#mods advice

[advice-for-the-weary]

how do you deal with having to see someone you can't stand on a daily basis

Running away from your problems isn’t usually the best thing to do, but for whatever reason if you’re unable to approach that person, it may be best to ignore them. If it’s a family or classroom situation, avoidance or surrounding yourself with friends is possible. I had a person I had no wish to have any sort of contact with and was in my first class when I was in high school. I simply avoided this person, and over time it got easier. If you can talk to this person and they have done something to wrong you, you need to talk to this person about it. If you need friends, get them; there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If there is no way to talk to this person, minimize contact with them and live your life, without them. You can do it, friend. Eliminate toxic people from your environment, and you’ll do great.

-Dev

[advice-for-the-weary]

I’m feeling really torn.

I left a role-playing group last year, and I can’t stop checking up on the wikia. I was active for over a year, and because I joined during my transition into online schooling they ended up being my only friends. Even though some people insulted me, ignored me, or even tried to have sex with me, most everyone was super nice. I ended up being close with everyone (save for some unsavory individuals.)

I started finding other websites and my time with the group decreased a lot. Until I decided to leave officially, through telling everyone in chat. A lot of people told me that I shouldn’t, and some people who I had thought were really close with me just said “Whatever.”

I ended up leaving and moving to tumblr… except, I didn’t make any friends. And now I still don’t have anyone. After realizing that I was getting nowhere fast, I looked at the wiki. New people were coming in, new groups were being made, and my character’s page sat unedited and dusty in the nook of the site.

And now, I’m feeling really obsessive. I feel worried for all the people that I know are neglected or abused. I feel alone. And most of all, I feel like I want to go back. Even though I know I’ll probably get shit for saying that I was leaving and then coming back. Even though I know that there’s toxic people in there who like to vent by attacking other members. Even though I know I’ll fall back into being a weeaboo and being painfully immature. Even though I know I’ll probably work up the courage to go in and then be faced with “Who are you again?”

I just want to detach myself, and you’d think that a year of being away would do the trick. But it didn’t.

This took me awhile to think about, and I’d like to apologize, first. Second, about your friends - well, it looks like you found out who your real friends are/were. Sometime, people just need a break from what they’ve been doing. If you want to get back into roleplaying, go back. If you get shit for it, tell them you needed a break to sort things out. If they can’t accept that, then you can make more friends.

People are finicky. Friends that last are difficult to make and all you can do is try.

And the “weeaboo” thing - it’s been a year. You appear to have detached yourself a bit anyway, even if you don’t feel like you did. You go find those people who may be feeling neglected/abused. You find them and you tell them it’s gonna be alright. You find them and make friends with them, because they need you, and you may need them.

You can always come to any of us if you just want to talk or if you want to make friends. We’re here for you, and we hope you know that.

-Dev

[advice-for-the-weary]

So lately I've been really wanting to get in a relationship but I don't think it's a good idea for me at the moment (there's no one I'm seriously interested in so it would be a waste). How should I deal with feelings of wanting to be with someone?

I think perhaps you should examine why you have such a desire to be in a relationship in the first place. Do you want someone to care about you? Someone you can tell everything to? Someone to make you feel validated? Attention? Fear of being alone? Companionship? To say you're in one? To love and care for another person? To have a very close friend?

Relationships are really, really difficult to maintain. There's a lot of emotional investments and sacrifices you must make in order to make a relationship work. Keep this in mind. If you feel like finding a partner is best for you at the moment, then by all means, put yourself out there. But if you simply want to be in a relationship for the hell of it, there is a good chance it may not last long, sadly.

What you could do to deal with your feelings could be really be as simple as finding a partner. But you could also spend more time with your friends and loved ones. You could do someone new and exciting, try a new hobby, go somewhere different. You do not need a relationship to be happy (if that's your reasoning, that is).

I hope this helps some, anon! Check back to see if any of the other mods replied to this!~Sylph

[advice-for-the-weary]

Post About Exercise

Alright, so lots of people want to get fit or lose weight or be healthy or exercise or whatever right?

Exercise, first off, is literally moving around with specific intent, like walking. Walking to your class can be classified as exercise (though it's usually more like walking around your block a couple times).

Second, certain specific exercises are NOT, repeat NOT, for everyone.

For instance, I can't run. I could, but it hurts so much and makes me feel so bad that it isn't worth it. However, I love dance-y type stuff and throwing a flag around and cycling. These things make me feel good, accomplished, awesome, etc.

The point is, exercise is not absolute. It is not necessarily running on a treadmill or walking upstairs. It could be dancing (hip hop style or ballet); it could be riding a bicycle 20 miles and finishing (one of my biggest rushes ever); it could be stretching everyday, pushing your body just a bit more each time you stretch (which usually is slow and feels pretty nice); it could be jumping rope 20 times in a row, then doing it backwards.

