☾˟ ━━━ . . . &. NOW LOADING ▆▆ ▆▆ ___ ( SIM B: COLLECT10N ) ___ ¹³
sometimes, it feels like being put in the simulations feels a bit like acting in a movie with a very real risk of pain. if you think about it though, it’s true - there’s always the damsel in distress, the beautiful boy, the villain and the hero. maybe that’s why the collective likes to play around with them so much .. they’re just characters in a movie to them. maybe that’s why they’ve got fans. xiii always wonders which role she’s been forced in, though, and she’s never gotten an answer. she doesn’t think that’s going to change now. in fact, she doesn’t think it’ll ever change.
her feet are slow moving as xiii brings herself to the assigned room, passing by other candidates who look dead in the eyes or just dead tired. something about this simulation itself isn’t quite normal; of that much, she’s sure. it’s not like she hasn’t seen this kind of look before, but not often from coming out of the simulation room. usually it’s after a mission, and that gets her thinking. but her feet don’t take her backwards, they only take her forwards - after all, xiii was picked for this test group after all.
___ ( EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON’T SAY NO TO THE COLLECTIVE. ) ___
she never had much of a choice.
going under is a little unusual, but nothing xiii is too bothered by. it takes a lot longer for the system to boot, which she supposes could be a little nerve wracking for the candidates who haven’t hardened to the situation they’ve been put in yet, but xiii is patient. she waits.
___ ( NOW _ CONNECTED _ TO . . . ) ___
- EFFIE - MOUSE - CINNA - AVOX
she barely has enough time to react to the idea that her entire mind is now connected to not only someone else’s, but more than one - for this simulation, there’s a team, and that’s something new. usually, there’s often just a bunch of npc players she doesn’t really care about. this simulation, though, feels a little too real. especially in the sense that mouse is there with her. it’s not like she was given names, she can just feel the differences and the thought processes but mouse is so familiar to her; she just .. knows. xiii can always find him no matter where he hides.
just the fact that they stuck him in the trial with her is possibly something that xiii should be thinking about because this is the collective. this is quite possibly their way of telling her that they know, but again, she doesn’t have the time to spare.
> DO YOU THINK THEY KNOW ....?
her hands go to her head, eyes squinting shut as she practically hears mouse’s voice swimming across the stream of her thoughts - are these his? is this what he’s thinking? can this machine actually allow her to hear his thoughts? - ... and can he hear hers? one eye opens and it’s still dark, hesitantly she reaches out and calls his name - not with her voice, but with her head.
but there’s no time.
there’s never any time for anything.
all that she has time to do is sink, or swim.
quite literally, because the minute that they’re all connected she’s dropped in the middle of a body of water. it’s a little unexpected but then, this entire lifestyle brings with it the unexpected. for just a few seconds, her lungs fill with water and then she’s rushing to swim to the surface. a gasp of air is all she manages to get before she hears the sound of gunshots, then the sight of bullets sling into her line of vision. there’s a shout of pain, but xiii pays it no mind. it doesn’t feel like mouse, it doesn’t sound like mouse, so she just dives back under the water and does her best to swim as far as she can without much air.
when xiii is finally in safer waters, she surfaces. her eyes quickly scan the group, body drifting of its own accord to mouse’s side. there’s blood in the water, but it’s not his. she would know it. her eyes look through the rest of the faces, all rather unfamiliar to her but only sees effie’s face screwed up in pain. her eyes quickly glance to mouse and then back - she knows what’s bound to happen.
cinna is the one to speak it into existence. “ shoot her.” his lips are pressed into a thin line - it doesn’t look like he’s happy about it, but xiii knows they don’t have a choice. it’s probably for the better, anyway - and this is only a simulation.
effie won’t really die. she’ll just feel it.
one gunshot, and she sinks below the water. xiii doesn’t turn her eyes away.
four remaining. usually, xiii doesn’t group up with more than one person but for a situation like this, one far more combative and a lot more demanding, she thinks it’s probably for the best. the idea of dealing with blood diamonds is already problematic in and of itself - everyone knows all too well the demons and the stories that surround those precious gems. she wonders if this is a kind of mission that the collective really expect of them, in the future. honestly, xiii knows better than to ask.
avox is the one to speak up this time, silent up until now. xiii’s eyes cast over to him, eyes dull as she pulls her braids up under her helmet. “ so what is it all of you can do? what’s your weapon?” xiii knew it was a question that needed to be asked, but it’s one that cinna and avox surely won’t like the answer to when they all look at her. mouse knows all too well what she can do. the problem is, she couldn’t bring in another weapon on her body besides her cylinder. which, in most terms of the word, is almost useless in a combat situation. “ just this.” she finally mumbles, showing off all her defensive gear.
there’s a derisive sound from avox, and she can hear him mutter that they might as well kill her themselves. dead weight. xiii’s eyes flash and in that instant, the helmet starts to fuse to her scalp, closing her off to the world. “ just below the knee, you have a wound. you’re suffering from tendinitis. your shoulder is weak, probably from the way you fell into the water.” he looks at her incredulously - xiii knows it, even if she can’t see it.
