#mrclandestine

[beforethecrash]

Dustin made this shirt. It’s kinda awesome.

[beforethecrash]

[beforethecrash]

Reflections on the imaginary domestic terrorism of Cobra

On the eve of the opening of the new G.I. Joe movie I decided to revisit my childhood obsession in it’s original form. I spent the day watching the many episodes that span from years, and ended the night with the little known but highly underrated G.I. Joe movie. You really should give it a look. Somewhere between hour 5-13 I started to develop an uneasiness about the whole thing. It became less about the cartoon and more about, well, plainly, how the fuck did all this stuff even happen?

I mean, what are the origins of this domestic terrorist organization Cobra? They never really make any mission statement known and their only mission seems to be to kill and or disrupt and cause havoc to socio economic infrastructures. Which in any real world scenario, given all that they do, I’m sure would have to be ramifications on a very large scale. I can’t imagine the average person willingly leaving their house for any reason, especially work, knowing that at any moment a large army of men dressed in blue suits and masks can at will release some sort of chemical toxin in the middle of any number of large metropolises. HOW FUCKING FUCKED would that be? I’m going to fucking Steak N Shake with some fine bitch I just met and outta nowhere a war breaks out. With the public afraid to leave the house, the whole deck of cards falls. No one spends money, no money for taxes, less government officials are able to be paid, military loses funding and so forth and so on. Speaking of this army, where do they recruit these assholes? Is this an organization one is to join immediately after high school? Is there an aptitude test to qualify and is a college diploma even required? With the constant waring between factions the death toll just has to be unimaginable. Does Cobra Commander and or Destro sign every condolence letter sent to the homes of the mothers and fathers of the fallen? Or is it more like the C.I.A. and they deny any knowledge of them whatsoever working for them. Is it an LLC for that matter? Where the fuck are they getting the continual revenue stream to support their cause? They have pretty cool weapons, huge ships and massive compounds that obviously require funds to build and don’t even get me started on where the fuck they hide these places, and the maintenance… logistical nightmare. Is their maintenance staff all in house or is it outsourced. If it is I’m sure it’s to undocumented Mexican people which isn’t really all that bad until you consider that this person came to this country for a better life and maybe they didn’t know much about who they were working for. So when the Joe’s come in there bombing the shit out of the place, they’re just caught in the middle. Probably died wiping the shit off the outer edges of a toilet bowl. DESKS OMG is there an administration department in there? Gotta be a few interns walking around just filing papers and requisites for more troops or equipment.

What about morale? They’re constantly getting their asses kicked by the Joe’s. That can’t be good for recruitment either. Is there an entertainment committee? You know, like, some superstar comes to sing for the troops and such. I’d like to think somewhere along the lines they’d book Ke$ha or Adam Lambert.

I don’t know, the whole thing sounds pretty crazy to me. But, a paycheck is a paycheck I suppose.