So, if you don't like running, try some beginner yoga. Try some beginner dance moves.

Whatever you do, if you really want this, don't give up, and I think I can say I speak for all of us when I say we believe in you, no matter what.

-Dev

[advice-for-the-weary]

(sj problem anon) okay but ive done that already. first thing i ever did was ask them to tag stuff and they got mad at me (i said that in my other message, remember) and yeah i told them that it makes me anxious. that whole telling people 'hate is wrong' thing doesnt get very far here or with my friends. i'm probably going to just leave tumblr. thanks though

Do what’s best for you. If you need to quit tumblr forever or for a little bit, do it. You’ll be better. I’m sorry I couldn’t help more, and I wish you the best of luck with your friends. I hope they understand soon.

-Dev

[advice-for-the-weary]

(cont) my friends have kind of sort of hinted that they wouldnt be friends with me irl if i unfollowed/blocked them and i dont have any other friends really. i dont really know what to do. i just am so freaking tired of people be mad and angry all the time. what should i do about my friends? im to the point where im ready to leave tumblr all together tbh

People will be offended no matter what. People are getting so angry over so little. I see plenty of similar things on my dash, though maybe not as SJ. Your problem isn’t stupid, dearie. You need to talk to your friends. “I understand this oppression, but they’re not ALL like that. They’re not all bad people. I don’t like seeing any kind of hate. Could you tag it? It’s giving me anxiety.” is the general message you should send. Tag it cuz it’s triggering for you. If they again refuse, it might be a good idea to unfollow, even if they are your friends, or temporarily leave tumblr. Cisphobia is an actual thing, and I personally don’t understand all of it. If anyone calls you ignorant for asking them to tag cisphobic posts, you need to tell them that hate is wrong. see if you can completely block any SJ posts (like if they tag them at all, block common tags you see with them). Tumblr has recently become pretty hateful just because people have different opinions. Good luck, and I apologize if my advice doesn’t help. (feel free to add your own guys)

-Dev

[advice-for-the-weary]

Note to the other mods

I added a "work" tag to our tag list because I realized we didn't have one and may eventually get questions about work related issues. Also renewed the Tumblr Savior link (on the same page) and added a download link to XKit as well. Let me know if any of y'all are/aren't okay with these changes and if you want anything else to be done. Thanks y'all.

~Sylph

[advice-for-the-weary]

I would like to give some non gender specific relationship advice (other mods feel free to edit/add especially if I mess something up). I'm seeing a lot of relationship stuff floating around and stuff.

If you don't want to be in a relationship, don't. Never feel pressured to have a partner.

If you are in a relationship or looking for one, remember that everyone makes really stupid mistakes.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Relationships are 100/100 not 50/50. You give all you got, your partner gives all they got into the relationship. If your partner isn't putting their all into it (consistently), you two need to talk. You may have to break up or take a break.

Communication is key. Partner is being irritating? "Hey, can you maybe stop _____ please? It's getting on my nerves." They might be put off with a frowny face for a bit, but it's better than getting in an argument because they won't stop poking you.

Don't just do the sex (if you and partner want to and you and partner are ready for that). Make sure you're prepared, especially if it's your first time, no matter the gender. Porn is not always right. It is glorified, whether you're reading or watching it or whatever. Make sure to have protection and doctor's visits caught up etc. Make sure you're both cool with whatever experimentation one of you suggests.

No pressuring partner to do the sex. Ever.

You might prefer hugs to show they love you, they may prefer you stepping up and doing the dishes to show you love them. It's your love language. Randomly do the dishes or take out the trash without them asking you to (if you guys live together). Give them a gift occasionally, just for the hell of it. Not necessarily expensive, just well thought out (what are their secret obsessions?). Give them a random hug or kiss on the cheek or forehead or pick them up and twirl them around (if they don't mind surprises). Sometimes these things just make your (or their) day.

Make them smile. They'll make you smile.

Silence is fine. You don't have to talk all the time.

Even if you're not interested in a certain thing that your partner is, listen to them talk about it. Notice how they smile or their face lights up.

Let each other vent.

Be silly together. Tickle each other occasionally.

Spend time together walking around a place or at home watching a movie or show. You don't even have to cuddle.

Be sincere.

Honesty. No, your partner does not HAVE to know about a mistake that you made 10 years ago that you still get anxiety from. If it makes you feel better, sure. If you made a mistake with them, tell them and be sincere in your apology.

Alright that's what I got for now. Love ya guys <>

-Dev