genre ﹐ band au, (implied)college students, mixed media smau, strangers to friends, friends to lovers, guitar player&singer!kageyama
synopsis ﹐ you and kageyama meet at a festival in miyagi, one he’s performing in. he’s aloof and distant, and that draws you in, but there’s a longing you see in his eyes and a passion coursing though his veins at a pace no one knows, but you see it and it is real.
status ﹐ hiatus﹕ last update: 4.11.25
authors note ﹐I originally came up with this story in 2020 on wattpad….. making it bigger and better. and less confusing. I have no English classes this year and I’ve been deprived of my writing prompts ૮꒰っ˕‹̥̥̥ ꒱ა but I digress because here I am.
p.s.﹐all art in the banner is by YoaUuki on x, however edits are done by me.
𐂴 indicates writing in the chapter.
profiles ﹐ mamá y papá ⌗ the good the bad and the ugly ⌗ privs
cw ﹐ swearing, ky/ms jokes, probably mentions of sensitive topics, warnings will be on posts as needed.
« Mj what’s on your mind? » Oh nothing, just the fact that the song who are you? by saga faye is so rin and sae it pains me in a way words will never know.
Sae doesn’t know anything about Rin’s endeavors, he just thinks of it as another annoying little brother phase and nothing else of it. To Sae, Rins behavior is annoying—exasperated even—and one that will change with time.
To Rin, it’s so much more than that. Rather than building up the rest of his career in football with his brother, the pure drive of defeating him was his sole goal and that’s what carried and motivated him. To Rin, Sae was a complete stranger, where was the brother he grew oh so dear to before Spain? And why did their shared dream no longer matter to him?
Sae had deprived that dream and neglected it, it was nothing but a childish fantasy. One like that of becoming a super hero, being a billionaire, going to space, or being happy in the field of football. What childish thoughts he had outgrown far too quickly, but Spain was harsh, and bitter. Spain had no room for such thoughts.
Rin, who has to live in his brothers shadow for as long as they share a family name and those long, melancholic bottom lashes. A challenge that he’ll have to bear longer than he’d like. Even when Sae suffered a loss against Rin, their dynamic hadn’t changed. In fact, this weary win gave Rin a newfound hope—that was squandered as soon as it manifested.
The Itoshi brothers are my Roman Empire and it’s so RAAHHH because they make my insides rot from the inside out in the slowest, most gruesome, painful way possible. Doomed siblings my beloved.
note ﹐ this entire chapter is kags pov, dark mode will indicate kageyama texting. there is writing in this chapter as well.
wc ﹐ 0.7k (735)
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He had left his curtains open the night before, which allowed the sunshine and its bright warmth to come gleaming into the room. He'd always been a light sleeper, so feeling the extra warmth and seeing a change in lighting had caused him to stir awake. Like second nature, he grabbed at his phone and turned it on, squinting at it, he checked the reminder notification and it showed about his performance booked at hamasaki beach, somewhere in Miyagi. He threw his blankets off of him, then snapping the curtains shut, letting a sliver of light show and stumbled his way to turn on his lights, nearly tripping over a stray item on his floor, one overdue for a cleaning. He stifled a yawn, pulling his arms over his head and stretching, muscles slowly loosening and hearing his shoulders pop. Slipping through a door which leads to his bathroom, pulling a towel from his linen closet and shimmying it onto its designated warmer. Peeling his shirt over his head, throwing it half way into the hamper, he’ll fix that later, he told himself, his shorts followed suit. By now, the mirror was starting to fog up when he brought himself under the downpour, letting the water weigh down his hair and run down his toned body.
He sighed at his appearance, gunmetal eyes making contact with himself in the mirror and ran a hand through his slick, damp, ivory hair. He went to a room in his house, his grandfather had already left for work, so the rather large house was empty. As he walked down the corridor, his footsteps echoed—despite the quietness of them. He entered a white-walled room, his music room, and looked at his glossy black electric guitar, sliding it into a more suitable travel bag. The sound of the zipper rang through the dead atmosphere.
He slung the case onto his shoulder with a lack of concern, dipping down to grab his bag of essentials, grabbing it by the small thin loop. Now finding himself at his front door, he pulled his slippers off, shoving his feet into his shoes. His dull expression transformed into his lips forming a thin line in contemplation, reaching up to grab his keys off of a loop by the front door. He hummed for a moment in thought, briefly shaking his head, dropping his hand to his side and abandoning the keys. He trailed out the front door, closing it behind him and locking it, dragging his feet. Flipping his phone over, an hour and a half train ride wasn’t too bad. He shrugged his phone into his pocket loosely, as he worked his way to a seat on the train by a window, soon forgetting it as he stared out the glass pane of the blurred views.
After his aching body dulled down from sitting in a cramped up train, it began to roll to a steady stop, body still jerking forward at the full stop.. He inched through the crowd, brisk “excuse me’s” and “pardon me’s” rolling off his tongue. The call of his name made his head perk up, his gaze lazily scanning, landing on the staff member, he stalked his way over and eyed the crowd in letting out an awkward, "oh, uh, thanks," he stammered to the staff, his words rolling out from his throat in a slight gravelly voice. Sleep still in his eyes, he approached the door with his assigned number. He exhaled deeply as he twisted the doorknob until it allowed him to push it open, the metal was flush cold against the warmth of his hand, shutting the door with the nudge of his hip. Sitting himself into a chair, letting his things he brought litter itself along the vanity and any flat surface it could find itself on. Unsheathing his guitar, grabbing his cord and shoving the respective ports into his guitar, hand guiding along the wire to plug the other end into the amp. His hand snaked its way to the power button, and adjusted the knobs as needed. Easing his foot onto the pedals, skewing the sound, gliding his hands along the neck of the guitar and the tighter strings at the bottom. Drawing a deep breath from the depths of his chest as he started off with a mused hum, harmonizing with the eloquent sounds of the guitar made by his fingers.
authors note ﹐
This was so much harder than I remember hellur???
