#munsathoughtaday

[munyeesee]

Happy Anniversary, Malaysia

In another 6 days, it would mark the day I officially packed my life, headed towards the airport and waved Melbourne good bye. 

Can I believe it?

No. Not really.

Partially, it is because I don’t want to. I don’t really want to, or perhaps I’m not ready to accept the fact that time is unforgiving and or may be because I am not ready to accept that there is a huge milestone that I’ve crossed.

Or maybe I just am not ready to admit that I am not coping well in this country. I’m not admitting defeat, don’t get me wrong. I am just slightly overwhelmed at the weight that comes along with moving abroad from a developed country to a developing country. A country that thrives, to a country that is still growing. A country that celebrates diversity and equality, to a country that is biased and publically discriminates. And let’s just do ourselves a favour and not talk about currency exchange.

Undeniably, there had been many changes in my life and I should cut myself some slack and be kind to myself, but it was very hard not to wallow in self-pity and yearning for the greener pastures. This morning, I read a chapter on “Selfishness” in my devotional book by Steve McCracken. As a young working adult in a generation of Gen X,Y and Z, it’s hard to not fall into the category of “I want this thing, this time and in this manner. Sometimes, we say we are flexible, but when that specific thing doesn’t happen in that expected manner, we get frustrated. When we are selfish, peace, joy, fun and harmony are all lost, and quickly too.” Steve suggested one way to counter selfishness is to have that mindset of “doing unto others what you would like to be done unto you”.

Perhaps, it had been a long unnoticed period of time that I had been trapped in my own circumstances, my own preset mindset mixed with a hint of bitterness and disappointment, but perhaps it is truly time to attempt to snap out of it and see things from a bigger perspective – whatever that may be.

Hence, I thought, hey, why not I pick up writing again. I mean, it’s painful enough to walk through the journey thus far, so, why not save another person some heartaches and perhaps post some guides for that one person who may be googling frantically on that same subject. I mean, I had also asked Google a tonne of questions when it comes to dealing with transitional concerns.

So, keep an eye out and watch this space!! There may be some interesting stories, lots of silly muns moment and just some 2cents here and there! 

  >���9s

[munyeesee]

This morning, I woke up thinking about inheritance. 

a quick google search had brought me to these definitions

INHERITANCE 

[in-her-i-tuh ns]

1. something that is or may be inherited; property passing at the owner's death to the heir or those entitled to succeed; legacy.

2. the genetic characters transmitted from parent to offspring, taken collectively.

3. something, as a quality, characteristic, or other immaterial possession, received from progenitors or predecessors as if by succession: an inheritance of family pride.

4. portion; birthright; heritage: Absolute rule was considered the inheritance of kings.

6. Obsolete. right of possession; ownership.

It was reminded that my natural family is rich in heritage, culture and a legacy in the frozen food business. I feel at times that my friends around me think that I am rich monetarily and in possession. I thought so myself too, as in, I didn't have to worry about what to eat, whether if I’ll have a roof over my head and there’s always enough. 

But this morning, I woke up and had a strong conviction in my heart. 

I. AM. NO.WHERE. NEAR. RICH. 

I. AM. NOT. RICH.

My parents are rich, and it is by years and years of toiling and hard work. I guess no one sees the challenges behind close doors and the time that my dad spent investing in his business. He was denied the opportunity to pursue education because my grandad needed help. He did not have a choice to say no, I would like an extra hour of sleeping in, thanks nor the luxury of discovering his true passion. And let’s not mention the long working hours, dropping in to the office every weekend and being woken up by phone calls in the middle of the night when something goes wrong. 

And as a daughter of his, all that I have owe it to my parents’ years and years of sacrifices. I received because I have amazingly mind blowing generous parents who never shy away from giving us the best. Hence, the solid starting point that I have in life and I never want to take that for granted. The privileges of having certain things, and being blessed with certain experiences, are partly credited to my parent’s investment in their children, even if it means that it cost them.  

Hence, I am not rich because of my own works or through my own career (trust me, nursing pay peanuts), it’s sheerly because of the overflow from my parents. At times, it may not even be an overflow, but simply an act of sacrifice. 

So, translating this to my spiritual Daddy in heaven. It blows up a whole new perspective. 

“ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” 

- James 1 : 17 - 

I can walk in freedom, with peace in my heart and joy in my soul today. I had seen breakthroughs and overcome mountains by the power of the Lamb. I can go through the valleys and there will be a great host of witnesses cheering me on. I have access to the same power that raised Christ from the dead and walk with Holy Spirit on a daily basis. 

