappers and the occasional discarded article of clothing- is totally empty. She doesn’t know how Connie went an entire semester without a roommate; it hasn’t even been a full minutes for her and she already misses Sasha.
She guesses it’s just natural to feel that way when saying goodbye to people you enjoy, even if it’s just for a little while.
But she’ll be alright, she thinks as she starts digging through the drawer of food Sasha left for her (Sasha seems to have gone out of her way to stock it with things she knows Mikasa likes, and again Mikasa is touched by her roommate’s thoughtfulness). It’s just for a few days, and she likes privacy. She has always liked privacy. And it’s like she said; in the rare event that she gets lonely, she always has Eren and Armin. Maybe Annie, if she isn’t leaving today. And anyways it’s just a few days; then Dr. Jaeger will be able to pick them up, and then summer will really begin. Eren will be able to get outside and burn off all of that excess energy all hours of the day and night. Maybe she will finally talk to Armin about Annie. Maybe Annie can come over.
Except, Mikasa remembers very suddenly, that Annie lives three hours away.
Mikasa had originally thought that Annie being on the exact opposite end of the floor was a pain in the ass, but in a few days’ time (maybe sooner) she is going to be three hours away for three months.
To Mikasa’s knowledge, Annie doesn’t drive. Mikasa certainly doesn’t.
Suddenly, she doesn’t want the semester to end. She doesn’t want to go home. She isn’t sure that whatever it is she and Annie have is sturdy enough to handle three entire months apart. What if it fades away?
She has to be sure that won’t happen, but she and Annie haven’t even come close to kissing again, or using the g-word at all, and even though she spent the night on Friday it’s not like they stayed up talking or cuddling or doing whatever people who are sort of dating do. They haven’t even talked since then.
Jesus Christ, why do neither of them ever talk.
Mikasa surges to her feet, the food drawer forgotten. She has to take care of this immediately. If it’s going to end, it’s going to be with dignity and clear communication. No dodging around it, no letting it quietly wither and then avoiding each other’s gaze for the entirety of senior year, none of that at all.
Literally, hopefully none of that at all. Mikasa isn’t sure why she’s going into this assuming they’re going to break up. She should probably approach Annie with a bit more optimism than this if she wants to avoid that scenario.
She goes straight to Annie’s room, almost aggressively ignoring everyone else in the hall. Reiner tries to say hi, she stalks right past him. Jean asks if she needs anything, she steps deftly around his suitcase. Thomas asks if she’s seen his keys- sorry, Thomas, Mikasa has more important things to do.
She only comes up short when she reaches Eren’s and Armin’s room. The door is open. She can hear some of Eren’s music drifting out into the hallway. She recognizes this as something from one of the playlists he listens to in order to unwind, though to be honest all of his music sounds like what you’d listen to in order to pump up before charging into battle or participating in a sporting event.
She needs to get past without them noticing her. She doesn’t have time to be delayed by them, nor does she have time to hastily explain why she doesn’t have time to be delayed by them. The clock is ticking. Annie could be gone any second and Mikasa can’t have that.
Maybe if she darts across fast enough, they won’t see her. Considering that Eren is listening to his “relaxing” music, she can assume he is taking a nap. Armin could be doing a number of things- reading, browsing the internet, playing solitaire- at his desk, meaning his back would be facing the door.
The odds are in her favor. She’s going to dash past their room. From there, it’s just two doors to Annie’s room.
“Mikasa!” Calls the person she probably wants to run into even less than her boys.
An elbow comes to rest on her shoulder. She closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath. Maybe this isn’t real. Maybe, when she opens her eyes, Ymir will go away.
“How about those finals, huh?” She scratches at the bottom of her chin. “How’d you do?”
“Fine, I suppose. If you’ll excuse me-,”
“What’s the rush, huh?” Ymir asks. “It’s not like you’re gonna be late for class.”
“I’m on my way to speak with someone.”
“Eren and Armin?” Ymir guesses.
Mikasa holds her breath and prays that by invoking their names, she didn’t just summon them to the hall.
“You three basically live together, you see them all the time!” Ymir continues with a little more volume and proximity than Mikasa is actually comfortable with. “Can’t you spare a little time to talk to me? We’re friends aren’t we?”
Mikasa’s list of people she considers to be her friends is very short. It consists of Eren and Armin, probably Sasha, and maybe Annie (she’s still really confused about that). She is pretty sure none of those people are Ymir.
She’s about to tell Ymir as much when Krista, her saving grace, comes around the corner looking stern. “Ymir, quit antagonizing Mikasa. She’s obviously in a rush.”
Ymir immediately leaves Mikasa to latch onto her, cooing. The sound might actually make Mikasa more uncomfortable than Ymir’s lack of respect for personal space.
“Sorry.” Krista sighs, supporting her girlfriend with as much dignity as she can muster. “She’s been doing a bit of… celebrating.” She looks up at her and says softly, “Hey, why don’t you go finish packing?”
Ymir straightens up with a groan. “We’re leaving tonight.”
Thank God, Mikasa sighs inwardly.
Krista starts to guide Ymir back down the hall until Ymir finally starts shuffling her own feet. When she is satisfied that she won’t topple over or something, she turns back to Mikasa. “Thanks for all your help, by the way.”
“With what?”
Krista gestures vaguely at Ymir. Mikasa squints at her. Krista gestures again.
After a few moments of awkward silence she adds, “You know…”
Mikasa shakes her head.
Krista sighs and fixes her gaze on the ceiling. “Your advice. I’m not sure that I ever thanked you for it, but it’s been helpful for more things than just that.”
“Oh.” Mikasa breathes. “That. Um, no problem. And I guess I should thank you too?”
“For what? Wasn’t the entire last half of the semester a living hell because of all this? Ymir told me you cried at one point.”
“Ymir is awful and a liar.” Mikasa answers firmly.
Krista’s eyes narrow. Her glare isn’t particularly impressive, but considering that it is Krista, the fact that she is glaring at all makes Mikasa feel ashamed. “Mikasa.”
“Sorry.” Mikasa sighs. “I think seeing Eren interact with Jean has left me with a few bad habits. Ymir isn’t… awful.”
Krista taps her foot expectantly.
“I’m not taking back the liar comment.” Mikasa says firmly. “She told you Annie and I were dating at a time when we clearly weren’t.”
Krista sighs and looks off to the side, clearly unsatisfied but willing to concede the point. “To be fair, the conversation didn’t go entirely like that… But, taking everything into consideration, that’s probably the best I can expect.”
Mikasa nods and glances over her shoulder at Annie’s door. She still needs to get past Eren and Armin.
“Well,” Mikasa says, gearing up to stealthily close the distance between her and that door, “I should be going.”
“Me too. If Ymir runs into a teacher, she’ll get into trouble…”
“Good luck.”
Krista laughs drily and hurries off to catch up with Ymir.
She spares another glance at her boys’ open door. Eren’s music is still filling the hall with a screeching guitar solo that sets her teeth on edge. Good, he’s probably dead asleep.
She still has no idea what Armin is doing. She doesn’t have any more time to waste, though.
She darts past the doorway, sparing a glance in against her better judgment.
As se suspected, Eren is asleep. Armin is on his bed, writing something in a notebook. He looks up. For a split second, their eyes meet. He starts to call out to her.
Then Mikasa is past the doorway. She pounds on Annie’s door, praying that she will answer quickly.
The doorknob has barely even turned all the way before Mikasa pushes her way inside, shoving the door shut behind her and slamming her back against it.
Annie frowns at her from a safe distance away, hand half-raised to cover her nose. “What are you doing?”
Mikasa exhales slowly and starts to explain, but then there is a light tapping on the wood at her back.
“Don’t answer it.” Mikasa says. “It’s Armin.”
