#msr.mp3

[katebeckets]

LISTEN THROUGH SILENCE: An MSR Playlist ⤷ Part Two: Scully

It feels close to you, somehow, to say your name out loud.

playlist / songs ↘

SIX by Sleeping at Last / Similar to with Mulder, I haven't really thought about what enneagram I think Scully might be, but the lyrics of this song are so her. Plus: "I want to believe—no, I choose to believe—that I was made to become a sanctuary." I constantly think about "I want to believe" in the context of Scully because that's very much Mulder's thing, but it takes on so much significance when you think about it relating to Scully (just like Mulder choosing not to believe things takes on special significance as well). Mulder wants to believe in so many things, but Scully wants to believe in Mulder—and she chooses to believe.

RENEGADE by Big Red Machine & Taylor Swift / Very very Scully to Mulder. I mean— "there was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway" and "you fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself, but do you know you're demolishing me? And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave" and "it's time, you've come a long way / open the blinds, let me see your face / you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" and "is it insensitive for me to say / get your shit together / so I can love you." But "open the blinds, let me see your face" really gets me because Scully truly does see Mulder, she sees him better than anyone ever has.

BETWEEN THE LINES by Sara Bareilles / Oof, this one huuuurts. I chose the title of this playlist from this song ("listen through silence") because I feel like it goes pretty well with Mulder's playlist ("amidst the chaos," also from a Sara Bareilles song) and because it's so much of what Scully does while Mulder learns—she listens through silence and reads between the lines. ALSO: "I'm queen of attention to details, defending intentions if he fails." Scully is forever the first to defend Mulder no matter what he does, always from a place of love.

BREATHE by Lauv / There are so many songs that could be applied to both of them, but for some reason or another I choose it for one of their individual playlists (this being one of them). I think one of my favorite parts fits Mulder better—"I should leave 'cause you deserve better"—but overall this song made me think of Scully, especially during I Want to Believe. "You're my all and more, but I need room to breathe."

WATER WORSHIP PRAY by Grace Power / This song also makes me think of I Want to Believe, and I especially love this song for Scully because of all the religious imagery. "How can two people fall apart when they both want the same thing? How can my happiness be you, but I'm not happy at all?" OW. And also: "First peace I ever knew / Can't love you well enough to keep you or enough to let you go / I'd rather stay in purgatory with you than in heaven alone."

IF PATIENCE DOESN'T KILL ME by Alison Sudol / I'm very aware that this is a pretty specific sound that not everyone will love, but I love Alison Sudol and I feel like this song is perfect for Scully so I kept it anyway. I just feel like the lyrics fit her perfectly—"if patience is a virtue, I abound / ... / if patience doesn't kill me, I'm yours." And it's where the description comes from—"it feels close to you, somehow, to say your name out loud." It feels like they constantly are calling for each other both because they want them there and trust they will be there, but also because the simple act of calling for each other makes them feel less alone.

GIVE UP THE GHOST by Rosi Golan & Johnny McDaid / Another song I love (I would've titled this "Quiet the Noise" if I hadn't already used that as a playlist title) that takes on new meaning when you think about it in an MSR context. Ghosts take on a different significance when thinking about Mulder (also, @leiascully just KILLED me with her fic and "I don't love anything more than I love you, Scully. Not even ghosts." Literally what the fuck). Even the very beginning of this song—"come here, it's all worth the fight when it's you, dear." And "slow down, we're losing the meaning of words now / quiet the noise 'cause we made a mountain of minuscule things." And Scully really does quiet his noise.

THE BEACON by A Fine Frenzy / The lyrics in the gifset are from this song and if I could write out the entire song without it being ridiculous, I would. I swear this could truly be a song written by Scully about Mulder. I mean, just starting with the first verse: "You say your time has come / you're tired of waking up / don't be obscene, I can't conceive of living without you / You say you drag me down, no one should want you now / I start to cry, you kiss my eyes and say I'm not allowed to." And then, AND THEN the second verse: "you were a child forgot / lessons of love untaught / now no embrace can quite replace the one that never found you / I was raised tenderly / all that was taught to me / I will apply / Your parents tried, but they didn't know how to." Like. Okay. Sure. That's fine.

