She calls his name. He comes galloping down the stairs. Picks her up. Spins her around. She is laughing now. He is laughing too. The sound is like water in the middle of the desert. There are pancakes burning on the stove now. But they do not care. There is happiness in the pads of her fingers, hugging his neck. There is joy in his forehead, leaning on her shoulder. They paint an almost perfect picture. But their last tangle with Voldemort left a scar on her cheek. A bruise on his arm.
Almost. Almost. Almost.
Here we are, my love, the end of the line.
There is a flash of green light. He jumps out of the way. It hits the wall. A painting falls. She thinks she might throw up. He fires back. It misses. She ducks away from a red flash. Shoots something back. Her eyes are on him. His eyes are on her. It is not wise. But love has never been wise. Her opponent snickers as he dodges her blow. She fires again. And again. And again. Her opponent fires back, something clips her shoulder as she dodges. There is pain shooting through her. Then she is on the ground. She must have fallen. He calls her name. Her lips try to form his, but she cannot make them stop screaming. Her hand tries to reach him. Her opponent falls to the ground not far from her. Then he is at her side. He picks her up. Starts running. She can hear him repeating her name. It is a prayer on his lips. If only there was a god to hear him.
Here we are, my love, the end of the line.
A letter sits on the counter from her sister. She does not want to open it. She tries to throw it out. But she can’t. He opens it for her, in the middle of the night. Her body is curled on top of his on the couch. He reads softly. The words might break her heart. They almost do. But she can hear his thumping in his chest. His skin is warm against hers. And so her heart keeps itself together. Despite her sister’s serrated words. The letter informs her that her mother is sick. It informs her that the sickness is somehow her fault. It informs her that her sister has never loved even a sliver of her. Though she knows that last part is not true. No matter how much her sister wishes it was. They were naive children once. She wants to visit her mum. He says okay. Says they’ll figure out a way. She sighs and hugs him closer. He wraps his arms around her and drops the letter to the floor. The clock ticks on. Every second a fleeting moment. A lost moment.
Here we are, my love, the end of the line.
She is throwing up again. She has had one too many drinks. He holds her hair, his best friend’s voice audible above the din of conversation in the next room. It is a party of some sort. This is the only way they know how to grieve. By telling stories. By laughing. By honouring memories. By drowning sorrows. If they did it any other way they would fall apart. She sits back against the cupboard. He sits next to her. Wraps his arm around her. She hasn’t been able to breathe properly since the news. She was never cut out for war. Neither was he. But battle smothers bright futures like candles. It was only a matter of time until they found themselves burnt out. There are tears slipping down her cheeks. She wipes harshly at them. Marlene is the word hanging on her lips. The word scratched into her arm. The word sitting in her lungs. War becomes everything. We become war. We become everything. It is too much weight to bear.
Here we are, my love, the end of the line.
There is a baby in her arms. He cradles her on the couch, both staring down at their son. She smiles and whispers into the baby’s tuft of hair. He kisses her head. He thinks about their son growing up. About the world they are trying to create for him. She leans back and kisses his jaw. Whispers look at him. He’s perfect. They sit like that for a long time. A bubble of safety and love seems to surround them. In this moment they are okay. There is fear outside the cocoon of his arms. Outside the light of her smile. But it cannot touch them. Not yet.
Here we are, my love, the end of the line.
Waning sunshine hits their windows. A light breeze rattles the wind chime. There are laughing children outside their little haven, just starting their yearly adventure. They are dressed like her and him and their whole world. They find it scary. (So does she, sometimes). He has dressed their son up to look like a pumpkin. She laughs, squeezing their giggling boy. She passes him a tootsie roll. His favourite. He passes her a crunchie bar. Her favourite. Harry’s face gets smeared with chocolate. They drink tea and cuddle on the couch, a sleeping pumpkin lying across their lap. He smiles. Kisses her solidly. They are almost happy. It is all they can ask for.
A/N: Jumping on the textfic bandwagon. This was so much fun to write, I completely understand the obsession now. Title from pride and prejudice (the book)
James Potter to Lily Evans: do u think my english lit paper could just be a review of the kira knightly pride and prejudice movie
Lily Evans: james it is 3am
James Potter: yes it is
Lily Evans: pls go to sleep
James Potter: cant this is too important
Lily Evans: im not even in english lit ask remus
James Potter: hes asleep lily obvs it is 3am
Lily Evans: wow what a novel concept
James Potter: but actually have you seen the kira knightly p&p its so good
Lily Evans: ofc i have ive been in love with mr darcy since i was 10
James Potter: lily evans! how could you?!! in love with another man?!!! i am heartbroken!
Lily Evans: i am going to sleep now
James Potter: wait i actually need to know do u think i can write my paper on that
James Potter: lily?
James Potter: lily im not kidding
Lily Evans has left the conversation.
Sirius Black to Lily Evans: can u pls make ur boyfriend shut up abt pride and prejudice
Lily Evans: sorry i think hes ur boyfriend in this situation
Lily Evans: that reminds me can you make ur boyfriend shut up about pride and prejudice
Peter Pettigrew to is this a cool chat name?: hey prongs isnt ur 6 month anniversary with lily coming up?
James Potter: ya
James Potter: we’re going to a rlly nice dinner
James Potter: im surprising her
James Potter: theres going to be a violinist. and roses
Remus Lupin: jeez james how long have you been planning this?
James Potter: only like, 7 months
Remus Lupin: that was a logical decision
Sirius Black: gotta be prepared moony
Peter Pettigrew: i cant believe prongs will have been dating lily for 6 months on october 24th at 5:06pm its truly amazing she hasnt dumped you yet
James Potter: thanks for the vote of confidence pete
Remus Lupin: pete why do you know the exact minute they got together
Sirius Black: well obviously he marked it in his calendar like the rest of us
Sirius Black: i cant believe you havent recorded the momentous event moony shame on you
Remus Lupin: you own a calendar?
James Potter: actually it was 5:07
James Potter: just so u know
Peter Pettigrew: my whole life is a lie
Sirius Black to James Potter: not coming to chem today
James Potter: u dont take chem
James Potter: neither do i
Sirius Black: then what is the sciencey class where you evans and i sit in the back and make fun of giles the entire time
James Potter: physics
Sirius Black: r u sure
James Potter: yes
James Potter: yesterday u asked giles what exactly a physic was
James Potter: he did not find it funny
Sirius Black: yes but everyone else did
James Potter: on the contrary lily just rolled her eyes
Sirius Black: good god prongs do u catalogue everything evans does y are you so disgustingly in love
James Potter: i dont catalogue im just perceptive
Sirius Black: r u kidding me last week sabrina morgan asked you out and you didnt even realize it
Sirius Black: and then u had to chase her down and tell her that u had a girlfriend who you were very much in love with and that u did not actually want to go out
James Potter: i dont see what that has to do with anything
Sirius Black: thank you for proving my point
Sirius Black to yes remus i own a calendar im not a barbarian: I HAVE THE BEST IDEA FOR GRAD PRANK
Remus Lupin: if it involves balloons filled with maple syrup again sirius im leaving this chat
Sirius Black: i would never do that again moony im not boring
Sirius Black: this time its balloons filled with molasses
Remus Lupin has left the conversation.
James Potter: really sirius? molasses?