Annie rolls her eyes and waves at Mikasa to move. She shakes her head. Annie pushes her aside and cracks the door open. “Yeah?”
“Hey!” As Mikasa feared; it’s Armin. She’s standing silently on the other side of the door, but she can hear him clear as day. “Have you seen Mikasa? I could have sworn she just passed by.”
Annie stares at him for a moment. “No.”
“Oh. Well-,”
Annie shuts the door on him. She stands there for a few seconds, frowning at the wood. Then she raises an eyebrow at Mikasa. “Why are we avoiding your best friend?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
She nods slowly. “And we’re avoiding Armin because…?”
“It’s personal. About us.”
Annie’s nostrils flare, but that’s the only response she offers. Mikasa can hear the blood roaring in her ears.
“Nope.” Annie reaches for the door.
“Annie.” Mikasa catches her wrist. “Summer is coming up.”
“I know.”
“You live three hours away.”
“I know.” Annie wrenches her arm out of Mikasa’s grasp.
Mikasa sighs and rubs at the corners of her eyes. “I just want to know what’s going to happen.”
Annie shrugs. She looks down at the ground and reaches back to pull her hood up.
Mikasa waits for her to make the next move, because she honestly has no idea what she’s supposed to do.
Annie shoves her hands into her pockets. “I don’t want to break up.”
“Me neither. I’m not here to break up with you. But can we do three months away from each other?”
“We did sixteen years up until now.”
“You know what I mean.”
Annie groans and tilts her head back. Her hood falls off. “I know what you mean.” She turns away from Mikasa. “If you’re going to do it, then do it.”
Mikasa can’t help but crack a little smile. “I just said I didn’t want to. Quit being so dramatic.”
“You know, there’s this thing called texting?” Annie holds her hands out in front of her, though she’s still facing away from Mikasa so she isn’t sure what Annie is trying to accomplish. “Amazing.”
Mikasa… actually hadn’t thought about that. She’ll pretend that she totally did though. “I know.”
“Plus, Reiner has a car.” Annie adds. “I could probably persuade him to loan me the car for a day or so.”
“He’d drive all the way out there and trust you with his prized possession?”
“He owes me.” Annie shrugs. “Anyways, he doesn’t have to know.”
“Do not steal your best friend’s car.”
“That’s a really strong word.”
“Steal? Or best friend?”
“Both.”
Annie flops down on her bed. She pats the spot next to her, and Mikasa obediently sits down.
“Are we friends?” Mikasa asks.
Annie shrugs. “I guess. I don’t know. There’s a difference between wanting to know someone as a friend and wanting to know them as a… person.”
“Person?”
“You’re my person. Remember?”
Mikasa turns away to hide her smile. That really does sound weird, but it’s cute coming from Annie.
“Anyways, I always thought dating and friendship went hand in hand.” Mikasa tells her.
“Okay, then we’re friends.” Annie sits up to look at her. “But not as much as we’re girlfriends.” She stops and makes a face. “That sounds weirder than person.”
Mikasa’s lips stretch out of their own volition.
“You look like a dork.” Annie grumbles, cheeks growing red.
“I like it.”
“Looking like a dork?”
“The g-word.”
“The g-word.” Annie repeats sardonically. “How’s third grade going, Jean?”
“Shut up.”
Annie laughs under her breath. “You know, even if we don’t see each other all summer, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve…” She trails off, though, reconsidering what she’s about to say.
“What?” Mikasa prompts.
Annie groans and hides her hands in her face. “Look, I’ve felt this way for a while, okay?”
“A while? Like, what, a year or something?”
“Sure.” Annie agrees. “Or something.” She sighs and forces her hands into her lap. “The point is, Mikasa, I know some time away won’t change that for me.”
Hearing that makes her heart flutter. That seals the deal, then.
Mikasa is gonna do it. She’s totally going to do it. She’s going to kiss Annie and not physically injure her face. She’s pumping herself up- all she has to do is just sort of- lean in and- maybe- tilt her head?? So that she doesn’t. Annie’s nose is beautiful, but a bit of an obstacle. Mikasa should be careful. She’d feel bad if- two for two would suck-
“Are you okay?” Annie deadpans. “You look constipated.”
“Trying to kiss you.” Mikasa mumbles.
“By just sitting there? Amazing.” Annie breathes. “So you were trying to draw me in with your powers of seduction. How could I have missed it? That was obviously that sort of face.”
Mikasa frowns and pushes Annie’s shoulder. The blonde sways, but she doesn’t topple over, and that’s sort of disappointing because she deserves it.
“Here.” Annie starts to lean in, but stops abruptly. “Do not give me another nose bleed.”
Mikasa starts to make an offended noise, but then Annie closes the distance between their lips and suddenly Mikasa isn’t so irritated anymore.
“So,” Annie mumbles without even properly pulling away; the movement of her lips against Mikasa’s sends pleasant tingles up and down her spine, “When were you going to tell Armin?”
Mikasa is more civilized, though. She leans back and says, “At this point, it’s sort of like I’m waiting to see how long it takes him to figure it out.”
Chapter 21: Study Hard and (Maybe) You Will Succeed
In all the excitement, it seems some of our heroes have forgotten that finals week is a thing that happens.
---
“I’m so glad you’re back.” Connie says a little tearfully, extending his hands across the table so that one is on Reiner’s and the other is resting on Bertholdt’s.
“Uh… yeah…” Bertholdt slides his hand away from Connie. “Right.”
“This is great and all, but…” Eren’s upper lip twitches up to bare his teeth. “Now she is sitting with us.”
“Are you referring to Ymir, or Annie?” Sasha asks. “Cause I’m cool with Ymir.”
“You’re only saying that because she’s sitting right next to you.” Eren seethes before Ymir can let that go to her head. “You have no guts. But anyways I’m obviously talking about-,” Armin’s and Mikasa’s feet collide as they both simultaneously try to kick him under the table. They sort of succeed, at least enough to make Eren shut up, but they end up hurting each other more than Eren.
“The table is way more crowded, though.” Jean says sullenly, but a small part of Mikasa suspects he is only upset because the return of Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie in addition to the arrival of Krista and Ymir have forced him to sit further away from her than he normally does. According to Eren, he hasn’t given up on his “hopeless, ridiculous crush,” but that could just be because, as far as everyone else knows, Mikasa and Annie are only barely back to the way things were over a month ago.
“The more the merrier.” Marco points out. “I’m glad we’re all eating together!”
A distracted “Hmmm,” is all Mikasa offers to the conversation. She has just gotten to the good part of her book, and even though she’s read it several times before it is far more interesting than their inane chatter.
“Hey, Mikasa, you’ve hardly touched your food.” Eren says. “You feeling okay? Are you upset? Does someone need to move?” He fixes a pointed glare on Annie, who is sitting to Mikasa’s right. Annie keeps eye contact with him, unimpressed.
“It’s alright.” To prove her point, she picks up her fork with her left hand and jabs it at a pile of carrots.
“Is your hand okay?” Armin asks hesitantly.
Confused, Mikasa waves her fork around to show it to him.
“No. Your other hand. The one you’re supposed to hold the fork with?”
“Oh. Yeah. It’s fine.” She pulls her hand up from under the table and shows it to him. When he is satisfied that all is well, she returns it to where it had previously been sitting almost-but-not-quite on top of Annie’s.
Annie doesn’t look at her at all- she’s still having a passive aggressive staring contest with Eren.
Armin looks at her and then at Annie, worried. Mikasa almost feels a little bad, because she knows he really cares, but she figures he’ll get over it or figure it out eventually.
