My Only Direction: Chapter 13
The boys and Rose all trudged sleepily through Edinburgh Airport. Rose, despite having only slept for two hours last night, from freaking out, could feel her body buzzing with excitement. Their first stop was in California and Rose couldn’t wait.
*
Soph woke up to find a winter wonderland awaiting her. She hadn’t believed the reports of heavy snow, but as she looked out of her window, she saw the entire street was covered in a thick blanket of white.
Soph shuffled over to the bathroom with more of a spring in her step, plugging in an earphone and blasting her music loudly in a bid to wake up quicker. As she turned on the light over the mirror, Soph grimaced. Messy hair tied away from her face, pink cheeks, swollen lips, an unhappy pout, a brown tank top and plaid PJ bottoms made Soph on a weekday morning.
Soph started brushing her teeth with her electric toothbrush, still frowning sleepily at her reflection.
Soph had decided she wasn’t going to wallow. She’d had a life before meeting One Direction. Sure, it had still included One Direction, but in a different way.
The hardest part was going to be not being able to talk to Rose as regularly as Soph was used to. Soph normally had a sort of rota – when Harry was busy, she could talk to Rose and vice versa. Now, they were both on the same time zone. And hanging out with each other.
Not that Soph felt jealous of Rose. If anything, she was ecstatic that Rose was fitting so well into Soph’s close niche of friends, especially when Rose was so important to her. On a normal day, Soph may have only been slightly worried about Harry giving Rose a false idea, but with all the drama Rose had going on... Soph allowed her reflection a sleepy smile. Not a chance.
“Morning.” Adam grunted, practically comatose, as Soph spat into the sink. “They argued again early this morning, they both left for work early.” Adam told Soph tiredly, nudging his big sister gently with his hip as he reached over for his toothbrush.
“I heard. It was about four, wasn’t it?” Soph asked offhandedly, watching as Adam plugged in his own iPod. iPods weren’t just coping mechanisms, or methods of waking up quickly. iPods were a way of life. She switched with Adam, heading for the smaller mirror as she dried her face and began to apply some moisturizer.
“Yeah.” Adam mumbled through a mouthful of toothpaste. “Dad left around five, then Mum went about ten minutes after he did. I think she wanted to talk about it, but you weren’t awake.”
“Not at that ungodly hour.” Soph muttered, shaking out her hair as Adam spat into the sink and began to wash his face. “Have you seen the weather outside?”
“Yes.” Adam groaned. “Gone are the days when snow was fun, I’m going to be late to school, it’s going to mess up the Tube.”
“Tell you what.” Soph said, suddenly feeling bad. Part of the reason her and Adam barely spoke was because after work she’d pop in to see the boys, when Adam was exhausted from his trek back from school. “Be ready in twenty minutes, max, and I’ll give you a ride. We can get breakfast together. I don’t care if it’s a good school or not, breakfast clubs will always be nasty.”
Adam pulled the towel away from his face, to stare at his sister in shock.
“You’ll give me a lift?” Adam said, sounding stunned. “You rock.”
“I know.” Soph told him smugly. “Now go and get changed.” Soph reluctantly pulled out a bottle of Bobbi Brown tinted moisturizer, grimacing at it. “I have to coat my face and look like a boss.”
“You always look like a boss.” Adam told his big sister nicely, before running a hand through his messy dark hair. “And I need to use the loo, so...”
“Urgh, go on then, I won’t look.” Soph muttered, ignoring the fact that Adam had privacy issues at eleven. “Do you think I have to actually wear this goo?”
“Yes, nobody will take you seriously otherwise.” Adam replied, refusing to empty his bowels with his twenty-one year old sister in the room. “Now go away, you have a mirror in your room!”
“The lighting isn’t the same.” Soph grumbled, taking her make-up and leaving.
*
The new 1D jet was stunning. It was spacious, luxurious and had the perfect balance between private space and open space.
“Rose!” Liam yelled, smiling and patting the vacant space beside him.
Rose’s eyes grew wide. No. Not right now.
Panicking, Rose scoured the area and dived for the nearest safe-haven possible.
“Mind if I sit here?” Rose asked slightly breathlessly, Harry pulling down his Ray Bans to stare at her in surprise.