Sirius Black: in hindsight it may actually be worse than maple syrup
Sirius Black: back to the drawing board
Peter Pettirgew: wait i want to hear the idea
Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: why is james being weird
Remus Lupin: what are you talking about
Remus Lupin: he always looks like that
Lily Evans: mary macdonald just asked him if he had any plans this weekend and he almost jumped out of his seat
Lily Evans: and now he’s tapping his pencil against the desk. he only does that when he’s nervous
Lily Evans: youre sitting right next to me how have you not noticed
Remus Lupin: idk you’re gonna have to ask him
Lily Evans: i tried
Lily Evans: he just said ‘err nothing why would you ask that hey did you see that movie’ and then he rambled on about some netflix documentary
Remus Lupin: that seems pretty par for the course to me
Lily Evans: come on remus
Remus Lupin: idk ask sirius
Lily Evans to Sirius Black: why is james being weird
Sirius Black: what r u talking about
Sirius Black: he always looks like that
Lily Evans to Peter Pettigrew: why is james being weird
Peter Pettigrew: idk what youre talking about
Peter Pettigrew: hes totally fine
Peter Pettigrew: nothings going on
Peter Pettigrew: just yesterday he told me he was feeling as normal as ever
Peter Pettigrew: hes definitely totally completely fine
Peter Pettigrew has left the conversation.
James Potter to james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up: EMERGENCY: WHAT DO I WEAR
Peter Pettigrew: a suit?
Sirius Black: nothing
Remus Lupin: a nice shirt and a tie
James Potter: okay i have found something crisis averted
Sirius Black: breaking news: james learns to dress himself
Remus Lupin: we’re so proud of him for his achievement
James Potter changed the chat name to ‘james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU’
Sirius Black: i feel personally victimized and attacked
Remus Lupin: i think that was the point
Peter Pettigrew: hey! i didn’t say anything!
James Potter changed the chat name to ‘james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU minus peter’
Peter Pettigrew: thank you
Lily Evans to James Potter: thank you for tonight
Lily Evans: it was wonderful
James Potter: glad you liked it
James Potter: these 6 months have been the best of my life
Lily Evans: mine too
James Potter: hey lily?
Lily Evans: yeah?
James Potter: i love you
Lily Evans: i love you too
Remus Lupin to James Potter: how did it go last night?
James Potter: it went great
James Potter: she loved it
James Potter: i did cut myself on one of the roses tho
Remus Lupin: oh my god
James Potter: there was a little bit of blood but i survived
Remus Lupin: glad to hear it
James Potter: on another note, do you think McGonagall will accept my english lit paper if its titled “‘Lizzie B Takes No Shit’ and Other Take Aways From Pride and Prejudice (2005)”
Remus Lupin has left the conversation
Sirius Black to fambam: BREAKING NEWS: JAMES POTTER AND LILY EVANS ARE SNOGGING IN THE CAF
Remus Lupin: sirius theyve been dating for six months
Sirius Black: IK BUT IT NEVER GETS LESS EXCITING
Lily Evans: glad to know you find us entertaining
James Potter: what did you expect lil? were like elizabeth and darcy
Sirius Black: does that make me bingley
Remus Lupin: p sure im bingley
Lily Evans: guys its obviously pete
Peter Pettigrew: aww thanks i think also is now a good time to mention that ive never actually seen this movie
April @jilychallenge | @expectoepatronums vs @roseweahsley
Muggle au: “I just got home from work and there’s been a break-in in my apartment and the cops have been here and everything’s cool but i’m afraid to sleep alone so could i maybe stay at your place tonight?” au
A/N: I had so much fun writing this! Hope you enjoy!
“Hey.”
“Hi,” Lily rubbed her eyes, leaning on her doorframe. “Why are you knocking on my door at midnight?”
James ran a hand through his hair, biting his lip. Lily just stared at him, eyes weary and slightly exasperated. He hadn’t really thought this through.
“I, um, this is gonna sound weird, but, someone broke into my flat earlier.”
“Yeah, I noticed the police,” Lily tucked a strand of hair beside her ear. “Did they take anything valuable?”
“Don’t think so, I’m pretty sure my cat scared them off.”
“Well I’m glad that demon can do some good.”
“Hey! He is not a demon, he’s just misunderstood.”
“Your cat is not a moody teenager.”
“Some days I’m not sure about that one. Like last week, I came home-”
Lily yawned, cutting him off. “Are you just here to tell me about your misunderstood teenager cat?”
“No, um, well, the point is,” James sighed, deciding just to say it. “The point is someone broke into my flat and Sirius isn’t here and I’ve kind of been afraid of burglars since I was a kid, so can I stay here? Just tonight?”
Lily just laughed, opening the door wider. “James Potter, scared of burglars. You learn something new everyday.”
“You’re not scared someone’s going to break into your home and take everything you own?” James asked, following her into her flat. “That seems weirder to me.”
“Well of course I’m scared of someone coming into my home, but not enough that I can’t sleep alone,” she turned to face him, perching on the back of her couch. “Besides, aren’t you more worried that someone will come and you won’t be there?”
“Oh, I don’t care about my stuff.”
She just raised her eyebrows.
“Well, I mean, I don’t really own anything of value. I’m just worried that this burglar will attack me and I haven’t taken karate since I was a kid and I was complete shit at it.”
She laughed, light and musical. James smiled.
“That’s a legitimate fear!” He said, trying to sound indignant, but laughter was slipping between his words like music.
“Well I took karate until I was 14 and earned my black belt, so I’ll protect you, James Potter,” she said, pushing off the couch and walking down the hall.
“Thank you very much, Lily Evans. I’m going to hold you to that.”
“Okay. Blankets are in the cupboard by the door, yell if someone tries to attack you!”
“Will do!”
The next morning Lily woke to the smell of pancakes and coffee and someone singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” incredibly off-tune. She couldn’t help but smile.
“You cook,” she said, padding into the kitchen, heading for the coffee pot.
“It was the least I could do,” James was standing by the stove, flipping three pancakes onto a plate and handing them to her. “Your couch is very comfortable by the way.”
“Thank you,” she said, digging into her food. “So, did anyone try to break in last night?”
“Ha-ha.”
“Because I didn’t hear anything. And I don’t remember performing any karate in order to protect you.”
“Has anyone ever told you you should be a comedian?”
“Yes, several times actually.”
“Well you should listen to them, ‘cause I think it’s your true calling.”
“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
“It was,” James said, flipping some pancakes onto his own plate. Lily grinned as he sat down next to her, her heart skipping a beat. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”
“Anytime, Potter.”
She was the only thing he could think about all day. Stopping to get coffee in the morning, answering emails, speaking to his coworkers, giving a presentation - in the back of his mind, there she was. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way she her laughter flitted through her words, coating syllables in sunlight. How she always knew the perfect thing to say. It was like an epidemic had hit him and all he could think was her, her, her.
Yes, he’d had a crush on her forever, the pretty, smart girl next door, but last night was the first time he had really spoken to her.
Somehow, he found himself thanking that burglar.
He was the only thing she could think about all day. Brushing her teeth, riding the subway, in a meeting with a hundred other people, writing an article a dog who saved someone from a fire - there he was, tucked away in the back of her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about how he was always pushing his glasses up his nose. The way his eyes grew bright when he smiled. He was like a magnet, she kept coming back to him, him, him.
Sure, she’d had a crush on him since he’d moved in, the handsome, funny boy next door, but until last night, she’d never had a real conversation with him. And now she liked him even more.
Somehow, she found herself thanking that burglar.
“Hey,” James was leaning against her doorframe again.
“Hi,” she said. “How’s your demon cat?”
“He’s good, keeps patrolling by the window, I’m not sure he’s moved other than to eat.”
“Your loyal protector.”
“It would seem so.” James ran a hand through his hair, biting his lip. “Hey I actually think I might have left my, uh, pillow here last night.”
“You used one of my pillows.”
“Oh right,” he said, looking down.
