#monochromaticmickey

[gatsbysmansion]

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[writerlyn]

A teenage boy, David with a dream of being a filmmaker moves to Los Angeles when his mother gets a new job. He meets a group of outcasts called The Rejects who are in a constant "war" with the richer kids called the Perks. David falls in love with a girl named Annabel who is a part of the group. David goes through both happy and sad moments throught his time in Los Angeles until one of his friends dies in a car accident changing his life forever.

Hello!

Right of the bat, people are tired of films about people who want to make films.  Yes, there are successful examples, but people find it a bit tiring.  Change it to something else ambitious.  Even photography or play writing is fine.  But films, no.  It’s difficult to do now (especially after Super 8)

Also, saying “goes through both happy and sad moments throught his time…" is a bit redundant.  We know a movie will have ups and downs.  It’s a filler sentence that doesn’t do much to further our understanding of the plot or the screenplay.

In construction of the pitch, I am left confused.  Is the story about the war between the Rejects and the Perks, and the love interest is one of the Perks, making it a Romeo and Juliet movie?  Is it a movie about life in Los Angeles? Is it about the car accident and the change in his life?  All of these would be good movies, but all crammed together they seem difficult to understand.

Also, if the movie is about the change in his life after his friends died, then the rest of the pitch seems somewhat superfluous.  There’s not as big of a reason to CARE about the clique wars (especially in a pitch) if we know the movie is going to hinge around a car accident. 

(My favorite movie that has a car accident as one of the MAJOR PLOT POINTS yet isn’t a movie about a car accident is Remember the Titans.  Seriously good movie.)

So yes.  Iron out what exactly this movie is about, and it should be good.  Coming of age movies are cheap to make, and easy to sell.