It's 2:30 AM so this is sort of shit........ SORRY ROBYN D:
He didn’t know what to do with himself. The hospital doors closed behind him and he merely stood there, staring straight ahead at nothing. Everything was over, he was alone, Jordan staying back in the waiting area, but he couldn’t.
The white walls were suffocating, were breaking him to pieces and the answers he wasn’t getting… everything was frustrating him and he just wanted to be alone. The cool winds of the Edmonton winters were welcomed with open arms.
He watched it, saw it happen, saw the red… yet he couldn’t stop it and that was the worst part. It was what freaked him out the most and made him all the more angry with everyone and mostly himself.
The green eyes looked up, fright evident, a hand reaching out quickly before he collapsed, sea of red building, paramedics rushing out, everyone was freaking out, whispering and screaming, it was nothing but chaos.
Taylor turned around, hand turning to a fist and punching a pole, not even noticing the skin of his knuckles splitting, little droplets of blood running down his fingers. None of it mattered. Ryan was in the hospital fighting for his life, these small injuries were nothing in comparison.
Taylor welcomed the sting, but most of all he enjoyed the cool open space. It let him think, let him escape, run the play over and over in his mind.
They’d been playing so fucking well the past two weeks, on fire even, and now this. The game had been going to good, they were leading, yet in the third period it all changed. Taylor had no chance of stopping any of it.
The skate had come up, on accident, Ryan was pushed, had lost his balance and everything seemed to have happen in slow motion, because Taylor remembered everything, the look, the noises and most of all that terrible slashing sound no one ever wanted to hear.
He took a deep breath, looking up at the cloudy night sky, moon peeking out from behind a few cloud, one single snowflake falling down from the sky, only to land on his cheek. It melted and Taylor wiped the liquid off his face, before turning to go back inside.
Jordan, Sam and Nail were sitting there, all looking on edge and tense. The others had decided to go home, no point in everyone crowding the Nuge when he woke up. He was in surgery to get everything assembled, Taylor wasn’t sure. He hadn’t been listening, all he knew was that it was critical.
Loss of blood, deep cut. All these things were running through his head and he had no clue how Ryan would make it through this.
He was delicate. Shy, quiet and all around wonderful, with his lean skinny frame, awkward smiles and that adorable giggle he only let out around Taylor and Jordan… everything made him perfect and Taylor wasn’t ready to let that go just yet.
Ryan was tough, Taylor knew he would make it.
Jordan beckoned Taylor over the blonde hockey player sitting down next to him, resting his head on his shoulder, Jordan reaching over and twisting their hands together. Such an obvious sign of affection was usually a taboo, but in such a situation, all the support they could muster up was needed.
Their line mate, and most importantly third puzzle piece of their relationship, was fighting for his life a few rooms down, doctors doing as much as they could. Ryan’s parents had been called, informed, and they both promised to come as soon as they could.
Taylor had never seen Jordan so distraught as then, when he’d talked to Mrs. Nugent. He was lost for words, pale and stuttering, which was weird for Jordan, since he was a confident guy. It pained Taylor to see the older man fall apart like that.
“I go. Call if anything change.” Nail sighed, looking up from his phone, giving Sam a hug, then reaching for Taylor and Jordan, giving them quick hugs and then walking outside, clearly he’d had enough of the deafening white walls as well.
Sam was furiously typing away at his phone, eyes darting around the room, looking at the door, as though staring down at it would get the doctor to come out quicker. He looked terrible, bags under his eyes, heavy lidded, shoulders hunched.
“He’ll make it. Nuge doesn’t look it, but he’s tough.” Jordan whispered, more to himself, hand squeezing tightly.
Taylor nodded, head still on the other mans shoulder. He closed his eyes, but the only thing he saw was the red blood glistening on the sheen white coating of fresh ice. It was terrible, made his stomach churn and the taller player had to jump up and towards the garbage cant to empty his stomach.
Bile rose, the smell of it making Taylor retch all the more. He couldn’t deal with this, couldn’t handle the pressure. He needed to know, needed to see Ryan, that crooked smile, those perfectly placed dimples, he just needed to hold the younger boy to him.
Once Taylor was sure there was no more bile to be thrown up, he quickly rushed to the washroom, washed out his mouth and then rejoined the last two remaining teammates.
Neither moved, both looked terrible and Taylor knew he didn’t look any better, probably smelled just as bad. None of them had taken a shower after the game, hurrying to the hospital, merely hoping for news.
Nothing.
They were still stuck waiting. And that was the worst part, was not knowing anything. It made Taylor want to trash everything in sight, scream and beg, cry even, demand some answers. All he wanted was Ryan to be safe and sound in his arms.
Him and Jordan just wanted to hold him, while annoying Sam about everything, poking their nose in the youngest roommates business. Yet they were sitting here waiting.
Finally, the doctor came out, rushed and told them that Ryan was stable, they’d done everything they could and that all three of them could see him, but he was sleeping and no one was allowed to wake the young hockey player up.
Sam rushed in first, followed quickly by the others. There he was, pale, almost as white as the sheets surrounding him, mask over his face, heart monitor going, gauze thickly applied around his neck. He looked dead…
Taylor gasped, sitting down on a chair, once again grabbing for Jordan, the two staying as close as possible. Sam sat down as well on the other side, all three hockey players looking on with haunted eyes at the ghost of a teammate that was lying in the hospital bed.
They needed sleep, shouldn’t stay here in these uncomfortable chairs, but the mere thought of Ryan waking up in this terribly bright room, with no familiar faces made Taylor want to throw up all over again.
He grabbed Ryan’s soft hand, lacing their fingers together softly, as though not to wake him. He’d always been careful with Ryan, there was always something soft and delicate about him, but he looked so fragile in this bed, smaller than usual, thinner and sickly.
“I couldn’t protect him… I saw it…” Taylor whispered, turning to Jordan who hugged Taylor close, calloused fingers running through the blonde locks, running over the scar that was there from a few season ago…
At least Ryan was safe, wasn’t dead. No, he was alive, in this hospital bed and that was what mattered, that he’d fought hard to stay alive, yet the guilt wouldn’t leave Taylor.
“You couldn’t have changed a thing.” Jordan whispered, kidding the top of his boyfriends’ head before looking over at the sleeping figure of their third installment of the relationship, “He is safe now that is all that matters”
Taylor nodded, letting a few tears slide down his cheeks, thumb running over the back of Ryan’s cool hand.