She smiled. “You can stay again if you’d like.”
He looked up. “Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, your satan cat is terrifying, but does he know karate? Probably not.”
“Thanks,” he said, stepping inside. “Sirius will be back tomorrow, and then I won’t bother you again.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “But you’re making breakfast again tomorrow.”
“Deal.”
They stayed up until 1am just talking. About the little things, like Lily’s favourite ice cream flavour (chocolate peanut butter) or James’ dream vacation (Greece), and the big things, like how Lily’s family lives across the country and that she moved because she needed to see something other than that town, or how James has three brothers connected by something more important than blood, who he couldn’t live without. Talking to him was easy, Lily found. She felt like she could trust him without even really thinking about it.
The next morning, Lily once again woke to the smell of pancakes and coffee.
“I’ll let you in on a secret,” James said as she entered the kitchen. “I make great pancakes. They are, however, the only thing I can cook.”
She laughed, pouring herself a cup of coffee. It was silent for a few minutes as they both ate, their smiles the only conversation.
“Hey,” Lily said, a few minutes later. “I know that Sirius comes back today, so my karate skills will not be needed, but don’t be a stranger, yeah? Come over sometime.”
He grinned, looking over at her. “Will do, Lily Evans. will do.”
She kissed his cheek. He kissed her lips. Lily felt her insides turn to liquid happiness.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” James said.
“Me too.”
“I’ll see you later?” James asked.
“Definitely.” She kissed him again. And it felt like the first day of spring or the moment before the ball drops on New Years Eve, full of jittering potential. It felt like the beginning of something beautiful.
A/N: the ‘someone just spilled coffee all over me and my computer which had the only copy of my paper due in 15 minutes, and it seems like that someone might be the lead actor in my favourite show’ au that no one asked for
Her last assignment was due in 15 minutes. Lily could practically taste the freedom, could feel the summer months ahead. She sipped her coffee, hovering her mouse over the ‘send’ button. She took a deep breath, about to hit the button, when she heard the high-pitched sound of shoes sliding against the tile floor and all of the sudden her skin was burning -
“What the hell!” Lily exclaimed, jumping up from her seat in the coffee shop, glaring at the person who had just spilled incredibly hot coffee all over her, her new dress and her computer. She did a double take, because it seemed to be that the asshole who had just ruined her day was the lead actor in her favourite show, The Marauders. But that didn’t matter now.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he said, immediately grabbing some napkins from the table and handing them to her. “I’m so so sorry.”
Under any other circumstances, it would be a dream to meet James Potter. Devilishly handsome, a phenomenal actor, relatively famous, and just generally a cute person, he was every girls dream. But not Lily’s, at least not at this moment.
Lily scowled, her eyes burning into him. And if looks could kill, well, let’s just say that there would be a lot of crying teenage girls all over the world.
“Say that to my computer. That was the only copy I had of my final English Lit paper, that just happens to be due in 15 minutes.”
James reached a hand towards her laptop, napkins at the ready to try and sop up the mess. But Lily stopped him. It was no use. the keyboard was drenched, the dark coffee seeping beneath the keys, like a million connecting rivers. The screen had gone all fuzzy, like someone had given it a good shake and everything ended up in a different place. Lily knew immediately that it was gone.
“It’s no use.”
“Well what can I do?” James asked, running his hand through his hair. “This is entirely my fault.”
“Of course this is your fault!” Lily tried to keep her voice down, thoroughly aware of the people now staring at them in the café, but she was finding it to be a very difficult task. “But I don’t think my professor will understand when I say, ‘hey some prick just happened to spill coffee on my laptop fifteen minutes before my paper was due.’”
“Honestly I can’t explain how sorry I am, I’m such a fucking klutz.”
“Well your apology isn’t going to be worth 30% of my grade, is it?” Lily sighed. “I’m sorry that was mean, I just really needed to do well on that assignment.”
“Maybe I can talk to your professor, try to-”
“That would definitely not work. He probably wouldn’t know who you are, and even if he does, he would not care. My friend once spent the night in a hospital getting her appendix out and missed handing in her paper, and the next day he told her that she would have to hand it in by the end of the day or she’d get a 0.”
“Damn. I’m sorry. Again.”
“Yeah, you keep saying that.”
“I’m not sure what else to do. I’ve never been good under stress.”
“Well for starters you could buy me coffee. And then a new laptop.”
“How about dinner?”
Lily laughed. “Are you seriously trying to ask me out after you just ruined my day?”
“Maybe.” James looked at her sheepishly, and she couldn’t help it, she smiled a little. He is cute, even cuter than on TV, his hair like a hurricane and his glasses slipping down his nose.
“How about coffee now, and then we’ll see about dinner.”
“I’ll take it.”
“My name’s Lily Evans by the way.”
“James Potter.”
They talked for over an hour. Lily knew that she should probably be mad at him, but she quickly discovered that he’s the kind of person who is very difficult to stay mad at, especially when he’s telling awful jokes or when his eyes light up as he tells a story. She forgot that she drives past his face on billboards on her way to work and that she and Marlene once had a full conversation on whether his season 2 or season 3 hair made him more attractive. He just seemed normal.
When she finally glanced at her phone and realized it was way past when she was supposed to meet Mary, she sighed, standing up.
“I had fun.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Here,” she grabbed a napkin from the table and scribbled down her phone number. “I’m gonna need a very nice dinner to make up for my lost grade.”
He winced, but he was still grinning. It made her stomach flip. “Sorry again about that.”
She waved him off.
“Just be careful with your coffee next time.”
And then she was gone, the door jingling behind her. She realized half-way home that she forgot to give him back the sweatshirt he’d lent her to cover up her coffee stained dress. Oh well, she thought, a smile slipping onto her lips. I’ll see him again soon.
In hindsight, she should have thought of this. But she’d never really encountered super-fans before, how was she supposed to know this would happen?
She was just lying on her couch, about to email her professor to try and salvage a grade when Marlene called her.
“Holy shit Lily Evans I cannot believe you!”
It’s safe to say Lily was a little more than confused.
“Are you actually dating James Potter? How? When? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” She sounded excited. Lily was still incredibly confused.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you, in James Potter’s sweatshirt on CelebrityGossip.com.”
“What?”
“I can’t believe you haven’t seen it yet! I’m sending it to you right now. And then I want an explanation.”
She hung up. Lily clicked on the link she’d sent, and gasped. Because yes, that was her face on CelebrityGossip.com.
WHO IS JAMES POTTER’S MYSTERY GIRL?
Everyone’s favourite onscreen bad boy and real-life sweetheart James Potter was spotted out and about today - with someone new.
Fans spotted the Marauders star at a cute little café this afternoon, and he wasn’t alone. He seems to be engaged in a very exciting conversation with a red-headed someone in these photos, posted below, courtesy of Instagram user @maraudersfan4ever who just happened to walk by and spot the pair. Talk about good timing!
Fans haven’t been able to identify the girl in the photos yet, and I don’t recognize her either. Whoever this mystery girl is, she’s a lucky one, Potter seems to be enamoured with her. And she’s wearing his signature sweatshirt. That’s some serious #couplegoals!
Lily was in shock. How had she not noticed someone taking a photo of them? She felt so stupid. She was about to call James - he’d texted before she was even out the door of the café - when her phone rang. It was Marlene again.
“Did you read it? I need details.”
Lily sighed, brushing her hair to one side. “He spilled coffee on me.”
Marlene started laughing, words spilling between giggles. “Wow I can just picture it, you must have been so mad.”