SATURN by Sleeping at Last / I know I'm not alone with this one because I've seen multiple videos of them set to this song, but I chose to put it on Scully's playlist because it really makes me think of Mulder's abduction arc/when he wakes up in "Deadalive." Just imagine her listening to this song sitting by his side, holding his hand, willing him to wake up. GAH.

YOU MATTER TO ME by Jessie Mueller & Drew Gehling / This is another song I was debating for both of them, but the first verse especially makes me think of Scully: "I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes / they've seen things you never quite say, but I hear / come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you / and I'll stay there as long as you'll let me."

SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME by Sara Bareilles / This song wrecks me and has some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard. One reason I love it for Scully is because of the hug at the end of "Irresistable." This is another song I would have considered for a playlist title ("my home, my heart") if I hadn't already used it before. But the way it's sung always gets to me—"my home, my heart, thank god you are someone who loves me," like she's exhaling into the safety of his arms.

I F*CKING LOVE YOU by Zolita / The song pretty much says it all: "what if I let it slip, tell you that oh my god, I fucking love you."

WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT by Emily James / I absolutely love the first part of this song when she says "I just wanna say that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon unless it's with you." What really made me think of MSR was this, though: "'cause we've been busy lying to ourselves, swearing it would never work / promising that we were just friends / it's funny how it doesn't make sense / and then it does." And I love the idea of Scully thinking again about how different her life is, how this is so far from where she thought she'd be, but with a little bit of wonder: "who would've thought that it would've been you?"

[katebeckets]

TRIED & TRUE: An MSR Playlist ⤷ Part Three: All Things

Oh, love, let me see inside your heart. All the cracks and broken parts, the shadows in the light... there's no need to hide.

playlist / songs ↘

FALLING SLOWLY by Steve Kazee & Cristin Milioti / It's probably no surprise that this song is on here since it's one of my all-time favorite songs, but I'm putting it here anyway because it's just SO GOOD. It has one of my all-time favorite lyrics—"you have suffered enough and warred with yourself; it's time that you won"—which is so good to think about in the context of your favorite OTP. I know Mulder and Scully would feel that about each other (and, let's be real, we all feel that about them). And even though they fell for each other the minute they met, it was also a reeeeal slow burn.

CRASHING DOWN by Elyse Myers / I'm way too delighted by the juxtaposition of "falling slowly" in love with love coming "crashing down" on them, but it's somehow both things at once so I stand by it. This was an immediate MSR song for me, it just felt so fitting. "The very first time I heard your voice, it was lightning to my soul / You said my name and looked me in the eye / that was all I needed to know about your love / It came crashing down on me" felt perfect for their first meeting, and THEN!!!! Immediately after that: "I didn't know then what I know now, but even if I did, I wouldn't change a single thing / I would do it all again for your love / to feel it crashing over me." My mind immediately went to "even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day." And then this part?? "The very first time we disagreed"—cough, the very first meeting—"I was learning about you still / Your head is strong and your heart is fierce / You don't give up, you never will on your love / It still crashes down on me." Anyway this song is MSR and nothing will ever change my mind.

HUNGER by Ross Copperman / First I must shout out one of my favorite x-files tweets because the horniness is definitely a piece of associating "hunger" with MSR (lol) but beyond that... this song! MSR! AH!! The verses especially make me think of them: "one look and I can't catch my breath / two souls into one flesh / when you're not next to me, I'm incomplete" and "oh, love, let me see inside your heart / all the cracks and broken parts / the shadows in the light / there's no need to hide." And then there's the palpable want between them—"I'm on fire like a thousand suns / I couldn't put it out even if I wanted to."

ARMS by Christina Perri / I know this was so overplayed, but again, hear me out—this is soooo them. The lyrics are so beautiful and fit them both so well: "I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown" and "I hope that you see right through my walls / I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling / I'll never let a love get so close / you put your arms around me and I'm home" and "the world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved / I never wanna leave you, but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone" and again, "you put your arms around me and I'm home." And just thinking about the way Scully feels safe enough to let Mulder hold her and how Mulder collapse into Scully and lets her hold him even though she's so little! The fact that she can be his home!! AND and and when she says "can you hold me?" I AM SCREAMING!!!!

