FANFICTION SEX ≠ REAL SEX
You probably read that title and were like yeah duh, obviously it’s not real, but it’s important that everyone realizes that smut is absolutely not how sex goes.
Below I’ll be laying out some differences.
Consent
Consenting to having sex with someone, is not consenting to kinks unless disclosed beforehand. In smut we just jump right into the kinky sex, no words exchanged beforehand on what’s a no no and what’s a yes, but in real life it’s extremely important to talk to your partner about it.
What not to do: Jump right into a scene while your partner had no clue that you were going to involve these kinks
What to do: Discuss the in and outs of what you are planning with your partner before you start any kind of foreplay. What kinks will be involved? What are your limits, what are theirs? Does there need to be a safe word? Do they have experience with the kinks, and if not, are they aware of how to perform them safely? Are they comfortable performing certain actions and having certain actions performed on them?
Choking
Who doesn’t know it these days. Choking is everywhere, including in fics. You might see us writers describing it as cutting off air, but never do that! For one, that is breathplay, a whole other kink, but it can also be extremely dangerous.
1. You need to have a clear mind while choking someone. Don’t be exhausted, don’t be angry, don’t be under the influence of alcohol or any kind of drug.
2. DONT PRESS DOWN ONTO THEIR ESOPHAGUS. Gently press down on either side of it, your hand in a V and only the fingertips making contact.
3. Start with only very light pressure and only increase it if you’re partner responds well.
4. Your partner should be able to answer you if you speak. If they can’t, stop what you’re doing immediately. Never choke someone so hard they cannot express words vocally.
5. Don’t continuously choke them, release pressure regularly and if they start being short of breath, gasping for air or coughing, seize what you are doing immediately.
Unsafe sex
Who has the time or need for protection in fanfics? Creampies are hot after all, but in real life they can give you a nice present in nine months and even diseases.
Always use a condom when you are engaging in sex with a partner who’s sexual history is unknown, or if you do know but aren’t on birth control yourself. Hormonal birth control pills are good against unwanted pregnancies, but they do nothing for STI’s.
And if you are in a steady relationship and on birth control but want to be extra safe? Use those condoms, it’s perfectly normal to continue use in those situations as well.
Anal
Don’t want babies? Do anal! Just kidding, anal isn’t the easy peasy alternative it seems to be in smut.
If you jump right into anal, it will hurt extremely and you can get injured! Lube doesn’t magically make you ready to take a dicking there either, you’ll first need to practice with much smaller things. You can slowly start with fingers (one at a time people), but toys are a very good way to do it and there are anal kits for beginners.
Lube is very important. Not just cum, not just girl juices, actual bottled lube. Water based lube is good for everything, including silicone toys. Meanwhile silicone based lube is generally softer/slicker and hypoallergenic, but damages silicone toys. NEVER use oil based lube in combination with condoms (and oil based lube increases chances of infection).
Anal can be messy. You can clean very well and even do anal douching (which isn’t needed, can increase infections and you have to be careful so do it only if you absolutely want it), and most of the ~mess~ will be gone. However, when an object is penetrating you there, accidents can happen. Putting a towel down and having wipes near is definitely recommended.
Wear or have your partner wear a condom during anal as well because you can still get STI’s from it!
Bondage
Time to get the rope bunnies hopping. With bondage you always risk a few bruises, but what are the biggest things you should keep in mind with specifically rope bondage?
1. Never put rope around your partner’s neck. No just absolutely no.
2. Make sure the ropes aren’t around your partner too tight, this counts for any spot it’s around. It can cut off the blood circulation or cause nerve damage and that’s very bad. Ask your partner if they are good and if they have a bit of wiggle space, and continue checking in during the scene. A finger should be able to slip in between the ropes.
3. Be careful with your partner. If they fall while they are tied up, they can’t catch themselves and get greatly injured.
4. Be wary of allergies! Some ropes are infused with scents or other chemicals that might cause an allergic reaction.
5. Never leave the person you tied up alone, keep your eye on them. They can have a medical emergency, get injured or just get scared.
6. Keep a tool nearby with which you can easily, safely and quickly cut the rope with. EMT shears are a good tool and relatively inexpensive. EMT shears have a flat, blunt, tipped lower blade which allows you to slide them along skin without accidentally cutting your partner. You can also get really high powered ones such as Raptor EMT shears that will cut through any kind of rope or fabric extremely quickly.
Stranger danger
Please my lovelies, don’t start a kink scene with a stranger. Kinks most often put you in a vulnerable position, so doing it with a stranger is not advised at all. I’m sure I don’t need to explain how bad it can go when a stranger is choking you or has you restraint.
Do it with a partner you trust and know. If you can’t or don’t want to, find a legal, good reviewed sex club/dungeon. The good ones have strict rules and keep an eye on all the members inside.
Everyone is a kink master
There are so many kinks out there that fit with so many different folks, fanfic represents only a small portion of them. In smut, almost everyone has a dirty kink that they like, but in real life it could easily be that you or your partner prefer ‘vanilla sex’. Not everyone needs to have or like kinks, it is completely up to you and no matter where you land with it it’s completely normal. Nobody is boring because of their preferences.
General awkwardness
Last but certainly not least. No sex goes completely smoothly and like a porn in real life. You or your partner might queef. You might get a cramp. You might bump into each other. You might gag. You might make a weird sound. It’s all part of the real experience, and most of the time only causes funny or intimate moments with your partner.
This is faaaar from all, but I hope this helps at least a bit. Writers sell a fantasy, an unattainable one that should not be chased. Enjoy your real sex like it’s meant to be; safe and silly yet hot. Leave the crazy scenarios to the fanfics ♥️