39. Mobtale
I like the way you think, Anon. Absolutely brilliant. This was so much fun to write!
39. “I can’t believe no one has spiked the eggnog yet”“I can’t believe no one has spiked the eggnog yet,” Sans commented offhandedly. It was the annual mafia holiday party, and one of the most well-known secrets about these parties was that somehow, inexplicably, the eggnog always ended up getting spiked.“What do you mean? I just did.” Undyne replied, having overheard him. Sans immediately set the cup of eggnog he’d recently picked up back on the table, feeling very fortunate he hadn’t tried any yet. If there was one thing everyone in the mafia knew, it was that you should never drink anything spiked by Undyne. She never did anything halfway- if she was going to spike something, she was going to put at least three liters of beer into it.Sans was honestly shocked no one was drunk yet. Then again, if she’d only just spiked it, maybe no one had tried any of the spiked eggnog yet. Which was probably good, because now he could warn his brother-“SAAAAAAAAAANS THE EGGNOG IS SOOOOOO GOOOOOD!” Or not. Seemed like Papyrus had just tried some. Sans sighed.“UNDYNEEEEE YOU GOTTA TRY THE EGGNOG!” Papyrus continued.“Okay, Punk!” Undyne agreed, before drinking an entire cup in one gulp. Sans just stared at her in disbelief. Did she really just drink eggnog that she herself had spiked?“EYYYYY NOW IT’S A PARTY!” Undyne shouted. Yes. Yes she had.Sans sighed again. Even if no one else got drunk, these two by themselves were going to be a handful. And as Papyrus’ brother, he would be taking the responsibility to keep him out of trouble, which was hard enough when he wasn’t drunk. Then Toriel, who had arrived late and somehow missed the fact that Undyne and Papyrus were drunk, took a sip of eggnog.The trio, as well as Asgore, who tried the eggnog shortly afterwards, were soon rambling on about nonsense and very clearly drunk. Sans would have thought by now everyone would have realized the eggnog had been spiked, but Alphys drank some eggnog anyway. Muffet and Grillby also drank some eggnog, Muffet to prove she wouldn’t get drunk, and Grillby because he had bet that she would get drunk after ten seconds, but on the technicality it had only taken her nine seconds, he lost the bet and had to drink eggnog as well.It occurred to Sans that he was now the sole sober occupant of the room, and he sighed yet again. These parties always turned out this way, it seemed. Now it was up to him to keep all of them out of trouble. Which might have been feasible if there were fewer of them, or at least someone else to help him, but as it was he doubted he would last long before giving up and passing out from exhaustion.Sure enough, he found himself rushing around, attempting to keep the others from breaking property, running outside shouting various secrets, or trying to cook pasta while drunk.Yes, Papyrus and Undyne decided to have a cooking lesson in the middle of the party.No, Sans was not going to foot the bill for the stove Undyne destroyed with a spear, because she was the one who broke it in the first place as well as the reason everyone was drunk.Finally, everyone had calmed down and was playing a game of truth or dare- though Sans always shot down any ideas for dares that might legitimately be dangerous before they could be fully suggested- and Sans finally had somewhat of a breather.Tiredly, Sans reached for the ketchup, and took a long sip. Only to look at Undyne in confusion when she fist-pumped the air.“I SPIKED THE KETCHUP TOO!”Shoot.Welp. Sans was tired of babysitting grown adults anyway.Finishing off the bottle, he joined the others at their game.When he awoke the next day, he found Papyrus clutching a spoon, Undyne asleep beneath a tent of spears, Toriel asleep wearing Alphys’ glasses- and Alphys searching anxiously for them by crawling around reaching in front of her with her hands, grabbing various items excitedly before realizing they weren’t her glasses and putting them back with a sigh- and Asgore covered in pillows.Which confused Sans, because he was pretty sure there weren’t that many pillows in the room the previous day.Then he noticed some torn wrappers on the ground, and realized someone had literally gone to a store, stolen a bunch of pillows, and came back to cover Asgore in them.“why are you like this?” he muttered, looking around the room at his sleeping friends.