CEILINGS by Lizzy McAlpine / This is entirely because of this beautiful video that I watched and could never get out of my head. I will never not think of them and these scenes that fit so beautifully (rain in the pilot, the parallel between them in hotel rooms). Also, even though "touch me like nobody else does" implies sex in the song, I love thinking about how it goes beyond that for Scully and Mulder—they truly touch each other in so many ways that nobody else does, literally and metaphorically.

WONDERFUL UNKNOWN by Ingrid Michaelson / This song is a long time favorite of mine, but I love finding new reasons to cry about it... and MSR certainly did that! I think this can be applied at most stages of their relationship, but it especially makes me think of the unremarkable house. This song speaks to so much of the simplicity of love ("we make bread on Sundays and the little ones are climbing up the walls / nothing last forever but the sound of love astounds me every time that it calls") and it just makes me think of MSR living a totally unremarkable life basking in each other's love (which is exactly what happens, right?). Also... "in the best way, you'll be the death of me."

RANGERS by A Fine Frenzy / This is a song that has inexplicably been one of my favorites for a long time (inexplicably because usually I relate more to the lyrics if it's a favorite), so perhaps it was just meant to be on an Emily MSR playlist. This is another song that reminds me of the unremarkable house, especially in I Want to Believe. "They'll keep seeking but they won't find us / Let's keep living our quiet lives, you and I." I'm also going to cheat and say I consider this song to be a bit of a companion to "Come On, Come Out" and "You Picked Me" (from the same album which I think I could argue is itself an MSR album) and perhaps you should listen to those too... but I was trying to keep this a reasonable length lmao. "Come On, Come Out" reminds me of a couple comments in the show (specifically, settling for a life on this planet and looking for life elsewhere) and feels like what Mulder and Scully do for each other throughout the show in both a literal and metaphorical sense. "You Picked Me" is one of my favorite love songs (platonic and romantic) and also very MSR.

TRUE BLUE by boygenius / I must give credit where credit is due: @emmiebea and @scullysconstant each sent this song to me, both about MSR but independently of one another... which I decided is a sign. And it is suuuch an MSR song!! Plus I find it delightful that there's a lyric about being born in July because that's when I was born. But back to the MSR of it all: "and it feels good to be known so well / I can't hide from you like I hide from myself" is soooo them and reminds me of the the fourth gif in this set—the idea that they know each other better than anyone else and can decode each other in a way that's just so specific to them. And then it goes on: "I remember who I am when I'm with you / your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue." My constant, my touchstone, my friend, my one in five billion... they are so fully themselves when they're together!!!! I also am forever screaming about Mulder using the phrase "true blue" in "Kitsunegari." I have no idea what to do with that information, but it matters to me.

YOU WILL FIND ME by Alex & Sierra / I liked the idea of putting "I can't hide from you like I hide from myself" before a song called "You Will Find Me." They always find each other when they're missing, whether they're physically missing or searching for some part of themselves. "You leave me room for my imperfections / when I'm a mess and you jump right in / if I drift in the wrong direction / you turn the tide and you calm the wind / anytime, everytime I get lost / you will find me."

TIMELESS by Taylor Swift / Speaking of finding each other... "I believe that we were supposed to find this / so even in a different life / you still would've been mine / we would've been timeless" and "sometimes there's no proof, you just know / you're always gonna be mine." I will never ever get over the "even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day" and "we'd been friends together, in other lifetimes, always" of it all.

SATELLITE CALL by Sara Bareilles / A few weeks ago during an ask game I said this is a song I would want to put on a playlist for both Scully and Mulder, so here we are. It's one of my personal favorite songs and one that means a lot to me and it's a message I would want to give them, but I also think this is a message they would want to give each other. And if you really want to hurt, think about it during an abduction arc or literally just any time they don't know where the other is, even for a minute (because these two are insane and it doesn't even need to be a full-on abduction arc). "This was written for the one to blame / one who believes they are the cause of chaos in everything" and "this is so you'll know the sound of someone who loves you from the ground / tonight you're not alone at all / this is me sending out my satellite call." I have always loved this song because of the imagery—the idea that no matter where you are, how alone you feel, how dark the night, I am here for you, I am sending out my satellite call to you so you know I am here and you are not alone. So take that and add it to Scully and Mulder thinking of each other when they can't physically be together and trying to be the other person's source of strength and comfort aaaand yeah. (I am also going to cheat with this song and say "I Choose You" is another Sara Bareilles song that should be on here and only isn't because I was trying to be reasonable with length, but the reason I chose this song "Satellite Call" is because it feels more unique to them—the idea of a satellite call is just especially fitting for MSR in a way that it might not be for other couples, at least to me, because satellites, little green men, all that. But this is me saying that "I Choose You" is unofficially on this list as well because I love that song and it fits them so well.)

