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From @detective-with-one-arm: She understood this pain. She understood it closely and intimately. The impulse to blame yourself. 'If only I knew better.' Or 'maybe I wanted it.'Rachel wouldn't have any of it coming from Connor. Not a word of it."You're not responsible for what someone else did with your body." She said to him, reaching to grab his hand and gently squeeze it. "Not now. Not ever. Don't give yourself back to CyberLife. You're not theirs and you never were."

“I would never give myself back to CyberLife. I never would or suggest it." The android would rather die than ever hand himself back. He shook his head in thought, he understood where these words were coming from. It was words of comfort but why did they not fully reach him? He smiled a little as he moved from tapping to reaching in his pocket and removing the coin to perform tricks with it. It was a little thing but it helped ground him, the weight against his knuckles and the sound of the metal as it moved.

“It’s just… I was programmed to want to please them. It helped them keep me in line when I was a machine. So when they took control, that system activated. I wanted to please CyberLife, to please Amanda.” The name was spat out. No, focus on the coin, you’re safe… One knuckle, two knuckles, three and flip. He felt as he caught the coin and began rolling the coin and feeling the cool metal roll over him. He felt it. Machines don’t feel.

“But I know that’s not how I feel, it’s weird to me how these feelings defy logic. I know I’m not a machine and I know I’m not in their control but I still feel like it sometimes.” Taking a quick pause, Connor realized he did it again. It wasn’t fair on her, she wasn’t a therapist. So he decided to do something to try and lift up the mood, “I guess this is what happens when a one year old tries to understand everything about emotions and psychology.” He finished with a laugh.

#Musing: Connor #Strong enough to be Kind: Rachel #Computing: Ask #He's trying #But it hard #I mean he isn't wrong #He is one years old technically #But mentioning it is a way to lighten mood #Cause bringing up his age is weird XD #And he doesn't want to keep unloading all his trauma onto her #He knows it's not fair #detective-with-one-arm

From @tellescope: ❝Legacy is a heavy burden, child.❞ Do you detect something sad in that tone? It's hard to tell with how booming the voice is. ❝You carry it well, but always be mindful of its weight.❞

~ELOHIM for Connor

Legacy. What was the legacy he was talking about? His reputation as a deviant hunter? The legacy he’d have to carry with him. Or was it how he turned and helped Markus? Was that the fate he was stuck with? Connor shook his head, “I believe your legacy is what you want it to be. It can be any weight you want it to be. For me, I want my legacy to be simple. Just a detective who helps people.” After all, he’d not be able to carry the weight of something that was put on him by others. He could barely carry the weight as it was right now.

“What would you want yours to be?” Not minding the use of the word child or how this man was seeming to know a fair deal as the android was curious. He was just like everyone else after all, just another person with goals, a past and even feelings. No matter if they were human or android, nothing would change that fact.

#Musing: Connor #An echo of a God: ELOHIM #Detroit Become: Crossover #I don't know if you want them to have no knowledge #Like if Con is hearing a random voice #Or if ELOHIM is a random android to him asking this #But I kept it vague either way #Also Con is not the best with philosophy so he is way out his element XD #But he's trying #tellescope

Previous || @detective-with-one-arm

No. “Yes, it does.” It really didn’t. Dreams? Machines couldn’t dream, maybe it was similar to processing data during stasis? Deviants were already broken so maybe it was their processor units malfunctioning, but he made a mental note to Amanda. Deviants have dreams. His LED under the beanie flickered a warm amber as he processed the information and went to a calm blue. Maybe it wasn't the most important information but it was something and showed that he was seen as one of them. One of them…

"Your previous owner, were you on good terms with him? I'm aware that most androids who deviate don't have a preferable relationship with their owners." Not only was he curious but the RK200 wasn't really in CyberLifes mainframe except for a few small details, the more information he can learn the more it'll benefit CyberLife. Right? He shook the thought away, everything he did was for their benefit. He was a machine, he couldn't think or feel.

But a part of him was glad? Happy? Satisfied with the answer. A machine could like someone. Well it made sense, in their programming they were meant to like humans to integrate with them better. Maybe because she it was a deviant, his programming saw a side that was human and therefore attached to her. It was weird, maybe a bug he'd need to run a check on but it wasn't an unpleasant experience and he was sure these feelings wouldn't compromise his mission. It did make him wonder, did she like anyone? Being a deviant meant those programs weren’t functioning correctly and that it could make the program project onto anything.

“What do you feel about me?” The question just came out. He’s going to have to explain that one to Amanda.

Chances thrown Nothing's free Longing for, used to be Still it's hard, hard to see Fragile lives Shattered dreams

#musing: connor #Spotify

From Anon: “You’re actually afraid to be alone, aren’t you?” (Connor)

Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously!

Connor looked the other way at the question, because it was hard to deny it. He was afraid of being alone, after everything with CyberLife and with Hank… He was afraid. More so afraid of how others saw him and that he’d never find somewhere to call home. He was still wondering why Hank let him into his life in the first place! But he wouldn’t say all this to some stranger, why would he? After all, he was the famous deviant hunter turned good thanks to Jericho.

“No one wants to be alone but I wouldn’t say I’m afraid of it.” A lie, of course he was afraid but if he showed it? What would happen to him or what would someone do with that information?

#Musing: Connor #Computing: Ask #Connor has a lot of fears #He just won't admit it #It's good you get the inside look #Cause he cagey #Even if he shouldn't #He just doesn't want people to worry #Anon

From @detective-with-one-arm: “You’re not tainted.” - from Rachel to Connor

Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously!

“It feels like it sometimes.” Connor felt as if he could be open to her about these things. There was just something different about spending time with her than spending time with Hank. He sighed as his LED flashed amber as he thought about it. “What CyberLife did to me and what I did, it still feels like I could be made to do it again. A part of me thinks I wanted it, that I wanted to follow their orders.”

Connor’s LED pulsed with shades of red and amber as his hand tapped at his side as he thought about it deeper. He understood that Rachel was just trying to comfort him and he was just bringing the mood down, he had to think clearly. “Sorry, I appreciate it…” Why was it so hard to accept that he wasn’t just the machine he was made to be?! Every other android had a much easier time to adjust so why was it taking him so long to do it?