I have this dream. It's kind of like a happy place in my mind. It happens whenever I listen to sweet disposition by the temper trap. When I was in year ten, we went to the zoo for biology and it was a really beautiful day and I remember coming back on the train listening to the temper trap and looking out the window, feeling absolutely at peace. I had good friends for the first time in years and I didn't know where I was going in the bigger picture but I didn't care because that train was leading me home and home didn't seem so awful anymore. So whenever I listen to that song, I see that train and I feel the glow of that sunlight and I'm at peace. But I don't imagine the train leading me back here anymore. I imagine it leading me far away, just carrying on for miles while I stare out that same window and feel the sunlight on my face. I think that for religious people heaven isn't just a reward for good behaviour, it's an end to the circus and so they welcome it gladly. It's home for them, even before they've been there. I think my train vision is a similar concept, it's not quite heaven but it's definitely long way from hell. A long way from the circus. So when I'm feeling erratic and out of control, I go back to the train in my mind and I feel it carrying me away. Carrying me towards the sun. And I'm the only one on there. It's just me and the sunlight breaking through the trees outside. And it's not scary or lonely, it's the closest I've ever felt to quiet inside my own head. I always tell people that I can't mediate and it's true, I'm awful at it but sometimes I think dreams are just as magic. You might be able to find silence with meditation, but I find heaven inside a train. #morethoughts #eventhonooneasked #wontstoptillitsover #itsaphilosophicalkindofday