NO BIG DEAL (I LOVE YOU) by dodie / Another @emmiebea choice that I just had to include. There are two very different ways I think of this song, but I think they both make sense for MSR. I paired it with "Satellite Call" because of the wordlessness of both songs. "You hold me like it's already said / I don't mind, I will do this dance for the rest of my life / for as long as you want." Even though it is a big deal (especially for MSR), I feel like this song fits them so well because it also isn't a big deal—their love for one another is so obvious, so matter-of-fact, that in many ways it doesn't feel like it needs to be said. It's just there. So they act like it's already been said and like it's okay. But there's the other side of this song as well (the one that I think is how most people would read it/what it more clearly is about), the part that's acknowledging why it hasn't been said (and that it needs to be explicitly said)—they're acting like it's no big deal because they both know it is. They're afraid and telling themselves it's no big deal, they just love each other. Which is soooo much of their relationship. But I think the paradox adds to the depth of this song—they're kidding themselves that it's no big deal, but it also is no big deal. It's so natural that to make it a big deal feels almost disingenuous, in a way. It's both. I could get caught in this forever because this song lives so beautifully in the grey.

TWO by Sleeping at Last / I will never ever get over this song. It might go on every OTP playlist ever, I don't care, it still fits so well and is so them! "You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat" and "No, I don't want to talk about myself / tell me where it hurts / I just want to build you up, build you up / 'til you're good as new / and maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too" and "I just want to love you, love you, love you well / I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself" and "like a force to be reckoned with / a mighty ocean or a gentle kiss / I will love you without any strings attached / and what a privilege it is to love / a great honor to hold you up."

I WANNA LOVE YOU FOREVER by Kate Vogel / I love the sweet simplicity of this song and the simple desire to love you forever. I think the whole song fits them so well, but there are also specific lyrics that make me think of them, in particular: "my head fits right on your shoulder, my palm fits right in your hand." Because it's true! They fit together so well!!!!

YOU ARE IN LOVE by Taylor Swift / I loved this song to begin with, of course, but I remember the first time I thought about it after seeing Scully and Mulder and feeling like I was going to combust. It's SOOOO them. "You can hear it in the silence, you can feel it on the way home, you can see it with the lights out—you're in love, true love." And even though I need to remake this, there's a reason I couldn't stop myself from trying! The part that I think about so often, though, is this verse: "one night he wakes / strange look on his face / pauses, then says: you're my best friend / and you knew what it was / he is in love." Because that's what makes me crazy!! They are each other's best friend!!!! They constantly want to be with each other!! They make each other laugh and they love each other so much and I just!! I can't even be normal about this song and explain why I love it for them, I'm just over here crying and becoming more and more incoherent about it!!!! It's fine, I'm fine. I ended on this song because it means the playlist ends with "you're in love, true love. You're in love." And at the end of the day... that's just it. They're in love, true love. [cries forever]

[katebeckets]

AMIDST THE CHAOS: An MSR Playlist ⤷ Part One: Mulder

It's the heart in you, I know it in my bones, that made me change direction when I thought better off alone.

playlist / songs ↘

FAVOR by Julien Baker / "Who put me in your way to find? What right had you not to let me die?" I think in the context of an MSR playlist, this song speaks to Mulder's self-destructive and self-sacrificial tendencies and how he comes to learn that Scully does what she does for him — "I used to think about myself like I was a talented liar / turns out that all my friends were trying to do me a favor / I always want to tell the truth but it never seems like the right time to be serious enough / ... / how long do I have until I've spent up everyone's good will?"

FOUR by Sleeping at Last / The lyrics featured in the gifset are from this song: "This blurry photograph is proof; of what, I’m not sure, but it feels like truth" is such a Mulder line. I'm not sure what enneagram I would guess Mulder is, but I think there's something to this song and his tendency to seek out the extraordinary/learning to find the beauty and mystery in the ordinary. Plus the line right before the one above: "I've fallen in love with a ghost / I lost my balance when I needed it most." And in an MSR context: "What if we already are who we've been dying to become? / In certain light, I can plainly see a reflection of magnificence hidden in you... maybe even in me."

