i tell people im going to sleep but im really not

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i tell people im going to sleep but im really not
For Better and Then Worse
So, I wrote a story, and I really like it. Here it is. Sorry it’s so long, might post an epilogue in a few days.
-Dani
“Congratulations, babe,” Matthew said as he walked into Lilly’s bridal room. Lilly turned around and looked at her best friend standing in the doorway. Her straight face disappeared and was replaced with a grin when she saw Matthew.
“Matthew!” Lilly yelled and tried to run to the other side of the room in her big designer wedding dress. Matthew laughed at her struggle and met her halfway, giving her a big hug. Lilly sunk into Matthew’s embrace, wrapping her tiny arms around Matthew’s neck.
“I thought you couldn’t come,” Lilly mumbled into Matthew’s chest.
“Got off the plane a half hour ago and payed the cab driver a lot of money to get me here on time. I wasn’t going to miss my best friend’s wedding.” Lilly smiled at the sweet words Matthew said to her. Lilly pulled away from his hug and looked up at him.
“It means so much to me and Luke that you came today.” Lilly smiled. The day was sure to be perfect now with her best friend there.
Matthew wanted to make a rude remark, but he knew he couldn’t do that to Lilly on her wedding day. Matthew shivered at the mere mention of his name. Lilly was marrying the one guy Matthew hated, but Matthew had to be there for her no matter what. Matthew was snapped from the rude thoughts flying through his head as Lilly started talking again.
“Can you tolerate him? Just today. Plus it’s for me, your best friend. Be nice.” Lilly looked into Matthew’s eyes with a pleading look. Matthew sighed.
“I’ll try. I promise. I just hope he knows I’m here for you. Not him,” Matthew sneered. Lilly smiled and then remembered something she had to tell him.
“Can I ask you something really quick?” Lilly asked Matthew.
“Go ahead.”
“Can you walk me down the aisle?” Matthew quickly wrapped his arms around Lilly who started crying. Matthew ran his hands up and down Lilly’s back soothingly.
“Of course.” Matthew continued to hold Lily as she cried into his arms. “I know it’s tough, baby. I know you wish he was here. We all do.” Matthew choked up as he talked about Lilly’s dad, who had been a second father to him for most of his life.
“I want him back,” Lilly sobbed into Matthew’s chest.
“I do, too.” Lilly pulled back from Matthew and wiped her eyes clean, being careful to not smudge her makeup.
“I’ll be right back. I have to tell Dylan he isn’t walking me anymore,” Lilly said with a laugh as she went to go find her cousin. Matthew looked around the room, looking at the few decorations hung up on the white walls. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
“Honey? You in there?” Matthew rolled his eyes. Luke. Matthew went and opened the door. Luke’s face dropped as he saw him.
“Why are you here?” Luke rudely said after he looked around to make sure Lilly wasn’t around.
“My best friend’s getting married, Luke. I wasn’t going to miss it.” Luke rolled his eyes at Matthew.
“Please, your work has been more important than her for the past four years. Now suddenly she’s more important.” Luke glared at Matthew. “You’re lucky I was there to take care of her through those hard times.”
“Shut up. You did nothing. It was Elle and Steph that did all the comforting. All you did was wrap an arm around her when the press walked by. You don’t even love her.” Matthew knew he was being rude, but he wasn’t going to stop. Matthew knew who Luke really was. They were friends in middle school until Luke moved away and barely kept contact with Matthew. Years later, Luke became an actor and instantly became one of the most known names in the business. Luke pushed past Matthew into the bridal room. Matthew shut the door and walked over to Luke.
“That isn’t what happened,” Luke said back. Matthew laughed.
“Oh really? So you mean those nights that Lilly called me sobbing, saying that she thought no one was there for her, you were actually right there? Luke, was she lying to me?” Matthew said sarcastically to Luke.
“She never called you.”
“She did. And every time she called, she asked me if she was doing the right thing. She asked if she should even be with you if all you ever do is ignore her. But when the press comes, you act like you’re in love. That look in her eyes, that the press say is love; it’s not love. It’s regret.” Matthew and Luke’s heads snapped to the door when Lilly peaked her head in. Lilly smiled when she saw the two of them were talking.
