#misfitofchristmas

[theemeraldeyedhunter]

✌: You’re awesome, ♡: I love your blog, ♧: I wish we were friends in real life, ✖: I would give you the greatest hug

Thanks? And like I’ve said many a times nobody wants to be my friend in real life. It will only cause frustration and confusion. I could totally refer one of my friends if people need proof. Like message them and ask them how being my friend works out.. They’ll probably sugarcoat it though as I think of it because they tried the hardest to get me to stop being stubborn about death wishes.. Technically the reason I made it to blogging this year.. And we made me promise 2 years ago to at least make it to January 1st 2015.. Funny how its been hit and miss…

[theemeraldeyedhunter]

Here's a message for ya dear. I'm just one person so this doesn't do much for your ten person goal but ya know what? I care about you like I do about Vladz. You're both great people that deserve so much better then you've been getting lately. I try and get online as often as I can just to see if you guys are okay because I care unlike others and I'm not afraid to show it. I still wanna curse someone out for Vladz but he won't let me, that shows how much I care. I've got you and Vladz backs.

Aw thanks if only you could give hugs and stuff through a computer screen.. Yeah it might not do much but I just kicked the idea into the trash heap because it’s not gonna work. So instead I’mma keep Jake from trying to hitchhike his way into my town. *long story* And I’mma try to not let it get this bad again… Because there’s just too many people who don’t deserve me failing. And I’ve lost too many people who I promised things to that I can’t not without crying like crazy. And because of the days back before my friends offline couldn’t be around me anymore or message me. Because I was too much of something they never experienced. Because of that day in 7th grade where my friend wasn’t soothing or that. She showed she was fed up and went,”Look I don’t want you to lie if you ever and I mean ever do it so help me I will lock my door and join you.” And who grabbed my wrist when I yelled back at her stubbornly. Who hugged me when we both cried saying sorry later that afternoon. Because of the friend who when we were reading about warning signs of stuff and that in science class looked me dead in the eye before calling my name to read the chapter on “signs of suicidal thoughts” and who saw me trying not to cry and hugged me after class saying she was sorry but needed me to know she cared. To the friend who grabbed my wrists after I scratched them with a knife near the point of blood those cold winter days at lunch and shook their head muttering my name over and over. And so I’m just going to plan for a small vacation this summer and look forward to that no matter if hell offline’s awful. Or if I get lower then this low. But thanks for caring for the mess I am.

[poisonpunkking]

// WHAT!? What? You're quitting!? No, Vladz don't quit.. come on. You said it yourself, it doesn't make you happy and you do it for others but it was a good way to calm down, relieve stress and escape into your own little writing world for a bit.

{ I'm quitting. It's final and the sad thing is... no one cares to stop me. I'm gonna waltz out just fine and never touch tumblr again. I found a new mun to run all my blogs. I did say that but.. clearly no one's happy enough to rp with me or reply to our threads for a month or so. I'm still holding verses/ships because I can't let go but clearly... they already did. It's become worse then my personal life which is pretty bad, I'm more suicidal now, hate myself more, never felt more stressed over something and I've never wanted to commit suicide this bad... ever. Tumblr ruined me. Have fun rping without me. }