#musingz

[ipreferlush]

Normalize self-isolating when you’re sick.

“It’s not Covid, just a cold.”

Good, I’m glad for that. I don’t want your cold either.

[topoillogical]

My theory of polyamory is that . Well if you want to have a primary partner that's fine. My relationship/polycule is non-heirarchical, but I genuinely don't have a problem with other models. The thing is, having a primary partner allows you to have a person whose priority is *always with you*. In non-heirarchical relationships, the amount of sacrifices you have to make in your relationships increases significantly. This is fine, but can be difficult as well, especially (if not mostly) because of such strong cultural expectations that someones partner should always put them above their other friends/relationships.

Like to give some examples of things that arent reasonable to expect in non-heirarchical poly:

- legal marriage

- living alone together

- being their plus one to all important events

- etc

Now, all of these CAN happen in non-heirarchical, including marriage (it's all about communication, being legally bonded =/= being the most important) but you absolutely cannot assume that you should be the one to get them. You will have to miss some aspects of a monogamous partnership .

Okay, time to jump completely to a different style of poly. Solo poly! Solo poly is like.... it's kind of like having a primary partner except that primary partner is yourself

What I mean is, solo poly people tend to live alone and see their relationships as supplements to their life that they really value, but not as the core. They make sacrifices for their partners because they care about them, but won't generally plan their lives around their partners (I.e. how someone with a secondary partner tends not to plan their lives around them, but rather around their primary), and other such things.

Okay enough preamble heres my theory. Theory: people who have primary partners are living polyamorously within the "monogamous lifestyle". There are differences between their relationship and monogamous ones of course, but for the most part they can model their relationship on the typical monogamous path, relate to their monogamous peers, etc... meanwhile solo poly people are polyamorous people who are living polyamorously within the "single lifestyle". They can consider their life through the lens that a single person might, and may appear in passing as identical to a single person through their day-to-day lifestyle and behaviour.

So basically, if you're in monogamous society, and you want to stick to the norm, you have two lifestyle options. Single or monogamously partnered. And our society has ten thousand billion expectations and cultural rules or what these lifestyles should look like. And if you're a poly person, you can basically choose one of these styles and be a weirdo (bc society is not pro poly generally) but a weirdo who fits into one of the standard relationship schema.

But if you're like, anything else, wow are you completely charting the fucking deep sea

Like I'm non hierarchical poly, and it's like.... it's like... you have to derive a lot of things for yourself! You can base things on experience and understand what is and isnt right in a monogamous relationship from what you've seen and heard, but in polyamory who fucking knows? You have to decide. But also... you GET to decide. Which is nice. It's extremely freeing and extremely alienating. It's actually like completely divorcing yourself from the expectations of society. I highly reccomend, but it can be really hard sometimes just for.... the whole novelty and uncertainty of it all

[jezebel-de-jour]

The rules of size kink are simple

1) If you’re smaller than me, I want to bully you

2) If you’re bigger than me, I want you to bully me

[an-alpaca-lover]

VOTE JELLY FOR MAYOR???