Discover Top Posts Tagged with #mod: awk

Juliet: Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind.

Shawn: I once saw you punch a Girl Scout because she didn’t have any Thin Mints.

Juliet: Exactly. That was my battle. So be kind.

Shawn: It sounds like you’re on the “help Shawn” train.

Gus: Well, I’ve narrowed it down to two options: yes and no.

Shawn: Gus, you need to find a way to calm down.

Gus: No, you’re gonna have to find a way to calm down about me not calming down!

Gus: *stomps off in anger*

*door slams*

Gus: *re-opens door* Sorry, that was the wind.

*door slams harder*

Gus: THAT WAS ME!

I’m one of you now. Prettier and different and better, but one of you.

Shawn after getting hired as a consultant by the SBPD

Shawn: Can I offer you a carrot reading?

Julet: Uh, don't you mean tarot?

Shawn *pulling out a bag of baby carrots with runes carved into them*: No.

Shawn: I don't know, Lassie. You're looking a little updog.

Carlton: What's updog?

Shawn: GUS GET IN HERE AND BRING YOUR MONEY I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT.

Shawn: I not a banana?

Gus: Because your genetic code dictates that you are human. However, it should please you to know that you share 50-60% of your DNA with a banana.

Shawn: Thanks man.

Juliet: Are you telling me that some people are 10% more banana than other people?

#mod: awk