#msm personal

[wonderwomaninadress]

Night Thoughts.

The way that I lie awake at night

Merely solidifies my dreams and fears

Nothing influences my thought processes but myself

For who could ever deny themselves the indulge of the self

Contradictions melt away with each passing hour

While I’m left affirmed in my stupidity

[wonderwomaninadress]

Strength & Resiliency

There won't be a need to bounce back from anything if I don't fall this time. Not now or anymore. 

[wonderwomaninadress]

If there was a way to please everyone, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I don't think that I can keep the charade up for much longer. My growing up will continuously be at odds with the reckoning notion for safety.

I just wish I didn't have to worry you but that I could still do what I plan to do. It breaks my heart to worry you, it really does. I'm not some mindless college student trying to do whatever she wants with no regard for your cares and woes. It breaks me that I break you with these tiny, minute decisions that I make and I can't fathom how your heart would break had you been given a child that preferred to run rampant and not care about worrying you. I HATE worrying you, but I can't keep staying in here as as to not worry you.

These little cracks in the rhythm that we've had for years and years isn't the result of my dislike for you. It's merely the result of age and socializing. I don't attempt to go to everything so as to not worry you. I wish I didn't have to worry you. There's nothing to worry about, but I still know that you will. It's what mothers do.

I'm sorry.

[wonderwomaninadress]

I'm torn between her desire to hide and his desire to live.

I'm only sorry that I can't indulge both.

[wonderwomaninadress]

Oh, is this what disinterest feels like ?

[wonderwomaninadress]

I look back at my past and still can't help but shudder.

[wonderwomaninadress]

Wow.

I'm not quite sure where this conversation just went.

Were we really just philosophizing? And about ourselves? 

I thought I was the only one who does that. 

[wonderwomaninadress]

Exhaustion, darling, is never an easy task to master.