She knows that, a week-and-a-half ago, he would have seen Mikasa and Annie sitting together and jumped to conclusions before he even noticed her using her left hand. Now, though, he thinks that Annie and Mikasa are only tolerating each other for the sake of everyone else. He had visibly winced when Annie had slunk over to the table and taken the only open seat, which happened to be next to Mikasa. He had very cautiously offered to switch seats and everything. “It’s really crowded, huh.” He had said in his not-subtle-because-it’s-too-subtle tone of voice. “Do you want to sit on the end of the bench, Mikasa? I don’t mind moving.”
She had just shrugged and kept reading her book, not even initially aware of what his intentions were.
Secrecy hadn’t been their original intention. They never talked to each other about telling anyone else but they also didn’t make some sort of pact to make sure their relationship never saw the light of day. It’s just, Annie doesn’t divulge a lot of personal information and Mikasa hasn’t spent much time with her boys this past week. Armin, as Eren worriedly texted her one night, was worried she was avoiding him because he prodded her into the whole Annie thing, and while Mikasa had reassured them both that this definitely was not the case, she didn’t tell them what was going on. Part of her was (is) worried Eren would get jealous. She doesn’t want him thinking his fears have come true and she is leaving him behind for new people.
Another thing is- it’s just so new. It’s only been a week since they started this thing. They haven’t even used the g-word yet, and after the absolute disaster that was Saturday they haven’t spent much more time with each other.
Also, whenever Armin was still trying to ask about it, he kept defaulting to super-casual-and-vague mode. It sort of annoyed her (okay, really annoyed her) so she ended up being obscenely vague in retaliation. She had meant to open up a little later, but then he assumed the worst and she hasn’t gotten around to correcting him yet.
Her bad.
“So, who is ready for finals week?” Ymir asks suddenly, bringing all conversation to a full stop.
“What.” Eren whispers.
“Oh no.” Jean moans.
“Well fuck.” Krista rests her forehead in her hands.
Connie and Sasha share panicked looks. “It is not already finals week.” Sasha says firmly.
“It’s not.” Mikasa agrees absently. “It’s next week.”
“Oh, like that’s any better!” Connie wails.
Sasha shrugs. “Well, it’s a little better.”
“Is this a late April Fools’ day joke?” Jean asks.
“The only late April Fools’ day joke is you.” Eren retorts. After a beat he says, “Sorry, Jean, reflex. I agree with you.”
“How are you guys all caught off guard by this?” Bertholdt asks, disbelief spurring him to speak over everyone else. “Our teachers have literally been talking about this for weeks. Right, Reiner?” He looks over at his boyfriend.
Reiner is staring forward with dead eyes, his lips silently forming the words, ‘finals week,’ over and over.
Ymir sighs through her nose. “You try to make polite conversation and end up sending half the table into shock.”
Mikasa thinks that a statement like that is not any less likely to send these people reeling.
“Is it really next week?” Krista mumbles into her palms.
“Yes.” Ymir sighs. “Want me to help you study?”
“Yes!”
Ymir whips her head around to look at Connie. Her eyebrows lift so fast, Mikasa is impressed they didn’t take off into the atmosphere. “The offer wasn’t being extended to you, baldy.”
“No, no, this is a great idea!” Marco says. “We can all get together and study together this weekend! It’ll be fun!”
“I don’t think that’s anybody’s idea of fun.” Jean grumbles. “Except maybe Armin’s. No offense, Armin.”
Armin shrugs and bobs his head to the side. “It’s true.”
“Let’s be honest, though. Most of you are probably going to fail without the extra help.” Bertholdt isn’t pulling any punches today. Mikasa is proud of him, even though he isn’t her boy to be proud of.
“Look, this isn’t some huge event that you need to RSVP to or something. Just show up to the library if you want to study and if not, fuck off. And just so we’re clear, I’d rather you do the second one.”
“Then it’s settled! We’ll meet in the library tonight after dinner.” Marco says enthusiastically.
“Eren, you’re going.” Mikasa tells him before he can make up an excuse as to why he can’t.
Predictably, he starts whining. “I study better on my own!”
“You procrastinate better on your own.”
Eren hangs his head, but he knows she’s right.
Marco is still gushing. “This is gonna be great.”
His enthusiasm is infectious; Armin is grinning wider than Mikasa has seen in days. “We’ll get so much work done!”
He’s dead wrong, of course.
Later, when they finally gather in the library (which Pixis so kindly agree to leave open for them all night), it takes an entire hour for everyone to settle down and actually hit the books. Connie and Sasha keep making farting noises with their armpits to the tune of their school anthem. Reiner insists he can definitely juggle all of his textbooks, no problem, and goes on to demonstrate. Jean makes a gun out of a pen and some rubber bands and opens fire on Marco, but “misses” and ends up hitting Eren instead, which of course leads to a long and involved battle of one-upmanship that ends in Reiner, Bertholdt, and Mikasa having to join forces to keep Eren from strangling Jean.
Things have finally calmed down, now. For the past few hours the library has been deathly silent, save for the occasional question directed at her or Armin, or the not-so-occasional argument between Jean and Eren (who have, at this point, been relocated to opposite ends of the table).
Mikasa sits somewhere near the middle of the table, staring aimlessly at her notes as the words blur together. She can hear Eren grinding his teeth from across the table. Years and years of studying with him have desensitized her to the noise and so she doesn’t pay it much heed, but Jean keeps passive-aggressively tapping his pen on the table in retaliation. Or maybe he isn’t even paying attention to Eren; maybe he’s just as frustrated as Eren is, at this point. She actually isn’t sure.
Across the library, Ymir is lounging on a couch and quietly reading over some of her notes while Krista listens, head in her lap. Mikasa had never thought she would ever find anything about Ymir to be soothing, but the soft murmur of her voice works wonders on her mounting headache. Ymir hasn’t even said one thing that could come off as rude so far. The entire experience is just really surreal.
That may have something to do with how late it is, though. They’ve been studying for hours. “They” being everyone but herself and Armin- they’re there for moral support, mostly, and if anyone has any questions. In theory she has it easy, but explaining the structure of an essay to Reiner three (four, five) times while Eren and Jean get into a shouting match over which physics formula is the coolest has taken its toll. She wishes Armin would wake up already so that she could take a nap and leave these people in his hands.
Armin isn’t the only one who has escaped to the blissful realm of sleep. At the far end of the table, Sasha and Connie are snoring away. They’re weirdly in-sync- Sasha sounds pretty similar to gravel in a blender as she inhales deeply, and Connie follows up by breathing out with an annoying, high-pitched whistle. It’s puzzling to Mikasa, especially considering that Sasha doesn’t normally snore. It seems to only happen when she and Connie are asleep in the vicinity of each other. Maybe their friendship runs so deep that their minds, when simultaneously in a state of unconsciousness, connect together. She wonders if this affects their dreams, if their subconscious selves know the secrets of the universe because of this bond.
Hm. Maybe she can write her final essay in Petra’s class on that. In her delirious, punch-drunk state of exhaustion, it actually seems like a pretty good idea.
Eren mumbles something that Mikasa doesn’t quite hear, but she knows well enough what he’s saying. “Praying for our teachers’ deaths will neither cancel nor prepare you for finals, Eren.”
He groans like all of his carefully laid plans have been thwarted and pushes his notebook away from him so forcefully, it flies off the table and lands somewhere near the armchair Armin is napping in.
“Pick it up.” Mikasa orders gently but firmly. Eren sighs and complies with uncharacteristic obedience.
Jean opens his mouth, and Mikasa braces herself for his trademark phrase of the night. “I can’t believe next week is finals week.” He’s been saying it all night, always as if repeating it just one more time will make him believe. “Wasn’t it just my birthday?”
“For once, I’m going to agree with Jean.” Eren grumbles as he flops back down in his chair. “I’m pretty sure that was, like, yesterday.”
