i am neurodivergent, an ennagram nine, survivor of childhood trauma, often feel alone, maybe even touch of adhd, and classic *ignore your feelings until you erupt bc feeling is too overwhelming for my already anxious mind*.
people who care for me often say, "are you journaling? please don't hide from your emotions; I am here for you - you're not alone, you can share with me."
thank you. I truly appreciate your intentionality and kindness.
But journaling acutally doesn't *help*
I need vices like art.
anything from paint, sculpting, music, organizing -- to calm my brain enough to subconsciously deal with whatever it is.
even then, the anxiety haunts me. even in my sleep.
so yes, dissociating is sometimes my constant state when dealing with constant/new/overwhelming/underwhelming things.
I enjoy and need.
so tonight I felt inspired to try and make some music.
I had no clue what to do or sing or anything but I was spurred by Mount Everest by Labrinth. I started with that key, Cminor.
I laid out the recording stuff on my bed because this is my safe place.
I lit a ecuplytus candle with glass of white wine and mood lighting.
And I let my mind go into the foreign realm.
full release.
a different diminsion of dissociating.
