Ten years of first kisses:
Do you think the universe fights for two souls to be together? (CH 13)
Nov 17 2015 - Jan 28 2018
Clarke took a couple of wide strides to catch up to her before grabbing her arm, “We need to talk.” Lexa didn’t say anything but the two of them walked a few more steps before Clarke pulled them into an empty classroom.
“We are not supposed to be here.” Was the first thing Lexa said after Clarke closed the door behind them.
“Screw that.” Clarke muttered as she dropped her bag on the floor, turning around to face Lexa who had walked up to one of the desks on the front row and was leaning against the table. “What the hell Lexa?”
Lexa didn’t reply, only looked at her questioningly, pretending to not know what she was talking about.
Clarke rolled her eyes before pulling up the sleeve of her shirt and showing the tattoo to Lexa. “You knew.”
“Clarke I–” She tried to find something to say to explain but Clarke cut her off.
“You knew and you didn’t tell me.” She lowered her voice, sounding more hurt than anything.
Lexa’s face changed as her shoulders slumped at Clarke’s voice and hurt expression.
“Why?” Lexa didn’t reply. “I get not saying anything right after we met because we were practically strangers but we became really good friends over the year” Clarke paused, “…or at least I think we did.”
“We did.” Lexa responded, her voice small and quiet.
“Then how could you keep something like this from me?” Clarke asked again, managing to keep her voice from rising but the anger still apparent.
“I’m sorry.” Lexa tried.
“It’s been a crazy year for me Lex, and you’ve been there whenever I needed you.” Clarke sat down on the table she was leaning against. “And I didn’t think it would happen but…I ended up falling in love with my best friend.” She was looking down at the floor, not wanting to see the way Lexa was probably staring at her.
“You…what?” The words spilled out before she could stop them, her voice almost inaudible.
“And maybe she didn’t.” Clarke looked up at her, her eyes teary but her voice more composed this time.
“What?” She muttered under her breath, shaking her head.
“The only reason I can see why you wouldn’t tell me is because you didn’t feel the same way.”
“I did.” Lexa answered. “I do.”
“Then why not tell me? A month before summer, I practically told you how I felt. And the only reason I didn’t say it directly was because I thought your tattoo was someone else’s name.”
Lexa only sighed, not saying anything.
“And if you say it was because of Nat-”
“But it was.” Lexa cut her off, enable to keep her voice from rising this time as she found herself standing up. “I saw how happy he made you.”
“That doesn’t excuse you from keeping something like that from me.” Clarke’s voice was rising, it was very much understandable that she was angry. If anything it was impressive that she hadn’t been yelling at Lexa from the start.
“Well, I knew I never could.” Lexa almost yelled but was cut short when the door flew open and a teacher walked in.
“What is going on here?” He asked and Lexa watched as Clarke stepped closer to him and she walked to the back of the classroom. Clarke was talking to whoever that was but Lexa was too far away to hear anything.
About a minute later, she heard him speak and Lexa turned around to look at them. “I will be back in a few minutes and I better not find you two here when I do.” Clarke nodded and he walked out.
Lexa looked at her, impressed and surprised at the same time, “What did you say to him?”
“Doesn’t matter.” Clarke dismissed it, waiting for Lexa to walk back to the front but she didn’t, instead Lexa sat down on one of the tables at the back. “What did you mean you never could?” She asked, walking up to her.
“I meant what I said.” Lexa responded as Clarke stood in front of her. “I can’t make you happy; definitely not now and I don’t see it happening in the future.” She looked away from Clarke, clenching her jaws as she stood up. “I can’t do this right now, I need some air.” Confrontations were definitely one of Lexa’s least favorite things and she was kind of losing her head right now. She tried to walk away but Clarke trailed behind her.
“Why would you say that?” She asked.
Lexa stopped after reaching the teacher’s desk at the front of the classroom and turned around to look at Clarke, leaning against it because she knew Clarke wouldn’t let her leave. “Have you met me?” She did her best to hide the crack in her voice with a smile but Clarke saw right through it. “I’m a mess of a person Clarke…I’m broken and messed up and all the wrong things.” She paused, not really wanting to but needing a moment to gather herself as Clarke walked up to her again. “And you…you’re amazing.” Lexa smiled, looking up at Clarke who was standing not even a couple of inches away. “You’re sweet and smart and caring; not to mention incredibly beautiful.”
Clarke gave her a small smile, “You’re so much more than that.” She told her. “And I mean, you’re a way better person than I am.” Clarke said lightly, still smiling. Lexa scoffed, looking past her as she continued. “And what if you’re a little broken? That doesn’t mean anything; it doesn’t make you any less of a person. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable.”
“Why do I feel like I am?” Lexa asked hesitantly, clenching her jaws.
“Then I wouldn’t be standing here.” She told her gently.
Lexa went silent for a moment before asking slowly, “What if I’m incapable of loving back?”
“Are you?”
“God, I hope not,” Lexa almost whispered as she brought her hand up to Clarke’s cheek and tilted her head up to kiss her. Their lips met and Clarke instantly kissed back, she’s not sure what she had imagined Lexa to be like but whatever it was, Clarke had never imagined her to be this soft and gentle. She kissed back harder, causing Lexa to place her hands behind her to stop herself from falling back. Lexa’s lips were gentle on Clarke’s, almost like she was afraid Clarke was going to break. Clarke was quite the opposite, Lexa soon realized; she was more dominant, wanting to take control…which Lexa gave without hesitation, parting her lips slightly to let Clarke slide in her tongue.