Harry glanced over at a confused and slightly hurt looking Liam, then back at Rose’s desperate face.
“’Course not.” Harry smiled, shaking his head by the tiniest amount as Liam went to walk over. “Welcome to my office!”
Rose smiled in relief and sat herself down, Harry shuffling slightly, so the ankle he’d propped onto his knee didn’t kick Rose in the thigh.
“Avoiding Liam, I see.” Harry said cheerfully, placing an arm on the back of Rose’s seat. Rose thought nothing of it, not seeing the signal Harry gave Liam to wait. “What’s new, apart from Liam finally coming out of the closet?”
“Lily definitely would have spoken to Ryan by now.” Rose murmured, yawning. “And I can’t bring myself to face up to that. And if I don’t deal with that, I can’t deal with Liam, so...”
“You’re sitting with me and Louis instead?” Harry offered.
“No, actually, Louis ditched you for Zayn.” Rose motioned to her head, where Louis was prodding a very sleepy and irritated looking Zayn curiously. “Did you see what happened with him and Soph?”
“What, last night?” Harry’s face turned serious. “At the fair? No, I thought Soph might have told you.”
“We haven’t managed to talk yet; she’ll be getting ready for work.” Rose told him, cuddling her pink Care Bear.
“Hey.” Harry sat up, smiling. “It’s the one I won you last night!”
“I’d like you to meet Penny.” Rose said happily, making Penny tap Harry’s nose. “Hello, Harry, thank you for saving me for the horrible machine.” Rose made Penny say in a voice Harry presumed was meant to be one of a bear’s.
“Hello Penny.” Harry managed to laugh, shaking Penny’s hand as Rose blushed slightly at her silliness. “Nice to meet you.” Harry looked up at Rose. “Are you and Penny excited to go on tour?”
“Yes.” Rose said decisively, sneaking a glance at Liam. He was watching her, waiting with a reassuring smile. Rose probably wanted to talk to Harry about Soph or something. Liam was getting insecure and protective for no reason. Just because Rose used to have a thing for Harry, didn’t mean she had it now. “It’ll definitely be interesting, right?”
Harry smiled down at Penny with an amused expression.
“Yeah, definitely.” Harry grinned.
*
A little while later, Soph and Adam were shivering in Soph’s Porsche Boxster, turning the seat heating as high up as it would go. They’d sort of gotten into a snow-fight when they’d left the house. Adam, in his plain shirt, V-neck and school trousers, was shivering loudly. Soph had thrown off her coat. She was wearing black jeans, a dusty-orange, warm and large V-neck sweater and a pair of light brown ankle boots, with a thick scarf, coat and gloves, the latter of which was now drying in the back, with Adam’s bag and coat.
“Why did we do that?” Adam managed to croak, shaking.
“I don’t know.” Soph laughed, playing the radio.
It took them an extra twenty minutes to get to Central London in the snow, even though the city looked beautiful. Thankfully, Soph’s car had all the specific gadgets to keep them safe. Her parents had split the bill for Soph’s custom-made Porsche, her well-done for managing to get a 1:1 in English at Cambridge University. It was Soph’s baby.
It was a slick black, the convertible roof black, too. Sports wheels, the Porsche crest emblazoned in the middle and on the seats, too. Black leather interior. Every single gadget Soph would ever need.
She’d already stated that she’d marry it, if it was legal.
They settled on Starbucks for breakfast, because anywhere decent like Selfridges or John Lewis was too much of a trek in the snow. They sat in the one above River Island, overlooking a snow-topped Oxford Street.
Soph watched as Adam brought over a tray of their breakfast of choice.
Adam had bought some apple juice – steamed, Soph had insisted, otherwise he’d catch a cold – and a hot croissant for breakfast, plus a sandwich he’d have for lunch, complete with a muffin and to-go smoothie.
Soph couldn’t eat very much in the mornings anyway, especially knowing the boys would be gone soon. But she ordered something anyway; some raspberry and peach yoghurt and her usual cup of steaming skinny cinnamon latte.
It was just as Soph was almost snorting her yoghurt up her nose as Adam did a scarily good impression of their father, when she got the text.