“I was livid. The worst part was that I was about to send in my English Lit paper and then my computer got destroyed.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, fuck is right. I almost killed him, I didn’t care who he was. But he was so frazzled and it was kind of cute, and we ended up having coffee. He only gave me his sweater to cover up my ruined dress.”
“That’s such a meet-cute.”
“I’m not sure I’d call it that. It was not exactly cute getting hot coffee spilled all over me.”
“Nah, that’s such a meet-cute.”
“Whatever you say, Marls,” she smiled thinking about it. Just a little. “It’s just so weird that someone took a photo of us. Without even asking.”
“Well you were with a celebrity.”
“But still.”
“Yeah, it does seem pretty creepy. And that the internet, like, cares about it. People are writing articles about you.”
“I know. At least they don’t know who I am. Yet.”
“Yeah,” Marlene sighed. “Okay I need to know more. Was he amazing? Are you seeing him again?”
“We’re going to dinner tomorrow night.”
“Can you get me an autograph?”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“No, come on Lily! Is he as dreamy as he seems on TV? What does his hair actually look like?”
“I’ll tell you all about it after tomorrow night. But I’ve got to go email my professor now and try to scrape together some semblance of a grade.”
Marlene winced. “Good luck.”
He knocked on her door just as she was pulling on her coat.
She pulled it open a minute later, and her breath caught in her throat. They’d opted for something casual - James had suggested a diner he knew - so he didn’t look much different than the other day. His hair was still all over the place and his glasses were crooked on his nose, but her heart skipped a beat.
“You look great,” he said, smiling. She blushed, looking down at her gingham dress. This was just as perfectly awkward as any first date should be.
“Here,” he passed her a box he’d been carrying. She hadn’t even noticed. “To make up for the one that is… extremely coffee-stained to say the least.”
It was a new laptop.
“James! you know I was kidding right? I didn’t mean you actually owed me a new computer. My old one was pretty shit anyways.”
“I know. But I did ruin it. And I cost you your grade. It was the least I could do.”
She didn’t know what to say. So she just kissed him.
“Thank you,” she said, pulling away. His lips cracked into a smile.
“Shall we go?”
“So tell me, what’s it like to go to work everyday on a TV set?”
James ran his hand through his hair, shrugging. “It’s just normal. I don’t know, it’s the only thing I’ve ever done. It’s hard work, but I love it.”
“You know I was an actor once,” Lily said, stealing one of his fries.
“Oh really?”
“Yup, you’re looking at Tree #2 from St. Thomas Middle School’s production of Into the Woods.”
James laughed, leaning forward. “I bet you stole the show.”
“I was the best tree anyone had ever seen. But I gave it all up. Though I reckon I could reclaim that life if I wanted to.”
James just raised his eyebrows, questioning.
“Well I’ve got this angle going, you see. ‘James Potter’s Mystery Girl.’ I figure I can play that up until someone gives me an acting gig.”
He looked down, biting his lip. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be,” she said, reaching across the table to touch his shoulder. “You didn’t ask anyone to take a picture. Besides, its not like I don’t have an Instagram account. My photo is already on the internet.” she smiled at him. “But I am keeping that sweatshirt.”
“Oh are you?”
She nodded. “Its officially property of Lily Evans.”
“I think I can live with that.”
“Good.”
“So,” he said, pointing a fry at her. “What are your plans for the future? You said you’re majoring in creative writing, but where do you want to go from there?”
“I have no idea. I’ve always wanted to be an author, but I don’t know, it just seems impossible sometimes, you know?”
“Yeah, I know the feeling. But you’ve got time to figure it out, take some chances. I’m sure you’re a fantastic writer.”
“Hopefully,” Lily shook her head, clearing her thoughts. “Okay, time for the real questions.”
James leaned forward. “I’m ready.”
“Is Prongs really dating that blonde girl? He and Steph were so perfect together!” James laughed. Lily just continued. “And what is his real name? This show has been on for three seasons and we know none of the main characters real names! It’s frustrating.”
“I didn’t think you watched the show,” James was smiling, his eyes bright, it made Lily feel like the sun had poured light into her stomach.
“Everyone watches that show,” she said plainly. “Now I want some answers.”
“So that’s why you agreed to go on this date with me.”
“Of course.”
“Well, I can’t tell you his name because no one will even tell me, probably because they don’t trust me enough, but I can tell you that I am team Steph. All the way.”
“Well that’s good. Because that would have been a dealbreaker.”
JAMES POTTER’S MYSTERY GIRL IS A MYSTERY NO LONGER!
Ever since Marauders actor James Potter was spotted with a pretty red-head last week, the world has been asking the question ‘who is James Potter’s mystery girl?’ But alas! The couple stepped out again today, hand-in-hand as they meandered through the streets. One of our reporters caught up with them as they strolled, and enquired about the girl’s identity.
“This is Lily,” James answered, positively glowing from our reporter’s account.
From there, it wasn’t hard to find her Instagram account which we’ve linked below. So James Potter’s mystery girl is a mystery no longer, but this couple doesn’t need the mystery to be absolutely adorable!
A very short and very late birthday gift for my fave Lily Evans. Hope you enjoy.
It is January and it is fucking freezing outside, but Lily Evans is playing in the snow, and so, because he is in love and foolish and Lily Evans is his entire world, so is James Potter.
It is January and it is freezing outside but it is also Lily’s birthday, and so James Potter plays in the snow with her, kissing her in-between snow angels and putting snow in her hair.
Lily Evans is eighteen years old, a Certified Adult, and yet all she wants is to feel like a kid again. Before she had to worry about exams and her future and whether or not she would make it to graduation.
(She tried not to think about that last thing, tried really hard not to think about the wands she could almost feel pointed at her in the hallways, like knives digging into her nerves).
And so when James had asked what she wanted to do for her birthday, she had grabbed his hand and dragged him outside, desperate to leave all her worries behind.
“Isn’t this romantic James?” She asks, spinning in circles her arms flung out at her sides.
“If you say it is, Lil.” He grabs her and pulls her down with him into the snow, laughing. When he was eleven and saw her for the first time across the train, he never thought he would end up here, with her wrapped in his arms, the happiest person in the world.
“Do you remember, in third year, when you sang that awful song for me on my birthday?” She rolls over to lie next to him, her smile infectious as she stares at him.
“Oh my God do not bring that up,” he groans.
“How did it go again?” She starts singing, “Lily, you make me feel so silly, because you are so pretty, you’re hair is like fire on your head, that lovely shade of red, go out with me please, Lily!”
“Well it worked didn’t it?”
“Yes, it was definitely the song that did it, you caught me, I’m only really here for your musical skills.”
He pushes snow into her face. She shakes it off, laughing, standing up.
“It’s on now, Potter.”
“Do your worst, love.”
She throws a snowball at him. It crashes against his chest, snow slipping inside his jacket.
“Bloody hell that’s cold!” James gets up and starts to chase her around the field, the two of them 10 years old once more. Except now they have each other. And it feels like this secret, close to his chest, this thing that keeps him warm, this love tucked away in his heart. He thinks about his parents, the way they’d lock eyes across a room, smiling. Lily’s laughter carries on the wind. James thinks he finally understands how is parents felt, staring at each other across the room. Like there was a sun in their lungs. Like the universe had cracked open and sprinkled some of its dust into his stomach.
He grabs her around the waist, kissing her cheek.
“Happy birthday, love.”
She turns in his arms and kisses him. There is snow in her hair that looks like flecks of stars. Everything has lead to this, he thinks. Everything is just beginning.
I started writing this for jilytober last year, and I’ve finally picked it up again. An ‘if they lived’ au.
AO3 FF.Net
Lily fights tooth and nail when Dumbledore tells them. It’s the safest place, he says. No one would expect you to be there.
