This late afternoon while walking in my neighborhood, I realized how alive and present my father’s spirit is in my life. He was such an observer with his surroundings, a pet lover (as if our cats and kitten were his grandchildren), and I feel his presence reflected in the beauty and wonder of the outdoors. He was the one who did the marketing every morning for our small food store, the one who did the budgeting and knows where to buy cheaper products, which I never asked and this afternoon me and my sister are the one who did the marketing for our store. And I am the one who take the responsibility to do the budgeting , as I am doing the tasks I feel extra close to him when I am walking and doing the tasks he left to us. With each step I recall memories of the times we shared and “converse” with him on a heart level about new topics and issues that arise in my life. In life, I talked with him about any number of inconsequential and important things. And now, seventeen days after his death, I envision him listening as I consider my new crossroads. I feel his enthusiastic encouragement, unconditional acceptance of my choices and the comfort of his loving presence. It took some time for me to get here, but I have learned how to walk with my grief. My family celebrated his life with a special and uplifting event of spontaneous participation and remembrance. I felt the love and support of many as we moved forward into the following days and weeks. But my Papa was really and truly gone. His voice on the phone, his warm hugs and silly noises, his joyful smile and guiding presence, all were no longer accessible in a real and physical sense. After one to two days of his burial, the buoying support ebbed, and I began to feel some strong and surprising feelings: Anger. Despair. Desertion. A whooshing, jumbled tumult of grief washed over me and knocked me down. What could I do now? How could I go forward and surmount the emotions that I felt? And then I remembered: That when I am in depression God gave me the idea to write.. to write in a notebook, to my notepad apps that installed on my phone. So, I began to journal a little bit every few days, recording my current state of emotions and recounting to myself his end-of-life story. I took my time to get from the beginning to the end, and along the way I began to accept and integrate my father’s physical absence. Releasing my tears before I sleep helped me feel better, and in hours and days that followed, I began to feel much improved. I was walking a new walk, transforming my grief into words on a page. My loss increasingly becomes an integrated, accepted and motivating part of me. I do not strive to “get over it” or “move on” from my father’s death. Instead, I awaken each morning confident that Papa is walking with me into each new adventure I face. I celebrate the love, approval and joy we shared in life by acting on the grief-inspired purpose that is alive and well in me.