About to take off miss you already :( Harry
“Are you okay?” Adam asked suddenly, seeing his sister’s face falter.
“Mhmm.” Soph replied, forcing a smile and texting Harry a few kisses back, wishing him a safe journey. “Yeah, so then what happened?” Soph listened, smiling as Adam continued, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as she remembered last night’s goodbye.
*
“I’ve just text Soph.” Harry shouted over his shoulder, to where the rest of the boys were all buckled up.
“We’ve sent our messages.” Niall nodded, knowing Soph would feel lonely, the cold weather not helping. Their flight had almost been cancelled and in a way, Niall wished it had been. The snow would have been perfect for a giant snow-fight and considering Rose had never seen snow before, it’d be a double-whammy. “Right, Zayn?”
Niall turned to see Zayn pretending to sleep, his headphones on, his eye quickly closing as he saw Niall looking at him.
“Don’t be a dick, Zayn.” Niall sighed. “Did you even say goodbye to her properly?”
“It’s none of your fucking business.” Zayn muttered, shifting over in his seat. “Sorry, Rose, I know she’s your mate and everything.”
“Hey, you’re the one who’s been defending her virtues with pizza, she’s all yours.” Rose replied, smirking as Zayn stared at her in surprise. “What, you honestly expect us to believe you hate her after last night?”
Zayn said nothing, glancing around at the knowing expressions of his four bandmates and Rose.
He couldn’t understand it. How was it they were all sure they understood Soph and his relationship – if you could even call it that – when Zayn himself didn’t?
Zayn had been up all night – excuse the pun – trying to work out what had happened between him and Soph by that goddamn caravan yesterday. He couldn’t understand it. Zayn had always been the smooth one, the slick one, the guy with all of the moves. But then yesterday...
What had that even been? If any of the other boys had gotten themselves into a similar situation, Zayn would have been the first to name the girl crazy and the entire situation just weird. But, despite the lacking aspect of care in Zayn and Soph’s messed up allegiance, not for a second had last night seemed random, or rushed. The intensity hadn’t been disproportionate to them.
Which was what Zayn found weird, more than anything else.
What was wrong with him? He’d never let a girl get under his skin this much. Forget that, how could he be obsessing over Soph when he’d barely gotten over Dianna leaving him for who Soph had described as a drug- see, he was doing it again! How was Soph in his head all of the time?
Last night, if he was honest with himself, had been no exception. And he’d never, ever lost control like that before. Soph had been niggling away at the back of his mind for long enough. The problem was, Zayn couldn’t even pin it to a specific moment and then deal with it – it just felt like Soph had always been there, at the back of his head, whispering weird Soph stuff. It was driving him crazy. It didn’t bear thinking about, what he may have done last night, hadn’t Louis interrupted them.
For goodness sake, they’d been talking about rape! He’d been saying he was a rapist!
But that wasn’t fair to himself. After all, whilst he’d been saying that, Soph had been encouraging him. And rape isn’t rape if it’s consenting.
And if Soph was consenting to sex with him, what did that mean?
Zayn tried to shake away the thought. Where was he even going with that? He needed to stop.
But the way she’d been standing there... Zayn fought an involuntary shiver, that was headed to go down his spine. He fumed at the thought of shivering. But even so, the way she’d been standing there. Her back against the caravan, her body leant forwards. The way she’d been standing there...
Zayn realized with a start that he’d zoned out when everyone was staring at him.
He couldn’t even remember the question.
“Whatever.” Zayn suddenly muttered defensively, putting on his Beats and playing his music as loudly as he could.
Urgh. He was going to kill Soph. He could almost one hundred percent guarantee Soph wasn’t thinking about him at all, let alone at that moment.
*
As it happened, Soph had just dropped Adam off to school and was thinking of Zayn as she waited in the snowy traffic, listening to some One Direction.
She didn’t really know what had happened last night, either. Zayn probably wasn’t giving it a second thought, especially if his behaviour when they’d said goodbye had been anything to go by.
Had Soph unwittingly insulted him? She hadn’t mean to.
Soph sat up with a start and told herself to get a grip, muttering under her breath in the warm car. Who cared if she’d insulted him? When she wasn’t trying, she gave him her best insults and he didn’t seem to care afterwards, even if they did hit home.