“It was three weeks ago.” Marco supplies helpfully. Eren groans and slams his face down onto the table.
Connie jerks awake, startled. Sasha’s snoring abruptly stops, but she continues to drool peacefully all over her (unopened) notebook.
“Time is it?” Connie rubs the sleep out of his eyes.
Jean checks his watch and groans. “It’s almost midnight.”
“What?” He whines. “I can’t do this much longer, man.”
“Do what? Sleep?” Jean retorts.
“Have you tried sleeping on one of these tables? Super uncomfortable.” Connie stretches. His back pops in a few places. “Where are Annie and Bertholdt?”
“Bert and I have a coffee maker in our room. They went to make us some.” Reiner answers numbly. He doesn’t look up from his essay practice sheet. The only things on it are his name and the word ‘the’ crossed out and rewritten several times.
“Are we allowed to have coffee makers?”
“Are high schools allowed to issue mindless, pointless tests at the end of the school year which may determine how well people handle test-taking situations but do little to actually tell anyone how much of the class material students have retained, in which case they’ll just forget it all once the test is done with anyways because none of it is applicable in the real world?” Eren says darkly.
“Come on, now.” Marco says uncertainly, “This is a really good school.”
“If it’s such a good school, why am I pulling an all-nighter to prepare for my finals?” Jean is scratching something aimlessly into his notebook with a pen. “Shouldn’t I know this stuff, if this school is so good?”
“Not like you pay a bunch of attention in class anyways.” Connie shrugs. “If it doesn’t come naturally to you, you don’t put an any effort. That’s why your grades are worse than Eren’s.”
“What did you just say?! How do you even know that- not that’s it’s true!”
“Hey, can you guys shut up? We’re actually trying to get work done over her.” Ymir complains.
“I just feel like finals week sort of snuck up on us.” Eren says, ignoring Ymir completely. “Where did the time go? Are we really juniors, or is this all just a belated April Fool’s day joke?”
Mikasa is about to tell Eren to go to bed because things never get pretty when he gets to this point, but just then the door swings open. Bertholdt shuffles in, holding a tray of precariously perched coffee mugs. Annie follows, holding just a single cup for herself.
“Thanks. I’ll help you hand these out.” Reiner stands up and takes a mug off of the tray before it tips over. Bertholdt looks relieved and touched, but Mikasa is pretty sure Reiner is just looking for an excuse to not work on his practice essay.
Annie deftly plucks Reiner’s cup from him just as he is about to take a sip and slides it towards Mikasa. “Got you this.” She sits down next to her, another warm mug cupped between her hands. “You look awful.”
“Thanks.”
Annie grunts and looks down at the textbook that has been laying open next to Mikasa for hours, subtly reserving Annie’s place. With a shrug, she flips it closed.
“You should probably read over that. Bertholdt says your math is terrible.”
Annie calls her bluff almost immediately. “He values his nipples too much to say something like that.”
“Your math is still terrible, though. I’m better than you at pretty much everything, but with math it’s just ridiculous.”
“Normally I like competition, but who gives a shit about most of these classes.”
Mikasa rests her chin on her fist and sips her coffee, even though it’s far too hot. She stares at Annie, unflinching, even as it scalds her tongue.
Annie rolls her eyes and relocates to the last open couch, over by the door. She takes her book and coffee with her, though, so Mikasa counts it as a win.
“Hey! Um,” Bertholdt takes the spot Annie was just occupying, now that he is no longer overseeing coffee distribution. “Hey.”
Mikasa looks Bertholdt over cautiously. He looks like he’s about to handle a wounded animal, looking at her with big, sad eyes.
“Hi?”
“Look, um. I’m sorry things are weird now.” He’s whispering, but at this point everyone is so brain-dead and so focused on coffee that she doubts it’s necessary.
“Why would things be weird?” She asks, rubbing at her temples. She’s probably forgetting something because she’s tired, but she has no idea why things would be weird between her and Bertholdt.
“Annie.” He says softly. “Armin told me what happened. I was waiting to talk to you, but it’s hard to catch you.”
She’s still not following. If he wanted to find her, why not look for her in her room?
Oh, yeah, she’s been spending quite a bit of time with Annie. That’s a thing.
“I know you and Annie weren’t close to begin with, but the way you’re avoiding each other now…” He gestures to where she is sprawled out on the coach, “… it just has to suck, and I’m sorry.”
She squints at him.
And then, as he gears up to launch into some sort of speech, it hits her.
Oh. Oh. Right. Annie obviously hasn’t told him and Reiner, just like Mikasa hasn’t told Eren or Armin.
It keeps happening. Nobody ever seems to understand what’s going on with anybody else, but they keep making assumptions like they do. Even she and Annie are guilty of it, especially when it comes to each other. It’s a never-ending circle of guesswork and misinterpreted cues, of overthinking the wrong things and glazing over the important details, listening to the wrong people and assuming the knowledge given out by someone else is more accurate than what you have observed for yourself.
Before Mikasa can stop herself, her lips spread into a smile. Bertholdt trails off mid-sentence and watches in horror as her shoulders start to shake. Somewhere, the part of her brain that hasn’t been drowned in exhaustion and cheap caffeine tries to clutch at her last shreds of dignity; the rest of her brain pulls itself up out of the pit it has sunk into and reminds that tiny island of sanity of the events of the past five weeks.
The first laugh is nothing but a breathy huff, but that’s all it takes to shatter any self-restraint she has left. Like water from a shattered dam, she starts gasping out an ugly, breathless laugh- the sort that can only be achieved in the dead of night when sleep has been neglected for far too long.
She’s scaring herself, too. Her ribs are starting to hurt. She curls in on herself, hoping to calm down, but just ends up falling out of her chair.
“Bertholdt, what did you do?” Jean asks, standing up.
“You broke her.” Eren hisses, and she can just imagine him preparing to leap over the table, feet aimed at Bertholdt’s jugular, and somehow that doesn’t make it any easier to stop laughing.
Sasha is the one to kneel down next to her and help her to her feet. Mikasa doesn’t know when she woke up. Did she wake her up? Oops. Sorry, Sasha. “It’s bedtime.”
“I’m fine.” She breathes before she starts hiccupping and giggling again.
As Sasha carefully guides her out of the library, Annie catches her eye. The small blonde raises an eyebrow- a very clear ‘what the fuck?’ She gets to her feet with a sigh, tossing her math book aside. “I’ve got her, Sasha.”
“I’m fine,” Mikasa repeats when Sasha lets go of her and Annie takes her place.
“Who cares?” Annie whispers. “I’m using you as an excuse to bounce. I’m tired of Reiner’s constipated essay face.” She hesitantly laces her fingers through Mikasa’s.
Mikasa yawns, and like magic the fog in her brain starts to clear. “Ugh. I think I’m dying.”
“You definitely sounded like it back there. Like an asphyxiating donkey.”
“It was funny.”
“What’d he say?”
“He came over to apologize because he thought you rejected me.”
Annie looks at her incredulously. “And that’s funny because…?”
Mikasa shrugs. “It just was.”
“The idea of me turning you down?” Annie huffs. “Not like you’re irresistible or anything.”
“Well it definitely wasn’t funny when I thought you actually had.” She bumps against Annie’s shoulder. “Hey, wanna sleep over?”
“Are you going to head-butt me in the face?”
“Only if you try to kiss me.”
Annie snorts. “After hearing you laugh like that, shouldn’t be a problem.”
That last chapter was awesome. I was dying of second hand embarrassment. Just mortified for everyone involved. That was fantastically written. I was wondering if youre still planning on giving us a chap with Annie's pov? I keep thinking of bert and reiner running away from her at the lake house and im like huh. Anyway great super funny and always makes my morning. Can't wait for more. have a fabulous day.
