i am a mid 20s nb lesbian and an autistic multiply disabled person. and yes, i do think its hilarious how cringy tumblrina that description sounds.
in spite of the sort of person that description might invoke the mental image of, ive been around the block as far as opinions go. i have been on most sides of trans discourse at some point, from tucute to transmed to hardline anti-trans & anti-gender identity gender critical.
thats the summary right there. continue on if you wanna read the moderately sized ramble.
i have had lifelong sex incongruency, and due to various situations and experiences, ive had a lot of reasons to really struggle with that aspect of myself. and given that, it makes sense that i fell into a place where i was trying my hardest to detach this personal, pervasive, deeply impactful experience of my existence, from myself. to cleanse my sense of self and identity from being "infected" by this part of me.
i was hurting, and i was told this was how i could heal myself. to reidentify and detach my dysphoria from my sense of self, even if its just as important a part of me to my lived experiences as my sex. i found i really could not relate to most desisters and reidentifiers in my mental experience. all the ways i was given that i should have been able to heal myself according to radfem desisters didnt help me as i couldnt relate to them in the first place.
but still, i tried to make myself relate. i tried so i could try to fix myself. but it ultimately only served to frustrate me, not help. in fact, i often even found myself frustrated with the thought process of realizing that my sense of estrangement from and dislike for myself over my dysphoria that i was only reinforcing with this attitude is how i could *actually* relate to what was being said much of the time, except applied to my sex incongruency, rather than applied to my sex. ironic, isnt it?
eventually i realized how depressed this was making me and how destructive this hardline sort of attitude was for me, how it wasnt helping me in any way, but only serving to reinforce a trauma driven disdain for this part of myself.
i love being prompted and asked about my thoughts, especially pertaining to dysphoria/sex incongruency, and my personal journey regarding how i have reached where i am now, so feel free to shoot over an ask here asking me to respond, or feel free to just send it right to my personal acc @tervenby
⭐ Pairings: Xiao, Dottore, Amber x Reader (separate) ⭐
💙 Warnings: Suggestive themes at the end of Dottore’s, read at your own risk
Part one of who knows what of what kinds of dates the Genshin characters would like/take you on. Feel free to make direct asks of what characters you would like to see me cover! - ❄ Mod Glaceon ❄
More under the cut!
- Amber
This outrider’s idea of a date isn’t exactly conventional, and I’d say that’s a good thing. Amber can be a bit childish when it comes to things outside of work, her many gliding license suspensions are plain proof of that, so her dates will pretty much reflect that. Any date the two of you have will be completely on a whim, whether it be a glider race or finishing your commissions together if you run into each other in the Mondstadt wilds. However there is one thing that she would probably plan ahead for if she were to actually *ask* you out on a date. First she would take you out for a picnic in the Mondstadt gardens, having Sara from Good Hunter prepare you some Sticky Honey Roast beforehand, Amber swears this was to save time but you know full well she spent hours trying to cook some for you but ended up burning it every time. Next she’d find something to pass the time, perhaps taking you out to Brightcrown Canyon to look at the ruins scattered around the hills. She’ll spend hours telling you about the ruins, pointing out the foundation of a house where she claims the Ragnvindr Clan of old used to reside. Finally she’ll drag you out to Starsnatch Cliff to watch the stars, she’ll point out each constellation and tell you how she learned where they were, she talks about the hundreds of times she camped out in the wilds without a tent because either high winds or wild animals destroyed her tent. With every new thing she tells you her eyes light up, and you could almost get lost in their golden depths.
- Xiao
If you want to go on a date with Xiao, you’d have to be the one to ask him, and that doesn’t always mean he’ll go along with it. Lucky for you he agreed after you proposed a cooking date in the Wangshu Inn kitchen. Smiley Yanxiao was a hassle to deal with but he eventually agreed to let you two use the kitchen, however when you and Xiao arrived at the kitchen, the only aprons present were two pink kitty themed aprons, clearly a prank on Yanxiao’s part. After Xiao finally got over his embarrassment relating to the apron, you two set out to recreate Xiao’s favorite dish, Almond Tofu. Through many…. *many* bits of trial and error, the two of you manage to make something that, well, resembles the dish. Xiao took a bite of the gelatinous mass and quickly spit it out in the trash, of course neither of you are cooks. The two of you, well, *you* laughed it off, Xiao simply scoffed and stated “Cooking is such a trivial matter, why do you mortals even bother.” but there was a clear sense of amusement in his voice. In the end, you had Yanxiao make you the dish, but not without being laughed at by the man for the aprons he left you.