So, that led Soph to believe that it had something to do with last night.
She was blushing at the thought of it. She’d realized what she’d been saying it when it was too late. The side of her that always rose up to a challenge had taken over so quickly, by the time she’d opened her mouth as quickly as she had, she’d forgotten what they’d even been talking about.
Recalling the memory, Soph wondered what would have happened if Louis hadn’t interrupted them. A part of her knew Zayn was no rapist – okay, even thinking it was ridiculous – and would respect her boundaries. He knew she was a good girl. And he was Asian and had little sisters, he knew she was off-limits.
But there’d been a look on Zayn’s face Soph had never seen before. If she’d seen it on anybody else, or even just directed at anybody else, Soph would have been howling from the rooftops about the sexual tension she was seeing –
Soph stopped.
Sexual tension.
With Zayn Malik.
Not possible.
But automatically, completely of a mind of its own, her mind picked up the word “sex” in that sentence and...
All of a sudden, images were rushing and flitting through Soph’s head – Zayn’s laugh when he laughed properly, with the boys, the way his eyes would sweep the room and meet Soph’s with a secret smile like they had the day after Shazia’s party, the way he rest his arms on his knees as he listened, the way he’d licked his lips after he’d eaten his pizza...
Soph bashed her head hard against the steering wheel, the horn blaring out loudly against the peaceful city traffic.
What the Hell was wrong with her?
“Bad Soph!” Soph yelled at herself, slapping her forehead. “Bad Soph, bad Soph, bad Soph!”
A part of her wondered if things would have gone differently, had Zayn and her managed to talk properly. Hadn’t that been why he’d followed her – there was no point denying that, he’d practically admitted it, he hadn’t found her, he’d followed her to talk to her – to sort things out? Would they have gone on the rides together and stuffed food into each other’s mouths when nobody was liking, like Soph and the other boys had?
Soph sighed and picked up her phone, glancing at the picture of her and Adam from earlier. She smiled softly, all thoughts of Zayn and that dreaded, three-lettered “s” word gone. Adam was her world.
The picture showed them both leaning against the car, both messy with snow. Soph had only messily pulled her hair away from her face today, strands falling loosely, the snow curling her hair even more. They were both giggling. Soph’s lips were swollen with cold and her cheeks were pink.
Adam looked happy, for the first time in a while. His big brown eyes were sparkling, his dark hair sticking to his handsome, chiselled features. You could only tell he was eleven through his beaming smile, shining the optimism only a child could have.
She knew the boys had seen it, because Louis had sent her a sad face, disappointed he hadn’t been a part of the fun. They’d be in the air now.
Soph dry-sobbed with horror at herself, as she pulled up to Hanover Square again. There was something so wrong with her. Maybe the snow had frozen her brain.
A group of new interns were waiting for her when she got in.
“Interns?” Soph said to Lauren, who stood in the doorway in a pretty dress, apparently unaware of the below freezing temperatures outside. “Seriously?”
“You’re going to need a hand.” Lauren shrugged, waggling her fingers at Soph. “Now go and impress me.”
So Soph had gone back to find twenty young hopefuls, her stomach wracked with nerves.
Soph wished she’d told Harry, or at least one of the other boys (not Zayn, she told herself vehemently) about her promotion. But she didn’t want them helping her. She wanted to do this job by herself and do it well and then make them proud. It’d be a surprise.
But God, could she do with some words of wisdom right then.
“Okay, look.” Soph told the girls, all of them dressed in their own version of their best attire. Soph paced slowly, her boots barely making a sound on the carpeted floor. “At least half of you are going to think I got this job because I know the boys somehow. You’re smart enough to have worked out I must have some kind of understanding with them.” Soph ignored the faked looks of surprise. These girls weren’t stupid.
“But the truth is? I got where I am by my own merit. I know these boys because I got this job, not the other way around.” Soph told them, her confidence rising as they watched her, with full attention. “Now, I am here to do a job, not anything else.” Soph paused. “But knowing them, too?” Soph looked at each girl. She could already tell who’d be the troublesome ones. “I’ll be damned if I see them get any less of the attention they deserve. Do you understand?”