Thanks so much! You can definitely count on something from Annie’s pov; it might even bounce around to other important/involved people too, but I’m definitely planning on filling in some of those blanks for you guys :)
Things don't always happen the way they do in movies. Things are always, like, six times more mortifying.
Mikasa is dumb. Mikasa is dumb, dumb, dumb. Mikasa is so dumb. Smartest in their class? No. Dumbest. For sure.
It isn’t her fault. She panicked. But she panicked because she’s dumb. It’s definitely her fault.
“Calm down, jeez, you look like you’re about to have some sort of attack.”
Mikasa just makes a distressed noise in the back of her throat and continues to be rooted to the spot while Annie digs around for the tissues that “Mina probably keeps around here somewhere.” She conducts her search with only one hand, the other clutched over the lower half of her face.
“I’m so sorry.” She says again.
Annie lets out a soft victory cry and pulls a smashed box of tissues out from under the deep recesses of her bed. “Found them.” She plucks a few from the ruined box and starts to wipe the blood from her face.
It had been going so well at first. It had been a little awkward, sure, but it wasn’t bad. Just new.
To be fair all they were doing was watching movies and that probably doesn’t warrant as much nervousness as Mikasa had initially felt. The first night they did this, she had spent most of the movie sitting rigidly next to Annie. It wasn’t until the last few minutes of the film that Annie scoffed and elbowed her, saying something condescending and a little rude about how her stiffness was ruining the movie.
‘I guess we’re even now,’ Mikasa thinks as she watches Annie tilt her head back in an attempt to stem the blood gushing from her nose.
The second time hadn’t been so awful. It was a few days after their first date (and Mikasa still isn’t sure if that was detention or hanging out in Annie’s room afterwards). Sasha had gone off to who-knows-where and Annie had finally found her phone and texted her asking if she was busy. The excuse she offered was that Mina had some of her friends over and she found them annoying. She ended up immediately flopping down next to Mikasa on her bed and taking a nap, so maybe that was the truth, but when she woke up they put on a movie and that time Mikasa actually managed to not sit as if she had some sort of pole up her ass.
“Calm down.” Annie repeats, glancing over at her. “Do not puke in my room.”
The third time (third date?) had just been yesterday, actually. It was a Friday night, so of course Sasha was out partying, so Annie came over to her room again. It was weird at first, because normally her Friday nights were spent in solitude and so she was used to that privacy, but it was kind of nice to have Annie being quiet and solitary in there with her. They didn’t watch a movie, but they sat together and read books. Mikasa even worked up the nerve to put an arm around Annie’s shoulders. Annie hadn’t seemed to mind; she didn’t give Mikasa any weird looks or make an attempt to pull away, so Mikasa took it as a win.
“At least sit down, Mikasa. You’re freaking me out.”
If she was going to fuck up, she guesses it is better it happened sooner rather than later, before she finally gave in to Armin’s relentless pestering and told him what she thought was going on between her and Annie, before she made Eren promise not to say any more mean things about Annie, before Annie finally moved back to their lunch table. It’ll be like this whole thing- whatever it is- never happened, and while that bums Mikasa out a little bit, maybe it’s for the best.
It just kills her, though. Things had been going so well. They talked about as much as always, but now there was at least the acknowledgement that they sort of liked each other and they spent a considerable amount of time together now as compared to before.
She hadn’t been expecting Annie to ask her to come over tonight because they had been together yesterday, but she wasn’t going to complain either.
It was the normal routine at first. They didn’t talk much unless it was about which movie they’d be watching, Mikasa complained a bit about how cold it was, maybe teased her a bit about not being able to reach the fan, Annie told her to shut up. Mikasa started off early on with her arm around Annie’s shoulders, probably in an attempt to prove to herself that she wasn’t nervous doing these things at all. Annie didn’t question it, instead shifting and resting her head on Mikasa’s shoulder. Mikasa spent a few minutes panicking over whether or not Annie could hear or feel her heartbeat through her shoulder. Normal stuff, probably.
The movie Annie had picked was boring. God, it was so boring. Annie had talked about it being one of her favorites so Mikasa figured she should just be strong and put up with it, but it was so boring. Mikasa wasn’t totally sure what it was about- it was some sort of gritty fantasy romance, maybe? She had no idea. She kept getting distracted by other things, like the fact that Mikasa could smell the shampoo in Annie’s hair, which was nice, or the fact that her hood was bunched up a little uncomfortably against Mikasa’s arm, which was definitely starting to fall asleep, which was decidedly not so nice.
Mikasa had shifted a little, hoping to at least get the blood flowing back into her arm. Annie turned to look at her, eyebrows raised, silently asking if she was alright (and Mikasa took a small comfort in the fact that Annie seemed just as skittish as she felt).
Her hair was down. Mikasa really, really liked it when Annie’s hair was down. She figured, hey, if she was already moving her arm, why not touch Annie’s hair? So she brought her hand forward and touched the back of her head gently.
What happened next was totally unexpected and Mikasa can’t be faulted for it no matter how much it actually was her fault.
Annie blinked and started to lean forward. Her eyes fluttered shut.
Mikasa froze. Mikasa panicked. Mikasa fucked up.
Was Annie trying to kiss her? Judging by the way she was starting to tilt her head, yes. Mikasa should kiss her back. Yes. That was the appropriate thing to do in this situation, yes. Mikasa should kiss her back. Mikasa should-
But Mikasa was a little too nervous and a little too eager, and she surged forward a little too quickly, and she didn’t even take aim (and apparently that’s important in these situations) and ended up head-butting Annie in the nose. How do you even- how did she even- she head-butted her in the nose.
“Does blood make you squeamish or something?” Annie asks, mercifully jolting Mikasa out of her stupor, but not before she can relive that awful, terrible moment at least thirty-eight times.
“I’m fine.” She croaks. “I’m so sorry.”
Annie pulls the tissue away from her face. “Am I still bleeding?”
“No. But I’m-,”
“Apologize one more time and we’ll get to see how much blood I can make come out of your nose.”
Mikasa snaps her teeth shut. Annie hates her. That’s it, that’s all there is.
The movie is still playing. Dramatic music fills the room as the strapping but rugged protagonist pulls his girl in for a romantic, moving, successful kiss.
She hates this movie.
Annie wads up her used, bloody tissues in a few fresh ones and tosses them into the trashcan by her desk. She sits down on her bed and pulls her computer into her lap. She pauses the movie.
Mikasa isn’t sure if she should leave or if she should wait and give Annie the satisfaction of kicking her out.
Annie doesn’t look up at her for a long time, focusing on the computer screen. She squints at it and mumbles, “Where were we?” once or twice.
After a while, she glances at Mikasa. “What are you doing?”
‘Here it comes,’ Mikasa braces herself.
“Are you going to sit back down or what?”
“Pardon?”
Annie gestures to the open spot next to her, then at the screen. “I can’t remember where we left off. Can you?”
“Oh god. Did I hit you that hard?”
Annie raises her eyebrows. “Mikasa, your head is not that hard. Eren’s probably is, maybe.” She jerks her head at the screen. “I’ve seen this movie over and over; it’s all familiar to me. So are you going to sit down?”
“You’re not mad?”
Annie runs a hand over her face, exasperated, only to wince when she touches her nose. “I’m not mad.”
“I’m so-,”
“Don’t.” Annie points at her. “I’m serious, don’t. Come on, sit down.”
Mikasa hesitantly does as Annie tells her.
“Just don’t try to kiss me.” Annie tells her right as Mikasa starts to feel comfortable again.
Mikasa freezes. “I wouldn’t- I wasn’t- I-,”
“I’m joking.” Annie says. “We need to work on that whole knowing-when-we’re-joking thing.”
Mikasa rubs her forehead.
