#mourning customs

[emmaklee]

coffin plaque used to display time of death

(1900s)

[stellaluna33]

I was reading an article about funeral customs in the 1890s to research a question about Dracula for @thatscarletflycatcher , and a detail (not very relevant to the earlier discussion) that struck me was the mention of a fad for having little girls be pallbearers for the casket of a little girl who had died. And my first reaction was to be rather horrified. "How awful to LITERALLY place the weight of death on the shoulders of a child, just because it seems 'picturesque' to adults!" And maybe that's right. But I keep thinking about it and now I don't know...

Because humans (and maybe ESPECIALLY the Victorians) have always taken comfort in Ceremony when it comes to Death. Whenever a pet died when I was a kid, I always felt like it helped to have a whole funeral ceremony and everything. It helped me process the LOSS and channel that unspent love into some Grand Symbolic Gesture of love and devotion, I guess. And when my daughter's hamster recently died, my daughter WANTED to be involved. She wanted to find a little box for him; she wanted to help shovel the dirt herself; she wanted to find the very best rock she could to mark the grave and decorate it with flowers. It was a very sad experience for her, but I think her involvement actually helped her make peace with it and work through her grief.

It's interesting, because we now tend to deal with Death the way the Victorians dealt with Sex. It's a thing that happens, but we don't talk about it. It's just too upsetting and distasteful. We shield our children from it. We must protect their innocent minds from the unpleasant realities of life! How awful to make children aware of Death! But does that really help? Death is a thing that happens, and in the Victorian Era, it happened much more often and especially to children. If a little girl's friend died, would it REALLY be less traumatic for hushed grown-ups to awkwardly say she'll never see her friend again and she's just GONE? Try to stay calm, we won't talk about it. Or would it actually HELP to have a Job to do? To be able to participate in the Ceremony and be able to process your feelings as part of the community? I don't know, but I'm thinking about it now. We think of the Victorian attitude towards Death as "morbid" and "creepy," and we're uncomfortable with their openness about this universal human experience that we'd rather not think about. But are we really the healthier ones here? Or are WE the "prudes" when it comes to Death?

[triflesandparsnips]

So I just went on a whole tangent talking about Stede's mum, the older lady on the left in this gif:

And y'know what's weird?

She's wearing half-mourning: lavender and grey with black ribbons/detail work, and minimal jewelry (of which her earrings, visible here, could conceivably be made of the mourning-acceptable jet).

Now, was half-mourning a Thing in the early 1700s? No. The most you got was apparently a second mourning, which still mostly involved black clothing; half-mourning wouldn't appear among the wealthy until the early 1800s (Regency period). But equally, white wedding dresses also weren't a Thing until more than 200 years later with the marriage of Queen Victoria, so Mary's ahistorical anyway, and Stede is at least 50 years too soon with his macaroni fashion, so fuck it, let's run a little with Ma Bonnet's vibe.

Who wore half-mourning, when, and for how long, depended on the degree of relationship with the dead. It was also very family-oriented, and, at least prior to the Victorian period, wasn't particularly regimented. So what I see, with Ma Bonnet, is a woman in half-mourning (suitable for a distant relative if the death was recent, or a close relative after the period of full mourning was complete, however long that was), while her son and her husband aren't. Which means that whatever appropriate level of mourning Stede and his father might've done, they've gone well past it-- but Ma Bonnet has stayed in it.

Y'know who got to just stay in mourning if they wanted to, regardless of how much time had passed?

Widows.

So wouldn't it be interesting if, say, Father Bonnet is actually Stede's step-father. If Stede was a lad who grew up either under another, softer sort of fellow, or was raised almost entirely by his mother right up until she married the big local plantation owner who could take care of her and her fatherless son.

And who, upon seeing his new wife's child, a weak little brat who'd spent too much time under only a woman's hand and influence, took it upon himself to man the boy up. Teach him to run the land; send him to boarding school to get some sense whipped into him; find a wife for him when he couldn't manage even that.

(And... listen, when Stede was a boy, he could look Father Bonnet in the eye, and keep his eyes open and staring even when he was being torn down inch by inch. By adulthood, though? He doesn't have that ability anymore. He shrinks into himself. His eyes drop when someone yells at him. He's been under the old man's thumb too long. But this is important: he used to know how to stare.)

Do I have any evidence for this? Not a drop, beyond a guess at a reason for ahistorical costuming choices in a show that literally has a Mad Max leather daddy outfit wandering around pretending to be a real person.

But gosh, wouldn't it be interesting.

[1920sitgirl]

Faceless photos.

[the-gloomth]

The History of Wicker Coffins

The History of Wicker Coffins

You may have noticed the incredible wicker coffin in our recent photoshoot- and yes, it is a real coffin! 

