#mishavicki

[holisticfansstuff]

[tutars]

I can't believe misha made vicki a ring box literal YEARS before actually proposing to her because that's how long it took for him to work up the nerve to ask

[castielmisha-lover-blog]

An Open Letter to Misha Collins

Dear Misha,

I’ve been a fan of yours for more than two years now, ever since I saw a video you posted about some charity competition for Random Acts (sometime in early 2015). I saw something different about you, something special that I didn’t see in any other actor/celebrity. Honestly, if you had been just another pretty face in Hollywood, I wouldn’t have been your fan. I’m an old soul like that (I’m only 28 though). Following you on social media just proved to me that you are different, and very special, over and over again.

For years I’ve asked myself what I really wanted to do with my life. Growing up poor and being a nurse in a third-world country exposed me to a lot of social (as well as health) issues that are often discussed, but never really resolved. It left me bitter, angry, and frustrated.

When I saw that video, and started following what you and Random Acts do, it rekindled in me the faith in what people can do, even the ordinary people, one step at a time, one day at a time, and as you said, one random act of kindness at a time. That “simple” idea is such an integral step towards making the world better, and thank you for reminding me of it.

I’m posting this letter because we’ll never meet (like I said, I’m poor and I also live in a third-world country with a shitty exchange rate with the US dollar) but I’d like to tell you that you’ve been such a great inspiration to me. You are such a great catalyst for good, and I’ve never been prouder to be a fan of someone. Also, I’m a Vicki fan, too! I’ve read her works (well, just the ones the fandom has managed to find), and she’s so beautiful and amazing and super smart. That piece she wrote about having a choice and taking a year off from college is my favorite. It really got to me. I never had that choice when I was studying. My thoughts when I was reading it was “That’s allowed?!” and it’s like a whole path of life’s revelations opened up in front of me.

If I could re-do my life, I’d wish to be as active as the two of you early on in making a difference in this world. Catching up now, though. There may be a lot of obstacles, but both of you are our guiding lights. I’m also a fan of how you are raising your kids. They’re growing up to be amazing people, just like their parents.

Seriously, keep up the good work. You’re an amazing human being, Misha. I’m not gonna blindly say here that you’re perfect (although sometimes I do, I’m a fangirl for crying out loud), but we’re humans, we do what we can. We’re perfectly imperfect, and isn’t that the wonder of it?

Always your fan,

@red_seventh

[holisticfansstuff]

[thingsisaidweredumb]

I meant verbal abuse not emotional abuse

My point still stands. Verbal abuse is using words to scare and control someone. It is not saying mean things sometimes.

Sometimes, people we love lash out at us when they're not doing well. But that does NOT mean they're abusing us.

And AGAIN.... If Misha was Verbally abusive, I would say that was "something bad." Abuse is REALLY BAD and not a little thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To illustrate:

Your partner is in a bad mood. When they're in a bad mood, they sometimes nitpick at you when you're cleaning the dishes that you're not doing it right. You decide to leave before they can take their bad mood out on you, but come back to give them a kiss when they say "be nice before you go" because you do agree, leaving on a nice note is better than leaving on a sour note.

This is lashing out.

Your partner is in a bad mood. When they're in a bad mood, they're needlessly cruel to you. You're genuinely afraid of what they will say or do. Often times they threaten physical abuse. They often tell you that you deserve physical abuse and no one would be to shocked and concerned about you if they did hit you, so you should be grateful they don't. They tell you you are worthless and morally evil. You leave the room because you are afraid of being around them when they are in a bad mood. You come back and give them a kiss when they ask because you are afraid of what they will do or say if you don't.

This is verbal abuse.

Which one of these does that poem indicate?

[thingsisaidweredumb]

Honestly I don’t think something really bad happened. Their relationship isn’t one where one of them would feel the need to cheat as they’re open about having other partners and they’d probably just need to discuss it. What else could it be? He hit her? I don’t think that’s plausible either. I don’t see him ever hurting her physically. And I don’t think they grew apart either. I think what happened was that he had a lot of emotional baggage from childhood that he never dealt with (1/?)

and it began to wear on their relationship- hence his focus on therapy and his parents lately. He’s said they’ve always had a lot of arguments (said it in a cameo about when he proposed to her) but in one of the featured poems he says she tells him she won’t let him take it out on her. That may mean he’s been emotionally abusive towards her and she’s just had enough of it. Yeah you’re right he did make it public and it had a finality about it, but at the same time it’s a separation, not divorce. Why not wait to release the book when they divorce- it seems like they’ve been separated for about a year now. On the other hand, alma’s poems have some sort of hope in them (I think it’s vicki because the speaker has a female point of view & if you look at who she follows, she follows a female only domestic abuse ig- giving more credibility that he’s probably been emotionally abusive).

I feel like that meme that's been going around of the woman putting away the toys words and putting "abuse" in the basket.

You are saying this word anon, but it does not appear you know what that means. Emotional abuse is done to control or manipulate someone else's emotions. It's not just taking their frustrations out on you, it's the manipulation afterwards that has to believe it was your fault so they never have to change. It is possible for people who are emotionally abusive to change with therapy but it's hard and the overwhelming majority of them don't (read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft for more information on therapy for emotionally abusive people).

If Misha had been emotionally abusive, I would constitute that as "something bad."

Similarly, you're being WAY too narrow in your definition of "something bad" which includes far more than 1. cheating 2. abuse.

Cheating is hurtful because it's a betrayal of trust... But there are far more ways to betray trust than just sexually. You can lie to your partner about literally anything. Finances, your time, your feelings, your health and wellbeing. All of these things can be intense betrayals that end relationships outside of a sexual context.

Furthermore, there are plenty of open relationships that still end in cheating. See my parents for an example. Mom and Dad had opened up their relationship when Dad started seeing his ex boyfriend. My dad broke the rules and ended up spending my mom's birthday with his boyfriend rather than my mom. They had an open relationship, mom knew about this partner and was consenting to it. And my dad still cheated on her.

Betrayal is betrayal is betrayal and anyone can do it to anyone.

As for Alma... Everyone says this is a "female voice" and I, a trans person, think that's a little ridiculous. We're assigning a gender based on the fact that the account is following mostly women???? Do we think that men can't? Do we think Misha wouldn't? Do we think Vicki's gender is that reductive????

I also think it's possible that Misha carries a bit of hope with him. Hope they can reconcile. The picture that is painted from that first poem in the book is that she left him. In my experience, the person who is left generally has more hope the relationship can reconcile than the person who does the leaving. Because that person who has done the leaving has already thought through this and decided it. The other person hasn't decided the relationship should end, so they hold onto it more. Why should Misha and Vicki be any different?

[thingsisaidweredumb]

being in a relationship that started in childhood and grew into adulthood is interesting. you grew up with your partner. you know all of their bad habits and you know all of their tics and triggers. you’ve had the same argument a hundred million times and if it was going to be solved, it’d have been solved by now. if it was serious and important enough to either of you, you’d have had a conversation about it. 

these relationships don’t just end. you don’t just grow apart from someone you grew up with and decided to live your adult life with. something bad happens.

misha and vicki’s relationship isn’t mine and my partner’s, but it’s also.... not dissimilar. she and i have known each other and actively chosen each other for nearly 20 of misha and vidki’s 30 years. and i cannot imagine ever deciding that we would be better apart. 

when you grow up together, you know each other too well to just.... end. 

[tutars]

Victoria "girlfriend at the time, wife now" Vantoch :')