If it’s ok, I wanted to talk about my own experiences as someone whose experienced similar transphobic behaviors as some of the anons here.
There was a point in my life where I thought that the only way to be manly was to take the awful shit people said to me. Some of those things were people doing my fit check and telling me “how I could pass better”, even though I didn’t ask. Telling me, white man to white man that my dead name was my “slave name” (which is crazy shit, I know that now), the list goes on.
I didn’t cut off this behavior for a long time because I didn’t know how to explain it to them, people I thought were my friends. But bad behavior and serious boundary crossing doesn’t have to be explained. Kicking those people out of my life was the best thing I could do. And I did find more loved ones, and people who saw me as a man. People who I didn’t have to explain myself to, people who love me deeply enough to educate themselves if needed.
It’s scary facing situations like that. And shit is hard but you’re not alone, please don’t feel alone. Being trans is a beautiful experience that is carved into us and you deserve to feel that inside and around you, especially those that share your life with you.
Sorry for the long ask, very passionate about this
lets talk boundaries for a minute because this ask is great and is very correct in not needing to explain yourself.
firstly, I encourage anyone to see a mental health professional to talk about boundaries. it helped me greatly.
boundaries are rooted in your personal values. when we're young especially it can be challenging to navigate what our own values are. we grow and realise that maybe the values of our family and community do/don't align with our own. once we identify our values and what they mean for us, boundaries become easy to set. because you have a foundation to say 'this is who I am and this is my priority and my boundary is an extension of that'. boundaries can be negotiable with others. they can be a compromise. we can meet in the middle in ways that feels safe for us. if I have a kink boundary that doesn't align with someone's, we can compromise with talking about it. and at the end of that talk we can move forward with a negotiation in how we engage with that kink. this is okay and respectful.
for many of us as queer people, we compromise our boundaries because we fight so much for the bare minimum. we have to battle so much for just a fucking name and pronoun that it's overwhelming to fight for more. or to ask for something more complex from someone. but we have to ask for more. we deserve more. we deserve more than the bare fucking minimum. being trans is the best things that ever happened to me. it's the biggest joy of my life. no one can take that from me. no one can make me feel shit about it. I can feel shit about my gender when and if I want because it's mine but anyone else that imposes that is getting spoken to. or getting fucking cut from my life. I don't need it. I need queer joy. trans joy. masc joy. this blog is a horny place for masc joy and celebration at its core.
don't accept what you don't deserve. get some help in understanding your values and boundaries and lay them out and if people can't get on board the train, leave them at the fucking station where they belong
