#morchella thoughts

[lavenderblendthoughts]

[lavenderblendthoughts]

deranged sparkle back in action

[lavenderblendthoughts]

oh ya know, back at it again with the personal

i so crave being at different juncture in my life. so much of it just feels like a phenomenal waiting game. waiting to be done with grad school, waiting to be licensed, waiting for this job, waiting for this healthcare. being a regularly depressed person is not tremendously helpful. who knew in adulthood you’d have to find a way to nurture hope, motivation, curiosity. to be brave enough to think tomorrow is a better day and using patience and grace when it’s not. to envision and dream of a better world, while living under violent and collapsing institutions.

such a short time we all have for any of this.

having to conceptualize a the magnitude of inhumanity that our bodies metabolize in our nervous systems, then sit in front of our emails pretending we haven’t been shaped personally on a cellular level by the cruelty.

i also think about how lovely humans are when we’re allowed to be, when we allow ourselves to be. like the lovely gentleman who shared with me that he made my birria tacos extra crispy, or my folks who drove three hours just to take me out to dinner, or my friend who helped me file paperwork.

oh, there’s love and tenderness all around.

anyway, tomorrow will be better or it won’t, and we’ll do it again and again or something.