“ i’m far from dead weight.” her dull voice mutters, sitting cross legged on the ground. “ i can tell you where exactly the weaknesses are in the infrastructure, even from all the way over here.” she can feel mouse’s fury roll off of him in waves, even if he doesn’t express it - even if he doesn’t appear to be angry at all. it’s just the tenseness of his shoulders, and the way his eyes are on constant alert.
there’s also his voice in her head, cursing avox out in words she doesn’t feel the need to repeat. her fingers brush against his hip as she lays out a detailed plan - as much as she can, anyway, before the second state shivers and leaves her weak again.
> HE’S RIGHT. > IT’S OKAY. JUST STAY WITH ME. > ...
their conversation is silent, and it goes unnoticed by the other two muttering beneath their breath, more than likely about the best way to infiltrate. her eyes fall on mouse, busy inspecting his weapon and barely paying attention to their mutterings - probably more focused on the conversation they’re having together, than the one they should be having as a team.
> MOUSE - > DON’T.
xiii sighs a little and decides not to press the topic. the last thing they need is for mouse to be distracted when he’s the one that’s supposed to take out the two guards in the weakest area so that the other two can sneak in unhindered. xiii is only going with mouse to make sure that if anything comes up and tries to take him out before he manages to do the one thing he’s tasked with, she’s the one who deals with it - by any means necessary.
his feelings start to swell in her, his unsettled manner - at the situation, at what he has to do, at being here with her and knowing all too well what could happen. there’s other things mixed in, too: how warm she feels in the morning, how his heart catches somewhere in his throat whenever she looks at him a certain way, the way his eyes linger on her when she turns away. if avox and cinna see it, they don’t mention it. but then again, she hasn’t heard them in her mind. she hasn’t felt them.
she’s only felt mouse.
her eyes lift to him again and stare. he pointedly doesn’t look at her, but he doesn’t have to. she knows what he’s feeling.
cinna and avox stand, and the moment’s broken. xiii’s distracted, but not enough from the feeling of odd contentment, but also the unsettled nerves resting somewhere in her chest. she hasn’t felt like this before.
but there’s no time to sit and think on it. there’s never been any time.
it really does start to feel too much like a movie. the two lovers alone in a dangerous situation, hearts beating as one. she might have even thought it, at one moment. xiii could have sworn she heard mouse snort.
> I’D HAVE PICKED A BETTER MOVIE. > I’LL BE IN ANY MOVIE WITH YOU.
his eyes sneak back at her, though xiii’s face doesn’t portray the thought. it’s still just the same as before, staring dully back at him until she nods at his gun. “ pay attention.” this, she says aloud - probably a mistake. xiii isn’t usually prone to making them, but she thought they were safe. she thinks anywhere with mouse is safe. but if this is a movie, there’s bound to be some trouble around the corner. the collective wouldn’t stand for something as boring as the star crossed lovers taking the easy path - and they are in blood diamond, gang territory. there is a warlord on a rampage. she should have known better.
a child soldier slips from the tall grasses they set camp in, and in his hands: a gun. first, she thinks of the mission - then she thinks of mouse. she wonders if they’re both one and the same when she blocks the shot with her own body, because mouse is too slow to react. it’s not as if he has eyes in the back of his head.
but the gunshot alerts him, and even though his weapon is far more suitable for long range, it does just as well when the bullet rips through the child’s chest and spatters blood and other parts of his humanity on the grass. but xiii doesn’t pay attention to what happens to him, she knows there’s no time -
there was never any time.
her fingers are stained red as she pulls them away from the wound in her belly - xiii knows she’s going into shock, with the way her body shakes. she grows cold and alarmingly hot at the same time, eyes clenched shut and jaw set -
and there’s still the wild thoughts that run through her head. the cursing, the scrambling, pain that isn’t her own mixing with her own, a constant struggle - she opens her eyes to see mouse hovering over her, fussing over the wound, screaming in his head, wild eyed and wild thoughts.
her hand clenches at his shirt and she looks at him with vacant eyes.
> KILL ME. > NO. WE CAN MAKE IT. > YOU KNOW WE’RE BOTH BETTER OFF.
he doesn’t want to. in his head, there’s the picture: xiii sleeping in his bed, xiii kissing him in the dead of night, xiii using her fingers to raise goosebumps on his skin. all of it is now tainted with xiii, now bleeding, xiii - now dying. she takes in a raspy breath; she knows he doesn’t want to. but he has to.
> THEY’RE WAITING FOR YOU. AND I’LL BE ON THE OTHER SIDE. > I CAN - > MOUSE. PLEASE.
xiii has never asked him for anything like this before. she hopes she never has to do it again.
the last thing she sees is the pain in his eyes,
then white. they’ll succeed without her.
she remembers sitting in a room, at a terminal, answering questions. funny that xiii is brought back to the start of her life here, and in this moment, there’s that question again on the computer screen:
___ ( WHAT’S AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL? ) ___
she was right back then. there’s N O T H I N G .