I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY by Gracie Abrams / Anyway... pain!! This song describes how Mulder loves so well: "I like to slam doors closed / Trust me, I know it's always about me / I love you, I'm sorry." And I think it touches an important point about how trauma can impact behavior: wanting to do better is one part of healing, but sometimes we end up in patterns despite ourselves. It doesn't mean that it's not on us to do better, but there can be a feeling of helplessness that comes with trying to do better and failing, knowing you're hurting others and wishing you were learning faster.

SOON YOU'LL GET BETTER by Taylor Swift / This song is so devastating to begin with—truly one of my favorite songs ever—and it is absolutely the worst thing ever to think about the cancer arc and this song :) This whole song fits cancer arc (and abduction arc/literally any time Scully is hurt) so well, but I especially die when I think about the bridge: "And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you? / This won't go back to normal / if it ever was / it's been years of hoping / but I keep saying it because / 'cause I have to." And if you really want to hurt, watch this incredible video. It's fine, I'm fine.

READY TO LOSE by Ingrid Michaelson / The chorus really says it all: "I'm ready to lose everything but you." This song is also where the lyrics I featured in the post come from: "It's the heart in you, I know it in my bones, that made me change direction when I thought better off alone."

ANYWHERE BUT HERE by SafetySuit / Something something abduction arc... "and when I'm not with you / yeah, I know that it's true / that I'd rather be anywhere but here without you."

RUT by the Killers / "So I'm handing you a memory I hope you understand / that steadily reminds you of who I really am." This song reminds me of I Want to Believe; I think it's some of what I imagine Mulder to feel when Scully prepares to leave.

COME AROUND by Rosi Golan / "You feel like breathing / come around, come around, come around, come around to me / can't you see you're my lifeline?" To me, this song feels like a companion to "Rut."

A THOUSAND YEARS by Christina Perri / Cliché, I know, but hear me out — "The Field Where I Died." I know their conversation is Mulder asking Scully about it, but it's so Mulder to believe that they've known each other and been friends, always. "I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more."

THE ARCHER by Taylor Swift / "And all of my heroes die all alone / help me hold on to you." There's something so, so beautiful about the way this song builds — "they see right through me, they see right through me, they see right through—can you see right through me? they see right through me, they see right through me, I see right through me, I see right through me." And the way the questions that are asked—"Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?"—are then answered: "you could stay." And guess what? Scully does.

LET YOUR HEART HOLD FAST by Fort Atlantic / This song was one of the choices I almost put for the description: "to believe I walk alone is a lie that I've been told." I've always loved the core message of this song — let your heart hold fast, for this soon shall pass — and it makes me think of Mulder surviving all these years of loss, especially with Samantha.

ORPHEUS by Sara Bareilles / I think there's a theme of "don't give up on me" in these songs, but I think this one adds softness because it goes beyond what Mulder perceives as his own personal shortcomings to speak more generally: "don't stop trying to find me here amidst the chaos / though I know it's blinding there's a way out, say out loud: we will not give up on love now." The beginning of the song makes me think of Mulder as a child: "I know you miss the world, the one you knew—the one where everything made sense because you didn't know the truth." And then one of my all-time favorite lines: "if the bottom drops out, I hope my love was someone else's solid ground." And really, Mulder is love.

PEACE by Taylor Swift / I'm so glad that we get to see Mulder grow over the course of the series and that this song begins to take on new meaning, but I think this song speaks well to the idea that chasing ghosts and monsters is part of who he is, as well as his worry that that isn't going to be good enough, that he can't be what Scully needs—"would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" I think by the end of the series, the meaning of this song can change to refer more to the questions that may never be answered, rather than Mulder's difficulty giving up the chase, which reflects his growth in his partnership and relationship with Scully. But I also think this feels like a very Mulder song because there is so much insecurity; I think at the core of his character is a sense of unworthiness, and it's part of what's so beautiful about his relationship with Scully—eventually, he's able to give her the peace that she brings him.

[graciehart]

graciehart is now katebeckets you can find the link you clicked below:

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