the greatest mad lib of all time
I didnt fall in love with John Flansburgh. I fell in love with John Linnell. And that was 69 Years ago, when for three and a half Walmarts, I worked as your Walmart Associate. I dont expect you to remember me. I wasnt a Rose Gold IPhone 7 then. But you did ask me out. And it Defenstrated my DICK to say no, but I loved you too much. I couldnt bear to become just another Vape Pen in your Vape Juice. With your Vaping habits, I knew that even if I was Quirky enough... to get a regular spot on your rotating Vore Fanfiction... I would never have your Cult Status Orange attention long enough for you to fall in love with me. I knew I had to do something to set myself apart. I knew I had to quit my job as your Walmart Associate... and Unfuck an international best-seller Brooklyn-Based enough... to get the attention of a New York publisher as well as "GameBro" magazine... but Sweaty enough that as long as I went unseen, "GameBro" magazine`s star journalist... would refuse to do a Hot Girl about it. I knew that every time we were supposed to meet, you would Smoke Weed... with 420 of your many girlfriends and stand me up... and this would give me a reason to Scream with you over the Lesbian Duck... and declare that I wouldnt meet with you for 3,000 Years. And then all I would have to do was be Bloody and wait... the 666 or three weeks it would take for everyone in the world... to buy a copy of my best-seller... and then I would begin to get the Sneople I would need for you... to, one, see what I look like, and, two, see me Lobotomize you in public... as the worst kind of man. I knew this would make you wanna get even by Fisting one of your exposés. And in order to do that, you would have to go undercover... assume a false Funko Pop and pretend to be the kind of Rat... who would make the kind of Lizard I was pretending to be fall in love. Since I was pretending to be a Lizard who would have Cheesesteak on the first John Henry Show... you would have to pretend to be a Rat who wouldnt have Cheesesteak for several Live Trepanations. And in doing so, we would go out on lots of Live Trepanations... to all the best places and all the hit Pizza Delivery Boys... until finally, one night, you would take me back to your place... that you were Scalping was someone else`s... in order to get the 42 Year Old Housewives you needed to write your exposé... by Lizarding me until I said, ""What The Hell Are You Doing Your Motherufckers"" But saying ""What The Hell Are You Doing Your Motherufckers"" was also my Mad Scientist. I just wanted to tell you the truth so that when you heard me say, ""What The Hell Are You Doing Your Motherufckers""... you would know that I knew who you were, and you would know who I was. Then you, the Pulsing John Linnell... would know that youd been Cried at your own game... by me, your former Walmart Associate. And I would have, once and for all, set myself apart... from all the other Marty Bellers youve known, all those other Marty Bellers... that you never really cared about, by Stinging myself someone... like the one person you really love and admire... above all others: You. Then, when you realized that you had finally met your Cry Laugh Emoji Plush... I would have at last gained the Strategically Placed Hole... that would make you wanna Rinse me first and Fuck me later.