The interns nodded wordlessly, stricken by the fierceness of Soph’s words. She wasn’t mucking about. She wasn’t going to let one of the biggest music acts in the world fall because of her mistake, nor was she about to wreck her best friends’ years of hard work. They were two separate issues. Nobody could know how hard they worked, to keep up the laid-back, cool image but at the same time, there was no fucking way Soph was letting a girl with an attitude problem make One Direction crash and burn.
“Good.” Soph nodded slowly, allowing herself the luxury of a small smile. She’d gotten through it. Her heart beat erratically in her chest. “You.” Soph nodded to a girl in the back, who’d been watching with a concentrated expression, twisting the rings on her finger. She wasn’t like the others. She was dressed, surprisingly Soph found, like Soph; black jeans, a sweater, a pair of Converses. The rings she had been playing with were gothic, one of them a winged skull. “If I told you to take off that jewellery, what would you tell me?”
Soph had a set like that. Swarovski. Adam had gotten it for her on her sixteenth birthday, with the financial aids of their mother. She’d lost one a while ago, but had the skull one somewhere and a white one. This was a new design.
“I’d say...” The girl hesitated. “I’m really sorry, but this has sentimental value and I can’t.”
The girl in front of her, the one watching Soph, snickered and rolled her eyes at Soph, as if to say “look at that silly girl, she’s not like us”.
Soph raised her eyebrows. The girl had clearly spent hours toiling over her outfit. Soph was like the girl, in jeans and a jumper.
“Well.” Soph said thoughtfully, watching the misfit girl. She seemed to think she’d just lost everything – she hung her head in dejection. “You start today.” The girl stared at Soph in disbelief, as did the other girls. Lauren raised her eyebrows from the doorway. There was something about this girl that reminded Soph of herself – an unsure teenager, desperate to do what she loved, but unable to, when it was world that worked from the inside. “The rest of you come back tomorrow and I’ll consider which of you will help. Right now, the boys are travelling to LAX. I’ve put the necessary things in place, work starts when the Directioners get a hold of the media on Twitter and Tumblr.”
The girls stared at Soph blankly.
“Leave then.” Soph told them bluntly. They all quickly filed out, except the girl at the back. She stood up, looking petrified. “What’s your name?”
“Lee.” She said hurriedly. “My name’s Aaliyah, but everyone calls me Lee.”
Soph’s mouth twitched.
“Are you Asian?” Soph asked, unable to believe it. She’d found a mini-version of herself. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
Lee hesitantly nodded.
“Is that going to be a problem?” Lee asked, clearly scared of the answer.
“Are you joking?” Soph snorted, smiling. “I could do with adding another terrorist to my squad.” Soph paused at Lee’s horrified face. “Joke. Wow. You’ll have to get used to the dark humour.”
Lee’s worry melted away.
“Oh, I say it all the time.” Lee laughed. “You just don’t look Asian?”
“I don’t?” Soph raised her eyebrows, her mind flitting back to Zayn and his own surprise. She shook the thought away. “Actually, you’re not the first person to say that, I don’t know whether to be insulted or not...”
*
Five hours into the flight and Rose was still wide awake, Harry’s soft breathing close beside her. He was sleeping, his head resting on his neck, his Ray Bans still perched on his nose to protect his eyes from the sun filtering through the closed blinds.
Rose was grateful to Harry. He’d laughed and joked with her and had even broken the tension between her and Liam, all the while making sure Rose was comfortable. She knew he was doing it partially for Soph and partially because he knew how it felt to be in a difficult relationship, but it was still appreciated.
“Rose?” Liam whispered. “Are you awake?”
Rose hesitated, glancing at a peacefully sleeping Harry. She couldn’t hide behind him forever.
“Yes.” Rose whispered back.
Another pause.
“Do you regret it?” Liam asked, his voice still barely above a whisper.
“No.” Rose replied instantly. “But I’m scared.” Rose admitted, her heart thumping in her chest.
Liam said nothing. In fact, Rose thought he’d fallen asleep, when she felt his warm, strong hand squeeze hers.
“Don’t be.” Liam whispered, holding her to his chest. Rose let him, feeling her body somehow relax against his. “We’ll work a way around this.”
