#msisabitch

[msisabitch]

Oct 22, 2016

I am so so frustrated. My body is failing me, my libido is failing me, I feel like I'm failing me. My mind is going my emotions on edge, and I feel so full of hate and anxiety and anger all towards myself. No one fucking understands what I'm going through. No one can comprehend how difficult this is for me and I have to continue my life as if nothing is wrong. Just fucking kill me I'm so over it.

[msisabitch]

Aug 24th, 2011

Sorry it's been a while.. I haven't had much flare-ups thanks to Tecfidera.. On a bright note, though, I'm scheduled for an MRI in two weeks! I'll finally have a diagnosis soon!

[msisabitch]

June 6th, 2014

So my dear man friend has disappeared for the weekend so that means I'm on my own. Which is fine.. my symptoms are manageable.

Speaking of which.. Physical Symptoms:

Numbness on left side

Meticulous motor skills depreciated

Mental Symptoms:

Forgetfulness

Emotional Status:

Anger

Anxiety

  I've been numb for what seems like over a month now.. It's progressed and regressed back and forth.. obviously stress makes it worse, so I'm trying to keep my stress levels down.. I'm in this weird state of "is it getting better or worse?" I really don't know.

As for my forgetfulness, I'll just go on a tangent, and my attention will quickly move to another subject and all hope is then lost on what my initial thought was.

My emotional status could be because of some unkind words that were spoken to me today that I reflected on for several hours.. well, for the anger at least. As for my anxiety.. I've had what feels like a constant anxiety attack for the past 3 days with a tightness in my chest on and off each before that for the past week.. it's torture, but I'm managing.

I have a hard time getting to sleep for some reason.. it could be stress or my crappy bed.. or some other physical problem. Either way I've actually managed to have some energy today, hence my writing this.

More to come as it comes to me..

[msisabitch]

Welp, here goes nothing

Nevermind the unforgiving chin fat from laying down

Hi there! My name is Amy and I live with  MS. This is my blog, appropriately named "Multiple Sclerosis is a Bitch" or "MS is a Bitch" for short.

This blog is being made as a means of keeping record of my trials and tribulations, up hills and down falls of dealing with my relapses, remissions, treatments and ultimately my diagnosis.

 Now I'm sure I've already confused you. "Diagnosis? You said you have it!" 

Well, yes, I do have it. But it has not been medically, professionally diagnosed.

Now before you go thinking I'm a hypochondriac, let me tell you a thing.

This woman right here is the strongest woman I've known. Her name is Joan Thompson, and she's my grandmother.. or better yet, my Nana.

For as long as I know, my Nana has always had trouble walking, standing, just about anything, to be honest. Being the young silly girl I was, I thought this was due to old age. I was sadly quite wrong.

My grandmother, you see, had been suffering from Multiple Sclerosis for a very long time. I hardly knew a time where she could walk with little to no help, honestly. Despite this, however, she did live a full, long life up until a year ago, when she finally passed from cancer. It was actually when I last visited her that I decided to secretly get my first tattoo.. of an MS ribbon.

While my grandmother was an amazing, talented, strong-willed woman, this isn't her blog however. She is my inspiration, and my hope and guidance even from beyond the grave, but this is about my story.

I've always had a problematic body... 2 eye infections, three ear infections, one dog bite infection, torn eardrum, blindness in one eye... jeez I was a mess.

All of that seemed like normal "kids being stupid and careless" kind of stuff up until I was 12 years old. I started noticing numbness all over my body, and I had trouble gripping even the lightest of objects.. It was then that my parents decided to do some research into it.

A spinal tap and couple other tests later, my parents sat me and down explained that they think I have MS.

I was twelve years old, the worse thing to happen to me at the time was my period. I had no idea what MS was or what that meant to my overall health. I just said "Oh. Okay."

To make a very longer story somewhat shorter, I am now 20 going on 21 in a month and have had relapsing-remitting MS for at least 8 years. Over the years I've dealt with numb limbs, loss of motor skills, emotional stirs and mental lapses of judgement.

This blog is being created for many reasons..

1. As a record-keeper. I can't keep writing down stuff about my MS in random notebooks and statuses on Facebook in hopes of archiving it. I'm on Tumblr on a consistent enough basis to keep track of it. and Tumblr is surprisingly good for this sort of thing.

2. As a personal diary. I will write posts about the physical and mental complications that I go through, but I will page break for my more personal and inner-most thoughts and emotions. I like looking into the psychology of things, and I'm sure others are as well. Not to mention I need an outlet for my frustrations and this would do a good job of tracking my emotional status.

3. To inform. I want people who don't live with this type of disease to have a means of learning what it's like. Of course, those who are able-bodied will never be able to empathize with what I deal with on a day-to-day basis, but they can at least see the inner workings without having to ask questions or bothering others. Not to mention it's a good helpful guide for those who know people with MS.

4. To connect. When my Nana passed my first concern was "Who do I confide in with my problems?" No one else in my family has this disease. I'm the only one. I have no one to complain to about it that would understand exactly how I feel. I'm sure I'm not alone. I wanted to create this as a means of bringing a small community of people together. To give them someone else to relate to. Much like I hope to have myself.

So, without much else to say...

Hello! My name is Amy and I live with MS. Here's my shitty blog that will show you the inner most workings and thoughts of a girl who is currently working on treatment. :) 

  Thanks for sticking around for the entire read, and I hope you stay and follow along this journey with me.