“I’m so glad you two are getting along. Thank you so much,” Lilly said with a grin.
“Anything for you, baby,” Luke said as he walked out of the room, making sure not to look at Lilly. Matthew silently mocked Luke as Lilly walked in and shut the door.
“What did you two talk about?” Lilly asked as she sat down in the chair by the mirror.
“I was just wondering how his career was doing. Heard he’s got a big movie coming up?” Matthew sat in the chair across from Lilly. She looked down at her hands as she twirled her thumbs around each other.
“Yeah,” she choked out. “It’s a good part, good script, good cast. It’s everything he wants.” Matthew reached across the table and took hold of Lilly’s shaking hands.
“What’s wrong?”
“He’s leaving tonight. Won’t be back for six months.” Matthew bowed his head.
That’s not right. He’s not needed for another month. Matthew thought
“Lilly, I’m so sorry.” Matthew ran his thumb against her soft, pale hand. “Can’t you go with him?” Lilly shook her head.
“He likes working on his movies alone. No distractions.” Matthew was starting to figure everything out. Steph, Lilly’s maid of honor, leaned her head in the door and smiled at Matthew and Lilly.
“We’re ready for you guys!” Steph excitedly said as she opened the door fully and grabbed their hands, pulling them up. Steph, Matthew and Lilly stumbled out of the room. The rest of the bridesmaids surrounded Lilly, putting on her veil and giving her the bouquet of flowers. Matthew was shoved out of the circle.
Matthew walked over to the door leading into the main part of the church. He looked around at all of Lilly and Luke’s family and friends. Matthew leaned against the door and kept scanning the room. Lilly tapped on Matthew’s shoulder, and Matthew turned around and looked her up and down.
“You look gorgeous, Lilly.” He paused. “Luke is a lucky man.” Lilly smiled at Matthew and gave him a quick hug before the music started to play. Matthew held out his arm for Lilly as she wrapped her arm around it.
“Ready?” Matthew asked Lilly. She took a deep breath.
“Ready.” Matthew started to walk Lilly down the aisle. Everyone in the church stood up and turned to look at Lilly. Everyone gasped as they saw how gorgeous Lilly looked. One short minute later, they were at the alter. Matthew turned towards Lilly.
“I’m always going to be here for you no matter what. Don’t forget that, okay? I love you, Lil,” Matthew whispered to Lilly as Luke took her from him. Lilly looked back at Matthew and mouthed ‘I love you, too.’ Matthew sat down in his saved seat in the front of the church.
I have to tell her. Matthew thought to himself. I can’t let her marry a guy who is cheating on her and doesn’t even love her. Matthew tuned out the rest of the ceremony and fidgeted in his seat.
“If anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace,” the priest said.
I have to do this. Matthew thought to himself and stood up. “I object.” Luke glared at him, and Lilly looked shocked.
“Matthew, sit down,” Luke said through gritted teeth.
“I won’t sit down until you tell her what’s really going on. I know everything.” Luke’s face dropped, and he didn’t know what to say. The church was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Lilly whipped her head around and looked at Luke.
“What’s going on?” Luke turned his head and looked back at Lilly with a smile.
“It’s nothing, babe. Matthew’s just jealous,” Luke whispered to Lilly. Matthew shook his head.
“He’s lying, Lilly.” Luke looked back at Matthew and glared at him again.
“Matthew, we can do this later,” Lilly sternly said to him.
“He said speak now or forever hold your peace, so I’m speaking up. I know you don’t want to marry him, Lilly.”
“Yes, I do,” Lilly stuttered out.
“Tell her,” Matthew said to Luke with a stern voice and gritted teeth. Luke fidgeted and looked at Lilly.
“Lilly, baby, listen to me. You know Matthew has been jealous from the start-” Matthew cutoff Luke
“He’s cheating on you, Lil,” Matthew finally said. The friends and family gasped as Lilly’s hand flew to her mouth and tears threatened to fall at the corners of her eyes.
“That’s not true! Lilly! I love-” Matthew cutoff Luke again.
