He Ate What? Episode 1
Yesterday began the Day of the Hyper Puppy. Oh yes. I should have known I was in trouble when after coming home from an adventure at the park, Mr. H quickly ran into the kitchen and upon claiming the counter as his, promptly ate one of the poppy seed muffins that sat oh so nicely in the pan. Being used to such acts, I ninja chopped it from his mouth and then played "Fish the Food" out of his mouth. I'm very good at that game.
But upon having tasted Nirvana, Mr. H decided human food was just too good to NOT try again. And he did. After dinner he led me on a wild goose chase of hyper puppy (or maybe he was still high from some errant poppy seeds, who knows?) around the house which turned out to be an elaborate act to get me to drop my guard so he could ninja pounce on my cheesecake.
Oh, my poor cheesecake.
Let's talk about this cheesecake for a moment shall we? I don't often get the craving for cheesecake but last night at dinner it was screaming my name from the battered dessert case. So I indulged. I took that bad boy home to enjoy in the privacy of my own home and as not to scare away the other customers from my moaning of the pure awesomeness of it. And boy was I ever so happy I did. It was creamy, moist, and the perfect balance of sweetness, creaminess, and graham cracker crust. I was in Heaven!
And then I put it down to deal with Hyper Mr. H, which looked a heck of a lot like a mini tornado, and forgot I had left it in prime Puppy Poaching territory on our counter.
My bad. I forgot you own the counters AND the floor AND the walls Mr. H.
So I turned and see Mr. H gulping down the last half of my glorious sight of cheesecake. Emotions flickered through my mind as I moved to put him into a headlock any WWE wrestler would be envious of and play "Fish the Food" from his mouth again. I was mad he ate MY cheesecake, scared the cheesecake would hurt him, disappointed I couldn't finish MY cheesecake, worried it would set off our hard won poo problems into more goopy messes, and among other conflicting emotions, happy I didn't have to deal with the guilt about the excess calories. But by the time I finished getting as much as I could out of Mr. H's mouth, I was fine. Just another win for Mr. H.
And then he smacked his lips.
He smacked his lips. And the anger came back. That JERK ate MY cheesecake. I didn't know when or how, but I swore one day I would get revenge for my cheesecake.
Now, having had the taste of ambrosia and Nirvana, Mr. H set off on a mission today. To eat as many human items as possible. So while I was fishing all kinds of Things Puppies Shouldn't Eat out of his mouth, he did get away with a few nice ones. Like the muffin wrapper of one of the late poppy seed muffins from yesterday. Perhaps a bit of Hersey's Milk Chocolate. A snuff of fried chicken crumbs. A bite of a sponge mop, which I saved after a long few minutes of easing it out of his mouth.
I've created a monster. I fear what sad item Mr. H sets his eyes on next. Though if he tries to eat my chocolate, there will be hell to pay. I will take away his favorite squeaky ball. ...Maybe.
