We met on FetLife, not the most auspicious of beginnings.
I had been on and off of various dating apps for months, getting matches I never talked to, running away from those I did talk to, never really "clicking"--with the person, with the app, with the idea of dating. I knew that I wanted something, I longed for another person in my life, a non-platonic partnership, but somehow these seeds seemed doomed not to sprout. So, after some thought, I turned to FetLife.
I'd been on and off of Fet for a while too; years, really. Kink had been an interest of mine before it legally could be an interest. I'd never done much there. Posted in a local group, missed the email notification, swore never to post in said group again. The usual. This time, though, I was ready, and determined to throw caution to the wind in the hopes of at least finding something short term. Well, that's not exactly right; I'd finally figured out what it was I wanted, what those other potential relationships were lacking. I've never much been one for typical romance, and with that realization in hand, I made my personal ad. It was in a group for online domination, and I was not prepared for the response to my post.
My inbox was flooded. I talked to the first messenger, who convinced me to cam for him over Skype. He checked in the next day and we never spoke again. I had been trying to go in order, respond to everyone, but there were just too many messages, and I was able to come to the realization that I didn't have to oblige them all. And when I clicked on His message, it was short, sweet, to the point, and exactly what I was looking for: someone experienced, offering a 24/7 power exchange that didn't stop vanilla life. I responded, and He explained the areas of control He expected and addressed all of the concerns I had. He assured me that He was flexible and willing to work with the structure of life I already had established. We moved over to Discord to negotiate.
It sounds so...hasty, having it written out like this. Maybe it was. I've seen a lot of people state that you should know your partner well before engaging in such power exchange with them, and for some people that may be true, but I have a different perspective. We went into things openly, stating what we were looking for, what our expectations and needs were, and met each other where we were at. And, honestly, that open communication hasn't stopped; I haven't felt pressured into giving up anything, rather, it feels like an offering or a gift. When I've struggled, I told Him and He adjusted every time. When I've felt like I need more, He's held onto that until He was sure I was ready. I've been punished for missteps, but the punishment has always fit the crime, and the crime is always forgotten afterward. Sweet words have been exchanged. Plans to meet have been made (and put on hold).
Ultimately, I don't regret making that ad, but I am thankful beyond belief that it was Sir I chose to engage with.
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Originally posted on my blogspot