“Seriously, Mikasa, it’s fine.”
“I’m a fuck-up.”
Annie elbows her. “Yeah, but at least you’re not Ymir.”
Mikasa knows Annie is probably only saying that to make her feel better. It definitely works.
“Okay, but seriously. Where were we at when you head-butted me?”
Mikasa thinks about telling Annie she wasn’t paying attention because her movie sucks, but she definitely owes her so she gives the best guess she can.
Eren and Armin have invaded her room. Normally they respect her privacy, but Eren is still demanding blood compensation for the injustice of their school system and Armin, as always, wants to know how things with Annie went.
She is sitting cross-legged on her bed. Armin has hesitantly taken up post at the foot of her bed, and Eren has commandeered her chair and is sitting in it backwards. He has the floor right now and is going over plans to storm the office and destroy any existing records of her detention. He seems to be in favor of burning the entire room to be safe, but to be honest Mikasa has only been paying minimal amounts of attention. She’s still trying to comb all of the paper out of her hair.
“I’m pretty sure Levi didn’t even mark us off.” Mikasa tells him when he takes a breath for air.
“Plus, I think arson is against school rules.” Armin adds.
Eren’s eyes narrow. “… Levi didn’t mark you off?”
“He didn’t even keep us for the full hour.”
“He does care!” Eren pumps a fist into the air triumphantly. “This is fantastic! This means that we have a man on the inside!”
“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care.” Mikasa corrects him. “At all. About anything.”
“Can’t you see, Mikasa? His apathy is nothing but a ploy to keep the enemy fooled!”
“Okay.” Armin holds up his hands. “We can discuss where Levi’s true allegiance lies later.”
“No, we have to figure it out now!” Eren leans in close, eyes burning with passion. “It’s so important, Armin. Maybe you’d understand that if you weren’t letting Ymir-,”
Mikasa pushes his face and he spins slowly away from them. The second he loses sight of them, the fight goes out of him and he slumps in the chair. When it spins to a stop, facing them once more, Eren’s expression is dazed and confused.
“Thank you, Mikasa.” Armin says after an awkward pause. “What’s with all the paper in your hair?”
Mikasa shrugs.
“The heathens in detention, probably.” Eren hisses through his teeth as he recovers from his stupor. He isn’t wrong so Mikasa nods.
“Alright.” Armin is willing to let it slide, if only because he cares about other things more. “How about that conversation with Annie?”
“Oh, that…” Mikasa shrugs. “It went alright up until Shardis came out.”
“So she’s not mad at you anymore?” Armin asks. “Are-,”
“Who cares? I still say that-” Eren violently surges forward and nearly topples over the back of the chair. He ends up overcompensating and tumbling out of the chair backwards, hitting the floor with a screech and an audible thunk.
“Oh, geez. Eren, are you all right?” Armin slides off of Mikasa’s bed to check on him.
Eren lets out a throaty yell. Mikasa assumes it is to put Armin’s worries at bay, but all it really does is scare him.
“I’m taking you to the nurse. Mikasa, we’ll talk later, okay?”
Mikasa makes no indication that she doesn’t want to, so he smiles and nods and pulls Eren out of the room.
When the door shuts, she lets out a quiet sigh of relief. They had ambushed her right as she was getting back from detention; she had planned to drop off her school things and then go eat, but they kept her there for at least an hour. Her stomach is making noises that would probably prompt Sasha to offer her entire food drawer to her.
She wonders if Annie has eaten yet. She thinks about texting her to ask her, but when she pulls out her phone she realizes she doesn’t even have Annie’s number.
Huh.
It makes sense. She doesn’t remember ever exchanging numbers with her. It seems silly not to have her number, though, now that they’re…
What are they?
Mikasa is pretty sure they aren’t friends, but now that opinion stems from the knowledge that Annie is totally into her, rather than her previous notion that Annie totally hates her guts. But she’s also pretty sure that stating they are anything more than that is a gross overstatement. They only just cleared up that huge misunderstanding (that she should probably punch Ymir for, apparently) and they haven’t even been on one date. Unless detention counts. Annie never answered that particular question.
Mikasa promptly decides that labels are stupid and stops worrying about it. She’s too hungry for all of this anyways.
She also decides not to walk to Annie’s room to see if she’s eaten. She has two reasons for this. The first being, Eren and Armin live just a few doors down from her, and if they’re back from the nurse by the time Mikasa gets there then she’ll probably be stuck until the cafeteria closes. Mikasa loves them- she really does, they’re like her brothers (well, Eren technically is her brother) but she doesn’t love them enough to go hungry for the night.
The second, Annie lives on the other side of the floor and if Annie has already eaten, then Mikasa will have gone all that way for next to no reason. She likes her and all, and she does want her number, but she can always get it after she eats and then go continue her conversation with the boys if they catch her.
It’s a good plan and she’s sticking with it.
As she makes her way through the halls, she catches sight of Ymir leaning up against the wall just outside of the bathrooms, texting. She looks up from her phone and they make eye contact for a brief moment. Mikasa hurriedly tries to look away and prays that Ymir won’t talk to her.
But, of course, Ymir pockets her phone with a smirk and falls into step beside her, a little too close for comfort. Mikasa comes to the conclusion that there is no god.
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t our newest troublemaker. One disastrous love confession and she’s picking fights with Shardis.”
“That’s not quite how it went.” Mikasa tells her politely. “And if I’m not mistaken, it’s your fault Annie reacted the way she did.”
Ymir shrugs, nowhere near as bothered as an accusation like that should make her.
“So what, you waited outside of her classroom like, uh-,” Ymir clasps her hands together, fluttering her eyelids and pursing her lips. It is possibly the most disturbing thing Mikasa has ever seen her do. Almost as disturbing as the sickly-sweet tone that permeates her voice as she sighs, “Sempai, please notice me.”
The joke flies right over Mikasa’s head. “What?”
“Come on!” Ymir complains. “You’re Japanese, you should get that reference.”
She scowls at something off in the distance. “I grew up here in this country just the same as you.”
Ymir pouts. “Okay, whatever, so you’re not some gay anime nerd.”
“Was there a point in you coming to talk to me?”
“Um… No. I just got tired of waiting for Historia to come meet me. She was taking a long fucking time.” Ymir sniffs loudly, as if that might convince Mikasa that she doesn’t actually care or whatever.
“How does she put up with you?” Mikasa asks.
Ymir frowns. “What do you mean?”
“You’re insufferable.”
Ymir grins. “Aw, thanks, Mikasa.”
“It’s not a compliment, Ymir.”
Ymir loops an arm around Mikasa’s shoulders and holds the other out in front of them like she’s sharing some deep life secret. “It’s all in how you look at life.”
“Please get off of me.”
“Worried Annie’s gonna see and get jealous?”
“Worried I’m going to detach your arm and feed it to Sasha.”
Ymir releases her and slowly steps away. “You should eat a Snickers, Mikasa. You’re not you when you’re hungry.” When Mikasa fails to laugh, she shoves her hands into her pockets moodily. “Lighten up, Mikasa, I’m just trying to be friendly. We’re friends, right?”
“Hardly.”
Ymir mimes being stabbed in the chest. “After all I’ve done for you, too.”
“You mean setting events in motion that would make this past month incredibly stressful and confusing, right?”
Ymir smiles proudly and nods, obviously very satisfied with her handiwork.
“I just don’t get it.” Mikasa pushes the door to the cafeteria open. “I just will never understand what she sees in you.”
“It’s the freckles. Bitches love freckles.” Ymir winks and does a lame double-gun gesture at Mikasa.
Mikasa is glad when she turns to leave, presumably to return to her rendezvous point with what Mikasa can only assume is the most patient and pure-hearted girl to exist in all of time and space.
