It was Dec, 18th of 2023
Many little girls often daydream of walking down the aisle on the most joyous day of their life -- their wedding day. Heart racing, a nervous smile plastered across her glowing face, never once thinking that the man she's walking towards is hiding a secret that he's too afraid to share.
Many young woman envision meeting their soulmate, sharing their life with the person of their dreams, having a family, and living the life that's expected of them - married to a good man and being a supportive wife and mom.
Poorly, I met a man that torn apart inside by the secret He keeps that leads to heart-wrenching guilt, shame, and fear of failing everyone He knows.
it was December, 18th, 2023 when I found a chat from my husband's phone. It was a Gay app. Days later I confronted him, sadly He said "I don't know if I'm gay or straight, but yeah. I've been with many men." I was so shocked. I tried to not give up. But, here I am. Give up on this hard situation.
Many couples in a mixed-orientation marriage bravely join forces, standing tall in love, and vowing to get support for overcoming the wicked temptation of same-sex attraction. Prayer, therapy, retreats, hard work, and tear-stained conversations litter the landscape of marriage in defense mode, all in the name of "make it work, just make it work!", but I can't. In my honest opinion, Sexual orientation is much more than just sexual attraction or sex. Complicated.
For the first time in my life, I learned that I really did have to put my own oxygen mask on before I could assist anyone else. When I took care of myself, I was able to be more calm and loving toward my family.
The most important thing I did to take care of myself was daily journaling and prayer. I literally wrote my way to mental health in my prayer journal. I do believe Allah will Help me to Heal.
indak ka lari gunuang dikaja, indak ka kariang lauik ditimbo - Minang Proverb