Do you know if Adrienne was mad at Lafayette for his affairs?
I think that “mad” is the wrong word and that “disappointed” is a better fit. That being said, there is little to no written record left by Adrienne concerning her husband’s affairs (that I do know of). She was very private in that regard, so everything is either circumstantial evidence or speculation.
When we look at La Fayette’s affairs, there is plenty of discourse with whom, why and when he had an affair. In an early version of his memoirs there are some allusions to his affairs so we can be certain that there were some. The passage was removed form the final version of his memoirs. Anyway, there are two women histories are convinced La Fayette had affairs with - Diane de Simiane and Aglaé, comtesse d'Hunolstein. But even with these two, there are people who argue that an affair never took place.
We will come back to these two, particular Diane de Simiane, but we first have to take in the context of the time to understand how Adrienne must have felt about La Fayette’s affairs. Because the thing is, theirs was an arranged marriage in 18th century France and they were part of the nobility. Affairs were not uncommon, in fact, sometimes not having an affair was more uncommon than having one. That is not to say that these circumstances make it easier, if you love your partner the way Adrienne loved La Fayette. But she probably was not surprised, after all her own father, uncles, the King – they all had affairs. Her father even boasted that his mistress had formerly been the mistress of Louis XV.
Second, Adrienne had never to fear that La Fayette would abandon her. She was his wife, mother of his only four children, there were no illegitimate children. He loved her and although he strayed, he always returned. There was never any sign of contempt, of displeasure with her, there was no talk of a divorce or a separation. In fact, La Fayette refused to remarry after Adrienne’s death. Again, this not necessarily made Adrienne feel better, but she had at least never to worry that La Fayette would not return. For him his affairs seem more like adventures and less like true romantic affairs. La Fayette wrote in his Memoirs (Vol. 1):
I shall spare you also the confession of an unedifying youth, and even of the story of two romances dedicated to beauties who were then very celebrated, in which my head had a larger part than my heart. The first, scarcely begun, broke against the obstacles of jealousy with which I collided head-on. The other-in which I wanted at first to triumph less over the object herself than over a rival-I pursued, despite long interruptions, on every possible occasion. Our relationship went from esteem all the way to the contrary sentiment, and was finally terminated by a catastrophe unconnected with me. It is more pleasant for me to speak of the tender and stable affection that I never cease to feel for the woman whom I had the good fortune to marry.
Idzerda Stanley J. et al., editors, Lafayette in the Age of the American Revolution: Selected Letters and Papers, 1776–1790, Volume 1, December 7, 1776–March 30, 1778, Cornell University Press, 1977, pp. 3-6.
La Fayette’s affairs (that we know of) and also the occasional flirts later in life were mostly marked by being short and very passionate (to the point of being childish.)
Adrienne most likely learned to accept and live with it, knowing that her place was still secured and that La Fayette spend more time with her and the children than with his mistresses.
But I promised you to come back to Aglaé and Diane. In Virginies Memoirs of her mother there is a letter published, written by La Fayette to one of his closest friends (and at that point also his in-law), Latour-Mabourg. The letter was written in January 1808, shortly after Adrienne’s death and gives great detail about Adrienne’s last days. There are two little passages that are interesting in the context of the question:
She [Adrienne] said to Mme de Simiane: “I was going to have a malignant fever, but I shall be well attended to, and shall get the better of it.”
“The last day she [Adrienne] told me: “When you see Mme de Simiane, give her my love.” Thus her heart was all life when her poor limbs were already numbed by approaching death.
Mme de Lasteyrie, Life of Madame de Lafayette, L. Techener, London, 1872, pp. 397-432.
We can see from these accounts that Diane was around Adrienne and the La Fayette’s in general during this time and that Adrienne did not seem to mind. Diane was a friend of the family, she was close to Adrienne’s aunt, Madame de Tessé and probably also to one of Adrienne’s sisters. But Diane was not only with the La Fayette’s during Adrienne’s last days, she also spend some considerable time with the (extended) family during their exile in Danish-Holstein. She most likely was a guest at Anatsasie’s wedding. In the Memoirs of Adrienne’s sister Anne de Noailles, Marquise de Montagu, we can read that:
Eine Freundin der Gräfin Tessé, die Marquise von Simiane, entfloh mit einem falschen Paß versehen und auf ihrer Reise von einem alten Jakobiner, einem sogenannten Freunde des Herrn von La Fayette, behütet, aus Frankreich; sie kam gegen Ende des Winters [1797/98] nach Witmold und war nicht wenig überrascht, hier, wo sie die Leutchen ziemich traurig anzutreffen wähnte, bei ihrer Ankunft von nichts Anderem als von Heiratsprojekten [the marriage of La Fayette’s oldest daughter Anastasie with Charles Latour-Maubourg] und einer Kindstaufe [The Marquis de Monatgue, Adrienne’s sister was pregnant] zu hören.
Marquise of Montague, Anna Pauline Dominika von Noailles, Marquise von Montague – Ein Lebensbild, Münster, Aschendorff, 1871, p. 203.
A friend of the Countess Tessé, the Marquise de Simiane, escaped from France with a false passport and protected on her journey by an old Jacobin, a so-called friend of M. de La Fayette; she came to Witmold towards the end of winter [1797/98] and was not a little surprised to hear of nothing but marriage projects [the marriage of La Fayette’s oldest daughter Anastasie with Charles Latour-Maubourg] and a child's baptism [The Marquis de Monatgue, Adrienne’s sister was pregnant] here, where she thought she found the people rather sad.
There is a second paragraph in the same book:
Frau von Montague, ihrer Entbindung nahe, half ihnen [Adrienne’s children], die glorreichen Wunden ihrer Mutter verbinden; dann, wenn diese Pflicht erfüllt war, beschäftigte sie sich mit dem Brautschatz, mit der Haushaltung und dem Gute [Witmold], gehend und summend; “rund wie ein Thurm”, aber unermüdlich. Man konnte nicht umhin, sie zu bewundern und doch über sie zu lachen. Frau von Simiane, die zugegen war, behauptete, sie würde sicherlich in einem jener großen Schränke, die sie in jedem Augenblick aufmachte, niederkommen.
Marquise of Montague, Anna Pauline Dominika von Noailles, Marquise von Montague – Ein Lebensbild, Münster, Aschendorff, 1871, p. 205.
Madame de Montague, near her confinement, helped them bind up their mother's glorious wounds; then, when that duty was done, she occupied herself with the dowry, with the housekeeping, and with the manson, walking and humming; “round as a tower”, but tireless. One could not help admiring her and yet laughing at her. Madame de Simiane, who was present, said she would certainly give birth in one of those large cupboards that she opened at every moment.
You see, La Fayette’s affairs, in the context of their time, his behaviour and the reactions of his friends and family are quite nuanced but I hope I could shine some light in the topic. I hope you have/had a great day!