When she finishes eating and leaves the cafeteria, she passes Ymir again. This time Krista is with her, so Ymir smirks and raises an eyebrow at her but, thankfully, doesn’t try to talk to her again. Maybe god exists after all, but only within Krista.
As if reading her thoughts, Krista smiles at her. Mikasa resolves to ask her why she puts up with Ymir next time she gets the chance.
Right now she doesn’t care so much, though. She heads out in the direction of the dorms, patting her pockets to make sure she’s remembered her phone. She’s going to go get Annie’s number, give her boys’ door an obligatory knock, then retreat back to her room to do her homework.
Mikasa gets about as far as step one. She taps on Annie’s door and Annie answers with about as much warmth as always.
“What.” She squints at Mikasa. “Oh, you got the paper out.”
“Yeah.” Mikasa runs a hand through her hair to make sure that she really did. “You didn’t.”
Annie pats her own hair and groans when she feels the wads of paper still in her hair.
“Anyways, I just realized,” Mikasa says holding up her phone, “I don’t have your number.”
“I guess that’s a thing.” She agrees.
They’re silent for a few seconds.
“I… was hoping I could get it?” Mikasa prompts.
“Oh. It’s-,” she trails off with a mildly perplexed frown. “Well, I don’t actually have it memorized.” She retreats back into her room. When Mikasa makes no move to follow, she calls over her shoulder, “You can come in. I won’t murder you.”
“Alright…” Mikasa steps inside and looks around- or, she tries. The lights are all off, though now that Mikasa thinks about she doesn’t ever remember them being on during past visits. The air is also freezing. “Why is it so cold in here?”
“I get hot easily.”
“Why not take off your hoodie?”
Annie looks at her like that’s the dumbest god damn thing Mikasa has ever said before returning to searching her room.
“It might be easier to look with the light on.”
Annie grumbles and gestures in the general direction of the ceiling fan, which is spinning rapidly. Mikasa assumes that is permission to turn it on. She goes to the switch and flips it, but nothing happens.
“Is it broken?”
Annie looks up from the drawer she is rummaging through. “No. You have to pull the chord.”
“Oh.” Mikasa smiles slowly. “Oh, is that why the lights are always off in here?”
“What?”
“You’re too short to reach the chord yourself.”
Annie stops what she’s doing to give Mikasa a warning look.
“Is that why the air is so cold, too? You can’t reach the fan? Why not get Mina to do it for you? She’s your roommate, she’d understand.”
“The air is cold because we like it cold. And for the record, Mina isn’t much taller than me.”
“Still a little bit taller.”
“Either turn on the damn light or stuff it.”
Mikasa reaches up with exaggerated ease and pulls on the chord dangling from the ceiling. With one click, the room is flooded with light. The shredded paper in Annie’s hair is much more prominent under the glow of the pale, yellow ceiling light. Mikasa laughs.
“What?”
“Paper.”
Annie rolls her eyes and spends a few more minutes digging around her room. “I can’t find it. Can you call me?”
Mikasa stares at her quietly.
“Oh. Right.”
“Where’s Mina? She has your number, doesn’t she?”
“She’s out somewhere.” Annie waves a hand absently. “I’ll just write yours down and put it in my phone when I find it.” She pulls a pencil and a loose piece of paper off of her desk.
Mikasa reads it off to her and, when she’s done writing it down, asks, “Want me to turn off the fan?”
“No. Why would I want that?”
“You’re too short to do it yourself.”
Annie isn’t the least bit flattered or amused. “We ended up turning off the light in an attempt to turn the fan on. The fan stays.”
“Has it been like this the entire year? Why didn’t you get Reiner or Bertholdt to help? They’re tall.”
“It’s fine. We didn’t mind. We have desk lamps and a window.”
“Well, now the light’s back on. Your tall-,” Mikasa frowns, unsure of what to call herself. In the end she settles on, “Person came to the rescue.”
Annie sits down on her bed. “Person?”
“Your tall person.”
“Person?” She repeats.
Mikasa nods. “I’m your person.”
“That sounds weird.” She quirks an eyebrow at her.
Mikasa shrugs and turns to leave. “Text me when you find your phone.”
“Well, wait. You don’t have to leave right now.” Annie picks at a loose thread on her sleeve. “Want to watch a movie?”
Mikasa debates it for a moment. She does have work she should probably do, not to mention Armin and Eren will probably be looking for her.
“What do you have?”
Annie shrugs. “Whatever’s on the internet.” She raises a hand to fiddle with her bun. Her hair looks soft and would probably be nice to touch, if not for all the paper.
“You know, you still have paper in your hair.”
“Do you want to watch a movie or not? It’s a yes or no kind of thing.”
Mikasa sits down next to her and pulls Annie’s hair out of its bun.
“What are you doing?”
“Pick a movie.”
“What are you doing?” She repeats.
“I’m being your person.” Mikasa starts picking paper out of Annie’s hair. When Annie tries to protest, she tosses it at her face.
Annie sighs, gives in, and starts searching for movies.
Chapter 18: D is for Detention (But Definitely Not Date)
Detention is the worst. Truly. This school's punishment system is a nightmare.
---
Eren strains uselessly against Mikasa’s grip as she drags him away from Shardis’s room by his shirt collar.
“Stop that.” She says. “You’ll only end up tearing your collar.”
“You don’t deserve detention!” He croaks out, clawing at the buttons on his shirt.
“Don’t you dare strip in the middle of the hall.”
He flails his arms an a wild attempt to convey his dissatisfaction. Mikasa only catches it out of the corner of her eye so the gesture is ultimately in vain. “You were outside the entire time! That doesn’t count! Shardis is a monster that needs to be destroyed! It’s all Annie’s fault, she should get detention, not you!”
“She did. Technically.”
“She’s just gonna skip it. They should expel her!”
Mikasa stops in front of a classroom. “This is your next class, correct?”
“Yeah, but-,” She shoves him inside, ignoring any further complaints he issues as she starts off in the direction of her own class.
A few minutes later, her phone goes off. She pulls it out of her pocket and flips it open. It’s from Eren (“MIKASA WE SHOULD SUE THE SCHOOL”), so she ignores it. He keeps texting her throughout the following hour. It’s annoying enough that she turns the vibrate function off.
The remainder of her class is pretty peaceful after that.
The bell rings and she packs up her things. She starts to head off in the direction of the dorms before remembering detention is in the other direction.
She lets herself feel annoyed for a second. Even without Eren screaming in her ear, she knows that detention is probably a bit much, considering she was right outside the classroom and she’s never done anything to incur Shardis’s wrath before. She thinks a simple warning would have sufficed.
Still, considering what she got in return for that sacrifice, she can’t hold on to anything resembling displeasure. There is a spring in her step that has other students staring at her even as she basically bounces into the detention room, and it’s hard to fight down the urge to rub her hands over her face because Annie basically asked her out, with those precise words and everything- asked her out, and while what they might do is a mystery because Mikasa still isn’t sure what she likes to do outside of wrestling and (apparently) nothing, it’s still exciting and worth every second of the upcoming hour.
“Ackerman, are you lost?” Levi eyes her, obviously not sharing her good mood.
Mikasa strides past Levi without answering. It isn’t until she takes a seat, only to find him staring at her as if she’s just tracked mud all over his floor, that she realizes the question was not rhetorical.
“No, sir.” She gets a handle on herself. She should probably save acting like a fool for when she’s alone in her room.
He doesn’t seem convinced. “Ackerman, this is the detention room. Where you brats come for after school detention. Do you understand?”
“I’m not an idiot, sir.”
He frowns at her, sitting on his desk.
“I was late to Shardis’s class.” She offers, because it’s slowly becoming more and more apparent that he isn’t going to leave her alone.
