#morgan's thoughts

[heckin-music-dork]

So I'm rewatching Star Wars Rebels, but I'm watching it in Spanish (bc my dub on Disney+ was already set to Spanish so Might As Well)

So anyway, in episode 2, the scene on Kessel when they're rescuing the Wookies and Ezra's like "care to let me in on the secret" and Kanan's like "kid, I'm about to let everyone in on the secret"- but instead of translating "kid" to niño or chico here, Kanan said "hijo". "Son". And anyway I'll be crying forever now

[morganski-19]

I wanna talk about Buck and his name, so here is my rant.

Buck prefers to be called Buck. That's the main point. That's pretty much the end of the conversation. It's very clear from the narrative in season 4, and his constant correction of his parents, that he wants to be called Buck and not Evan. He doesn't like being called by his legal first name, he doesn't resonate with it anymore.

Why is this so important, for a lot of reasons. Preferred names are as simple as "I want to be called this, so please call me this." It's a basic sign of respect, and how you respect a person through the way they want to be called and identified. It's the same as Bobby being called that instead of Robert, Eddie being called that instead of Edmundo, Hen being called that instead of Henrietta, and so on.

So why are there still conversations around Buck and his want to be called that instead of Evan? I know why, but for the sake of amicability, I won't mention it. What I will mention, are the two people that are allowed to call Buck Evan, and why those make sense.

The first and most important one is Maddie. She, very early on in the show, for the most part, called Buck Evan pretty interchangeably. This is for a few reasons. One, she is getting used to the name change, and anyone who has gone through that change can tell you that they make mistakes along the way. Two, she still likes calling him Evan, because it's her little brother's name. When she called/calls him Evan, there isn't any malice behind it. She was the only person to love him through and through since the day he was born, therefore, she gets Evan rights. I know many people, whether they are cis and go by a nickname or trans, that let people they love call them by their assigned name simply because they love them, and know they are loved in return (this isn't always the case but just a point I wanted to make). There isn't malice, just love. That is why Maddie can call him Evan.

Now, Eddie. Eddie's use of Evan is one of the most talked about things especially when it comes to the buddie community. But I'm going to talk about why Eddie doesn't necessarily get Evan privileges the way Maddie does, and how I don't think he will use it often, or at all, in the future.

Eddie called Buck Evan for two reasons. One was to get his attention and to call Buck out of his mental spiral. Eddie knew that Buck was spiraling, and the unnaturalness of Eddie calling Buck by his first name would pull him into the moment. The second was for the narrative purpose of showing the audience that Eddie knew Buck more than anyone else, which was especially important for Buck's story for the season, and that episode alone. There were three moments that I can think of where Buck's reckless actions were misunderstood, strictly from season 4. When his mother was yelling at him in the flashback when he crashed his bike, when Taylor yelled at him for climbing up the construction rig where there was no protection, and when Bobby questioned said that it wasn't Buck's fault Eddie got shot. None of these things properly explained why Buck did those things. He knows he's not indestructible, invincible, or at fault for Eddie getting shot. That doesn't matter to him. All he can think about is how it wouldn't matter if he died or was the one who got shot because he believed to his core that he is expendable. That his presence in other people's lives isn't enough, and that he will always be the outlier that is able to be lost.

It isn't true, but it's what he believes. And only one person understands that. Eddie.

So when Eddie called Buck Evan, it was to negate everything that was swirling around in Buck's mind. It was a statement of "I know you, I see you, I understand you, and I love you."

Other than in that moment, Eddie never calls Buck Evan. Simply for what I already said. He knows Buck, sees him, understands him, and loves him.

To repeat what I said up at the top, Buck asking people to call him Buck is a simple preference and sign of respect. Other than Maddie and Eddie, everyone else in his life respects that. The people who don't call Buck Buck, don't fully respect or understand him. It's as simple as that.

[morganupstead]

If I'm a little MIA I'm currently being ravaged by some of the worst cramps in recent memory today. Today has been the epitome of that TikTok sound that goes like "Being a woman is exhausting".

I can't remember the last time I was this physically exhausted on my period, because you know that if I'm not scrolling Tumblr all day there must be no energy left at all lmfaoo.

I'm trying to read through some chenford fics too bc everything people have posted I've been loving lately

[morganski-19]

Eddie Diaz, a man that makes the most impulsive life-changing decisions without ever really thinking them through, always has someone questioning his actions.

Shannon continued to question his decision to join the military, probably never fully understanding his side.

