blah blah blah im playing mass effect 3 again and having a lot of emotions about the leviathan dlc when u take ur love interest and they pull u away from the brutes who're being taken over my leviathan to fight each other ahahaha
something something the inherent gayness of rescuing the love of your life after you've already lost him basically twice
ANYWAY i wrote this little thing i kept thinking about, specifically from Kaidan's pov because im incapable of every romancing anyone else in the mass effect trilogy :)
anyway the mortifying ordeal of watching the love of ur life put himself in danger every step of the way bc the council refused to listen to him about the reapers years before :)
Kaidan's fingers tremble as he thinks of the coolness of Shepard's skin under his touch, the warmth zapped away by the atlas he'd taken down to the depths, trying to find Leviathan.
Is it worth it? Kaidan thinks, sitting on the couch in Shepard's cabin, watching the man sleep; he'd been cleared by Chakwas for a while now, had smiled tiredly at Kaidan and asked him for assistance to his cabin, reaching out and brushing his cold fingers against Kaidan's arm to catch his attention.
Kaidan had gone, had slid his arm around Shepard, tried hard not to think about how Shepard had rested heavily against him--for the most part they were professional, they kept their flirting and touches private, never in front of others, never like this, never with Kaidan leading Shepard, with him taking most of the other man's weight like this--with Cortez standing outside the medbay, Javik up in the main area instead of being holed away in the cargo bay like usual; part of the crew who kept the ship running all sitting around the tables just outside, waiting to hear word of their Commander's condition.
Get some rest, Commander, Cortez had said, briefly resting his hand on Shepard's shoulder, squeezing, You too, Major, he'd added with a nod in Kaidan's direction, a look on his face that clearly said take care of our Commander.
Shepard had smiled, somewhat tiredly then, laughed, I don't need much rest, he'd brushed off, but Kaidan could feel the tension, the tiredness like a heavy mantle resting over his shoulders.
Up in the cabin, Shepard had briefly broken away from Kaidan to go to the bathroom and Kaidan stood just outside the door, putting food in the hamster's cage, something, anything to keep his mind off of the worst case scenarios, of the what could have happened.
The soft sound of the bathroom door opening made him look up--and Shepard was there, stripped down to just his underwear; there was a nasty looking bruise across the side of his ribs, curling around them almost menacingly, and if Kaidan looked hard enough he could make out just the beginnings of the cybernetic scarring in Shepard's face--a sign the stress from the war was getting to him physically.
Shepard stepped close then, slid his arms around Kaidan and held onto him--while Shepard was getting checked out in the medbay, and after the debrief that Kaidan had given to Hackett; he too had changed into something more comfortable, a plain t-shirt and his fatigue pants, clean and not soaking wet with the sharp smell of salt and sea clinging to them.
Kaidan can still feel Shepard's cold skin, even through his shirt and he wraps his arms around him in return, the words catching in his throat as he squeezes, gentle and careful to not aggravate his ribs. Let's get you in bed, he'd mumbled, turning his head and pressing a brief kiss to Shepard's temple, You're freezing, John.
Shepard huffed out a quiet little laugh, burying himself deeper in Kaidan's arms, Oh, so it's John now, huh? he'd mumbled, joking, pressing a firm kiss to Kaidan's shoulder, holding the tension in his body for a long moment before Kaidan felt him relax. as if his strings had been cut, Take me to bed, Kaidan, he finally whispered, the words small, careful, something so completely outside of the Commander Shepard persona that Kaidan felt an incredible protective urge surge inside him.
Come on, John, Kaidan whispered, never really pulling away as the two of them shuffled closer to the bed, and only for a moment did Kaidan break away, long enough to grab Shepard's hoodie from where he'd thrown it on the bed in his rush to leave to get to Desponia, bundling him up in it before pulling back the blankets so Shepard could sit on the side of the bed, carefully pulling his legs up onto it, situating them under the blanket.
You too, Shepard had said, not quite a question and Kaidan had nodded, stripped down until he was in his t-shirt and underwear before climbing into the bed, letting Shepard maneuver himself around until they were spooning, Shepard's injured side being carefully cradled by Kaidan.
-
Kaidan? Shepard's voice is groggy, quiet in the climate controlled cabin; the light from the chess set that Aria had gifted Shepard is the only thing casting a shadow across his features; tired and somewhat alert. Are you alright?
Kaidan's cloudy thoughts clear and he sits up straighter, Sorry, John, bathroom break... he trails off, but he knows the excuse is weak enough for Shepard to see through. I'm too into my thoughts to really sleep right now.
Shepard makes a low humming noise in his throat, a soft grunt of pain leaves his mouth as he tries to reach behind himself, patting the bed, Come back to bed and hold me, he says, half enticing, I'm still cold.
A moment, and then two pass before Kaidan stands and makes his way back to the bed, sliding under the covers and helping Shepard maneuver until they're facing each other--Shepard's skin isn't cold anymore, it's warm, so warm and the tired lines around Shepard's eyes seem lighter now, There you are, Shepard whispers, tilting his head up to press a kiss, just off center of Kaidan's mouth. You're always taking such good care of me, Kaidan, he whispers and slides his arm around Kaidan's waist, pulling them close, Thank you.
Despite his words just a few moments ago, now in the cocoon of warmth, pressed against the man that he loves more than anything in this entire universe, he feels his eyes droop, lids heavy with sleep.
EDI? Shepard's voice is barely above a whisper, and EDI's answering Yes Commander? is just as low.
How far are we from our next location?
Nothing, and then, instead of EDI's voice, Joker's voice comes over the comms, We've got this Commander, we're en route to the Citadel, we need some supplies. We're estimating another light cycle before we arrive. So, you know. Rest.
Kaidan barely hears Shepard's answering laugh, his soft words of gratitude before Shepard fits his head just in the dip between Kaidan's collarbones, sighing soft and happy.
Rest, Kaidan, Shepard whispers into his shirt. I'm alright now that you're here.