And it wasn't like it didn't cost Daddy God anything for us to be reconciled and for us to be able to come face to face with him again. He sacrificed His one and only Son, taking our place of punishment and the wages of sin on His own shoulders. He could have said, No and it would have been fine, but He chose to pursue us and He chooses us again and again. 

To think that I am so underserving of any spiritual or natural blessings from both my heavenly and earthly father but they give anyway. This is the beauty of inheritance. It is truly not by works, it is by grace. 

Some people priced natural materialistic possession as valuable. As for me, I would so much rather more inherit the spiritual blessings, the authority, the ownership, obsolete right, quality and characteristics of my heavenly Father. To have his heart beat and to know his Kingdom.

So, am I rich? - Yes. 

Am i deserving to come into His Kingdom and possess all that He wants to give me?  - NO.

But He gave anyway. 

“For if the inheritance is based on law, it is no longer based on a promise; but God has granted it to Abraham by means of a promise....And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise.”

- Galatians 3:18, 29 - 

[munyeesee]

Electricity bill

Papa: electricity bill has arrived. this month, it has gone up.

Me: Sorry, that's probably me. I try very hard not to use the air con as much but it's really hard to work on my assignment on hot afternoons....

Mummy quickly jumps in : your dad la, been turning on the air con every night

Me: Chong Foo See is the best, sleeps with fan everyday.

Papa: no, he watches tv the most.

all of us: hmmm...

#seestersconversation over lunch the other day.

------------------------------------------------------

I love that my family does not blame one another but shares the load (even if it means sharing the blame).

We are not in lack but we do try to be thrifty in any way we could. My parents have never lavished on the luxurious lifestyle and we were never brought up in that way. They are the type who work really hard and only spend when needed.

This trip home, I haven't managed to secure any permanent job, nor have a steady income that I could contribute regularly to the expenses at home.Technically, I am living on my savings, and my parents had been so understanding that they have never mentioned anything about rent, or hinting to me to pay for anything. Instead, (quite the contrary) they would sneakily slip in some cash, pay for all the meals we've had, even my naughty dessert and coffee cravings.

Coming from being financially independent and generally independent in life, returning to being under my parents roof has been quite interesting. No, they weren't crazy controlling possessive parents. They weren't demanding in any way, except to water the plant box routinely. Rather, to my surprise, they have given me all the space I need, being generous and loving. Of course, there were hiccups here and there, as with all families, but if there was any comfort in returning home, it would be them.

Thank you papa, mummy, chongfoo, sookers and lokers!

[munyeesee]

2 months in

I had a brief conversation with Sookers yday. It’s rather convenient that we’ve swapped everything. She could give me pointers on how to cope with Malaysia and I could very well relate and live off her Melbourne lifestyle. We’re both transitioning and settling in, in our own ways. It’s nice to see that she does catch ups with people regularly and is more happening with the social life there than I am here. I’m just putting it down as my adjusting curve is heaps bigger.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m not enjoying myself or as if I’m absolutely loathing it here. I am still coping and transitioning and the struggle gets really hard sometimes. Of course, I could merely exist, be content, settle with what I have, yes, I could easily survive. Time brushes by regardless of what you make of it, whether you actually live it or not. But of course, with that, you might as well question, why live at all. I guess, for me, it’s to really rediscover my purpose and my passion in the mean time and to continually guard my heart.

Ever since I’ve been back, I’ve chanced upon people talking about migrating and moving abroad. In all honesty, I would actually support them, cheering them on. seriously! even at the loss of great company. Of course, I’ll be sad about them leaving and bidding goodbyes but frankly, I had been struggling to find hope in this land. If God has opened up doors for you to venture out, GO!! TAKE FLIGHT!! Everyone deserves a better chance. I still strongly disagree with how some people tried to tie ppl down with their nationality and comments like “You are born Malaysian for a reason.” Dude, just because you’re the captain of a sinking boat, doesn’t mean that you don’t grab on to the floaties thrown at you. Don’t hear what I’m not saying. The grass is not greener at the other side. There’s just needs everywhere. Wherever you are, be sure that that’s where God wants you to be.

