And then, she changed her mind
With a sad echo, she's all her own
She shook the blame, she changed her name
She could hear the rain outside even though she couldn't see it in the windowless dark. She could feel it too, cold on the bare skin of her back where she lay staring at the wall --pretending that everything hadn't just changed in the blink of an eye.
"Nightmares are not unusual things, Elissa. They come to us all at one time or another." The words were spoken near a whisper, as though the other woman feared what might happen should she startle her with normal volume.
"You find yourself waking up at one time or another and trying to stab the person sharing your bed because you're so convinced whovever slaughtered your entire family has finally found you? Is that what you're telling me?" She laughed, but it was brittle.
"I am not injured. You would see that for yourself if you would stop staring at that wall and turn back over."
"Doesn't matter. I thought they'd stopped because I..." her voice shook, threatening to break as she fought to control her breathing, "I felt safe, with you. I felt... but you aren't safe with me, clearly."
"Elissa..." Morrigan huffed, shifting her lover's weight in the bed as she closed the distance between them and forced her back against the bed where she could make out her eyes in the shadows of her dimly-lit apartment. "I assure you, I do not fear for my safety in your company, in spite of what has happened tonight." She knew that it wasn't entirely true, but allowed the lie of omission as the discussion they were currently having had no direct relation to her growing concern about how ill-prepared either of them were to handle their growing emotional attachment. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Elissa shook her head, but caved immediately after when she could feel the tension in Morrigan's body. Tension she'd placed there, and not in the way she normal enjoyed both the building and release of. She needed to fix this. "It's the same as always. Some of the details shift, but it never stops. No matter how long we're together, it's always going to be like this. I'll never be normal."
"Oh, I am far from normal." the witch snorted, rolling her eyes briefly before fixing a bemused expression on the woman pinned beneath her.
"You don't wake up screaming, or sobbing, or trying to stab people, Morrigan. You never will, because you're stronger than that, you're not--"
"You are not weak, Elissa, and I will not lie here and listen to yo--"
"I am broken, and I don't think it can ever be fixed. Not talking about it isn't going to..." She swallowed hard, fighting down a visible reaction when Morrigan pulled away.
Elissa could see the flash of Morrigan's eyes before she rolled over to get what sleep she could manage before dawn, and knew what words were coming even before she said them. "So long as you are set to believe that, neither I, nor anyone will change it. 'Tis your fear that hobbles you, not the scars of your past."