His parents continue to question literally everything he does, but specifically moving to LA.

Everyone questioned his decision when he left the 118, wondering if it was the best course of actions for him.

But when Buck figured out that he was moving to El Paso, he didn't question it. He didn't tell him not to do it. He jumped on board immediately, and doesn't stop to question it.

Is this really the first time that someone listened and understood why Eddie does something without questioning it? Is this the first time that Eddie felt listened to and understood?

[morganski-19]

The Buddie Argument - Buck's Perspective. 911 8x09 Spoilers.

Buck's abandonment issues really ran rampant in this episode, which we all knew was inevitable, but it was really nice to see it gone about in this way.

When we left them in 8a, Buck was left with the realization that Eddie was leaving, and with that comes an influx of feelings. Since there was no time skip between last episode and this one, we really see those issues come in full force, without Buck even realizing they're happening.

Buck wants to be supportive of Eddie, but he is his own worst enemy. When it came to the house showings, he constantly put his foot in his mouth, and kept talking when he shouldn't have. It wasn't in a malicious way, he genuinely thought he was helping, but his mouth was running faster than his mind.

Which led into the inciting action of the argument, where Eddie got rightfully mad at Buck for ruining the showings. I'll talk more about Eddie's perspective of this moment in another post, but I wanted to make sure to mention here that Eddie is not unreasonable for being mad at Buck.

Nor is Buck unreasonable for being upset and catastrophising what Eddie says when he thinks Buck isn't listening. (also Eddie is not at fault for saying that either, his mind is very single focused right now, and that can make him say things he doesn't entirely mean).

So that leads to Buck biting back, thereby trying to make his own hurt less painful but hurting Eddie back. He goes to adopt the dog, which comes with the comments of "this is my new best friend" and "I won't abandon him". Both statements said because of his hurt.

Which in this scene, comes to ahead when Buck lets it slip that Eddie's moving. A statement that was meant to target Eddie, but had unintended consequences.

Then when it comes to giving the dog back to his owner, Buck uses this as a way to realize his hurt, and the damage he's done, and wants to fix it. The dog itself is a metaphor for a few things, but right now is the manifestation of Buck's abandonment issues.

Which is why him directly confronting and acknowledging his issues in the argument with Eddie immediately after this is so poignant. Not to mention that it show Buck's own growth as he's able to recognize not only his own feelings, but how they hurt Eddie, which is something that took him a lot longer to acknowledge when it came to the lawsuit arc in s3.

But, it also makes him overcompensate. Meaning, he is the one to sublet Eddie's house. Which has so many layers to it that it'll be a post in itself.

Overall, this reaction from Buck was very well written, and was done in a way that showed growth of his character. While some people may say that this was a regression, the ending scene showed that it wasn't. Eddie being a person that Buck places a lot of stability on, and with how rocky Buck's life has been in the past few months, it makes sense that Buck's abandonment issues resurface. By bringing it up, and dispelling them in the end of the episode, both solidifies Buck's growth as well as his and Eddie's bond.

[morganski-19]

Eddie leaving is sad for Buck for mainly two reasons.

One, not only is Buck having someone he loves in his life leave him again, but it's also one of the only instances in which a this person leaves for a reason that Buck, in the moment, completely understands and supports. He can't put himself between Eddie and Chris, and would completely understand Eddie's need to be near his son again. There aren't any unanswered questions, there isn't anything left uncertain. It feels complete.

Two, Eddie is the person that I would consider to be Buck's largest constant, and someone that he places a lot of stability on. Yes, there is Maddie and the team, but he and Eddie have one aspect to their relationship that makes them separate to Buck's relationship with the rest of the team. That being the ability to break through a conversational wall, and say something, and have the other person completely understand what it means without further question. Buck doesn't have that with everyone else in the way that he has it with Eddie. He can say what he needs, or say something random, and instead of questioning it or needing further clarification, Eddie knows exactly what Buck is trying to say. That is something that is not common, and only shows the intense bond these two characters have. To lose that is extremely sad.

[morganski-19]

The Buddie Argument - Eddie's Perspective Spoilers 8x09

Eddie is really being placed between a rock and a hard place in this episode. He feels incredibly disconnected from his son, and with the limited contact, feels that the only way to mend their bond is to go to Texas and be there in person. Which is true. Nothing is happening over the phone, so he needs to go to Texas in some capacity to properly get the ball rolling toward reconciliation.

