she skips into the room with a wide smile on her lips, hair flying wildly around her as she makes her way through the door way and to the center of the large practice room. she’d been in such a good mood lately ( minus the off night she’d had ) and getting an invitation to train with the elder was almost like a blessing in disguise. not only would it remind her what it meant to be a trainee ( really, it felt like the company was being lenient with her due to the drama ) but it would finally take her attention off of the script she’d been staring at for hours.
[ text – WRONG # ] I sometimes feel like Jace replaced me with them.
[text]: you definitely just texted the wrong number so now i’m just wondering 1. who the hell you’re talking about me to and 2. who you think i replaced you with????
[text]: why couldn’t you just come to me about this?? we could’ve worked it out, whatever it is
jackson rubbed at his eyes, pouting as his back screamed in protest of sleepless nights in uncomfortable positions. he couldn't sleep in his bed at night, especially when yao wasn't home. he sighed, reaching down to scratch his stomach. “then where are you going to sleep, munchkin?” jackson mumbled, sleep laced in his voice as he attempted to look up at the younger boy.
he hadn’t properly spoken to minam properly in god knows how long, finding himself busy with the long time scandal and its aftermath to even bother catching up with his band mates. he felt a pang in his heart when he realized the sad truth. jackson frowned, before slowly standing up, taking a moment to notice the time, still early morning.
“let’s go,” jackson mutters, patting minam’s head in what he hoped was a motion of comfort, as he wrapped his arms around his shoulder and leaned in towards the other’s figure. minam was still so young, still so full of potential, yet so weighed down by things jackson wasn’t aware of.
“i love you buddy.” he wasn’t sure if he had said the words out loud or had kept them inside his mind but a moment later he was asleep, arms tangled around the younger male’s bod.
i wish you would stop smiling all thetime. quite frankly it annoys me. it annoys me how you think you can’t talk tome and tell me when you feel down because i feel as if perhaps you don’t thinkof me as a close friend. then again, that would make me a hypocrite considering i don’t do the same for you. but minam— you’re still young. of course we don’t have such a huge difference in age, but at heart you’re still a child that’s been through too much, forced to mature early. eat some ice cream, skip practice to sleep in, live. let me in.tell me what’s wrong with jace, because we’re a family. we need to stick together. i’m afraid ACE will end up like my old family, a distant memory. i love you.
dear jace,
my sugar plum princess. sometimes i think you and minam are more alike than we all think. i wish you would open up to me too, my little jester. you always manage to get a smile out of me and i love that i can trust you with anything— although then again it’s something i still need to work on. i love you but opening up is so hard. it’s so hard taking off this mask that has become reality. i’m sad inside and i don’t know how to fix it. i feel so alone. i wish i could share my pain with you but it’s not your burden to bear. also i wish you would inform me of what’s going on with minam. smile more, it suits you. i love you.
dear yao,
hyung, you’re my best friend. sure you talk in your sleep, but sometimes when i can’t sleep at night, i like waking you up just so we can talk. and i love that you just go along with it, no questions. i admire how strong you’ve been the past few years, leading us through this journey and i’m glad to say i look up to somehow as beautiful as you— inside and out. always stay happy and continue to look after me. i wish i could express how much i truly appreciate having you in my life but it’s so hard to be genuine sometimes. sometimes i wake up crying and i have to cover myself and calm down so you don’t see. i don’t want you to worry, because i’ll be okay. maybe not now, maybe not ever, but for you and the boys, i’ll be okay. i love you.
dear xander,
my little cutie. everything about you makes me want to reach out and cling to you like a koala bear. i have this overwhelming urge to protect you from the evil in this world and make you laugh and smile and bake you some of my famous cookies. i don’t think a lot of people know how invested i had been in baking back home in l.a but i love it and making sugar cookies for you everyday is something i’m down to you. thank you for listening and making me feel better when i fuck up in life. please— smile forever and beyond. i love you.
i’d like to start off by apologizing for being so difficult these past few years. i’m not sure how you’ve managed to put up with me after all this time, and i can’t thank you enough for it. you’ve always been like an older brother to me from the very beginning – always looking out for me, and motivating me, and teaching me, and there’s nothing i appreciate more than the fact that you let me teach you, too. you never brush off anything i say or second-guess me just because i’m the youngest of all of us. you’ve made me so much more confident, and i like to think that a lot of the qualities that have made grow up to be a much better person are ones that i’ve acquired after spending so much time around you. you’re really wonderful, and there’s nobody else in the world that i’d prefer for eliza. you’re both perfect for each other, really, and i can’t wait to be really annoying at your wedding. i promise to work hard for you both and make you both proud. i love you.
unsent letter #3:
dear jackson,
there’s always been something about you that has brought out a better side of me. i think it’s this same thing about you that also manages to convince me that everything will be okay when i feel like everything is falling apart. i know we’re always pinned as being the troublemakers of the group, but i really wish people would see that there’s more to our friendship than just pulling pranks and making jokes. i like to think that it’s pretty evident that we care for each other a lot, and even though we avoid emotional subjects at all costs, we’re both well-aware that we’ll always be here for one another. although, i have to admit that i do wish you were a little less hesitant when it came to telling me what’s wrong. i know you don’t wanna worry me, but i promise i’m not the same 14 year-old i was when you first met me. i’m a lot more mature now, and i like to think that i know how to handle things. i wanna be there for you as much as possible and i promise i would be if you’d just let me. but i guess this goes both ways, and i’m sorry. we’ll work on it. i love you.
unsent letter #4:
dear xander,
sometimes you make me forget that i’m the youngest out of all of us. and i don’t mean that in a bad way at all, i promise. there’s just something about you that makes me wanna shield you from all the bullshit and the negativity that the world has to offer, and i guess that’s because i don’t know how you’d ever handle being confronted with something like that. now that i think about, that really worries me. i don’t completely doubt that you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but i’d definitely much prefer to be there with you if trouble ever arises. anyways, i really enjoy having you around. your company is always much appreciated, and sometimes i find myself random realizing how important it is to me to have you around. you always make me feel like my presence is actually wanted, too, and that really matters to me, because sometimes i just kinda feel like a nuisance. i’m sorry if i ever bother you. i don’t mean to. thanks for being such a great friend, i love you.
unsent letter #4:
dear minam,
where do i even start? i guess i should just flat out apologize, considering that we obviously aren’t on very good terms right now and we haven’t been for a few days. i don’t know what’s going on, but i feel like it’s my fault, and not knowing how to fix it is really fucking with my head. but i know we’ll work it out soon. until then, i guess all i can do is hope that you’re happy. and i mean that – i really do hope that you’re happy, even if that entails not having me around as much. it’s shitty, and seeing you get so close to someone else kinda hurts, but i’ll be okay. fuck, i just sounded really selfish, didn’t i? i’m sorry. there’s just a lot going on with me right now and more often than not, i think it’s better if we keep our distance for a while. it doesn’t feel right and i miss you, but something tells me that it’s best. in the meantime, i hope you’re starting to realize how great you are. i’ve always noticed how hard you are on yourself and the truth is that you have no reason to be. you’re really great at everything you do, even tearing “fashionable” holes into expensive clothing. the more i write, the more i miss you, and lord knows i don’t want that, so – take care.
