Jan 11
Marseille
seen from China
seen from France
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Marseille
the day i went to the begin again cafe 🥺🥺🥺
guess who’s back,back at home,IN MY BED I’M SO HAPPY!!!
even though the last two das were just awful cause of the loooong loooong drive from France back to Austria... Today I spent 13 hours in our car and I’m just so happy to be able to move whenever I want now ;D
Normandy || Mont Saint-Michel || Saint Malo
April 7 2014
I'm not really sure if I can coherently put a blog post together right now, but let's give it a go ;) It's time for another little life update, maybe as I tell you all about what has been going on I will come to realize it myself. The last week or so has been such a blur I'm just beginning now to slow down and really comprehend everything. The last time I wrote a little update I was contemplating coming home to Canada because my visa was almost up and my boyfriend was thinking of taking a job in another city. After a lot of discussion and decision making we finally came to the conclusion that he would take the job, and I would head home.
So here I am sitting in my parents house in Canada feeling slightly bewildered and very displaced. It's a strange thing living abroad for over a year and then returning to everything you once left, everything you used to long for, everything that made perfect sense to you before but no longer does. Canada will always be the place I was born, but home is not really a concrete thing to me anymore. It's not one place, it's not even one person. It's not the four walls around me or the things on my shelves, on my body or in my hands. It's something I carry within myself, it's where my heart feels safe.
It's also really the people around you that infuse a place with meaning and significance. Every time I move out of an apartment, begin to strip the walls, begin to pack away the energy of the place into boxes this becomes so apparent to me. The things that happened there, the moments with the people I cared about there, all the little pieces of the story made the place a living breathing home, not the place itself.
Where ever we choose to be, it's really the people there that make the place truly worth being in. That being said I'm already missing France strongly, the way of life, the food, the mentality, but more than anything I am missing the people that made me feel like I belonged there. My new found french family, my new friends, and most of all one very very important person I'm sure everyone knows who that is, the man of my life, my dearest frenchie.
Leaving him again at the airport was one of those moments in my life I just didn't think I'd survive, but somehow I disconnected from the moment just enough so that I could function - numbly watching the moment unravel like a spectator of my own self I left him. Sometimes I don't know how we find strength to do the things we must. I am very happy though that my love is still there in the world, I am far but I can speak to him, sense him and I will see him again. My heart aches so strongly for people who have lost loved ones whom they cannot see again...in this life time at least.
I count my blessings that I've found someone that despite oceans, and language barriers and visas I just can't stop loving. I'm the luckiest girl alive. Though my heart aches daily it is happy. And How lucky am I to be able to call two different countries home, to have two families on different sides of the globe that will greet me with love and open arms. Sure the situation has it's complications, but all lives do. Though I wish I could collect all the people I love and plop them in one place - I am so so grateful to have a network that stretches across continents.
The bright side is shining and apparent, I just have to keep myself focused upon it. I must admit though, I would be lying if I didn't say it's horrible to be long distance again with my boyfriend. After living almost 2 years full time together, I feel like half of my body is missing. Returning to Canada is also bizarre, it feels as someone has put life as I know it on hold and plopped me down in an alternate reality. Reverse culture shock apparently this is called. I'm definitely feeling it.
The only thing to do in this sort of situation, is to take one day at time, one minute at a time, and to make plans to look forward too. (That, and send lots of messages, videos and anything I can think of to my boyfriend every day). I need to find my rhythm here again without sacrificing the newly acquired pieces of myself. I need a routine, and I need to keep celebrating the fact that my life is mine, it's in my hands, and everyday is a chance to keep creating what I dream it to be.
The most comforting thing I keep saying to myself, is that everything is impermanent. It's the saddest yet most beautiful thing about life - that nothing in it lasts forever. That means painful difficult times will pass, and great ones will too, that is the only guarantee we have. It helps to know that my discomfort won't last forever, and helps me really realize the value of great moments in my life however big or small.
The real plan for the next few months is to keep learning french, perhaps spend two months of the summer in Montreal, learning french and doing volunteer projects. Then coming up with some kind of plan to spend some more time in my second home, France, again.
It's also time to focus on my friends and family here in Canada, I've missed you all and can't wait to spend some much needed time with you. <3 <3
One day at a time..
not teen wolf related but:
A year ago today I went to live in France for five months. Today I submitted an application to go live there for a year. So. That's pretty cool.