i also want to highlight the incredible amazing art @mitotruco sent me weeks ago when he was betaing chapter 33 shortly after i wrote it </3 hurts in the Best Way. the goddamn roman numerals in the background. han looking Miserable. mwah its Perfect
"Well, maybe it isn't about you!" Leia snapped, whipping her head towards him so fast her braids nearly smacked him across the face. She lazily waved her head in front of her, warding off those damn gnats this rainforest planet was crawling with.
Han started, the retort he had on the tip of his tongue dying in his mouth. He'd come stomping out through the trees and slippery mud to find her after she hadn't returned to base — it had been an hour since they got in that stupid argument in the hall and she'd stormed off.
He didn't care, he told himself, he just wanted to make sure she was alright before High Command tried to get on his ass about losing their precious princess.
He didn't care.
Leia sat on a boulder, her knees pulled up to her chest, still staring daggers at him.
"You care to share whatever the hell is wrong with you with the class, then?" Han muttered, gesturing around them at the empty clearing. She'd picked a pretty good spot to go pout, Han thought, staring out over a lofty view of vast greenery. Hoots of some kind of animal could be heard in the distance, as well as incessant buzzing from those stupid insects still swarming around them.
Han swatted at the back of his neck, wiping bug guts off on his damp bloodstripes, still sitting on the grass beneath her perch.
Leia grumbled, setting her chin angrily back down on her knees, ignoring his question.
"You know, I didn't peg you for someone who moped around." Han muttered, ripping at the long green grass. He could hear her scowl before he turned to see it.
"I'm not moping."
"Sure looks like moping to me."
"I don't recall asking for you input."
His chest lightened at her sharp response. If she was jumping all over his case, she had to be feeling normal again. The sad scene he'd walked into earlier made his stomach drop, seeing the princess with her head on her knees, staring out into the open with slumped shoulders and a forlorn look on her face.
"Yeah but you get it anyway." He turned his head, looking up at her, grinning. "Part of my charm."
She glared, but didn't disagree, once again staring angrily out over the view. He risked a poke at her leg, to which she swiftly kicked his hand out of the way, frowning.
"Come on, Princess. I won't tell."
"You will tell, you're the biggest gossip on base." She murmured, voice muffled against the skintight fabric of her athletic pants.
"Not true, Janson talks shit way more than I do." Han corrected, a finger in the air. She ignored him again, kicking loose rubble off her rock. He brushed the bits off his shoulder, clad in nothing but a thin white undershirt utterly soaked through with sweat. He heard a smack as Leia swatted at her arm, killing another bug.
Han let them stew in uncomfortable silence for a few moments, listening to the caw of birds in the trees above them, watching the sun start to sink over the green blanket that covered the entire landscape. After a few minutes a long, unhappy sigh came from above him, her hot breath hitting the top of his head in a way that made him shiver despite the heat.
He looked up at her, craning his neck to do so. She was already staring at him, her eyes having softened a bit, but only a touch, because a scowl still sat delicately on her lips.
"You're not going to leave until I say something, are you?"
"Nope." He emphasized, popping the 'p' sound at the end of the word. She groaned, letting her head fall, cradled by her palms.
"You're insufferable."
"You're stalling."
She grimaced, not meeting his gaze. He didn't mind, letting his own head fall back against the cool rock, his eyes drifting closed as the forest began to put itself to sleep. They were going to have to walk back soon, if they wanted a chance of making it to base with any light left. He didn't particularly feel like trying to rough it in these woods for the night, not without any gear.
"We met two years ago today." Leia breathed, her voice barely above a whisper.
That stone that dropped in his stomach grew to the size of her boulder, careening his entire body off balance. No wonder she'd been snippy today, he thought, before hating himself for it. He suddenly regretted his comment about moping — hell, she was entitled to mope for the next hundred years if she wanted to.
He knew she didn't.
Two years ago, he and Luke had helped bust her out of the Death Star. Two years ago that same weapon had destroyed everything she held dear, every person she'd loved and everyone who'd loved her. Two years ago he met the strongest person he'd ever known, and for the first time since that day, Leia was letting him see the cracks.
See her cracks, see where the emotion bled out, no matter how hard she tried to keep it in. She allowed him to see that as heavy as her title and position weighed — she was human, she was young, and she was alone.
Maybe even scared.
He didn't have words, not ones that could make any kind of difference. How could he speak for the loss of a billion souls? How could he attempt to put words to a home she'll never see again? He couldn't, he'd never be able to. That kind of pain was lifelong.
Han realized he'd been staring at her, and that for once that day, she wasn't glowering at him. Instead her face had turned... contemplative, sad. Like the girl he'd walked up on.
"I'm sorry, Sweetheart." He didn't know if he'd told her that before, that he was sorry for her loss. That day — so much happened before and after, there was never a moment, hell there was hardly a moment now. How did someone casually bring up the largest loss of someone's life without trivializing it?
Leia shook her head.
"I know. It doesn't change anything."
"It doesn't." He agreed, the pair falling into an uneasy silence again. Han couldn't solve her problems, he couldn't fix her broken heart — but he could get her back to base in one piece. He could make sure the bed she slept on tonight was a scratchy duraflex bunk, and not one made of leaves and twigs and whatever the hell else they'd find out here.
He could at least do that.
With a groan of effort, Han stood, stretching out his sore, tired limbs as the last of the sun's rays started to descend. They had at least a mile hike back to base, and this stupid planet got ridiculously cold at night for how hot it's days were.
He turned, offering his hand. Leia stared at it, like he'd offered her a frog to kiss instead, nose scrunched. Her gaze flicked to him, especially as he didn't lower it, giving her a look under raised brows.
"Pretty sure you'll just be a pile of bones if I leave you out here with these gnats overnight, Princess."
She huffed out a breath, snatching his hand out of the air and using it to pull herself off the rock, landing on deft feet without so much as a wobble.
She didn't immediately let go. He didn't either, staring at each other alone in the sunset. He didn't know how long the moment lasted — a minute, two, it could have been hours or seconds the way his heart started to race, anticipation mounting.
He could have stayed there forever, looking at her, trying to see through those impenetrable walls she often had in place, sticking his fingers in the cracks trying to wriggle them wider. But it wasn't the time, it wasn't the place. And it was really starting to get dark.
He let go, using his arm to instead sling it around her shoulder in a casual, affectionate manner, secretly glad she didn't immediately shove him off.
"Lets go, your highness. Before High Command really gives me shit. for chasin' you out into the woods."
miiiiitooo!! probably my first friend when i finally bullied myself into remaking a tumblr mid last year. for some reason you saw beyond all the ni313 to my mind and have been with me and millennium from the beginning! you have the most fun art style and every time i see one of your pieces on dash i swoooon, esp the chibi doodles and such, always so so good. genuinely such a kind fun goofy guy i love havin you around <3
My gmail sometimes crashes when I get too many ao3 notifs because it has ni313 flashbacks. I was a fanboy in the dark making ni313 fanart in the sides of my notes until BOOP moots in tumblr. And then suddenly I'm posting art of your works in ao3 and, as domi said before, talking about Han in drag 💞
my friiiiiiends 🫶 real ones still read my shit after neighbors bc i sure as hell wouldn’t