They go. Because they’re scared, because of the sleeping child in James’ arms, because they have nowhere else to turn.
The Dursleys are just as pleased as the Potters when the latter show up at their door step. Vernon’s face turns a ghastly shade of red, and James almost laughs out loud.
“What are you doing here?” Vernon spits out, his words like poison. He looks around as he says it, as if afraid someone will see the family and know they are not ‘normal’.
“We had no where else to go,” Lily says, a wiggling Harry in her arms. “We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t necessary. Please, just let us in, we’ll explain.”
Vernon begrudgingly steps back from the doorway, and the Potter’s enter the house. It looks exactly how Lily pictured, barely any art on the walls, the furniture tasteful, but not eccentric, exactly like Petunia’s room growing up.
“Vernon, who was at the-oh,” Petunia stops mid-sentence, staring at the people in the hallway as if they were ghosts. She purses her lips, trying to keep her words at bay. Finally, after an excruciating silence, she utters, “Would you like some tea?”
“Our world has been at war for the past three years,” Lily’s lips are dry, and the words are almost painful to say, forcing Lily to relive every life she has seen slip through the cracks, every friend she will never get to speak to again.
James senses her pain, as he always does, and squeezes her hand under the table. He takes over the conversation from there, explaining how they fought, and the prophecy, and how the war eventually came to an end. He ignores Vernon’s snide comments much better than Lily does, her other hand gripping her teacup to stop her from reaching across the table to hit him herself.
“I still don’t understand why you’re here,” Vernon remarks, boiling contempt in his voice. He looks like he would enjoy nothing more than to throw them out out on the street right then, the only thing thing stopping him being the wand Lily has set on the table, his eyes flicking to it every once in a while, as if it is an atomic bomb and not a stick of wood.
“Because there was a spy,” Lily hates saying the words. Peter had been found out the day the Longbottoms were attacked, and neither Lily or James was ready to deal with the reality of that yet. It was a pain that boiled under both of their skins, but they had learned how to deal with pain, how to shove it aside until you could understand it. “He knew where we were hiding, we can’t risk them finding us.”
“So you want to stay here?” Vernon’s voice booms, and Lily is surprised that it hasn’t woken up Harry, who’s asleep in the next room. “You’re saying that there are people who want to kill you, and so you’re asking to stay here so they can kill us too? Are you out of your mind?”
“It’ll only be for a few days,” James assures him, his voice raising just slightly, though Lily can feel his pulse quickening where she grips his hand. “And they won’t find us here, we’ll make sure of it.”
“How dare you come in here thinking that we’ll help you people get us all killed!” Vernon exclaims rising out of his seat and slamming his fists on the table. He points a shaking finger to the door. “Get out! Before I call the police!”
“Please,” Lily’s voice borders on desperate, the single word directed not at Vernon, but at her sister. Her sister who has not said anything this whole time. Lily locks eyes with her, the first time she has let herself look at Petunia today. She looks colder than she ever did when they were growing up, her blond hair pulled into a severe bun. But Lily is still her sister, she just hopes that that word means something to Petunia after all this time. “Please.”
“You can stay,” Petunia says. Vernon whips his gaze to her, but it is clear she has made up her mind. “But only for a few days. There’s a spare bedroom upstairs. But there will be none of your freak magic-,” the word still drips from her lips like a slur “-in the house. Now I’m going to bed. There’s food in the kitchen if you would like it, but try not to make too much noise, Dudley is a light sleeper.”
And with that she marches out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Lily can’t tell if it was pity or hatred or love that made Petunia’s voice tremble the way it did, as if her words were surprising even her. She is not sure she wants to know.
Vernon gives them a long look, and then whispers in a voice leaps and bounds more terrifying than when he was shouting, “keep away from son,” before stomping up the stairs after his wife.
Lily slumps against James’ shoulder, wishing that they were anywhere but this cold, orderly house.
“This is going to be a long couple of days.”
The next morning Lily wakes up early to a fussing Harry, and she forgets where she is for a second. But the flowery curtains and the pastel pink walls remind her. They send her mind reeling back into the last 24 hours, the sinking of her knees when she found out about Frank and Alice, her friends, who she would never speak to again, the slipping of her heart inside her chest when a panting Sirius showed up at their door, Peter’s name shaking from his lips. Her fingers start to tremble when she thinks about it, and she bites her lip so hard it starts to bleed. Later. She’ll think about it later.
She picks up Harry from the crib James transfigured last night, bouncing him on her hip as she walks back towards the bed.
“Oi, Harry, mate, why do you always wake up so early?” James’ words are muffled with sleep, and his hair is even more mused than usual. Lily smiles, because he just looks so young, and she is reminded that they will have a thousand more mornings like this, flitting sunlight shining through windows and James’ hair standing on end. They will continue on.
James takes Harry from her arms, laying him down between them on the bed. Harry stops his crying as soon as he’s lying there, between his parents, and instead starts to play with Lily’s hair, and she tries to focus on that future, those thousand mornings yet to come, but as she looks at her two favourite people in the world, all she can think is that they are only breathing by sheer force of luck. She could’ve lost them so easily; she almost did.
“Hey, Lily, love,” James brushes a strand of her hair behind her ear, his eyes slipping to her trembling lips, her glassy eyes, “we’re here. We’ve made it through. We’ll be alright.”
She nods, sitting up, running a shaking hand through her hair. James still looks worried, but she turns away from him, pulling on a sweater. She knows that she should talk to him, but it feels like the words would crack into shards of glass on her lips the moment she speaks them. Like those shards would go straight into her heart.
“I’m going to go get some coffee. Would you like anything?”
“No, I’m fine, love, I’ll be down with Harry in a moment.”
Lily pads downstairs, glancing at the photographs that line the wall above the stairs. Most of them feature Dudley, though there are a few of Vernon and Petunia. One at end has Vernon and Petunia on their wedding Day, standing with Lily’s parents. With Lily too, though she has been cut out of the picture, the ends of her hair just visible at the edge of the frame. Her throat seems to close up when she sees it. Her sister. Her sister. Who would sneak into her bed when the thunder got too loud and who called Johnny Carleton a 'no good bumbling idiot' when he said Lily’s hair made her look like a fire hydrant in the third grade. How did it go so wrong?
Lily enters the kitchen, and immediately moves towards the coffee machine on the counter. She can't stop thinking about that picture above the stairs, or about the way James looked at her this morning, like she was slipping out of his reach. She knows that she should talk to him, that she can talk to him. He is no doubt hurting even more than she. But it doesn't even feel like she can comprehend what she is feeling, what has happened. Let alone put it into words.
She hears someone coming down the stairs, and then walking down the hall to the kitchen.
“James, love,” she says, assuming it is her husband walking towards her, “I’m sorry about earlier, I-”
“It’s not James,” Petunia replies from the hall, her voice clipped.
Lily turns around, her hair whipping over her shoulder. “Oh Tuney- Petunia, I’m sorry I thought you were James.”
“Obviously,” Petunia walks into the kitchen, putting on the kettle before sitting down at the table. “I would ask you why you are up at such an early hour, but I could hear your son fussing all night long. I’m surprised you slept at all.”
Lily resists the urge to role her eyes, and instead grabs her cup of coffee and sits down across from her sister.
“So how have you been, Petunia?”
“Fine, I’ve been fine. How about you?” Petunia’s eyes catch on the scars that criss-cross Lily’s neck and arms, before flitting back to her own hands that are clasped together on the table.
“I’ve been fine too, I guess. If you don’t count the war and all.”
“I thought we agreed, no discussing that or anything else to do with your world.”