Rose closed her eyes, resting her head on his chest as he knelt down.
Harry opened one eye and caught Liam’s own as they embraced.
“You’re welcome.” Harry mouthed with a grin, before turning over and going back to sleep. Liam shook his head at him.
How could he have ever doubted him?
*
Adam appeared in the Vogue House lobby five hours later, towards the end of Soph’s shift. A plus side to her new promotion was that she could flex her hours, so long as the work was done.
“Hey, I-” Adam stopped, as Soph shook her head and rushed him out of the room, four or so people working loudly in the room she’d just left. Soph had already told security to let Adam in and anyway, Soph got on with the bodyguards. They’d seen her background picture of her and Adam on her iPod Touch every day.
“Oh my God, it’s going so well!” Soph beamed, grabbing Adam’s hands and dragging him into the corner. “Happy dance with me, come on, one, two, three, yay!”
“Yay.” Adam said feebly, happy for Soph but feeling depressed. Adam knew their parents would be home early, which is why he’d begged Soph for sanctuary at her office. As their parents being early wasn’t official information, they could blag being late. Hell, they might even go out for dinner.
“What?” Soph said instantly, knowing her brother too well. “What is it?”
“I’ve been bestowed the grand honour of hosting the graduation party this year.” Adam said glumly, before the barriers broke. “It’s for all of us who passed that stupid test to carry on at the Academy-”
“But you knew you were going to pass.” Soph shrugged.
“No!” Adam laughed sadly. “It was a miracle! And now I’ve been chosen to host the party this year and this party is meant to be massive, okay? It’s meant to be the peak of high-society for eleven year old private school kids. And it’s meant to be great! And it’s mixed! I’m meant to organize this great party when I don’t even like parties and-”
“Whoa.” Soph yelled. “Calm. I’ll help you, okay? I’m sure Lauren knows a few contacts and I can ask the 1D boys when they land.”
Adam just made a small noise and let his head collapse onto his big sister’s shoulder.
“Just shoot me and get it over with.” Adam muttered, as Soph hugged him tightly, laughing. “Why didn’t I end up going to a public school and becoming a drug dealer?”
“Because Mum and Dad thought they had a close enough shave with me.” Soph replied. “Come on, you can chill at my desk for a bit, okay? We can go to Haagen Dazs for hot chocolate before we go home. The one you like, in Leicester Square.”
Adam nodded, slightly cheered. They went back into the room, Adam heading straight for Soph’s desk. Not that he’d ever been there before, but because only his sister was crazy enough to have sticky notes with funny faces tacked to her desk with Oscar Wilde quotes.
The desktop was open, full of to-do lists and numbers.
“You can plug your laptop in.” Soph told him.
“Nah, I’m just checking to see if my homework is up first, is that okay?” Adam asked.
“Sure, hun.” Soph replied, absent-mindedly kissing his forehead, before going off to do something.
Adam minimized the dozens of windows, not really paying attention, finally reaching the desktop and praying Vogue House didn’t use Internet Explorer.
Adam stopped as he saw the desktop background.
It was Soph and some friends. He wasn’t surprised it was One Direction – even though Soph had to keep it on the down low that she was such good friends with them, Adam and Soph didn’t hide anything from each other. Adam recognized Soph, Rose, Harry...
And Zayn, watching his sister from across the table, as Soph laughed at something with Rose.
Adam found the file, finding an album of pictures from the same night. Soph synced everything on the one laptop she used and backed it up on her work Cloud account.
There was a picture of Zayn and Soph laughing together. Adam thought nothing of it on Soph’s side – you could see she was laughing at something above the camera and Adam felt a smidgen of pride at how pretty his sister looked – but you could see Zayn, laughing and watching Soph much more intently than Soph was watching him.
Just because Zayn Malik had twelve years over Adam, didn’t mean he was any better.
Adam quickly took a picture on his phone camera and closed the folder as Soph walked by, on the phone, ruffling his hair.
So, Zayn Malik thought he could stare at his sister like that, huh?
Adam pulled out his laptop, stretched his fingers and signed onto Twitter. Aw, hell no. And this was way better than homework.