“While I was gone, I was working on movies. Managing little things here and there. I booked my first big job a month ago. The same movie Luke’s starting,” Matthew paused, looking at Luke, “apparently tonight. But we don’t need him until next month. So, why don’t you tell us, Luke, why you’re leaving tonight.”
“So that rumor was true,” Lilly whispered to herself. She grew furious and shoved Luke. Luke stumbled back. “You said it was just a rumor! That you’d never cheat on me! That she was ‘just a co-star.’ And you ‘had to build chemistry for the movie.’” Lilly paused and sniffled. “We’re done.” Lilly lifted up her dress and ran out of the church.
“Lilly! Wait!” Luke chased after Lilly. “It was a mistake! I love you!” Matthew grabbed Luke’s shoulder and pulled him back.
“Save it for your girlfriend,” Matthew said to Luke as he ran after Lilly, leaving Luke speechless. Matthew pushed open the church doors to see Lilly pacing back and forth in front of the church. Lilly whipped around and looked at Matthew.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she snapped at him. Matthew backed up a few steps.
“I was trying to. Your bridesmaids swept you away before I could talk to you. I had just figured it out minutes before, Lilly. I would never try to hurt you. You know that,” Matthew explained to a shaking Lilly. Lilly shuffled over to the steps and sat down. Matthew slowly sat down next to her.
“I always knew there was something up. I just didn’t want to admit it,” Lilly whispered, trying to hold back tears. “My family loved him, he could support me, he was good looking...He’s everything my family has ever wanted for me.” It was silent for a few moments as the two stared forward.
“But he’s not what you want for yourself,” Matthew said quietly. Matthew looked over at Lilly. She nodded her head slowly and wiped under her eyes. “I wasn’t lying before, Lil. I’m always going to be here for you,” Matthew said, his face inches from hers. Lilly looked at him with a look of love, a look she hadn’t given to anyone in a while. Before Matthew could stop it, Lilly’s lips were pressed against his.
Matthew stayed still, shocked at what Lilly had just done, but it felt too right to pull away. Matthew’s hands went up and held Lilly’s face as her hands wrapped loosely around his neck. The church door slammed open and a fuming Luke walked out.
“Wow.” He looked at Lilly and Matthew with shock. “It hasn’t even been ten minutes, and you’ve already moved on.” Matthew stood up; being slightly taller than Luke, he looked down at him. Luke took a step back out of fright.
“Go to your girlfriend,” Matthew sternly said to Luke. Luke pointed to Lilly.
“She’s right there,” Luke said angrily. Matthew laughed at him.
“You guys are done. She said it at that alter.” Luke was about to interrupt Matthew, but Matthew held his hand up. “You don’t love her. You never have. She was the ‘hometown girl’ that the press would love. Do you know who really loves her? I do. I love her. No, I’m in love with her. I have been since I met her ten years ago. But then you came along and decided to sweep her off her feet. I’m done with you. She’s done with you. Just leave, Luke.” Luke looked between Matthew and Lilly before stomping off to his car and driving away. Lilly and Matthew sat in silence, staring at Luke’s car go farther into the distance.
“You’re in love with me?” Lily questioned. She looked over at Matthew as Matthew looked down at her. Matthew shrugged.
“Always have been. Always will be.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I didn’t think you’d love me back. People always make this mistake. They fall in love with their best friend, and their best friend doesn’t love them back. I’d rather watch you fall in love with someone else than lose you as a friend. I couldn’t live without you.” Matthew sat down in his previous spot on the steps. Lilly paced back and forth a few times before sitting down next to Matthew on the steps.
“I wish you would’ve told me,” Lilly whispered to Matthew. “This all,” she gestured around her, “never would have happened if you had told me.” Matthew looked over at her and waited for her to continue. “I love you, Matthew. And, I get it, we say it all the time because I always have loved you. You were a brother to me for the past how many years. But there’s always been something else there. Something I couldn’t ignore. That when you said I love you to me, I wished it was ‘in love,’ not just a sibling love.” Lilly looked down at the grass.
“I am so sorry,” Matthew whispered.
“So am I,” Lilly whispered. The two sat in silence for what felt like forever. Lilly finally spoke up. “What do we do now?” she whispered. Matthew sighed and ran his hands over his face. He then laughed when he realized the situation they were in.