“Yes we did, sorry,” Lily sips her coffee, the warm liquid sliding down her rough throat.
The silence feels sticky and dense between them. Lily is about to say something, anything, to try to break through it when she hears more steps on the stairs. And this time she can hear James’ hushed words as he speaks to Harry, and her son’s giggles in response. A second later, the kettle goes off. And the room is no longer silent, but Lily can still feel it between them. The hesitation, the quiet, like they’re strangers.
Petunia goes to take the kettle off the stove, pouring herself a cup before heading back upstairs. She doesn’t even look in Lily’s direction again. James walks in a second later, glancing back to where Petunia just passed him.
“She wouldn’t even look at me properly,” Lily says, staring into her cup of coffee. “Once we were sisters and now she won’t even look at me.”
“Oh Lils, I’m sorry,” James says, squeezing her shoulder.
“I don’t know what I was expecting.”
“I’m still sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, James,” She looks up at him. “We haven’t been sisters for a while now. And if anyone’s sorry here, it’s me. This morning-”
“Don’t apologize. I understand.”
“I just don’t even know what to say. I can’t stop thinking about Frank and Alice and-”
“I know. Me too.”
He sits down next to her, Harry still in his arms. He grabs her hand where it sits next to her mug and squeezes it. Once. Twice.
“What are we going to do?” The words slip out like bullets from a gun, the question she’s been dying to ask from the moment Sirius showed up at their doorstep.
“I wish I knew.”
“Have you heard anything from Sirius? About-”
“No, they can’t find him,” James looks down, biting his lip. He is the spitting image of a fallen angel.
“They will,” She doesn’t know if it’s true, but she says it. Because James looks like a star that lost its light, and she will do anything she can to keep him from getting dimmer.
He nods, meeting her eyes. She squeezes his hand again, and he sighs softly, the sound bouncing off the kitchen walls. Harry reaches up trying to grab his dad’s glasses, which has become one of his new favourite pass times, and James lets out a breathy laugh. And the world is still spinning, and they are still intact, and so Lily lets herself laugh too, the first broken piece falling back into place.
Lily has been at her sister’s house for almost two days now, and she has not talked to Petunia since that moment at breakfast. Every time Lily enters a room, Petunia leaves it, muttering some excuse about dishes to clean or food to check on. She and James have been careful not doing any magic, or even mention the word or anything else about their lives. But it is not enough. It will never be enough.
Vernon has done all he can to make himself scarce, and whenever he does come into the vicinity of the Potters he only scowls. Lily has only seen Dudley a few times, when Petunia brings him down to eat, but other than that, she tends to spend her time with him upstairs or outside on walks, as if the very essence of ‘different’ will rub off on him.
And then she can’t sleep one night because the thunder was crackling and she kept thinking about Petunia crawling into her bed when Lily was seven, telling her stories to distract her from the storm.. So she goes downstairs, her steps too loud, even with the thunder. Then she notices the light on in the kitchen. She considers going up back upstairs, but decides against it, the light looking more inviting than the darkness behind her.
“Lily, what are you doing up?” It’s Petunia, leaning against the countertop, arms folded across her chest.
She shrugs, “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Oh, well, there’s some tea in the pot if you’d like it,” Petunia pushes off the counter, “I’m going back upstairs.”
“No, wait!” Lily doesn’t know why she says it, why she wants there to be something between them other than thick silence.
Petunia raises an eyebrow.
“Why did you cut me out of the wedding picture above the stairs?” She didn’t even think, she just spoke, releasing the thing that had been gnawing at her stomach.
“What are you talking about?”
“The picture from your wedding that’s above the stairs. I was in that picture, you can see my hair, but you cut me out.”
“Honestly, Lily, the frame wasn’t big enough-”
“No. No, I don’t believe that.”
“Well what do you want me to say? That ever since you got that letter from your school you changed?,” Her voice rings with these acidic, bottled up words finally being released. “That I didn’t even recognize you in that photo in the first place? That you chose them, you chose him, over me?”
“What? How is this about James?” Lily’s heart beat quickened. “How could this possibly be about James?”
“Don’t you remember? I asked you to stay, before your graduation, to come home, and you said no, you said that this was who you were and you couldn’t give it up, couldn’t give him up.”
“There was a war going on, you didn’t know, but there was, and I needed to-”
“I knew about the war, of course I knew! You’ve always been bad at keeping secrets. But you could’ve walked away from it. You knew the danger, and you wanted to go anyway. Into that toxic world filled with people who hated you, and for what?”
“for myself, for my life. This is who I am, Tuney, I couldn’t just give that up, I couldn’t just cower in fear-”
“You never thought once about how that would feel, for me, to have you walk away to your almost certain death. But we just weren’t enough for you, were we? You needed to have the whole bloody galaxy at your fingertips.”
“Petunia...”
“The reality is, we stopped being sisters when you decided you’d rather die than live like me. That’s why you’re not in the wedding photo. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
And then she walked away. Lily felt hollow. It wasn’t fair, what Petunia had said, it wasn’t fair in any way, not to her, not to James, but she couldn’t shake the words. You needed to have the whole bloody galaxy at your fingertips. Maybe she did, but was that really so bad?
James came downstairs a minute later, immediately wrapping his arms around her.
“You heard?” Lily’s voice was muffled against his shoulder, her tears falling onto his shirt. She hadn’t even realized she’d started crying.
“You weren’t exactly quiet.”
“James, I just, I don’t understand how she could say that, like I’ve done something wrong by being myself.”
“I don’t know, Lils, I don’t know. But it’s not true, you know that right?”
“Yeah,” the word is a sigh. “I can’t wait until we can go home.”
“Soon. We’ll be home soon.”
Dumbledore sends a patronus early the next morning, the rising sun bathing the room in a dusty pink. They can go home. Peter has been caught, and they’ll be safe.
“Let’s get out of here,” Lily says, picking up at sleeping Harry.
“Are you sure you don’t want to wait until your sister is awake? Say goodbye?”
“No, she’s said all she has to say. I’ll leave a note.” Lily knew it was harsh, but this was the closure she needed. A clean break, at least for now. Yes, her heart felt chipped, but it would heal, and after last night’s boiling words, she finally felt like she could breathe.
James nods, understanding. “Let’s go.”
They leave as the sun rises over the horizon, Petunia’s words still booming in Lily’s ears. Some things weren’t meant to be. But life would go on. Petunia was right, she did want the whole galaxy at her fingertips, because that was magic. That was what she’d fought for, the stars and the planets and hope of the cosmos. And she wouldn’t settle for anything less.
I’m sorry we left so abruptly, thank you both for your hospitality. Petunia, I’m sorry that you feel that way, but I like the stardust on my fingers, and I can’t change that. I can’t change who I am. - Lily
For @jilytober. In honour of the saddest day of the year. This idea came to me while I was doing capstone homework, so thank you to whatever writing god saw that I was reading the most boring article ever and decided to whisper in my ear, ‘everything looked purple.’ Those three words just popped into my head and I ran with it, chasing them down pages. And somehow I ended up here.
AO3 FF.Net
Everything looked purple. Like someone had thrown dark violet paint on the world and it just would not come off. It was a sickly kind of purple. Like the feeling-you-get-right-before-you-vomit kind of purple. It was ugly and demanding and it had stained her entire universe.
She supposed this was what the world looked like when you died. Like it was about to vomit. Or maybe it was the spell, that awful green light, so close to the colour of her eyes - of Harry’s eyes - maybe that had caused this change in colour. It was that that had changed everything else. Maybe that flash had somehow twisted the spectrum of the world, messed up the colour wheel. Or maybe -
Or maybe it was just the beginnings of the sunrise creeping through the window. Maybe the purple wasn’t as harsh as she first thought, but softer. Maybe it was not sickly but welcoming.