And, much like he said in the episode, why would he take his son out of an environment he's thriving in, when he could move to that environment. Eddie's own needs don't matter in this moment, only Chris' do.

So he moves. He puts his house up for a subletter and he buys a place in Texas. And Buck, who is vowing to help Eddie fix his problems, is only making it worse.

Which leads to the beginning of the argument. Eddie is completely justified in lashing out at Buck here. Buck made a complete fool of himself, and messed up all of the showing of that day. Buck, who is the fixer, who is the one that Eddie can count on for support no matter what, is sabotaging everything. In Eddie's mind, he's trying to infiltrate Eddie's plans because of his own feelings.

Does that remind you of anyone?

So Eddie lashes out and tells Buck to leave. Which he has every right to do. This is where we get the line where Eddie claims that he has no ties here in Texas anymore.

Which he doesn't mean, or at least, not in the way Buck hears it.

Eddie does have ties in LA. He has Buck, he has the team, he has his entire support system. But in Eddie's self-sacrificing mind, those things don't matter in this decision. It doesn't matter that he'll hate living in Texas, or he's leaving everything behind. The only thing that matters to him in this moment is Chris. So that's the only tie that matters to him.

Not to mention that the ties he has in LA aren't necessarily severed in Eddie's mind. There's only a one hour time difference between LA and El Paso, so they're all practically a phone call away. He can still have support from afar. Just not in person anymore.

Furthermore, this is a high stress moment for Eddie, where he's not only trying to scrounge to fix all his problems, but he now feels betrayed by the one person who never betrays him. So he says something he doesn't really mean. Something he has done many times before.

The stress continues as Buck continues to fuck things up. It wasn't in his right to tell the team that Eddie was leaving. And he realizes that in the episode, which is why that last scene in there.

As far as that last scene, it's a parallel to so many other fights that Eddie's had. Where he feels like he isn't being heard, and he feels betrayed. So he gets loud and bites first, and puts words in Buck's mouth to try and get the fight to blow up. He's not expecting Buck to come in level headed and explain himself in a logical way. He's expecting it to become a screaming match. So he makes it worse to protect himself.

Then everything comes to fruition. And Eddie doesn't know how to react to that. He's so taken aback he's brought to tears.

Because, this is the first time anyone's helped him without him asking, without him begging. This is the first time anyone's understood what he's done without trying to talk him out of it. Without trying to insert themselves into his decision.

This is the first time he's had unbridled support and love.

Whether he realizes that or not, he's about to lose it.

And I would like to have seen Eddie say the direct words, "I'm sorry" to Buck about what he said. But relationships sometimes get to a point where those words aren't as important as everything that comes with the phrase. An apology is only good with the substance around it. There's also the possibility that Eddie hasn't seen how wrong what he said was yet, and we'll be getting that apology later.

There's a moment in the reveal scene where Eddie's defenses completely break, and you see his vulnerability. You see the shock and the sorry on his face. Because everything is rewriting in his mind. The narrative that he's believed for so long, that he can only ever do anything by himself, it's wrong. He's not alone. He's not the sole fighter.

This was a set up for that realization to come later on. And whether that comes with an apology or a call back to what Eddie said, it'll still be satisfying to see.

[morganski-19]

If Maddie being kidnapped in the promo is a misdirect for Buck actually being the one being kidnapped, I think this is what all the NDE's allusions have been to.

Because, despite the throw away ones in the background, most of all of the NDE allusions have been Buck and Eddie centric. And I made a connection that I think could be huge in terms of this scenario.

I said in a previous post that I think the car accident in episode 5 was alluding to Shannon's car accident, and I think that interpretation is crucial to this theory.

All of the NDE's have had some connection to Chris. That cannot be a coincidence.

The car accident, his mother died.

The well, his father almost dies.

The lightning strike, a permanent figure, a father figure in his life almost dies.

The tsunami, he almost dies

And what about the other time that Buck and Eddie were kidnapped? His life was threatened by their captors.

Not to mention that during that kidnapping, Buck and Eddie spent the entire episode protecting each other, and Buck for a split second thought that Eddie had died. Therefore, becoming another possible NDE.

All of those instances are either connected directly to Chris, or show how he is affected by it. Some of them are also part of the motivations for Eddie leaving the 118 in season 5, something that he is repeating again.

I think that these allusions are not only foreshadowing something that is happening in 8b, but also bringing up important moment that are huge motivators for the characters in the past.