I haven’t written this kind of stuff in like actual years. At least not since 2020 and before, truly patting my past self on the back because holy shit??
Hmm, I didn’t really have an outfit for kageyama in mind. Probably like, baggy black slacks with a belt, white dress shirt, oversized leather jacket, a tie, and I’m specifically imagining 1461 smooth leather Oxford doc martens.
Dripped out fr.
Trying to include all of the characters in texts is SO hard like what the freak!!!!!
synopsis ﹐ the introspection of rin and sae’s relationship after sae’s return.
contains ﹐ angst, estranged brothers, frequent comparisons and metaphorical references, mostly centered around rin but 3rd person, insecurity, self doubt, swearing.
wc ﹐ .8k (897)
INCLUDES ﹐ Rin Itoshi, Sae Itoshi
art credit ﹐ nameta6_kp on x
authors note ﹐ happy Valentine’s day my loves 🫶
. . . MY GUILT WILL NOT PURIFY ME
As the full quote follows, "a dog that weeps after it kills is no better than a dog who doesn’t. my guilt will not purify me."
Who on god's green earth knew what happened to Sae in Spain. Any question about it was returned with a silent stare that encouraged not to push further—a warning, rather.
“Then quit,” “Don’t use me as your excuse to play soccer.” Sae had this new found hatred towards his little brother, who insisted they continue their dream they had. The dream they promised each other.
The air thick enough to snap with any push or pull, Rin choked on his tears on the ground whilst his older counterpart towered above him like a monarch. The quiet hum of the stadium lights bringing life to the field could be heard, though after their exchange of words, it felt like there truly was no more life worth lighting. Not even so much as a soul.
The snow swallows them thick, nearly as thick as Rin swallowing. The slow rise and fall of his adam’s apple trying to fetch the words caught in his throat, trying to reason with his brother.
Biting back the bitter taste of betrayal that rolled down his throat, to that like blood. Thick, and hard to swallow, a nasty taste forever burned into the back of Rin’s brain. Staining the once happy memories of his beloved sport and brother alike.
Maybe in the next universe, Rin could’ve been better. So it could’ve been him instead of Sae, hell, being enough to be alongside him would do. Maybe Sae wouldn’t have hushed his experience out like a cigarette, harsh and resolute. Or maybe he threw it away without a second thought after seeing the cruel reality that left no question for a new dream, one that meant abandoning his naive little brother. But why couldn’t have it been this one?
Maybe it was Sae’s pathetic attempt to save face on behalf of his brother. Showing him the kindness that the world refused to show him, though this reality that Sae thought he was presenting on a silver platter to Rin would ruin him much worse than the lack of kindness Spain showed Sae. In fact, this deteriorated ugly metal that resembled nothing like silver, and a cracked platter, was just plain ruthless and sadistic.
There was no warmth to Sae’s overlooked protection, just those cold, calculating eyes. One which stared at his counterpart on the floor, a sense of alienation and apathy brewing in the depths of his stomach. It felt like he was staring into a mirror of his past self.
Rin, the dog who cries. Sae, who does not. Guilt purifies none. If Sae would be so human to feel guilt for the pain he’s inflicted, but that’s too human for him, far too human. He feels no guilt, he’s done no wrong. Beyond his scope, to him, this was just a hassle. Another day, even. He chopped it up to little brother antics, never thinking anything of it passed that.
With the authority of that like a shark. Swift. Calculating. Always moving because he has no other option, craving almost ceaseless action. Enabling him to avoid acknowledging the abhorrent things he does. He is the biggest threat to himself. Losing is very well equal to death to Rin.
Everything up until this point, all of the suffocating anger boiling in his brain and finger tips, the most tiresome routine eating away at his well being. He was rotten to his core long ago, there was no satiating his never ending hunger. At some point between his nimble cries and now, surpassing his brother was just another day.
So when the day came, his flow state like a parasite. A brain eating amoeba. Unsightly. Messy. Manic. Deranged. Everything Rin was not. For one goal, literally (and figuratively).
“If only you’d stayed quiet at home, you could’ve died a quiet death,” That was the last thing that Rin had registered from Sae. Just for an instant, Rin was finally one step ahead. That one step made the whole game. Rin surpassed Sae, after all these years.
So what now?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
World Cup? Surely not, that’s far too easy for Rin Itoshi.
Keep going.
What?
Rin Itoshi just has to keep going. There’s no stopping him now.
Rin Itoshi surpassed that lukewarm, half-baked, shit-vomit, poor excuse of a big brother.
Recuperating on the side of the field, mind hazy. He’s himself again, not unsightly. Not messy, nor manic. And certainly not deranged.
Sae approached Rin, who was on the ground. This seems achingly familiar. It’s fucking disgusting, Rin thinks. This resurfaces feelings he didn’t even know he had. Maybe good things were coming out of this altercation this time?
Rin couldn’t have been more mistaken.
In fact, coming out of it, Rin hated Sae and Isagi more than walking onto the field. Who knew that was possible. To Sae? That’s just his little brother, he’s ignorant to anything less than important. To him, it was just another day. Still no guilt to be had, still no purity. To Rin, Sae was dirty. A nobody.
Through turbulence, hidden patterns and desires, he has rebirthed himself. Like a jelly fish, following suit of transformation and embracing impermanence in himself.
Rin, no longer a crying dog; so far beyond feeling guilt.