“I guess we should go tell your family that the wedding’s off,” Matthew said with a laugh. Lilly’s eyes widened, and then she laughed.
“How the hell did I forget I was supposed to be getting married?” Lilly ran her hands down the dress poofed up around her.
“You love me right?” Matthew said suddenly. Lilly looked at him with a confused expression.
“That’s what I said, right?”
“Then let’s get married,” Matthew said looking at her. Lilly looked at him with a shocked expression.
“We can’t just ‘get married,’” Lilly said in a soft voice. Matthew stood up.
“Why not? I love you. You love me. We both admitted we’ve loved each other for a while now.” Matthew kneeled down in front of Lilly and took her hands in his. “And I honestly can’t see myself being with anyone else,” he whispered. “Lilly, will you marry me?” Lilly smiled and squeezed his hand.
“I would love to marry you, Matthew, but are you sure now is the best time?” Lilly asked with a light laugh. Matthew smiled at her.
“Any time is a good time if it's with you.” Lilly smiled as a tear rolled down her cheek. Matthew reached up and wiped it away. “How about we go in there, tell them the wedding is off, and then I’ll take you home.” Matthew sat back down next to her on the steps and held her hands, running his thumb over her soft skin.
“I think they’ve already realized the wedding is off,” Lilly said quietly. Matthew wrapped his arm around her, and Lilly leaned her head on his shoulder. “My family’s going to hate me,” Lilly whispered. Matthew wrapped his arm around her tighter.
“They’re not going to hate-” Lilly cut Matthew off.
“Yeah, they are. When I started dating Luke, do you know what they told me? ‘Don’t screw this up.’ My own mom and sister.” Lilly paused and leaned away from Matthew as she placed her elbows on her knees. “My dad never would’ve done that,” Lilly whispered. “If he was here, he would be sitting right next to me, telling me that it’s okay, and that I’m going to be fine and how much he loves me.” Lilly was full out sobbing now as she talked about her late father. Matthew wrapped both arms around Lilly, pulling her into his chest as she sobbed. “I wish he was still here.” Matthew wrapped his arms tight and set his head on Lilly’s.
“He was the best, Lilly. He really was,” Matthew whispered. “I miss him everyday.” Lilly sat up and leaned her head on Matthew’s shoulder.
“I wonder what he thinks of me now,” Lilly whispered.
“He thinks you’re doing fine. Lilly, everything is okay, and it’s going to stay okay. I’m not leaving your side ever again. You’re staying with me; wherever I go, you’ll go too.” Matthew lifted Lilly’s chin so she was looking him in the eyes. He smiled. “It’s you and me, babe.” Lilly giggled and stood up.
“Let’s go,” she said. Matthew stood up in front of her and help both of her hands delicately in his.
“Where are we going?”
“I don’t care. Let’s just drive,” Lilly said with a smile. Matthew and Lilly snuck back into the church so Lilly could grab some clothes. They ran back out and jumped into Matthew’s car.
“Where are we going today, Lil?” Matthew asked as he started the car and backed out of the parking lot.
“How about New York? I’ve never been there,” Lilly said as she wondered all the places she could go. Matthew looked at her admirably.
“Anything for you,” Matthew said as he glanced over at Lilly. Lilly leaned her head on Matthew’s shoulder, and Matthew’s hand rested on Lilly’s knee. They drove down the road to New York, and they never went back to that small town with the horrid memories and unsaid feelings.
To New York.
music tag thing
i was tagged by @mukulele
will describe how you will die: be here - parachute
will describe your love life: perfect - one direction
will be played at your wedding: amaze me - union j
add ‘in my pants’ to the title: return the favor - all time low idk man
will be played at my funeral: uptown funk - mark ronson feat. bruno mars definitely
my theme song: stand down - little mix
will play when you miss someone: crash - you me at six
add ‘with a shovel and a screwdriver’ in the title: standing in the dark - lawson
will describe your week: weightless - all time low
will play when I miss someone: kissing in cars - pierce the veil
i tag @calumhoot
I GOT MY UKULELE