Work Is Still Work, Without Or Without Commuting
There are good days and bad days, but I am beyond grateful to have her. Now, neither me nor my husband can understand how we could have wanted to delay having a kid. Still, it isnt all roses. I am staying at home, currently and I take it really seriously. I could sit and watch soap operas all day, just the same as my husband could browse the internet at his desk job, instead of working. But he doesn't and neither do I. Partially because we are mature people who take our responsibilities seriously. And partially because there are consequences. He might get fired. The house would desinigrate. Our relationship would suffer. He leaves the house to work, in order to make our lives manageable, possible and comfortable. I do the same, except instead of stepping out the door, my job is right outside my unopen eyelids. He respects me. He respects that I've got a 24/7 career with (societally speaking) no tangible pay or advancements, especially now that we've got a kid.
Even with his support, it is still incredibly difficult. People ask 'so what do you do, now?' and they don't mean the laundry. Or they inquire, 'do you do anything else, outside of the house?' And they don't mean the shopping. Yeah, I do, but it will never be enough to satisfy you or anyone else, because no, I am not inundated in a mind numbing number of activities. My time belongs to raising a human life and caring for another with whom I exchanged vows and trust, to that extent. On the one hand, I feel ashamed and like I need to justify my decision, but on the other hand, I know that if they spent a day in my life, taking it as seriously as I take it, they would respect me as much as my husband does. And take my job seriously.
The truth is, I won't have kids forever. So, yeah, I want to have a back-up plan for when they no longer need me to prepare them for this storm we call life. And I do exist outside of my husband's identity. Just as he exists outside of mine. We brought our identities together, though. And we vowed to support each other, so no, we don't pursue things alone. That paragraph should be more than enough justification, considering that I shouldn't have to justify myself at all.
keepingthedarknessatbay