My journey and my move home has purely been a move of obedience. I’m already praying about moving out (if I can be utterly honest). It’s hot, it’s humid, the traffic, social injustice, poor governance, and perhaps, it’s got a lot to do with me trying to find a place where I can fit in and find my purpose. I have concluded that people don’t owe it to you to be courteous or nice, it’s a much considered privilege, perhaps it’s because of your looks and gender. (Hence, me pouncing on continuing conversations with people who are nice in the slightest way). Forget privacy, confidentiality and professionalism. People just want to be nosy and feed their curiosity at whatever cost that they can even make it an official reason, make you fill in forms, perhaps to find out the name of your dog. How bizarre!! I’ve questioned issues like work ethics, efficiency and have asked quite a few how and whys but they often don’t lead me anywhere. There’s just been way more negatives than positives (Pardon my negativity and cynicism).

I’ve been told that Malaysians are more down to earth and genuine. Yea, I do agree but it still doesn’t help that I would very much rather stay at home and not deal with ppl. This, coming from an extrovert, should be concerning!

I’m sorry that these all sound so negative and pessimistic, perhaps I’m coming from a disgruntled place of hopelessness. I still dream of Melbourne. I frequently dream of me working in ED and being actively involved in resus, and waking up going through DRSABCDE in my head. I miss being valued and being in a team.

I guess my challenge now is to continuously guard my heart. It’s easy to let it become hard and allow thistles to grow on it. It’s been an excruciatingly tough battle trying to keep it soft and live up to the standards that I’ve been brought up with. There have been many moments that I felt like my dreams are being trampled on and my heart being stomped on and after that I am left to recollect the broken pieces and I’ll end up cutting myself. I had been pretty good at patching myself up and kiss those band aids after, maybe it’s those trainings I’ve got from my nursing career. But truth is, they still hurt and it’s getting really hard to keep fighting this battle. It seems easier to let my heart put on layers and even an armour so that it won’t get broken again. But of course, that’s not quite the way to live either.

Perhaps, I’m having a little Jonah moment and I rather myself to be swallowed by the fish. Sorry God, just let me stay in there for a while ok.

But of course, all in all, I’ve been telling myself, to take one day at a time, and look, it’s carried me for 2 months now! #justkeepatit people do say it can only get better from here but is this here yet?

PS. All these words above could potentially be under the severe influence of hormones and stress caused by assignments. PPS. Speaking of stress, for the first time, it’s evident to me that I’ve lost some weight, noticeably on my face caving in ever so slightly, especially if I’m not smiling :( but I haven’t stopped eating!!!!

[munyeesee]

of the many things about moving home, one of my concerns was regarding my financial sustainability. people have been telling me that the ringgit ain't doing great at all and that It has been really tough living in KL. oh dear! last year, I had been blessed enough to be awarded a scholarship to pursue my Masters degree and one of the conditions was that I am employed to work in an emergency department and I will serve the community of Australia. a friend reminded me about this, to check if I would still qualify for it, since I'd be away for the second half of the semester and technically, not fulfilling the criteria. on paper, they have all the rights to take me off the scholarship and I just have to fork out the fees for next semester at my own means. honestly, I'm not sure how I could sustain myself living in KL, what more studying Masters in an Australian University without a scholarship, with no income! it's an extra burden but I thought I already had too much on my plate at the moment, I'll leave it to God and deal with it as I go. low and behold, this email came through! (I'd almost forgotten about it!!) I am soooooooo grateful and so humbled to know that indeed, God is in full control and He is good. He looks after the in-your-face concerns and the desires you've stored away. I am more encouraged than ever and I am certain, that He will continue to provide for ALL my needs. He truly cares. "“Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they? And why should you be anxious about clothes? Consider the lilies of the field and learn thoroughly how they grow; they neither toil nor spin. But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:26, 28, 33‬ ‭AMP‬‬ yup, things are indeed "falling into place" regarding my move home. Malaysia, I hope you're ready for an #overflow !

[munyeesee]