There was a pain in her shoulder. Like someone had pressed a cigarette butt into the point where her shoulder met her collarbone and it just kept burning.
She did not understand. She had seen the light, had stood in front of her son, how was she now feeling this pain? How was she now seeing the same room she’d been in before, the early morning sunlight bathing the walls in lilac? And then she noticed the screaming.
It sounded an awful lot like Harry.
Her world twisted to the side when she stood up, her hands pressing into her knees as she tried to see straight. There were pictures on the walls, pictures of her, of James, they kept spinning in and out of focus. A cacophony of red, and gold and something that looked like joy.
She turned towards the screaming, and there was her little boy, the purple light splitting through his hair, kissing the side of his face. She picked him up, her hands shaking. His wails quieted as she bounced him around the room. Her vision was still slinking around like it was dancing and her shoulder still burned and the purple was still there, clinging to the photographs of them, and she would have said she was dead if it weren’t for the boy in her arms. Because he felt real. Because in no sick, about-to-vomit world did her little boy meet his end.
So she began to hum. His favourite song that James used to sing. She could not think about him. About the silence that was sneaking around the rest of their little house. She did not dare to go downstairs. She stayed in that little room, clinging to Harry and to the light that turned from purple to pink to red. A slip and slide of colours, fading into each other, drifting together and apart. Nothing could touch them there, not in that room.
She did not go downstairs. Not until she heard the footsteps. The voice. The words that crashed in her ears, that made her stop thinking about colours and light and what it would feel like to be dead.
She opened the door, barrelled down the stairs. And then stopped.
Her whole world spun backwards. The light died. The stars broke. The earth dropped out from beneath her feet.
He was eleven when she first saw him on the train. He was smiling and his eyes held galaxies and his hair was a collection of undecided strands. Time itself seemed to bend around him.
And here, ten measly years later, he was staring up at her. Eyes glassy, time standing still.
She sobbed. The sound quaked. She knew that Sirius was standing across the room, but she could not take her eyes off of him. Her person. Who had kissed her when she was angry and held her when she cried. She sunk to her knees. She set Harry down next to her. James. James. Is this the price she was to pay for her life? The trade she didn’t get a say in making? She wanted to take it back, to switch places, anything so that the world wouldn’t lose the boy who burned the brightest of them all, who laughed like it was only thing keeping him alive.
She pushed back his hair, grabbed his hand, begging him to laugh. Just one more time.
The air stayed quiet. The seconds started to tick again. She thought she may be screaming. Because suddenly Sirius was there, pulling her away and her tears dripped into his hair and his into hers as they held each other.
There was golden light flicking through the windows when they pulled apart. Lily picked up Harry, his eyes glued to his dad. She told him it will be alright. She didn’t know when she became a liar.
“What happened?”
Sirius’s voice croaked, his gaze clinging on James’ glasses that were laying on the floor, smashed to pieces. Lily did not have the words to explain. She didn’t even know what the answer was.
She told him about the creak in the front gate, the way James had looked when he saw who was coming. Like a warrior ready to fight - to die. She did not get to kiss him goodbye. She tells him about the thud, then the footsteps up the stairs, the green light, and then the purple. Harry’s crying. The singeing feeling in her shoulder.
Sirius slowly reached forward, pushing aside her shirt to reveal a lightning-shaped scar where her pain was. Lily reached up, tracing her fingers over the mark, the death that seemed to cling to it like black dust on her skin.
She could see the words in Sirius’ eyes, could hear them ringing in her ears. You should be dead. It felt like something was sitting on her chest, like there wasn’t enough air in the room. The ceiling was too close, like the roof of their house was collapsing under the weight of the dense death in the air.
“We have to go, Lily.”
“No, no-”
“I’ll-I’ll carry him. But we can’t stay here. Peter... Peter may come back. And it’s only a matter of minutes before the muggles notice. We have to find Dumbledore.”
She picked up Harry. Sirius picked up James. He looked like a rag doll, lying there limp in his brother’s arms. She could not make herself grab his hand, not when she knew the cold she would find there, when she could see the purple of his veins through his too-pale skin. Harry begun to cry again.
The world kept fidgeting in and out of her vision. The daisy painted teapot that sat next to the stove, water still in it from earlier, the big red couch that James had loved because it matched her hair, and she had hated for the same reason, the photo of the five on them on James and Lily’s wedding day that still sat untouched on the mantle, a half-written letter to Remus on the kitchen counter. A kaleidoscope of their broken life.
She picked up James’ wand from the couch and her own from the coffee table, before grabbing onto Sirius’ arm, and letting him apparate them away from her home. Her prison cell, her salvation, their little world on the edge of the planet, and in the span of a second it was gone.
She was in the Order’s headquarters. At least that’s what she assumed. They had moved since the last time she’d been to a meeting. Every head in the room snapped to them. People she knew, people she didn’t, they all stared at her with shocked eyes. She could see Mary Macdonald across the room, her best friend since she was eleven. Who she hadn’t seen in over a year. Lily swallowed her sob.
Mary rushed towards them.
Sirius’ choked word - “Dumbledore” - sounded far away from her. The only thing she could hear was the thumping of her heart in her throat, her strangled breaths.
Mary lead them down a hallway. Sirius peeled off about halfway down, and Lily almost yelled at him, yelled at him to come back, don’t take James, but Mary grabbed her hand.
“Lily.”
There were a thousand questions in that word. She just shook her head.
Mary squeezed her hand once and looked at her with love and pity and continued down the hallway. Eventually they made it to an office. Dumbledore sat behind the large desk at the far side of the room, staring out the window. He nodded at Mary and she left the room. Lily just stood there, a sleeping Harry in her arms.
“Ms. Potter, can you tell me what happened last night?”
Lily told him what she could. It was fuzzy and painful and it didn’t make any sense, but it was all she had to give. When he asked who their secret keeper was, she uttered Peter’s name, the word was small, meek, but it still felt like a knife in her chest.
Sirius came in just as Dumbledore was explaining what he thought happened. How James saved them with his love, and how Lily had killed Voldemort. Lily shuddered out a sob. He gave himself up, had given up everything, for her, for Harry. He hadn’t even hesitated. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t even close to fair. This war had already taken so much, did it really need him too?
“Where is he?”
Lily’s voice was flat, cold. She did not care that Dumbledore had more questions, she probably couldn’t answer them anyways. All she cared about was James.
“I’ll show you.”
Sirius lead her back out into the hallway. She could see his hands shaking at his sides from where he walked ahead of her. She could hear people speaking ahead, back in the main room, but thankfully that wasn’t where they were headed. They went up a set of stairs, and then Sirius stopped in front of a white door. She handed Harry to him.
“I’ll be out here if you need me.”
Lily slowly entered the room. There was nothing in there but a stiff cot, and on it laid James. She made her feet walk closer, every step a battle. She stood over him, just staring. She wanted to say something, anything, but she knew he couldn’t hear her. And besides, he knew how she felt. He’d always known.
She gripped his hand, his ice cold hand. And she had never believed in heaven, but in that moment she wished and hoped that she was wrong because she needed him to be safe somewhere. To be happy. To be okay.
“I love you.”
She kissed his cheek, her silent tears now on his skin. Time seemed to crack in two as she stared down at his closed eyes, those eyes that she would never see again. She let go of his hand. Her heart cleaved. And she had fought on battle fields and written 5 N.E.W.Ts in one week and endured childbirth and watched her friends killed in front of her, but walking out of that room was the hardest thing she’d ever done.