This particular one dates to about the 1890s and is in phenomenal shape! Clearly I really need one in baby pink for my apartment.

View this post on Instagram

Real body transporting wicker coffin at today's shoot!!! ⚰️⚰️⚰️ Model @chthoniccutie Location…

View On WordPress

[abybweisse]

When it was mentioned that Queen Victoria was responsible for making the funeral businesses very successful, I was thinking on Undertaker's work as a funeral director. Is it odd or understandable, that he has at least, mentioned his (strong?) dislike of the queen and-or her money? As a gravedigger, and mortician, and as a funeral director, one might think he'd be pleased on the getting paid in a pile-high of money, but I guess the (ex) Shinigami doesn't care about that.

He doesn’t seem to care about that at all, though it seems he must be accepting at least some money for his funeral services. It’s as an informant that he refuses the queen’s coin.

His reasons for disliking her are more personal, though I imagine it still has something to do with death. Say… the death of a loved one?

[vampireadamooc]

The Hairwork Bracelet A hairwork bracelet is materialized from the spirit world at Christmas.

[rosscountyhistoricalsociety]

    Victorian mourning pins, mid 19th century.

    During the first degree (earliest stage) of mourning a lost spouse or relative, every item of attire a woman wore had to be black, including incidentals like pins. For widows, this stage lasted one year, after which touches of gray and white could be introduced.

From Collier’s Cyclopedia, 1901:

The first mourning is worn for twelve months. Second mourning twelve months also; the cap in second mourning is left off, and the crape no longer covers the dresses, but is put on in tucks. Elderly widows frequently remain in mourning for long periods, if not for the remainder of their lives, retaining the widow's cap, collar and cuffs, but leaving off the deep crape the second year, and afterwards entirely discarding crape, but wearing mourning materials such as Victoria cords, Janus cords, cashmere, and so on.

No ornaments are worn in such deep mourning, except jet, for the first year. Jet is, of course, allowable. Rich silk is, of course, admissible in widows' mourning, especially for evening wear, but it must always be deeply trimmed with crape for the first year, and the quantity afterwards gradually lessened. A silk costume is a very expensive item in a widow's mourning; therefore we only allude to it -- do not set it down as a necessity. The best silks for the purpose are rich, heavy silks, such as grosgrain, drap du nord, satin merveilleux. furs are not admissible in widows' first mourning, though very dark sealskin and astrakhan (a rough kind of cloth with a curled pile) can be worn when the dress is changed. In other mournings, furs are now very generally worn -- that is, after the first few months, but only dark furs.

[...]

It may be as well to sum up what we have said. Duration of mourning: Widow's first mourning lasts for a year and a day. Second mourning cap left off, less crape and silk for nine months (some curtail it to six), remaining three months of second year plain black without crape, and jet ornaments. At the end of the second year the mourning can be put off entirely; but it is better taste to wear half mourning for at least six months longer; and, as we have before mentioned, many widows never wear colors any more, unless for some solitary event, such as the wedding of a child, when they would probably put it off for the day.

[...]

For Grandparents, simple black without a touch of crape, worn for three months, is the rule. After that the usual garments, or garments somewhat modified as to color may be worn according to taste.For Sisters or Brothers, six months' mourning is usually worn. Crape for three, plain black for two, and half mourning for one month; the same sort of stuffs, the crape being put on in keeping with the style of the day; bodice, crape trimmed; jacket of cape, crape trimmed; bonnet of crape with feathers or jet, hat of silk and crape. Veil of hat with crape tuck, hose black silk, Balbriggan or cashmere, handkerchiefs black bordered. Silks can be worn after the first month if trimmed with crape.

For Uncles, Aunts, Nephews, or Nieces, crape is not worn, but plain black, with jet for three months.

For Great Uncles or Aunts, mourning would last for two months without crape.

For Cousins (first), six weeks are considered sufficient, three of which would be in half-mourning, though unusual

For Cousins less closely related, mourning is hardly ever put on unless they have been inmates of the house.

[...]

Children should be dressed in these black washing materials --- that is for summer wear, in preference to the thicker materials, as for young children, crape is soon dispensed with. Neither velvet, satin, nor plus can be worn in mourning - that is in strict mourning - for they are not mourning materials. Attempts have been made to bring in some colors, such as red or violet, and we consider them suitable to slight mourning; but the only color really admissible for half-mourning is gray, or the pales lavender, gray gloves sewn with black, gray and black reversible ribbons, gray and black feathers, gray flowers mixed with black, and so on.

Children under fifteen are not expected to wear mourning, nor should any girl under seventeen wear crape.