Opportunities

Have you had those moments where in a split second later, you wished you had said something or did something about a certain situation? And then, followed by - "I wished I had ... " This happened exactly to me in the Melbourne airport before I head back to KL for Chinese New Year. I decided to buy a facial moisturiser and I was just queueing up behind this gentleman to pay. He must have bought heaps of tax free goods that he's earned a 15% discount for whatever he chooses to buy next. And there I was standing behind him. I thought, I could perhaps ask him to see if he was gonna use that Discount, or would he be so kind to give that to me. And there, another voice said, not to bother. It was like a fight between your shoulder angel and shoulder devil. A: just ask, you've got nothing to loose anyway. D: why bother, you'll look silly. A: what's the worst, he'll just say no. D: you're too tired. You've had a big morning. A: you may just get that deal! D: he may think you're really weird. A: you probably won't ever see him again. Before my mind could make up its decision, the lady at the counter call out, "next please". It was as though I had a short 2 second to altos he this guy, or to let it go. I guess I was too shy, too fearful or too unprepared. Whatever it was, I didn't take my chances. I shrunk back and I let that one opportunity slipped past me. I guess we could translate that too many other situations. Like that time when we were so in love with the other person but yet too afraid to actually confess and let the other party know how we actually felt. Or that time at work when we thought our idea was brilliant but we just brushed it away thinking that it is against the norm and won't be well accepted. What about the time when people come searching for answers in life and we were just too ____ to reach out and share the gospel. I'm sure people have experienced that "oh-I-wish-I-could-have-another-chance-again" or that "I-should-have-just...." . I recently saw this video on Facebook, left my jaw dropped and can't help but to shed a tear or two. Talks about people's regrets in life. If only we responded to the nudging and to the voice within. If only we obey the prompting of the Holy Spirit. If only we put on our garment of strength, boldness and righteousness. If only we step out and take more chances. So... Pick up that rubbish. Offer that person your lunch. Ask your colleague how are they. Hug that person. Speak up. Sponsor the child. Hold your tongue. Be merciful. Travel. Sleep earlier, turn the device off. Reach out. Ask for help. Invite that person to church. Answer the call that is upon your life. Who would have known what may have actually happened if I had asked the guy for the discount voucher. I may save an extra $7 bucks! Haha! Hey hey hey! That's 2 coffees right there. But guess we'll never be able to find out because the opportunity came and left. Just like certain things in life, sometimes, golden opportunities come by only once. Maybe you need to respond to it there and then. Or maybe you were given the luxury to think about it a little longer. Whatever the circumstance is, I pray that you never let opportunities slip past you without a good fight like how Jacob won't let the Angel go unless he blesses him. I pray that you never have any regrets wishing that you had done something else. Take that chance xx it'll be worth a try! 6 “Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young (or insert any other reasons/ excuses).” 7 But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. - Jeremiah 1:6-7 -

[munyeesee]

what is love? 

I think these kids answered it so well, and I guess I do not need to go further into that. I’m sure we all know - love is that warm fuzzy feeling that you can't quite explain. It sends you butterflies in your stomach, and make you smile uncontrollably. Love is wonderful. Love is powerful. 

I had the privilege of witnessing love, and seeing it being demonstrated, almost every day, be it from my work at the hospital, or out of work. There are lots of other love stories that I have the honour of seeing it first hand. Lots of those moments like the ones in the animation movie UP that I see in the hospital. But those, are stories for another time. (I am in a warm fuzzy happy love-is-in-the-air mood. haha thanks to these people). 

My housemate / landlady has been in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend for a few months now. I’ll hear that occasionally loud piercing laughs at the randomest time of the night and not freaked out, because i knew it was them talking over Skype or FaceTime. It must have been hard, but they make do. Recently, her long distance boyfriend flew in from Malaysia and now, they share the same timezone, the same postcode, the same car and the same couch. The virtual is now physically attainable and the touch, the cuddles, are real. The look on her face, and the grin in his eyes are just amongst the little things that I can't help but feel extremely happy for them. It is contagious, I tell you. 

And, my other housemate, though being in a relationship for years and is even engaged now, still finds moments that makes her heart skipped a beat when she is with her fiancé. I think that is extremely cute and how growing old with your partner should be. She came home yesterday, grinning from ear to ear, describing moments that she had with her fiancé at the photoshoot. He carried her heavy bag the entire day, held her hand, and was just checking up on her consistently. It was truly the little things, but who says little things doesn't count. “I feel so protected and secure... It was like a date, even though there was a third person. I knew that I already love him, but I feel like I was falling in love with him all over again.” 

These are just some snippets of my daily life. I can't help but be ever more so thankful that i get to witness and appreciate love, to see love being demonstrated all around me. I am not saying that the world i live in is absolutely perfect, filled with sprinkles and happy dust. But I can choose to love, to demonstrate love and to give love, and for that itself, I am sooooo grateful. 

“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling… Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go… But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from “being in love” — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God… “Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” – Mere Christianity by CS Lewis.

[munyeesee]

Use your heads as you live and work among outsiders. Don’t miss a trick. Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.

Colossians‬ ‭4‬:‭5-6‬ Msg