She didn’t know what to do next. How she would go on. The world seemed broken and flipped, and even though Voldemort was gone, she did not feel safe. Not without James. But somehow, somehow, she would continue. The purple light would crack through the windows and a new day would begin. A new world would begin.
A fic for @hpshipweeks‘s jily week. I apologize in advance for the angst.
FF.Net AO3
The worst day of her life goes like this:
She wakes up to the off-tune singing of her husband, and she can just picture him in the kitchen, bouncing Harry on his hip, spinning around the room as he burns the chocolate chip pancakes. She smiles. Her life could be so much worse.
She grabs her robe from the back of the door and makes her way downstairs, finally making out the song James is singing.
It’s Grease. She knew that making him watch that movie would lead to this. But she just shakes her head and joins in with her own off-key harmony. You better shape up, cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you.
James smiles when he hears her voice, grabbing her hand and dragging her down the stairs and into the kitchen and they dance around the counter and Harry is laughing and in that moment they are okay. And they are slipping, slipping, slipping away, but they don’t know that yet. They are young and in love and that is all that matters. They hope that it is all that matters.
They eat poptarts for breakfast. The pancakes were a lost cause as soon as they hit the chorus, the whole house now smelling like burnt chocolate. They figure the sugar is okay for day, especially on Halloween. Harry gets powdered sugar all around his mouth and somehow in his hair and Lily laughs and the sound is music to James’ ears and he kisses the top of her head and in 12 hours his world will end but he does not know that yet and he is happy and that is rare and that is good.
Pete drops by that afternoon, when Harry is down for his nap. He is trembling like a leaf. His face is the colour of ash. His eyes dart around the room and James tries to talk to him while Lily makes tea, but he can’t seem to get any words out. His fingers shake when he takes the mug from Lily. He grips it tight, looking James in the eye.
“This war is never going to end,” the words are but breaths on his lips, but he says them with finality, with a fear and an understanding that James has never heard his friend use. And he does not know what Peter is going to do. He does not know how truly terrified his best friend is. He does not know that betrayal slinks through his veins, the reason for the shaking of his fingers. He does not know that Peter is anything other than good.
“It will,” Lily says with a finality of her own, the words laced with hope. James smiles slightly, squeezing Pete’s shoulder.
“Someday it will.”
The words are not enough. The hope is not enough. The fear still wins.
Peter leaves, his skin slightly closer to its normal complexion. Lily grips James’ hand as they watch him leave through the front window, watching him walk down the street before apparating out of sight.
“He’ll be okay,” Lily says, squeezing James’ hand. He nods, leaning towards her and kissing her forehead. They stay like that for a little bit, hands entangled, heartbeats in sync. One being, connected by love.
And in a few hours, their heartbeats will cease, their breaths will slow. And they are slipping, slipping... But not yet. Not yet.
Lily sits with her legs curled under her later that night, nestled safely against James’ side. He is shooting red sparks in the air for Harry, and they watch him as he grabs for the dashes of light, utterly transfixed. James is laughing and Lily is smiling and these are the moments she keeps close to her heart, these are the moments she wants to remember, not the darkness, but the light.
What happens next happens in slow motion and at break-neck speed all at once. There is someone there. And then James is telling her to go, and he doesn’t have a wand and she cannot tell him she loves him one last time. His laughter still rings in her ears when she hears his body fall. Her heart stops. But somehow she keeps moving.
And Harry is quiet, but he looks up at her with wide eyes and she whispers to him and there is no way out, the window is too high to jump from and she can’t apparate without her wand, and she is defenceless but she is Harry’s defence and she will not let him die.
She stands tall, bites her lip, James’ laughter still singing in her ear. She keeps that moment strapped to her chest like a shield. Harry is crying behind her and she puts all her useless hope into that boy, and he will live, he will live, he will.
As she slips, she thinks of James, of Harry, of her family. They are together, even in the end. Together, together, together. The only word they could manage to keep.
And she slips away.
The best day of her life goes like this:
She wakes up with her cheek scrunched against her Charms book, which is lying on the arm of the common room sofa. Her legs are tucked up against her chest, covered by a soft blanket. James must have put the blanket on her. They’d been up so late doing Prefect schedules and then studying for their Charms test on Monday, she must have fallen asleep.
The room is still dark around her, and she can see the first reaches of the sun through the window, the light pushing away the stars. Lily sighs. She does not know that in a few hours she will be laughing as she kisses James Potter. She does not know the way his hand will sneak around her waist, pulling her closer to him. As of now, her neck hurts and head feels foggy and when she looks around the room she sees that James is asleep in the chair by the dying fire and her stomach jumps.
That’s been happening a lot lately, she sees him and her heart beats quickens, her stomach slips out from under her. Every time he runs his hand through his hair it’s like a thousand tiny birds are flying in her ears, like there are flowers blooming in her heart, when he smiles, the stars rush into her brain, and suddenly everything is bright.
She has a crush on James Potter.
She collects her things, making her way upstairs to hopefully get a little more sleep before she has to officially wake up. As she passes James she stops to cover him with the blanket, and he stirs slightly. Her stomach jolts once again.
They’re just friends, and she is lucky to have that, and yes he asked her out that one time in fifth year but that doesn’t mean he still feels that way. Later that day she will find out he does, that she has been the centre of his solar system for quite some time, but she does not know that yet. Now she frowns slightly, moving away from him and up the stairs, reaching her dorm and then promptly collapsing on her bed.
It is one of the last nice days of the year, the October air crisp but still warm, the leaves just starting to fall, covering Hogwarts in colour. They decide to put the books away for one afternoon, and instead spend some time by the lake, just taking in the last few hours or warmth.
Lily and James sit together under a maple tree, playing wizards chess. Sirius is sprawled out in the grass a few feet away from them, and he keeps yelling out moves to James’ pieces, hoping to screw him up.
Lily wins the first game, James, the second, and they are about halfway through the third when Lily can’t stop glancing at the way he bites his lip right before he makes a move and how his fingers knot pieces of grass together in his lap and suddenly she is speaking. She doesn’t even think, the stars in her head keep clouding her thoughts, she just speaks.
“Hey, remember in fifth year, when you asked me out?” Her words shake slightly, and his cheeks go pink, as if embarrassed.
“Merlin don’t remind me,” he runs a hand through his hair. “I was such a git back then.”
She looks down at her hands, twisting her fingers together. She takes a deep breath, deciding just to say it. Because the sun is bright, and her thoughts are but bits of stardust and he is smiling and she wants to see him smile for the rest of her life.
“Well if you were to do that again I would definitely say yes,” she meets his eyes, he looks incredibly confused. “The asking me out part, not the being a git part.”
“What?”
He’s just staring at her. He still looks confused, as if he can’t quite believe what she’s saying, and Lily can feel her cheeks turn red and she decides that it is time to act. And so she leans across the chessboard and kisses him.
His hands are steady on her waist, hers loop around his neck, and behind them Sirius is whooping and Marlene is clapping but in that moment they are the only two people in the universe. The break apart eventually, and she can taste his smile on her lips.
“Go out with me, Evans?”
She just laughs and kisses him again, her laughter slipping down his throat and filling his lungs with light. The world around them does not matter anymore, the danger that is out there falls away because they are together and they are laughing and smiling and there is joy in the space between them. They are but two stars, creating a constellation.
And for a second they are okay. Their fingers intertwine and she presses a kiss to his forehead and she feels like everything is right for the first time in years. Their friends all wolf-whistle around them and Lily’s heart thumps in her chest as she looks at James, her love dripping from her fingers like paint.