- Dottore
Dottore isn’t a date person, but he will allow you to accompany him in his laboratory. Try to take a peek in his books and he’ll quickly agree to take you out on the town just to keep you out of his work. He’ll take you out shopping, using his status as a harbinger to get better deals on the items you were looking at. If you decide not to get something because you think it's too expensive, he’ll push you to the side and grab it, taking it up to the counter and paying for it before you can voice your protests. He’s not vocal about his affection, in fact it’s something that’s very difficult for him, but that just means he’ll show it through gift giving and doing things for you. While the date might have been your idea, he takes charge of it very quickly, after taking you out shopping, he takes you to the fanciest restaurant he can think of, you know, one of those restaurants that have a dress code? Anyways, he’ll end the night by taking you to a tavern, which eventually leads to him taking you home and-- I’m sure you can imagine what comes next. ;)
I was driving my crush home after dinner and she asked me to drive her to a certain spot to catch a swinub and it took long enough that when I was driving to drop her off we got to watch the sunset together
You’re not even being nuanced in the first place. Anyone can tell that you’re severely biased towards a certain side.
being nuanced doesnt mean being centrist my guy idk what to tell u
i do wonder which side anon might mean though considering how vitriolic rf can be. like i would think anon is saying we r "too radfem" but with how rabidly anti trans/anti gender identity some rf can be i still gotta wonder
the deranged lgbt spaces post is so true. I used to be supportive of lgbt spaces and rights when it was easy to understand for cishet people. lgbt involved sexuality at most back then and the idea was simple, it's okay to have sexual attraction of any kind, hetero or homo. But now I don't see the sexuality spaces much, it's cluttered with gender stuff and trans stuff. The number of terms and definitions have increased so much even tho I have been in these spaces for a while now, I don't know what half the terms means. What's the difference between transmasc and transman? transwoman and transfem? Why does every experience need to have a term, why can't an experience just remain that. When you define an experience, you give it a box in only which it can exist. And that's sad, experiences can be varied and undefined - relatable or unrelatable. Idk where I'm going with this lol but guess I have a lot in my mind :-| correct me if I went wrong
personally i feel like the real way it goes wrong isnt having terminology to describe experiences; its the way its handled.
when i was trying to desist and just see myself as a dysphoric woman and not express myself as some shade of nb and let myself feel comforted by various terms and pride stuff i really did just feel like i was inhibiting myself and basically trying to train myself out of seeing my sex incongruency as as fundamental to me as it really is. And for me personally, having ways to communicate my experiences without a whole mouthful, a "sort" of person that it makes me, is really helpful. honestly even just for the fact im a very "i like sorting things into boxes that make sense to me" autistic.
and like, honestly. identities and forms of self expression that could be considered sorts of "gender identities" has always been part of lesbian communities, and even just, other sorts of identity labelling too.
the problem arises when;
1, everyone is supposed to know what these things mean lest youre hatecriming them
2, people try to project these experiences onto others, insisting it MUST be something every person on the planet has an equivalent of "just like sexuality" when it really *is not*
3, it turns a corner into being dissociated from reality and claiming that entirely unrelated concepts have to do with """gender""" and thus obscuring the experiences of sex dysphorics while also promoting a sense of disreality in the community. this then circles back to problem 1, or ig a modification of it where "that doesnt make any sense" is similarly a hatecrime
and, the original spirit of such means of expression honestly was not like this at *all*. these terms were meant as a way to chill the fuck out lol. like. actual self expression, not the existential crises i see people have over these things
also im not sure if youre actually asking about transmasc vs transman etc, but generally transmasc is an umbrella for females who either have gender identities or are transitioning and is less specific than "transman" in order to cover the "grey area" as well as the experiences both collectively have. like; i personally feel "transman" insinuates expecting to be exclusively referred to as male pronouns, etc etc etc. but there is, and always has been, a grey area between living as "fully" trans, and not having any sort of gender fuckery experiences at all.
like i definitely beyond see all the problems with how people of these sorts of experiences have ABSOLUTELY been derailed by the mainstream and emphasizing concepts in the worst possible ways, and i can totally appreciate what ur saying, but i dont necessarily thing putting words to our experiences is inherently the problem as opposed to the compulsory, over-self-analytical and dissociative nature of it all
-mod glaceon