Levi’s lip curls up, unimpressed. “You were late? What, did you have to take a shit and it just wouldn’t come out?”
“I don’t think that’s an appropriate conversational topic for a teacher to have with a student, sir.”
“Not a teacher.” He points out. “A counselor. As if I could deal with you disrespectful little shits every god damn hour of the day.”
“You are considerably less agreeable than Shardis.” She agrees.
Levi levels a sharp glare at her, but doesn’t raise an argument.
“Why are you here anyways, sir? Isn’t this typically run by a teacher?”
His upper lip curls up in disdain. “Hanji spilled one of their freaky experiments all over their classroom, so they’re cleaning it up before the entire wing starts smelling like shit.”
The door swings open and Annie slouches in, hands buried in her pocket.
Levi raises an eyebrow at her. “Well, that’s two people I never expected to show up to detention. It’s the god damn Twilight Zone in here, isn’t it. What are you in for, Leonhardt? Dress code violation? Vandalism? Armed robbery?”
“I was late to Shardis’s class.”
“Not a very popular man, is he.” Levi rests his chin on his fist. He already looks ready to leave.
Annie shrugs and sits down in the desk adjacent to Mikasa’s.
Levi slides off of the desk and into the chair behind it, kicking his feet up on it and watching them moodily.
“So, what.” He says after a moment. “Do I just watch you or something? Ten lashes to anyone who talks?”
Mikasa assumes, once again, that the question is rhetorical and doesn’t answer.
“Leonhardt, you’ve had a fuckton of detentions, shouldn’t you know?”
“How many have I actually come to?” Annie retorts.
Levi leans his head back and sighs like this is the worst thing he has ever been forced to resign himself to. He slides his feet off of the desk, does a compulsive sweep across the surface with one of the anti-bacterial wipes he keeps in his pocket, and slams his forehead down on the polished wood. “This is so boring. I don’t want to babysit a couple of teenage brats.”
“Sir, I’m not sure you should be presiding over detention if you’re going to act like a child.”
“You wanna go help Hanji scrape semi-gelatinous goop off the walls and floors?”
“Point taken, sir.”
Levi sits back in his chair again and swipes a notepad off of the desk. He starts flipping through the pages with minimal interest, grabs a pen, and starts scrawling all over them.
She hears the sound of tearing paper to her right. Moments later, something small bounces off of her head.
She glances over at Annie and sees her wadding up another small strip of paper to flick at her.
“What?” She whispers.
Annie looks at her for a moment, poised to launch her second tiny missile.
“Don’t you dare.” She warns her quietly.
Annie stares deep into her eyes, curls her finger, and lets the small paper projectile fly. Mikasa can only watch as it arcs through the air. It hits her right between the eyes. Annie smiles in satisfaction.
Mikasa leans down and picks the paper wad up, examining it. There is no hidden message. Annie is just being a child to be a child.
Is this really who Mikasa has deemed to be worthy of her time and affection?
She flicks the ball back at her. It hits her in the nose.
Annie’s smiles vanishes. She hunches over her desk and starts ripping up more paper strips. Mikasa quickly digs some paper out of her backpack so she can do the same. Levi keeps writing whatever it is he is writing on his stolen notepad, either oblivious to the battle brewing in front of him or simply not caring.
It isn’t long before bits of paper give way to chunks of erasers and pen caps. A few have gotten caught in Annie’s hood, and Mikasa will probably need them back later, but for now she is taking that as a victory because Annie hasn’t noticed yet.
It isn’t until Annie throws a highlighter at Mikasa and Mikasa swats it away so that it sails through the air and clatters against Levi’s notepad that their supervisor takes note of what’s going on. He looks at them, then at the room, and sighs. “Well, that’s it. I’m done.” He sets the notepad down (Mikasa catches a glimpse of it as he does so and sees that he has decorated the first page with crude drawings of Principal Erwin getting repeatedly punched in the face). “Be free.” He makes a sweeping gesture with his hands.
Mikasa checks the time. “We still have half an hour, sir.”
Levi sighs tiredly, as if Mikasa has just quietly informed him that the sun has gone out and soon they will all die. “Ackerman, if you want to sit quietly at that desk throwing things at Leonhardt for the duration of what’s left of this hour, then please do so. But I just know Hanji is doing a shit job of cleaning up and it’s causing me anxiety. They probably aren’t even using soap. Do you want to be responsible for a bacterial outbreak as well as my inevitable nervous breakdown?”
“No, sir?”
Levi stands up, as if that closes the conversation. “Oh, and pick up all this crap.” He gestures loosely to their used ammunition and then stalks out of the room mumbling about cleaning supplies.
“Don’t actually.” Annie says as Mikasa leans down to pick up a wayward piece of eraser. “We have janitors, you know.”
Mikasa throws the chunk of rubber at her. It gets caught in her hair. “You started it.” Mikasa points out when Annie scowls at her.
Annie leans against her desk, thoroughly unamused. “It passed the time, didn’t it?”
“I guess.” Mikasa steps towards her and reaches out a hand.
Annie goes very still and whatever retort she had been about to fire dies on her tongue. Mikasa is pretty sure she turns a faint shade of red.
Mikasa plucks her pen caps out of Annie’s hood and turns away.
“So does this count as our first date?” Mikasa asks as she packs up her things.
Annie’s teeth click together. “That’s not funny, Mikasa.”
“Why do you always think I’m joking?”
“Well.” Annoyance permeates Annie’s tone. “As far as first dates go, this would be a pretty shitty one, wouldn’t it?” She snatches her backpack up off the ground.
“Why’d you come to detention, then?”
“Because- well, I might as well go to some of them.” Annie shoulders her backpack roughly.
A wonderful realization comes to Mikasa and she can’t stifle her grin. “Is it because I was here?”
“No! Look, I don’t want you to get confused.” Annie says. “When I asked you out earlier- that was just, like, to hang out. That’s all.”
“Mmhm.” Mikasa intones. “And when I asked you out, it’s because Ymir told me it’d be funny.”
“What?” Annie looks absolutely horrified.
“Of course. The one time I actually am joking, you believe me.”
“That’s not funny. You’re not funny.”
Mikasa bumps her shoulder lightly with her own. “Calm down.”
Annie mutters something under her breath. “Whatever. I’ll see you later.”
She heads off in the direction of their dorm.
Mikasa stares at her, then takes a few lengthy steps to catch up.
“Why are you following me?”
“We live in the same dorm, remember.”
Annie frowns at her.
“Are we back to the not-talking thing?” Mikasa probably really shouldn’t antagonize her. She’s obviously regressed back to being bothered despite the progress made by that hallway conversation, but the more moody Annie gets, the cuter she becomes. It’s like a whole new world and Mikasa can’t help but be curious.
“It’s not like we ever talked before.”
“Maybe we should thank Ymir. She’s the one that made Krista think we were dating, and if not for that I never would have thought about you.”
“Wow.” Annie deadpans. “Thanks.”
Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. Mikasa really should shut up.
“Now I think about you a lot.” She says, hoping to repair any damage she may have caused.
Annie side-eyes her skeptically.
“That’s why I asked you out. You know, when you slammed the door in my face.”
Annie groans. “Don’t remind me.”
Mikasa smiles and refrains from saying anything else.
They finally come to the hall where they must go their separate ways. “See you later.” Annie mumbles. She glances up at Mikasa’s hair and her eyes light up just a little. Mikasa doesn’t think too hard about it.
“Try not to let Eren see you when you pass his door.” Mikasa says. “I’m pretty sure he’s decided you need to be disposed of.”
Annie shrugs- as if Eren could even dream of touching her- and walks away.
When she gets to her room, Sasha gives her a funny look. “Hey, Mikasa? You’ve got paper in your hair.”
