#mrcoolguy

[therajbareillyboy03]

#bareillyan #mrcoolguy #mridulmadhok #bareillycollege❤ #bollywood (at Civil Lines, Bareilly) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4sG7JLHyI4aGQmG_QipDjYq4FJpU84l559s5s0/?igshid=1kd8ef8k9y0bq

[jaehavana]

Happy Father's Day to this awesome guy. He's more then my Dad, but a mentor, my best friend and someone I continue to look up to everyday of my life. Love you Pops! #fathersday #mrcoolguy #dad

[iridescent177]

Little things that hurt

Just as I thought it does not hurt anymore, I believe I was ready to clear that file containing our stuff. I opened that file and there were some of our pictures, holding hands. And we were very happy in those pictures. I was smiling broadly beside you.

 It has been 7 months since last I talked to you and to be honest, I already forgot the way you talk, the sound of your voice. Then, I found a video, recorded in 2015 when we were eating at Harvest Inn. Our last meeting before I flew back to Ottawa that end of summer. There I go again listening to your voice and it hurts me because it was once really familiar to my ears. It’s okay tho because I had already deleted the video now. I am not dwelling on the memories that I was the one decided to not keep it.

And I found a Word file and the content is the draft I wrote for your birthday wish. And I have decided I want to bury the draft here

“ They told me some people came to your life as a lesson, some came as a blessing. And this cool person is definitely the latter.  We don’t know our ending, enough that we believe the epilogue is already written for us. It’s not our call. But, whatever ending it would be, I am wishing the best for you. Thanks for teaching me some lessons in life. E.g embrace the difference and appreciate each other.  This world would be so lame if we all are supporting chelsea. Thanks for showing me I couldn’t have everything I want. I might say if I work hard for it, I might get it. But no, everybody is given what he/she need and what he/she got is just enough. And lastly, thanks for proving me that time will heal everything. It has been a great 7 years knowing you personally. And I do hoping for more years if I had been given the chance. Whatever it is, thanks for everything. Viel Gluck Zum Geburstag. Ich hab dich lieb. Have a blast year ahead and may Allah bless.”

You are still the blessing of my life because you had taught me a lot of things, the goods and the bads. And there is no way I would take any of them for granted. I am sorry again for all this mess and I really hope that you dont hate me.

I promise there will be a person that going to take care of you and make your heart grows fonder with love. She will be better than anyone else. She will deserve you as much as you deserve her. And hopefully, she will fix all the mess I had incurred upon you.

I am missing our memories, those of our little things and sorry for this breakdown.

If Yamin is reading this, I am sorry if this post hurts you. I need to write this as putting this feeling in words will calm me a bit. And I love you Yamin.

[iridescent177]

Painful sometimes

When you choose from two. There is 50:50 chance you will regret your selection. No matter how much you said I am gonna choose my path and I gonna live it by with no regrets. The remorse feeling will still be haunting you. I was and am aware of two different attitudes Yamin and Dzul have. Maybe I was with Dzul for far too long that we got really comfortable with each other that makes us very close together. With Yamin, I always feel a gap. Feels like this guy does not like me. He only needs me when he needs it. He is lack of affection and I feel it through my bones. With Dzul, when I was with him, there were 30% chances he will abandon me. Otherwise, he always stood by me, listening to everything I had to say and even sharing the silent when I said nothing when we were on the phone. He's always there. Time we spend together is very limited because each of us has different individual task to be fulfilled. But, if we cant both spend time together or provide some times to text/call each other. What do we have left? It is painful sometimes to think we made the wrong decision and we gonna live with it.

[jaehavana]

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My Dad, he needs to Relaax! Haha Love you! 😂😂😂#mrcoolguy #mydad #relaax

[jaehavana]

Mr. Tyson loves his new haircut! Love this little guy. 🐶#dogsofinstgram #mrtyson #dogs #dogsofinsta #haircut #mrcoolguy

[juicylishious]

#mrcoolguy

[iridescent177]

Collateral Beauty

I hope you'll find a collateral beauty from this. This hurts me too. Maybe not as bad as it hurts you. But the point is the pain is mutual. I dont know words to say or what to do to ease the pain cause pain doesnt seem like it's gonna disappear. I cant even talk to anybody because I am so wrong and nobody could provide me answer for this. Why would they when me myself stuck in this confusion. This maze. The thing abt stucking in maze is we dont know if we choose the correct intersection until the end. I am letting you go syg because I can keep you no more.